47 A Mentor's Advice

"Miss Eleina," Farseer called to the woman in a soft voice. He had stood up from his side of the room and started to approach us. "Would it be a great trouble if you would allow the princess and I some time alone?"

Eleina quickly nodded and bowed before heading out of the room. The door clicked softly shut, and silence once again resounded. Farseer only stared at me.

"... What?" I murmured, looking down again at my hands. The shaking had lessened.

I felt, rather than saw, him sit down on the chair Eleina had just left empty. Becoming more conscious of the silence, I cautiously peeked up to observe his face. He was looking at me with an unusual expression; much like the one a confused inventor would have on his own face when he sees an abnormality on his treasured machine.

"Farseer?" I uttered, silently bothered by his look.

"It seems like I have miscalculated by a considerable margin," he muttered, still staring straight at my eyes, but his gaze seemed trained at something far away.

"... What do you mean by that?" I spouted.

He tilted his head at me. "This... might be the first time I have seen you act like a child. You have never burst in anger nor wallowed in selfishness. Your high pedigree might have played a part in this, and so I had always treated you much like an adult."

"Th-There's nothing wrong with that, mentor," I said, quite surprised at his suddenly solemn expression.

He shook his head. "No, I have been lacking as a guardian; to you and to Janmira. And now, here you are, troubled about life, and I have never been more... helpless."

'Helpless?' I thought in shock. 'I could imagine Regina being helpless, but Farseer?'

"I don't think that's true," I said. "And it's not like you have any duty to raise me like I'm your child. I'm more than grateful for you simply helping me because of Hestia. So, you don't have to be troubled about these things."

Seeing his complicated look, I turned away from him. "Anyway... I didn't think you were listening to our conversation," I mumbled at the floor.

"I believe it would be nigh impossible to not overhear your heated discussion," he countered, to which I flinched at. He continued, "Besides, didn't the head assassin wish for the news to be given to you while I was around?"

"... You were in the room, so I thought it would be alright."

"And if I somehow simply ignored you?" he asked in a stern voice. "Would you have made such an important decision on your own? It was fine that you seemed to be against it, but what if you had readily said yes without thinking about the consequences? I believe a child as young as yourself should at least have some supervision."

"I don't really need it," I grumbled under my breath.

"Well, you do," he answered back. I huffed at his pair of amazing ears that worked better than the ones people have in their primes. "And princess... Observing the way you have been acting recently, I am now more sure of it. You are simply a child."

I grew so wronged that I actually dared to stare at his eyes directly. "In what way have I been acting childish, Farseer? I have been nothing but obedient and responsible in the months we spent together!"

"Well, for instance, you just had yourself stuck on a floating islet a while ago," he immediately answered. "Not to mention how you suddenly intruded in the middle of an important assassin ceremony, to which you ended up unconscious for more than a day."

"A day?!" I shouted in disbelief. It hadn't felt like a whole day. In fact, it seemed like I had just taken a short nap...

"Do you understand now, princess?" he said, leaning towards me with his wrinkled face all serious-like. "You hardly understand both your body and your mind. So... I can only beg you to talk with me about it. This old man will do his best to help you."

I stared at his wrinkled skin and gnarly hands. It was quite hard to describe my relationship with this man. If I had to choose a word for it, I would think of the word,"benefactor". Four months may seem long, especially for a child, but it didn't seem all that long to me. And even after that period of time, I still had so many questions about him and Janmira. In fact, I could say that he was still shrouded in a veil of mystery and I had only come to know a few strands of the thread on the corners of that veil.

So, I was surprised at his sudden portrayal of affection, or whatever you might call this. Perhaps he might have just felt slighted when he realized I hadn't asked for his thoughts during my decision making. But... whatever this might be, it only made me feel a bout of great confusion.

"Well, won't you share your thoughts, child?" he uttered, his voice slightly shaky with age. "You look like you seem to have many worries running around your mind right now."

'Well?' I thought. 'Why not? Maybe I could glean some wisdom from the great amount of experience he has garnered in his long life.'

I sighed, before finally relenting. "Recently... I have been acting in a way that I wouldn't call my own. I've been making hasty decisions and I've been behaving unruly. Even I... don't exactly know why this is so."

"But I daresay you have been acting more your age, at least," Farseer mumbled.

"... Yet, that just seems more troublesome in your end." I glared at my fingers, which I had been tapping restlessly on my lap. "A princess should be firm in her decision and wise in her actions, and recently, I have been breaking them both."

"... Well, is it not only right for you to do that?" he said, to which I looked at with mild apprehension. "Well, Eleftheria, didn't you leave your life as a princess behind so you could live a new one? Who is to say you can no longer act like a child? Or that you can't keep the values of royalty at the same time? It is your life, child, and you have never been more freer to act as you willed than now."

"Free..." I mumbled, the word quite foreign on my tongue.

Farseer nodded gravely. "I don't think it's wrong for you to try acting like a child. I believe this is more natural for someone as young as you are. So, don't try to think too much, and simply allow yourself to choose the way you want to live."

Hearing his words, I felt my mind growing the slightest bit clearer. "So... Then, regarding the head assassin's invitation, I clearly said no... and I acted the way I wanted. So, I decided that all on my own."

However, even after hearing my own words, it didn't feel right at all.

"Recall, child, on the times when you had acted in a manner unbefitting of your own values," Farseer reached out a hand and placed it on top of mine. Under its warmth, the shaking had completely ceased. "When you had broken out in anger, try to remember what had triggered such an emotion."

I did as he said, and recalled the first instance I had probably acted out. It seemed as though I had started acting this way when we had arrived at the Isle of Malaya. The shocking diversity of people and cultures had entranced me to roam the Isle's twisting and curling streets. Regina and the women of the Isle had given me permission to have pride in my own sex. And even the meeting with the brown-eyed boy had made me realize how small I was when compared to the world of politics and power. And now, the Order and their peculiar sets of beliefs had made a peculiar offer to me... All because of a dream from a death god.

I gasped, and faced the old man with wide eyes. "I... I think I might just have an idea on why I have been acting like this..."

"Yes?" he asked. "And what might be that reason?"

"I..." Not really sure about my own feelings and a bit embarrassed of my own conclusion, I could only sigh as I allowed myself to become vulnerable. "I think I was just annoyed... more than annoyed, really, whenever I felt like I was... being controlled."

I saw my mentor's eyebrows go up. "You dislike being told what to do?"

"Not exactly. It might be more like I dislike... the concept of fate?" I murmured, not even completely sure about what I was saying. "I mean, I just don't like the fact that just because I was born a girl, the world seems to look at me like I would never amount to anything. And I know that's not the truth outside of this continent, but I have been raised to think that way. I'm a princess: a role that should have a lot of power, and yet I am powerless and I can't even save my own friends from dying. I... I don't like how I'm being labelled as this or that... as though they know me... as though they hold the reins on my life."

I breathed out slowly, forcing myself to calm down.

"So, you didn't like how you were invited into the organization in that way," Farseer mumbled, deep in thought. "And because they had done so because they had received some kind of divine message that they firmly believe was already set in stone, you must feel all the more angry about it."

I opened my mouth, but then chose to simply nod.

"Is that all?" he asked.

"What?" I sputtered out in surprise.

"What I meant was... Did you refuse their offer simply because you got offended?"

I blinked. "W-Wha-"

"Well, it simply seemed to me like that may have been the case. Are you a firm believer of your Kingdom's god, the Sun God Solus?" Farseer asked.

"N-Not exactly," I answered, although I did still ask for His help and mercy right before I had died in my past life. "I worship him, I suppose... but I'm not overly devoted."

"And do you believe that there are no silver linings when it comes to murder?" he asked.

"... I believe that there will always be circumstances when it couldn't be helped, or that it might even be the correct choice," I mumbled.

"Then, are you very disgusted by ways of the Order?"

"N-No!" I shouted. "I mean, I don't have a particularly good eye for sensing the characters of people, but I know Eva and most of the assassins here have good intentions..."

"So, why did you refuse so adamantly?" Farseer asked, a hand on his cheek. "You know you could always back out as long as you remain a trainee and not undergo your inauguration."

I blinked at his words. Truthfully, I've never thought of that. It simply seemed that if I choose to agree now, I would no longer have a chance to refuse in the future.

"So... I could still choose to leave if I don't like it," I muttered.

"Exactly." Farseer nodded slightly. "This might not be the path for you, or it might be the right one, but you will never know for sure if you don't allow yourself to try it."

It didn't seem quite right, and I still had many doubts about it. I mean, won't the assassins feel wronged if I agree to train under them, and simply say, "Oh, I apologize, but I feel like I might not like this after all!".

But... These are the words of an old man, and it probably won't be wrong to follow them. Anyway, when worst comes to shove, I could just blame him, right? That's right! Doesn't the fault of a child become the fault of her guardians as well?

I laughed a little, and with that, the weight on my chest started to alleviate.

"Well, I suppose I can't see why I can't do as you say," I said, managing a smile at him. "But I'm sure I still don't want to become a killer though, so that's that. But, there's really no harm in trying it out, right? Anyway, it's not like I dislike being in the company of Eva, or Eleina, or Zepherin..."

He smiled as well, his face turning soft and gentle, much like the Farseer I knew. He replied, "Then this means you have made a sound decision."

I grinned at him. "Well, I'm not too sure about that. Let's call back Eleina and see what this decision might really mean for me."