Do you love her enough......

Two weeks later...

Regan was standing next to his large office window in Seattle looking at the drizzling sky which had turned gloomy and dark just as his heart. His work was wrapped around a week ago in China and instead of heading back to New York, he settled on the thought to return to Seattle. It had been a week since then that he was there in his office day and night...restless, agitated and unsettled.

His mind kept wavering over all the incidents of that night when he left her, when he should have been with her. His heart was a mess and mood edgy. Once again, there was a conflict between his heart and mind in which he let his mind won this time leaving her or better say ran away from her.

His own words constantly echoed in his ears. His promise to her... his first promise to be there with her always, to never leave her, ever. But he broke his promise. He brought his hand to his chest and placed it on his heart which ached for her. He closed his eyes and her words rang in his mind.

'I trust you Regan.'

I know you would neither hurt me nor you would allow anyone to hurt me.

'I know you would never let me down.'

"But I did. I betrayed your trust. I let you down. I broke my promise. I left you Anna."

He opened his eyes which brimmed with emotions that he never thought existed in him or even if they did, he used to mask them under his demeaning aura. But with her, it felt as if he was someone that he didn't knew ever existed in him. He was different. The separation and distance, the pain and anxiety, the sentiments and emotions that he went through away from her, leaving her behind, distressed his heart to the extent that he failed to recognize himself as the same Regan Knight, he used to be earlier.

The moment which he wanted to be the most special for him, for them was ruined. All because of him. It wasn't anything that he regretted but the fact that Anna wouldn't have taken that step if she was in her senses, not only broke his heart but also heightened the guilt within him.

He remembered when the spell of the moment broke and reality crashed upon him, he had immediately created a distance between them leaving her hands in the air making her fall in his embrace again. He had quickly held her to prevent her stumble like always. He had cupped the back of her head and had brought her impossibly closer to him as if he was afraid that she would open her eyes at anytime and would leave him instantly. He shuddered at the mere thought. He had taken her to his bed then. She was still dressed in that little black dress and he could see the expression of discomfort on her face clearly. He had not been sure of what to do. But he wanted her to be at ease despite of all the odd things and events. Hence he did what he felt was right. He had brought one of his white shirt from his closet and had switched off the light. He had gently held her up so that her head leaned on his shoulders. He had then changed her dress into his white shirt. He had definitely made sure to keep himself in limits and hadn't intend to do anything that would have led both of them to any kind of embarrassment and further guilt, especially Anna. He had stayed with her the whole night with her hand in his, letting her every feature and breath within him as he himself didn't know if he would get the chance to hold her back again. And eventually before the dawn could break, he made the most heartbreaking decision to leave her before she could open her eyes.

He had called Briella to come to his house immediately as he was not willing to leave Anna on her own. He gave her all the instructions to take care of her, also mentioning that if asked she would take upon her that it was she who undressed her. He also wrote a message for her not willing to hear the hatred in her voice if in any case she would have recalled the events of last night. Last but not the least, he made sure to order for her favourite chocolate lava cake which he promised to bring in the morning along with her other necessities all according to her preferences which defined her personality to which he was spellbound with.

It wasn't only the guilt of the kiss but also the fact that he didn't do anything to the person who called her with disgusting names and even questioned her character. If it wasn't for Drake, would he have behaved in the same way? Would he have let go the matter so easily? The answer was No. And it didn't help him much and elevated his remorse. He thought that he failed to protect her from his own people and even from himself. He felt as if he was not worthy of her which brought him to the conclusion to get away from her for her own good.

She called him the same day.... several times and even throughout the week to talk to him but he kept ignoring her further increasing his own heaviness. He did ask Nolan to briefly inform her about his whereabouts expecting that she would stop calling after that but to his distress, she kept calling him again and again inspite of the fact that he left nothing to do so as he already arranged everything regarding the project to be taken care of. He was bewildered and marred by his own deeds and decisions but he didn't let his guard down as he knew one thing for sure that if this time, he would succumb to his heart, he wouldn't be able to hold himself back, hold his heart back that loved her, yearned and ached for her. He wanted to move on with the only intention of keeping himself away from her to prevent and protect her from any desolation or destitution that he was capable of bringing to her. He had seen her love for Ashton in her eyes which were a mirror of her heart. He had felt her love, yearning and pain for him in that moment, when she had openheartedly talked about him. Just as him. They weren't much different. They shared the same feelings and emotions but the one receiving it at the end was different and he couldn't help but grieved on his fate for not being the one for her. By now she had stopped calling him, getting his silent message that he sent to her through his ignorance.

He remembered that he was not only bothered by her calling him but also by Drake who kept calling him regardless of his ignorance. She was miles away from him but it was impossible for him to ignore Drake as he was the most prominent legal advisor of Knights Enterprise, especially after returning to Seattle. Although, he tried his best to not cross paths with him, he still managed to talk to him which turned out to be a complete blunder as he still couldn't stand to the fact that he was the one who addressed his Anna as..... His heart bled on his own thoughts. He remembered how Drake had apologized for his conduct towards him, towards Anna. He had wanted to say something but after all that happened between them, he was unable to bear his sight for long without losing his temperament and he did the same thing that he did with her. Ignored his presence and existence. Completely.

"Are you mine Anna? Could you ever be?" He snorted. "You can't. You can never be mine. May be I am not destined to be loved by you."

"And who said so?"

He turned around to see the source of the faint voice that came from behind as he was so lost that he didn't even heard the footsteps coming towards him.

"Stella?" He squinted his eyes scanning her mind to see through her purpose of coming to him, especially after his present equation with Drake.

"Drake is not here. You can go and check....."

"I have come to see you." She butted in.

He sighed and turned around. "If it's about him, then you are wasting your time. I am in no mood to talk about any shit....." He sneered coldly.

"Neither am I."

She went to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. When he didn't react, she sighed. "Stop it Reg. Stop making things more difficult than they actually are."

He turned around with his intense and scruitinzing gaze at her.

"Don't give me these looks as I am not afraid of you losing your mind on me, firing me or slamming me for anything and everything I do say..... like you have been doing with others all this while. Stop hurting others. Stop hurting yourself."

"I am not..."

"If you love her so much, then what is holding you back? Why don't you...."

"How do you know? Did Drake told you?"

"Look at you. It doesn't need a genius to put two and two together. Anyone who knows you can say that you love her Reg. You love Anna.....too much. Then why are you holding yourself back? Have you seen yourself in these past few weeks? You are not the Regan I have known. He was stubborn as hell, determined to get everything he wanted. You would have bent hell if you wanted anything in the past. Then what has changed now? It's about your love, your happiness. It's about Anna. How can you do this to yourself? How can you do this to her? Don't you love her anymore? Have you forgotten her?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. "There is one person in your life that you can never forget. She is the one for me. At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life. She is the one for me. The worst feeling in the world is when you want and love someone but you just can't be together. She is the one for me. I don't know how I got so attached to her. I don't know when she became the reason of my existence. I don't know why she became my everything. I don't know what to feel when she isn't around. Without her, I have everything but I feel like I am left with nothing with me or inside me. Whether I love her anymore or not? My heart can stop beating but it can never stop loving her. I love her may be more than myself but I am not worthy of her. That's why I have decided to keep myself away from her."

Stella was stunned on hearing him. She never expected him to love her so deeply already. She could feel his love for her, his sincerity and also his vulnerability.

"Oh Drake! Look what have you done?" She whispered.

"Why Regan? If she means so much to you, why don't you hold on her? Tell her what you feel."

"Because may be she is everything to me, but I am nothing to her. She loves someone dearly as I love her and I want to let her go for her own good, for her happiness. It's not that I can do anything either. Yes, I always get what I want but she is not just anything to me. I want her with her will and happiness that matters to me more than anything in this world. If the cost of her happiness is my suffering, then be it. I am ready to give my all to her."

"And who told you that she is happy? Why can't you be the reason of her happiness? Why do you feel you don't deserve her?"

"Because she loves someone else."

"You are all that she needs Regan. You are everything that can bring her the happiness she deserves. You both are all you need to complete each other. You just have to put some extra efforts to win her over. You said that she loves someone else but have you seen him? Met him? Is she really happy? How can you be so sure of something that you haven't witnessed with your own eyes?"

His brows twitched on her words which created a havoc in his heart. A mere thought of her being unhappy distressed him.

"Why did you say that? I have already looked into everything that was required to know about her and Ashton. Drake himself..." He stopped mid sentence when he realized something and his jaw clenched.

"Did he hide something from me Stella? Did he lied to me? Did he....?"

"Its not about Drake. Its about you right now. What do you want Regan regardless of what he said or informed you about Anna?"

"Anna!" Her name slipped from his mouth with all the emotions that he huddled inside him up till now. He looked at Stella who was looking at him silently conveying him his own unspoken thoughts and feelings for her.

She smiled. "You love her enough to change yourself for her. You love her enough to fight with your best friend who spitted filth about her. You love her enough to let her go for her happiness. You love her enough to hurt yourself so that she can get what she wants. But........Do you love her enough to hold on her? Do you love her enough to fight for her happiness..... with yourself, with her? Do you love her enough to mend the every piece of her broken self that could pierce you to cause immeasurable pain? Do you love her enough to still love her inspite of knowing that she can't reciprocate your feelings or love just because she already loves someone dearly? Do you love her enough to still love her knowing everything about her but still knowing nothing? Do you love her enough that her past or present won't affect your future with her...the future of being together.... the future filled with love and bliss? Do you Regan?"