14 A promise of marriage
It was a long time ago. My memories aren't too clear about it.
Some things are written in my brain as if they happened yesterday. Some others, though, are cloudy.
Ignis told me, one day, that his father sent him away for some time because he didn't want a cursed being around his ill wife. Or something similar to that.
Growing up as a younger brother shouldn't have been easy in such an environment.
The heir to his father's title was blond and perfect, while his second son was an omen of bad luck, with hair the colour of blood.
Oh, not of blood. Who could come up with such a description? Do they have eyes?
It's just like a flame, inextinguishable and powerful.
«Veronica, you've always been like that,» he comments.
We're still walking. We got further from the carriage and started visiting the village where we'll stay the night. The roads are full of movement at this early hour of the evening.
Children play together while adults sit in front of the houses in small groups, drinking beer and chatting.
«Like that?»
«You always surprise me,» he explains. «And you make me feel worthy.»
«Worthy of what?»
«Of anything,» he chuckles. «Do you remember what I promised before travelling back home?»
«About coming back to me?»
«That. And, also, I promised I would become someone as important as needed for you to marry me.»
I chuckle. Ignis was so cute and convinced when he said that.
«You became a royal guard, indeed,» I say.
«All I wanted is to stay by your side and protect you. I didn't know things would evolve like this.»
«It's just a promise you made as a child, Ignis. It doesn't matter that much.»
«To me, it does.»
«Well, you did protect me. And you also married me. You kept your word. Isn't that commendable? You were only twelve when you said that, yet...»
«I haven't changed my mind since then. I still want the same thing.»
«To become important?»
«To be married to you.»
«Oh, well, we signed the documents already.»
«I want to be married to you for real. Not just as a means to escape.»
I stop my walk and look at him, disoriented. How come so suddenly?
«We were children, Ignis. Whatever we said back then is invalid now. We could have changed our mind about a lot of things in ten years.»
«That's true. But I haven't. If you changed your mind, though, I would understand.»
It's not that I changed my mind. I just never considered his words as truthful. I thought he was just talking.
And now, I would have never realised that a knight's honour would bring him to fulfil a promise without any value. Unless...
«Ignis, are you sure you want to stay with me? What if you find someone else? What if you fall in love?»
«I can't fall in love,» he sighs. «Don't make it more intricate than it already is. I want to be married to you. That's what I feel. And you? What do you want?»
«All I wanted till now is freedom. Once escaped the King, I'll move somewhere isolated and continue my life in silence. I don't mind if we stay married. It's the same, really...»
After all, I am Duke Bursio's daughter. Such a link is difficult to cut.
I don't think father would deny any favour to Ignis even if we were divorced or the marriage was annulled.
Yet, if he prefers the documentation to stay the way it is now, it's fine.
«That's not the answer I was hoping for,» he sighs.
Now, he's sad. Why? I just told him it's all right if we stay married!
Was he lying about staying married, perhaps? Was it all a trap to check whether I changed my mind?
«What do you want from me, then?» I ask.
I keep my tone calm and controlled, not to make Ignis think I'm concerned. I first need to figure out what he's aiming at.
«All I want is you,» he says. Our hands are joined together, and my fingers are oddly wrapped around his without letting go.
He did lessen the grip, but I haven't yet.
For some reason, my hand felt more comfortable by holding his than not.
When the meaning of his words hits me, I've already changed a few topics of thought in my brain.
My stomach clenches and my lips start tingling like after he kissed me for the first time. I lose any word on my tongue, and I stare at him blankly.
He likes me? For real?
«I know that you consider this as a marriage for convenience. I don't want to ask you more than what you're willing to give. My words were just my real feelings. I wanted you to know...»
He looks down, feeling dejected by my silence. Yet, he can't run away because I'm still gripping his hand.
I don't know what to say. I don't even know how I feel, for goodness.
«I... I don't know. It's so sudden,» I murmur. «Can you give me some time?»
«Yes, sure,» he sighs. «Don't feel pressured by me. It's not too important...»
Oh, what is this? Why is my heart aching now that he said my problems are more relevant than his? Why do I want to tell him to value himself more?
«I am just a knight, after all. The second son of someone. You are the first daughter of the Bursio family. It's understandable if you dream of someone worthy of you.»
«Ignis,» I call him. «I just rejected the King, for God's sake. If I wanted someone important, I would have married him. I don't care about your title. And I don't have one either: I'm just a lady. If you're all right with living like this, we can stay married.»
«Can we?» he murmurs. «Aren't you going to annul the marriage at the first chance?»
