Endings Beginnings - III

Eventually, Regan was relieved to call it a day. He had gone through back to back meetings and loads of paperwork on his desk delaying his desire to reach home at the earliest. He smiled at the thought. A few months back, he was so different. His office and work used to be his first home where he could spend countless hours of his day without thinking about going back to the place known as his house. But now he was looking forward to go back to Anna as soon as possible to see her.

The last few days with her were heavenly. She was gradually healing and overcoming the trauma that had shook her awfully. However, her strong will amazed him of her being so fragile yet so strong and stubborn to give up. Amidst her own condition, she never stopped fussing about the little matters concerning him, be it his meals, work or health. He could feel some changes in her. The way she conveyed what she felt about him through her innocent eyes about the deep and impenetrable feelings that she had started harboring for him made him ecstatic but at the same time anxious of his own reaction if she would express them anytime.

He was driving the way back to their home with a small smile etched on his face while his other hand was rested carelessly on the window sill. He was restless to see her as it was after many days that he had to stay away from her for such long hours. As soon as he entered the code to enter through the main door, he was expecting her to see strolling around the kitchen but her absence made him frown. He had prohibited her from doing any kind of work since she was discharged from the hospital still insisting her for complete bedrest. However, when he eventually decided to go to office that day, she had requested him to allow her to cook something for them without exhausting herself as she was 'bored to death' in her words. He had chuckled in his head on watching her pulling her puppy dog eyes to convince him to which he could never say no for anything, and as if rewarding him, she had jumped in his arms taking him by surprise with a face splitting grin on her face when he had agreed to her simple request. He shook his head at her thoughts and called out her name. Waiting for her reply, when he got none, he sprinted to their bedroom in a hope to find her there. Her absence made him anxious to the point that his mind got filled with the past events wherein she was exposed to danger and he reached on the verge of losing her forever.

His eyes were frantically roaming around the room to get a clue of what could have happened in his absence when his sight landed on a piece of paper kept on the bedside table. He instantly read it and crushed it in his fist with rage emanating from his body. He took his car keys and hastened outside. His car was briskly taking him on the familiar way where he had not been for long. As soon as his car reached the destination, he darted out with panic and fury in search of the reason of his present state.

His heavy steps halted when he found a silhouette standing in the dark. There she was with her back facing him. Although he couldn't see her face, he could feel her calm and poised demeanor. Angry is not the word for what he was at that moment. He was furious. He closed his eyes to get a hold over his temper that flared on seeing her all alone at that isolated mountain top that he had taken her once informing her about it being his favourite place to find solace. Regardless, his mind was a mess and he couldn't feel anything serene about it anymore. He opened his eyes to approach her but instead found her looking at him with a pleasant smile etched on her face.

He reached her in long strides, grabbed her arm, locked eyes with her and rasped through gritted teeth, "What are you doing here Anastasia?"

He wasn't hurting her, but Anna could feel his rage. She wanted to give him the time to tend down, but he lashed out on her before she could say or do anything.

"Regan, relax." She tried to soothe him but his grip unknowingly tightened after hearing her calm reply.

"Relax? You want me to fuc**** relax Anastasia? Do you have any idea of how I reached here or how I fuc**** felt on your absence at home? I was looking forward to see you, but no…..you dropped a fuc**** letter for me to reach here. Do you have any idea of how frantic I was? How vulnerable and helpless did I feel on not having any idea of your wellbeing?"

"I am sorry. I just wanted to talk to you about something and I thought..."

"And you thought of this stupid idea?"

He loosened his grip and she faltered a step back. He raked his fingers through his hair to control lashing out on her more than he already had. He turned around on recalling his harsh words and language as he couldn't believe he could behave with her in that way, but he was upset and distressed more with her than himself.

Anna had definitely not expected him to be so furious, but she could understand the reason behind his actions. She had decided to confess her feelings for him that day. She wanted to do something special for him, but having no clue or time to do the arrangement, she decided to speak her heart out to him at a place which was special for both of them. She had remembered her day out with him and her pleasant experience of that night when she had felt her heart fluttered for him for the first time at the same place. His love for it was not hidden from her, so she decided to leave a message for him to come and see her there.

Placing her hand on his tensed shoulder, she spoke in a soft voice. "I am sorry Regan. I didn't mean to upset you. I wanted to talk to you and couldn't find anything better, so I came here."

"Do you even care for me Anna?" Without facing her, he asked her and she froze at her spot not understanding the meaning behind her words.

"Regan..."

He turned around and the look in his eyes made her realize the mistake that she had unknowingly made. His fury, pain and sorrow choked her.

"For all you would have done was just asked me to take you wherever you want. Do you care about how I feel? Do you care about how I had felt thinking about the worse that could have happened to you? Do you care about what could have happened to me if I have not found about you? Probably not. Otherwise you would have not let me go through this heart ache…..again and again."

He shook his head and turned around to leave as he had no idea of what his perturbed state would lead him to hurting both of them, but was stopped when her small hand encircled his wrist.

"I care for you more than you can imagine or I would ever know. I care deeply about you, you may not know, however, that I do. I should have not done this. I didn't intend to make you anxious or upset. I was just…..I am sorry Regan, but please don't leave. Don't leave me please."

Her voice cracked as she lowered her lashes to hide the tears forming in her eyes on seeing him so cold and distant for the first time. She bit her lip to stop the sob that was ready to escape anytime. When he didn't react, a pang of disappointment washed over her heart and she decided to leave his hand that she had still held, but before she could retract it back, she was tightly engulfed in his embrace as if she would disappear any moment.

He didn't need her words to know about what she felt about him as she was too downright and pure to give away what she had in her heart. His mind was flogged with fury and anxiety, but the moment he heard her heavy voice choked with emotions, he could no longer maintain the hard façade that was keen to stay upset with her. He had his faced buried in the crook of her neck intending to calm himself before speaking.

"I am sorry."

"Don't be and I know you do. I know you care about me. Your absence got the worst out of me and I lashed out on you. I am sorry heart. It's just that I don't want to lose you. Ever. I don't know if I could live without you. The mere thought of losing you makes it difficult for me to breath. I can't imagine my existence without you. Hell, I don't want to. I won't leave you ever heart. I love you so much."

"And I love you too."

The moment her words registered his mind through her feathery voice, his world stopped. He took a sharp intake of breath, still processing her words in an attempt to convince his brain that what he heard was correct. He pulled away from her and incredulously looked into her glassy ocean blue orbs that dazzled under the moonlight making his heart palpitate like never before.

"What?"

"I love you Regan." She confessed again taking his heart in frenzy.

He stood there without a word with various emotions swirling in his eyes. She knew he was taken off guard by her sudden confession. She could understand the reason behind his silence. For a moment, she wanted to laugh at his dumbstruck expression, but there were many things that were yet to be said by her and she was determined to make him believe her every word like he did to her. Always.

She took his hand in hers and held it to her chest near her heart holding it between her small ones.

"Trust me. I do. I love you Regan. You walked into my heart like you always belonged there, took down my walls and lit my soul on fire with your selfless love."

She licked her lips as his intense gaze made it difficult for her to speak making her heart thump wildly in her chest. Regardless, her eyes didn't leave his gaze that implied her to continue without a word. And she wanted to do the same. She wanted to empty her thoughts that were filled with him. She wanted him to undress her soul so that she could lay herself bare for him to let him see her feelings and unaltered emotions. She wanted him to feel the intimacy that she could feel between them. An intimacy so intense in which she could feel their souls merge with each other like never before.

"I love you…..without knowing how…..or when...or from where. I feel like…..everything in my life has led me to you Regan. My loses, my heartbreak, my pain, my regrets. Everything. And when I am with you.....when we are together, my past that is filled with pain and sorrows seems worth it because if one thing in it would have happened differently, I might have never met you. I love you….." She said again as if compensating him for every time when she didn't say those words back to him. "not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."

"Anna….."

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, but her face was adorned with the most alluring smile he had ever seen. Her eyes were filled with happy tears and she didn't want to stop anytime soon to say him everything that she felt for him, for them.

"You found parts of me I didn't know existed and in you….. I found love which I no longer believed was left in me to feel or return. I know I am a mess, broken, but I want you to heal me with your love. Completely. I love you in this way because I don't know any other way to love you. I want you as much as you want me. I want us Regan. I want it all. With you. Only you. If you can forgive my mistakes and troubles I gave you since the day I entered your life..."

He didn't know how to react. Her words had left him speechless. He had always imagined the day when she might accept him and his love for her completely, but never in his dreams he had thought of her reciprocating it back with such intensity. Her every word touched his heart and soul making him realize that he could readily give every bit of himself to be a part of her heart. The warmth that radiated from her tiny hands holding his large one near her heart made him realize the connection between their souls that had seeped such deep love in his heart for her and now hers...He didn't know if it was possible to feel such raw and pure happiness that radiated his entire being and flowed through his eyes depicting his undying and irrevocable love for her.

"What would I do with you heart?"

He asked with a beaming smile on his face which she returned with her own.

"Just take me in your arms and never leave me."

She pleaded in her quivering voice which was laced with too many emotions and he took no time in enveloping her in his loving warmth and embrace, peppering her with his love that knew no bounds.

It was a moment wherein they didn't need anymore words to convey their hearts as their souls could feel the connection that had created the bridge of giving away their everything to each other with no more barriers between them.

"I love you Regan."

"I love you more Anna."