77 It's so exhausting, trying to survive

Pace quick Adrian arrived rapidly, youngest member following just shortly behind him.

The members of the council waiting, worried expression crossing most yet a few could be seen contemplating.

Causing him to regret having come over so fast, the door closing behind them sealing Adrian's fate.

"Good morning Your highness."

One would wonder if they practice saying it together like that or maybe he only just noticed it as his tired mind looked for an escape of the coming boredom.

Crashing down with a murderous glare Adrian spitted out: "Who's bright idea was it to start a meeting at not even six in the morning."

"Your highness as the council we are obligated to respond immediately when trouble crosses our border."

"I do not think a few apostles from the holy kingdom would make it so we need to start forming plans when I have barely become aware of their reasons."

"On the contrary your highness, the faster we form plans the faster we can enact them.

As such we need to act immediately."

Groaning out, hand unconsciously tapping in the table in frustration his voice went ahead of his mind.

"How's your daughter?"

Trough gritted teeth the answer came.

"She's fine, your highness"

"Your highness! That's not the issue right now. The issue is the trampling of our kingdom by apostles of a kingdom far away.

The consequences could be dire.

The civilians could be at risk.

We urge you to decide."

"We humble request you to make a decision, your highness."

Again.

Saved by some goons, you really shouldn't be so proud, eyes twinkling as if you won the world.

"Fine-" rubbing his temple he admitted"-we shall discuss options however my command still stance. If any here actively help start a war they will serve in it as the lowest rank.

The foot soldier, with all the same materials and resources a normal warrior would recieve."

And while his voice had left no room for disagreements, disagreements that would not come, Adrian could see the way minds started brewing.

Sneaky plans already forming like an adder beneath grass.

"Have I been understood?"

"Yes, your highness."

He would know because his mind did the same. Words mostly weighted before he spoke but with the growing glimmers in his council's eyes he knew it was going to be a long, long day.

------------

And he had been right, rubbing his temple once more as he settled back into his chair at his desk.

A place that he visited more and more as days past.

And while the meeting had been about all kinds of things in need of addressing Adrian was not surprised to see a new stack of papers on his desk.

It had taken till eleven to solve all the issues in the meeting, picking solutions and assigning someone to accomplish those.

In one day, one single day so many issues came up, causing them to argue from SIX in the morning till ELEVEN.

Do they have nothing better to do?

Constant batter hadn't helped as his council had clearly different morals and not unlike himself he had wished to go back to bed.

It was exhausting dealing with people who did not think.

Action's had consequence, wich was obvious.

It's just...sometimes he wondered why some people just did things and do not think.

How could their be such a difference in poeple as his own brain did not stop, not ever.

It just thought and thought, all day and night long.

Adrian had wondered how it would be like to not think but that was something he would never experience.

To just do without thinking is not something he has the freedom to do ....for that fact a freedom he never had.

Walking on his tiptoes, afraid of attraction attention or a slap in the face for that matter.

"How do you stop walking on eggshells, when that was all you ever knew?"

It was said to no one in particular yet if one heard it wouldn't have mattered as all matters will soon come to an end.

Or was it the beginning?

Either he was allowed to show flaws in this period of time.

"You should ask for help."

Wearily blinking he saw his uncle stand just by the slightly open door.

And unlike most eyes of the council his eyes had always been clear.

Staring attentively and picking up all that piqued his attention.

Beside that there was something else.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"I have been following you since the moment the meeting ended."

Other's would have feared, look for excuses, offer their apologies, bow down and such on.

But this uncle of his merily openend the door and closed it behind him.

"You did not notice me, fog clouding your head like the dark forest of the witch.

So would you mind telling me how you feel?"

"Fine!"

"You gritted your teeth, dark circled beneath your eyes for days on end.''

The situation of the morning had still not been resolved, quards had gone to fetch another member to share the burden of protecting the king.

Servant had hurriedly dashed off after once more receiving his uncle permission.

"If I did not know any better I would think you where a poet instead of an elder of a council, uncle.''

"Can't an uncle not be worried about his nephew?

Or at least an elder about his king.''

"A king, who needs to clarify he's a king is not one."

Realisation dawned upon his uncle's features as flashes of disobedient servants or elders alike flashed in their head, those moment where rare and far in between.

Unfortunately that moment had happened more then once while in the meeting

"The crown atop your head says otherwise, nephew."

Feeling dramatic he slumped down in his chair, weight upon his shoulder growing as eyes closed as tiredness once more took over.

"I'm beginning to hit a wall uncle.

It's so exhausting, trying to survive."

"Sometimes walls are there so that you can lean against them and relax.

A reststop in an already taxing journey.

A stop you more then deserve."

''Do I?

Will the beauty of live continue to outweight the bad? It doesn't feel like that uncle, it's starting to feel like it was never worth it.

This reality of living, i'm starting to think I can't deal with it.''

The silence that issued as old eyes softened at him was unbreakable.

Adrian didn't say a words, his uncle mouth stayed silence and while the castle hurried around in it's daily way of work the office was empty of movements but full of underlying emotions.

And while Adrian had stalked it up to dramatics he wondered if the words he had spoken where true.

He was tired.

Was it because of the months of worrying, planning and scheming or was it that only now he was letting himself see the effects trauma had on him.

The emotions that slowly turned into apathy.

Something he welcomed, for he wanted more.

Much more.

But he was weak, changing and lost in his path of life.

Yet as lost as he was the ever growing ocean of darkness around was swallowing him more and more everyday.

Enticing him with sweet nothings, power layed directly in his hands as he fell yet climbed higher and higher until no human, elf or demon would ever stand above him.

It was tiring to keep trying when society was all but worth it.

Would he one day descend into darkness?