Save Me

(Warning, Attempted Suicide and Gore, skip this chapter if you're uncomfortable or drop to the comment)

I pant desperately for air, my head dizzy and the ground spinning- but I couldn't stop moving. Someone had noticed me a while back, they were following me- it was hard to tell if they were an illusion, a trick of the drug that Arthur gave me. I glance around again, stumbling as I trip over my own foot- shit, what did he give me? Okay, I just needed to take this next right- I choke back a sob as Kuroo and Kozu's house come into view. I don't know how long I had been walking, how many times I had been lost, the drug tricking my eyes and playing mind games with me. I quickened my pace, making a beeline for Kozu's house- the lights of Kuroo's house were off, but I could see a faint light coming from Kozu's room- was he up? He must be playing video games- what time was it? The sun had been down for a long time, my feet ached, my body felt heavy and tired- the feet behind me quickened their pace. I let out a terrified sob, stumbling as I scramble towards Kozu's house- safety was right there! "Kuroo, Kuroo please!" I beg through my tears as I dash through the gates, tripping over my foot. I grunt as I fall to the ground, pulling myself back to my feet and letting out a terrified sob.

I run to the door, frantically knocking on it, my fingers limp and unable to form a fist. I hear the gate creak and I let out a terrified wail, tears streaming down my face. The door suddenly jerks open and I stumble, falling into the familiar hot embrace. I cry out in relief, grabbing on tightly as my body trembles, my legs going limp under me. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" Kuroo asks, sounding panicked as I just cling to him, sobbing in relief. "K-Kuroo! I-I- was so scared!" I wail and he scoops me into his arms, carrying me inside and shutting the door, locking it. "Who was that following you? Hey, calm down, tell me what happened?" Kuroo says, gently petting my hair as I just cry, burying my head into him. "What's going on?" Kozu asks as he peers down from the stairs, seeing Kuroo holding me. He runs down the stairs and comes over, his hands grabbing onto me. "Hey! What happened? What's wrong?" Kozu says, sounding terrified as he brushes the tears from my face. "I-I- pill, a pill- I dunno what it was!" I choke out through my tears, crying as Kuroo shushes me, beginning to carry me upstairs. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe." Kuroo whispers, Kozu helping him carry me up.

"Someone was following her, they were at the gate. They darted as soon as I opened the door." Kuroo mumbles as he carries me into the bathroom, setting me down on the edge of the tub. "Kimiko, Pudding, did the man following you give you the pill?" Kozu asks, beginning to look me over as I quickly shake my head. "N-No, A-Ar-thur… h-hallu… see stuff- body weird." I choke out, Kozu slowly lifting the edge of Iwai's sweater and sucking in a breath. "I'm going to kill him." Kuroo spits, clenching his fists as he glares at my waist. "I'm going to fucking kill him." Kuroo hisses, dropping down to his knees and scooping me into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry- I should've gone- I should've known better, I should've." Kuroo says, squeezing me as I feel something wet drop on my shoulder. "N-No! D-don't kill, Arthur d-didn't do this. H-He, pill- after-" I choke out and Kuroo shakes his head, burying his head into my shoulder. "I don't care! You're hurt, you're scared. I'm going to find whoever is responsible, and I'm going to kill them!" Kuroo says, though Kozu grabs both of us, shaking his head. "Pudding, let's get you cleaned up. Calm down then tell us." Kozu says and I sniff, nodding my head.

They don't leave my side, helping wash up- my feet were cut up from the walk and I hadn't even realized. I must've stepped in glass at some point, but Kozu took extra care to treat and bandage the cuts. Once they saw I was wearing nothing but my thong under the sweater their faces turned grim, the atmosphere souring as they washed me off. "I should've gone." Kuroo mumbles though I reach over, my limp fingers sliding into his. "No… It was fine… the party was fine… I drank... borrowed sweater… Arthur gave me pill… I ran… don't know what it was… didn't say…" I work out slowly, my head still dizzy from the pill, alcohol and weed. "And these?" Kozu asks, his hand brushing over the swell of my breast, under my breast, my hips- I glanced down to my hips, seeing dark bruises forming in the shape of hand prints. "Don't kiss and tell…" I mumble and Kozu flexes his jaw, his gaze darkening. "Did… did they force it on you?" Kozu asks softly and I quickly shake my head. "No… my idea…" I say and he slowly nods, turning his gaze away as Kuroo grabs a towel, picking me up out of the tub. He carries me to the sink, sitting me down on the counter and drying me off.

I glance towards the door and see a shadow of ash blonde hair- I choke for air and quickly cover my eyes, beginning to hyperventilate. "Hey, hey, calm down, breath, what is it?" Kuroo asks, pulling me into his chest and enveloping me in his comforting cocoon. "S-She… she's back… it's… no one's there… it's just an illusion… an illusion..." I croak, a fresh batch of hot tears gathering in my eyes as I gasp for air. "No one's there, Kimiko. Just me, you and Kuroo. My parents already left for work, just us." Kozu says, walking over and gently brushing his hands over my back. "Kuroo, do you have a clue about what Arthur might have given her?" Kozu asks softly as they both just rub my back, my body trembling as I slowly peek around. She just stood there, as young as ever, not having aged a day since I last saw her. The ash blonde hair, the dark brown eyes, the small pink smile and her slender frame. "I have no idea, I've never really looked into drugs. I'm sure if I did some research I could figure it out- we know it's a pill that causes hallucinations." Kuroo says, seeming to notice me staring at the door. He looks over, searching for anything- Ray just stared at me, not fazed or moving, not even breathing.

"You always did have such beautiful hair." I whisper, her face curling into a bigger smile as she opened her mouth- blood poured out and I scrambled back, hitting the mirror as I began hyperventilating, watching as she choked on the blood. I cover my eyes in a desperate attempt to not see the horrible sight, my body trembling and tears pouring from my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Ray." I sob helplessly as Kuroo scoops me into his arms, picking me up and carrying me away. I let out shuddering sobs, clinging desperately to him as he just held me close, shushing me softly. "How long have you been seeing her?" Kozu asks as a door creaks open, though I slowly peek out and see I have been carried to Kozu's room. "I… I started seeing… things… about half an hour into the walk…" I shudder out, though a doorbell rings, making all of us jump as Kozu and Kuroo share a look. Kuroo sets me down, reaching under his bed and grabbing a bat though I grab his shirt, looking up at him with panicked eyes. "If- if it's anyone we know, please, don't hurt them. If it's Arthur…" I whisper though Kuroo reaches over and pets my hand gently. He pulls my hand away from his shirt, leaving and closing the door.

Kozu takes a seat next to me on the bed, pulling me into his comforting embrace and pulling the blankets over us. He pulls me to lay down and I relent, rolling over and curling in his embrace. He wraps his arm around me and pets my hair with his other hand, gently kissing my forehead. I bury my head into his chest, trying to steady my breathing and calm down my racing heart. Kuroo opened the door, bat over his shoulder, ready to beat the shit out of someone. Toru was anxiously waiting on the other side of the door, looking worried as he immediately glanced past Kuroo, scanning what he could see of the house. "What?" Kuroo asks, drawing Toru's attention to the other boy, seeing he held a bat. Toru swallowed thickly, rubbing the back of his neck, not wanting to test the boy as his grip tightened on the bat. "Suzuki-chan disappeared from the party, everyone is worried sick looking for her, we can't find her. Apparently Arthur made her take LSD, they sent me here to see if she showed." Toru says, looking up to see the reaction- the boy's jaw ticked to the side as he clicked his tongue. "Yeah, figured." Kuroo grumbled, not moving out of the doorway or inviting Toru in.

"She's here then." Toru says, a wave of relief flowing through him as he exhales. "Yeah, she showed up half an hour ago, sobbing hysterically and being followed by some dude. She was only wearing a sweater and a thong- don't get me started on the bruises on her hips and the cuts on her feet." Kuroo says, lowering the bat as Toru flinched. "Can… Can I see her? She trusts me, everyone is worried, they think she'll open up to me." Toru whispers softly, knowing that Kuroo was being protective of Kimiko, and for a good reason. "We kicked Arthur's ass- well, really, Iwai and Teru did before they chased after her, then Ushijima and Tendo forced the details out of him. They proceeded to beat the ever loving shit out of him- yeah, he's passed out at the hotel, having got the shit beat out of him. We didn't know he even had it." Toru says and Kuroo ticks his jaw in the other direction, taking a deep breath through his nose. "No touching her. She's pretty spooked, she's seeing shit and it's not sitting well with her. Just talk to her from the doorway unless she approaches or asks you." Kuroo grumbles, stepping out of the way as Toru sighs in relief, stepping inside as Kuroo closes and locks the door.

"Little Cutie?" Toru says, making me jump as Kozu pulls the blankets down lightly, peeking out. "It's just Oikawa. Everyone is busy looking for her, and Arthur got his ass beat for what he did." Kuroo mumbles as I hear him shuffle over, sitting on the edge of the bed. I slowly pull the blanket down, twisting to peek at Toru- I shudder and quickly turn back to Kozu, clinging onto him. "S-Sh… She's in… hall… please… close the door…" I choke out, tears gathering in my eyes as Toru shuts the door. "Is it… your friend? Your childhood friend, yours and Arthur's?" Toru asks and I hesitantly nod, not wanting to turn and look, in case she appears again. "I'm sorry, Little Cutie. Don't worry, everyone kicked Arthur's ass-" Toru says but I sob, shaking my head as I bury my head into Kozu's chest. "That doesn't bring me comfort! Arthur is just as hurt and broken as I am! He's just trying to help me- in his own way, he thinks that I'll be better if I let it- if I let that- if I… if I'm a bad person, if I let the dark out… he thinks it'll be better." I choke out, my bottom lip trembling as I think of Arthur, probably alone and hurting right now. "Shit, I fucked up." I sniff, rubbing the tears from my eyes.

"How did you fuck up, Arthur drugged you without your consent!" Toru spits and I close my eyes, my bottom lip trembling. "I know, okay, but that- that's just how we are! You don't understand, Arthur and I were raised together since we were babies! We know each other like the back of our hand, and even though we beat the shit out of each other and do shitty stuff to each other, we can't stand the thought of the other being hurt! But we're both hurt, we're both suffering and we don't know what to do! He wants me to let the dark out, I want to show him the light!" I retort, prying myself out of Kozu's arms, his comforting embrace and stumbling to my feet. I stumble to the door though Kuroo and Kozu both grab me, stopping me. "Oi, where do you think you're going, butt naked like that?" Kozu says as I pull away from them. "He's hurt and alone- I'm not going to abandon him." I say walking for the door though Toru stops me this time. "He literally just drugged you against your will, Kimiko Suzuki." Toru says and I look into his eyes as I take a deep breath. "I am not going to abandon him. I'm not losing my friend- never again. Get in my way, I dare you." I say darkly, dead calm as I grab Toru's collar.

I feel him shudder, his eyes widening as he lifts his arms, stepping out of the way. Kuroo grabs my arm and I pause, looking up at him with the same cold eyes. "Get dressed, I'll drive you. I don't want you walking, naked and high off your ass on LSD. That creep from earlier might still be lurking around." Kuroo says and I hesitantly nod, Kozu hopping off the bed and digging through his closet. "How are you so willing to forgive him?" Toru mumbles and I blow out a breath, relaxing and letting the dead calm go. "I held his arm shut as he was bleeding out in a tub of water. He held my legs as I was hanging in a closet- I beat his ass more times than I can remember, he's taken the hits and never hated me for any of them. We've gotten high off our asses together, worse than we are now, to the point we were both foaming from our mouths some times. We've beat people to an inch of their lives together- we've seen each other's lives and took comfort that someone actually gave a shit and didn't want to see the other die. Even though shit's fucked with what happened to Ray… I won't leave him alone, because he needs me, and I need him." I say, taking the clothes Kozu offers and putting them on.

"What happened to Ray?" Toru asks as we all walk down to the car, though Kuroo carries me to the car. I buried my head into his chest, not closing my eyes- she was there too. "She was raped and brutally murdered by someone who had it out for me- she was pregnant and in a happy relationship when it happened." I whisper, Kuroo's arms wrapping tightly around me. "She was like a big sister to us- always coming to the rescue, saving the day with a bright smile. Then that bastard found her, took her in an alley, raped her and stabbed her repeatedly. I was the one that found her." I whisper, feeling the anger bubbling in my blood at the thought- and the grief. Kuroo sets me in the passenger seat, Kozu and Toru hopping in the back, everyone silent as Kuroo begins driving. I laid my head back against the headrest, staring at the ceiling- Kuroo put his hand on my thigh, gently stroking it as Toru directed him to the hotel. "Don't you want to text everyone and tell them I'm alright?" I ask Toru and he gasps, though Kozu clears his throat. "I already did." Kozu says and I nod, though I get a bad feeling. "Drive faster." I whisper and Kuroo glances at me, pressing harder on the gas.

We arrive at the hotel and I glance up, seeing a small figure on the roof. I dash into the hotel, slamming into the stair doors and running up them, skipping three stairs at a time. I gasp for air, my legs aching, my feet protesting, still aching- but I don't stop. "Hey!" Kuroo calls as I hear the door bang open again, but I swing myself over the railing to the next level, not stopping. I had to go fast, I had to- he needed me. I hear a cascade of steps behind me as I keep running, my heart pounding in my chest and my breath coming in short pants. "Kimiko!" Kozu calls, sounding out of breath from a few floors down. I don't stop, I don't bother to explain- there was no time, I felt it. I burst through the roof door- the bolt had been cut. I dash over to the edge as Arthur lifts his foot off, tilting forward. "Arthur!" I scream at the top of my lungs, terror, fear filling my bloods as he looks over at me with sad eyes. He falls and I dive for him, managing to grab his arm, using all my strength I could muster to grab onto him with both hands. I cry out in pain as someone grabs tight onto my ankles, my body jerking to a sudden stop as I'm pulled between velocities, Arthur's weight pulling me down and someone holding me up.

I grit my teeth and use the momentum I had to swing Arthur back onto the roof, the hand on my ankle slipping. My breath catches as I slip out of their grasp, though I quickly twist my body, the dead calm taking over as I grab onto the nearest ledge. "Kimiko!" Kuroo cries out, as I drag my arm onto the ledge. "I'm here! Ledge, below!" I call, my breath trembling as I feel my body aching. I glanced around, panting for air and trying to see if there were any options- I couldn't exactly knock on the window, it was taking all of my strength just to hold myself up, my body still numb from the drugs. I didn't have the strength to parkour up the building either, I was stuck in limbo, my arms slowly getting weaker. I close my eyes tight, letting out a whimper as I think of Nen, Arthur, my family- at least I saved Arthur, if I died, I could go to hell knowing that I did what I had to save my dearest friend. I heard a loud slam that startled me, my grip faltering- I don't want to die. "No no no shit!" I cry, though the window suddenly slams open and someone grabs onto me. "I got you Kiki, I got you." Arthur whispers, pulling me off the ledge and into the room as I let out a relieved sob, clinging onto him desperately.

"Holy shit! Who are you people? Why did you break down our door? What the hell were you doing hanging outside my window?!" Someone exclaims as I cry into Arthur's arms, holding each other tight. "Someone tried to commit suicide on the roof, my friend here saved them and caught herself on your window. I'm sorry for the disturbance." Kozu says, his voice numb as he was probably in shock by what happened. "Oh… Well, good job, but uh… can you please get out? I um, I guess since it was to save a life I can explain the situation to management." The person says as I desperately gasp for air, feeling anxious. "Is- is everyone okay?" I ask, my voice weak as Arthur sniffs. "Yeah, Kuroo kicked the door down, Toru is explaining to security." Arthur croaks and I let out a choked laugh, feeling relieved. "God damn, his legs must be something else." I choke out, Arthur letting out his own relieved sob as he squeezes me a little tighter. "Oh yeah, definitely- he held both of us up with just those legs. Well, I guess you're as light as a feather, but come on." Arthur jokes and my lip trembles. "Yeah, you fat ass. I can't feel my legs. Carry me out of here." I croak and Arthur nods, lifting me up.

He carries me out of the room, Kozu holding onto my hand tightly the whole time. Kuroo chokes out a breath as he scoops me out of Arthur's arms, squeezing me so tight I couldn't breathe. I hugged him back, tears sliding out of my eyes- he had caught me, he had caught us, saved us- I owed him a great deal. "Y-you- you idiot! What were you thinking!" I cry turning to Arthur and grabbing him, shaking him roughly with my trembling fingers. "I don't know, okay! You weren't there, I knew I had crossed a line, I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me!" Arthur cries, grabbing tightly onto me and hugging me in Kuroo's arms. "You're such a fucking idiot arthur, I couldn't bear the thought of you dying any other way than by my hand! You got that, you little bitch? You don't die unless I let you! That was the deal! Yeah, I'm fucking mad at you, I'm mad at you for trying to kill yourself! I could give less of a shit what you do to me, but don't you ever do that to me, okay?! I already… I already lost Ray… I can't lose you, too…" I croak, wrapping my arms tightly around him and burying my head onto his neck. "I'm your Little Devil, remember?" Arthur croaks and I sniff, nodding my head.

"Damn right you are, I basically just paid my life for you. Can you say the same? Nope, bitch, hah, I win- get on my level, oh wait, you can't." I snort and Arthur laughs heartily, squeezing me tighter. "I can push you off the roof and catch you, does that count?" Arthur asks and I snort, choking out a laugh. "No thank you, I was fucking terrified. I think I have a new found fear of heights because of your dumbass self. Good luck getting me anywhere high anytime soon." I say and Arthur sniffs, nodding his head lightly. "So… what did your parents want…" I whisper and he chokes softly, rubbing his eyes. "Um, they're going to set up some marriage meetings…" Arthur says and I grimace, reaching up and ruffling his hair. "It'll be okay. We'll figure something out, even if I had to kidnap you and hide you in a basement and feed you cup ramen noodles for the rest of your life." I mumble and he laughs, taking my hand and squeezing. "Ew, come on, at least give me some canned tuna here and there." Arthur says and I snort, squeezing his hand back. "The fuck do you think this is, a charity event? Hell no, cup ramen noodles, nothing more." I say and Arthur rolls his eyes, his lip twitching.

"And here you almost died for me but you won't spend the extra change." Arthur jokes and I scoff, rolling my eyes. "My life ain't my fucking wallet." I joke though Kozu storms over and snatches my hand. "How are you joking right now!" Kozu yells at me, looking at me with angry tears in his eyes. "Kenma…" I whisper though he shakes his head. "Don't 'Kenma' me, you almost fucking died, Kimiko! You were literally falling- what if you hadn't caught that ledge! what if you fell before we could get to you! What if-" Kozu screams though I sob, wrapping my arms tightly around him as he falls silent. "You think I don't know?" I croak and he wraps his arms tightly around me, sobbing softly. "Just let his dumb ass fall!" Kozu chokes out though I shake my head and squeeze him tighter. "I would've done the same for any one of you- I can't stand the thought of losing any of you." I sniff and Kozu sobs again, squeezing me tighter. "And how do you think we felt, seeing you dive off the roof, when we didn't see Arthur? Did you think of that? We thought you dove for an illusion!" Kozu croaks and I sniff, shaking my head. "I knew it wasn't. I just did." I say, gently petting Kozu's hair as he sobs and trembles.

"For the record, what happens in Tokyo stays in Tokyo. That means what happened today is between all of us, don't speak of it to anyone, even amongst ourselves unless we're absolutely sure no one will overhear." I say, everyone gathered in the hotel's living room. Kozu was draped over my lap, I was sitting on Kuroo's lap, Arthur and Toru were leaning on us, their arms draped over me. "Okay." Tendo says, seeming perplexed by the sudden appearance of Kuroo and Kozu, and the sudden clinginess of the four. "I agree to this as well." Ushijima says, seeming to be coming down from his high. "Like I would confess to beg- uh, I mean, my lips are sealed." Teru says, clearing his throat and making my lips twitch. "I won't tell anyone… but what's up with them?" Iwai says, gesturing to the four people clinging to me. "Yeah, um, you see, I'm tripping balls right now, so I'm seeing shit for the next… uh… 16 hours? Yeah. They're pretty much keeping me grounded." I say, Iwai's eyebrow twitching as he glares at Arthur. "What do you see?" Tendo chimes and I slowly drag my eyes over the room. "Uh, Ray, she's…" I mumble, averting my eyes and pointing to the corner of the room.

"No shit? You see Ray?" Arthur asks, tilting his head down to me as I nod my head, sparing a glance over to the illusion. "What's she look like?" He asks and I fidget lightly, tangling my fingers in Kozu's hair. "Um, she looks like Ray, the ash blonde hair, the little smile, wearing a white gown." I say, avoiding looking over as Arthur hums. "Then why aren't you looking at her?" Arthur chimes and I shiver, itching my arm though Tendo reaches over and stops me. "There's something wrong with her, isn't there…" Tendo asks and I hesitantly nod, flinching when I see her shift, beginning to walk around the edges of the room. "Um, every… every time… she… talks… blood… blood pours… from her… mouth… she… she's choking on it…" I mumble, Arthur frowning as he reaches over and takes my other hand. "Shit, talk about a bad trip…" Arthur grumbles though Ushijima clears his throat. "I noticed you haven't been blinking, Suzuki-chan. Is there also a reason for that?" Ushi asks and I slightly shrug, dropping my gaze to the floor. She was standing behind the other couch now. "Uh, when I close my eyes, it's worse." I whisper, everyone gently stroking me and offering their comfort.

"But I don't get it, you have nightmares about her all the time like that, right?" Arthur asks and I glance over at him, dropping my gaze again. "Doesn't mean I'm used to it… but yeah, seeing her like that isn't what's bothering me." I whisper, tears gathering in my eyes as I let out a shuddering breath. "What is it then?" Kozu asks and I swallow thickly, slowly dragging my eyes up to her. "It's… It's what she's holding- or should I say… who… and what she's saying… trying to say…" I whisper quietly, a hot tear sliding down my eyes as she opens her mouth, choking on the blood that spills from her mouth. I shudder violently and sob, dropping my gaze to the ground. "Talking about it might help." Tendo says and I sniff, the tears falling from my eyes. "Look at my baby, Kiki. Are they beautiful? What should I name them? Maybe our babies will be great friends." I whisper, shuddering again as I raise my gaze to her again. "I can't tell, cause they gouged my eyes out. If they hadn't cut my tongue out, maybe I could give them a name myself. If I hadn't been stabbed in my stomach so many times, maybe… maybe..." I choke out, my body trembling as everyone seems to shift uncomfortably.

"Yeah. That's a bad fucking high." Iwai grumbles, crossing his arms and sinking back into the couch. "Fucking hell, I… I'm sorry, I'm so… so sorry…" Arthur chimes though I look over at him, my bottom lips trembling. "But… I… I deserve it…" I whisper ever so softly, Arthur's face curling in grief as his eyes fill with tears. "No! You don't! When will you understand that? You didn't do that to her, it was all him." Arthur says and I drop my gaze, not saying anything. "He… he's here too, isn't he. You haven't even looked to your left." Arthur says and I meet his gaze, my gaze dead serious. "I don't have to. He's whispering in my ear." I whisper- of course I was blocking it out, but I could see the shadow of him in the corner of my eye. "Him?" Kuroo asks and I drop my gaze back to the ground, not saying anything. "Is it the Man?" Kozu asks, though Arthur shifts this time. "No… two different people. 'He' was our age." Arthur mumbles, slowly turning to me and taking my hand. "How does he look?" Arthur asks and I slowly turn to my left, my eyes finding him- covered in deep bloody cuts, his eyes burned shut, his tongue in shreds, his hair in patches, his body chapped and burned, his body scrawny.

"He looks exactly like how I last saw him." I snarl, feeling the anger blossom in my blood- he deserved so much more, his chapped and torn lips moving, his tongue in shreds, flopping around helplessly in his mouth, trying to form words though he had broken and shattered teeth. Begging for mercy, for food, for water, to be freed. I cackle, my body burning with a dark satisfaction as I slowly lift my hand and cup his illusionary chin. I had broken his jaw, of course, no pain was spared as long as it wouldn't kill him. I saved those for last, right before I sent him over a cliff in a burning car. "Exactly… how I last saw him…" I whisper, a dark grin spreading over my face as I feel everyone around me shiver. I don't bother looking at them, instead dropping my gaze down to his stomach- which was ripped open, his intestines on display. "Oh… I almost forgot about that…" I whisper, dropping my hand down and sticking my finger in, giggling darkly as the body convulsed in pain. "I think I'm starting to like this…" I whisper, though Arthur grabs my chin and pulls me to look at him. "Demon Girl…" He cackles and I grin widely at him. "Little Devil!" I chime excitedly, pointing to my left.

"Look! Look, he's begging! Isn't it nice!" I chime, clapping my hands excitedly as I turn back to my left, seeing him screaming in agony. "He's screaming! He's screaming, but nobody can hear!" I squeal happily, cupping the illusions chin with both of my hands. A cold hand grabs mine and I jerk my head up, my eyes widening at the sight of Ray. I shudder, flinching into Kuroo- her eyes were cold, dark- they started bleeding, falling out of her skull. I let out a terrified wail, covering my eyes with the hand she wasn't holding, my body trembling. "I'm sorry! It should've been me, it should've been me!" I sob uncontrollably, hot arms wrapping around me all over and pulling me into their comforting embrace. I'm yanked away from them, dragged back as someone pins my arms behind my back, their hand forcing me to look at the illusions. "Tell me! Tell me what they're doing, Demon Girl! Tell me!" Arthur snarls into my ear and I stare, terrified as Ray goes limp, though he catches her. A sick grin spreads over his face as he drags his shredded tongue over her cheek, leaving a trail of blood behind. His hand slides up to her face, his fingers sliding into her eye sockets, pulling them open.

"Leave her alone! Leave her alone! Haven't you done enough? Haven't you learned your lesson?" I scream in frustration, writhing against Arthur as an animalistic snarl leaves me. "Don't even think about it! I'm the only one who can hold her back right now, solely because I'm the one who she trusts! I'm the only thing connecting her to reality, keeping her from the illusions. If you touch us, she'll tear through you! She needs to see..." Arthur says, though the two walking corpses start making out with their destroyed tongues. I drop my head and throw up, coughing as I throw up again, unable to breath. I gag, closing my eyes- I scream in terror as I the vision of him stabbing Ray, gouging out her tongue, her eyes, stabbing her in the stomach plays across my eyelids. "What do you see, Kiki?" Arthur whispers in my ear as I let out a terrified wail- "Kimiko!" A familiar voice says and I suck in a sharp breath as the illusions are shattered. "Aima! Aima, Aima!" I cry, fighting against Arthur as he lets me go, clicking his tongue. I fly into Aima's arms, sobbing hysterically and clinging desperately to her. She shushes me, gently running her fingers through my hair and soothing me.

"What the fuck happened here?" Lev grumbles, though I hear a sudden crack and a hard thunk. "Well, shit, captain, remind me not to get on your bad side." Lev mumbles and I try to turn though Aima turns me away, shaking her head. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." She mumbles and I sniff, nodding as she leads my trembling body to the nearest bathroom. Everyone was pissed, confused, and worried about Kimiko- maybe even a little scared. Kuroo flicks his hand out, having just given Arthur a straight left hook that knocked him out in one move. "Let's get this place cleaned up before hotel management comes to figure out what all the screaming was about." Kuroo grumbles and everyone nods, getting to work cleaning up the beer bottles, stashing away the stick packs with blunts inside- Kuroo took the liberty of cleaning up Kimiko's throw up, though it was mostly just alcohol. Had she already thrown up her dinner from earlier? Was she hungry? Had she even eaten since? Would she even be up to eat? From what he had seen at dinner, she hadn't eaten much in the first place. She had to be hungry, even though it was the middle of the night.

"Nant…" she mumbles, her voice barely over a whisper, though I don't catch it. "Hah?" I ask and she shifts again, her cheeks burning. "I'm… pregnant…" she whispers and I gasp, grabbing her hand. "Does he know?" I ask and she drops her gaze, shaking her head. "He…He's so young, he has his life ahead of him, plus with nationals right around the corner, he has potential. A baby would just get in the way of that; plus we're still in the newborn couple stage…" she says, shifting again though I drop between her legs, cupping her stomach. "Hi there! I'm your Auntie Kimiko, I keep your mommy in check! Don't worry, I'll make sure that she realizes that her and your daddy have real potential!" I chime, hugging her stomach as Aima laughs, patting my head softly. "You really think so?" She chimes and I offer her a grin, reaching up and patting her head. "You want it, don't you?" I ask and she nods, a smile curling up on her face. "Then isn't that enough reason to at least try?" I ask and she sniffs, biting her bottom lip and nodding her head. "And if Lev says no, I totally won't give him an injury that puts his volleyball career to an abrupt end. Ain't that right?" I chime, rubbing her stomach and making Aima laugh.1

"But how am I going to tell him? I want to tell him as soon as possible, what do you think he'll say?" Aima asks as I finish getting dressed, having been talking the whole time I was getting clean. "I dunno, let's go figure it out. I'll help, come on." I say, taking her hand and leading her out to the living room. "No! Wait, yes! No, yes- shit, fuck it, let's do it, before I change my mind. Oh god- what if-" Aima says though I clear my throat, all the boys looking over. "We have an announcement to make!" I chime, Aima grabbing tightly onto my hand with a death grip. "Ow, shit, Aima, don't kill my hand, it's already fucked up. You, daddy dearest, come get your wifey." I say, pointing to Lev as Aima's eyes widen, shoving her elbow into me. "He's an airhead, Aima. A complete sweetheart airhead." I snort as Lev comes over, prying Aima's hand from mine. "I can't. You do it." Aima hisses as Lev guides Aima over to the couch, sitting down and pulling her down onto his lap. "I'm not saying it outright, but I'm going to be an Auntie." I say and everyone looks confused, glancing between themselves. "Wait, Akira got someone pregnant?" Kozu asks and I let out a sharp laugh, clearing my throat.

"Uh, no, not as far as I know- scratch that, fuck no, I mean, I guess the 'I've been sick, gimme a good time' might work wonders- maybe I should have a talk-" I say, itching my chin though Aima clears her throat. "Okay! Hint two- someone in this room is going to be a father." I chime, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow at Aima as her face turns red. "Wait, you're pregnant?" Kuroo asks and I let my head fall, rubbing my eyes. "The father is in the room doesn't really narrow it down now, don't you think? I guess that's one way to announce it but-" Toru says and my face burns, clearing my throat. "I'm not pregnant. But there is a babe in the room." I say, dropping my hands down to cover my mouth. How more obvious could I be? "Well, yeah, you're a babe, a solid ten out of ten." Teru says and I snort, rolling my eyes. "Suzuki-chan is not the type to be so boastful about her beauty." Ushi says and I offer him a sweet smile. "I agree with Ushigooshy! Paradise isn't one to brag about her beauty, it speaks for itself!" Tendo chimes, twining his fingers behind his head. "Damn. Smooth as hell, Tendo-kun." Teru says, the two grinning and fistbumping each other.

"Are you still having hallucinations?" Iwai asks and I facepalm, dragging my hand down my face. "No, those went away when Aima arrived… Y'all's dumb. Dumb as hell, that was four straightforward hints in a row. I give up, if I keep going they're going to book me. You're on your own." I say, waving my hand in the air and crossing my arms over my chest. "Okay, Kitten, those drugs are fucking you up too much. Let's get you some water and-" Kuroo says, walking over and putting his arm over my shoulder. "I'm pregnant! Lev, you're going to be a father." Aima squeaks, slapping her hands over her mouth as everyone looks over at her, surprised. "What? Come again?" Kozu asks, Kuroo sticking his finger in his ear and checking for a blockage. "Run that by me one more time?" Kuroo says as Lev finally seems to process what Aima said. "If you don't get the hint after that, then you guys seriously have brain damage." I grumble, taking Kuroo's phone from his pocket and recording Lev. "I'm gonna be a dad?" Lev asks and Aima shyly turns to him, nodding. "I'm gonna be a dad." Lev breathes, blinking, once, twice- once more just in case- before he falls back, having passed out.

"Aww yeah, you bet your ass I got that on video! Send that to me, I'm going to keep that." I cackle, offering Kuroo back his phone as he slowly takes it. "I'll be damned. Russian Tree is going to be a dad." Kuroo chuckles, tapping around on his phone as I snort. "More like 'fainting tree'- no, no, falling tree? Russian dad! That sounds good, has a nice ring to it." I laugh, Aima fanning Lev as she smiles at him, her eyes soft. My heart aches but I cover it with a smile, walking to the kitchen and grabbing myself a cup of water. Kozu, ever the observer who could see right through me came over and squeezed my hand. I gently squeeze his hand back, taking a sip of the water and swirling it around in my mouth. I didn't bother swallowing it quite yet, my throat was still sore and I wanted to give it time to settle. "Are you okay?" Kozu whispers and I glance over at him, finally swallowing the water, setting the cup down. I lean over and lay my head on his shoulder, taking both of his hands and closing my eyes. "No, I'm not okay. Far from it, but it's okay. I'll be fine." I whisper softly and he squeezes my hands, sliding his fingers from mine and wrapping his arms around me, kissing my head softly.

"You know, it's amazing, all of you- everyone here- is in the presence of a monster, you're perfectly fine with it- hell, you're even holding her. The only person that knows I'm a monster encourages me, wants me to be that person… yet all of you seem to think that I'm a saint." I whisper, Kozu gently stroking my back as I slide my arms around him. "You know, I don't want to die. Not because I'm going to hell- no, no, I know full well where I'm going when I die. I don't want to die, because I'll be leaving a lot behind. Nen, my family, my friends… all of you, who seem to think so highly of me, who don't know, the bad, horrible things, the atrocious sins I have committed… all of you, who would hurt and ache for my miserable life, that you for some reason decided to squeeze your way into and brighten… you all make me not want to die, because I don't want you to mourn a monster. But at the same time, I don't want to show you that I am a monster, because I'm scared that you'll still accept me. You don't just… accept monsters into your life, and expect them to blend seamlessly. No, no… they're supposed to fade into the background… so why am I in the light?" I whisper, Kozu just listening quietly.

"What I'm trying to say, I guess, is if I die, don't cry for me. Don't mourn for me, don't ache, don't shed a single tear- I don't deserve to be the reason your eyes are wet, I don't deserve to be the reason that you wake up in the morning, wishing you could see one last time. If I fall off the face of the earth without a trace, don't look for me. There's nothing worth looking for-" I whisper though Kozu suddenly pulls away from me, smacking me across my cheek. I press my lips together, turning to look away though he cups my face and pulls me into a kiss. It was hot, demanding- different from his usual warm and comforting, slow and soft kisses. He was angry, I could tell- but he was also sad, happy, relieved- mostly angry. He suddenly pulled away, looking me straight in the eyes as he gasped for breath. "I couldn't give less of a shit about who you used to be. I don't care, because you're who you are today. That stuff before is nothing but a mold that made you into the beautiful prize, the magnificent treasure that you are today. If you died, I… I don't know what I'd do without you. You've just become a part of me that I can't let go, and I won't let go." Kozu says, gently brushing my cheek where he had slapped me.

"I'll cry, I'll mourn, I'll ache, I'll shed infinite tears- because you are more than worthy of that in my heart. You are part of the reason I wake up every morning, knowing that I get to at least see you someday- if you fell off the face of the earth, I'll look for you, I'll find you, I'll win you over and bring you right back into my life, because it just isn't the same without you. Seeing you… almost losing you… it terrifies me, knowing I couldn't do anything, wishing I could have been there, taken your place instead, just so you wouldn't have to be scared. I would trade anything in the world for you to be safe, for you to be happy, for you to be in the light with us all. You're not a monster, and even if you were, I'd still feel the same way." Kozu says, kissing my cheek as I feel a tear fall. "Kenma… I've killed before." I whisper, my voice barely over a whisper, a confession, a grave one to a precious friend, like for some reason it'd save my soul, or at least bring him to his senses and send him running for his life, terrified of me. "You didn't kill Ray." Kozu says, taking my hand and squeezing it gently- even in times like these he comforted me, put me first. It only made me feel worse.

The words hung on the tip of my tongue, paining me as they suffocated, desperate for air. 'No, but I might as well have killed her too.' If I said such a thing, what face would Kozu make? Would he drop my hand like it had burned him? Would he regret wishing he could sacrifice himself in my place? Would he wonder if I had blood on my hands? Would he even consider how much I enjoyed seeing the person suffer, begging for his life? Would he wonder if I really was a monster, that I had been in his life, knowing that I had gotten away with murder? Knowing that I could get away with it again, if I was so inclined? Maybe he'd brush it off as a joke, ask me to off someone who had wronged him in a pitiful way, expecting me to scoff and play it off. Maybe he'd accept it, he'd live with that secret that I held so close to my dark, rotten heart. Maybe he'd want all the gruesome details, wanting to live vicariously through me. "You're thinking something. Tell me?" He asks, though I just lift the glass of water to my lips, taking a slow sip and turning away. I don't plan to confess to murder tonight. "No." I whisper, dragging my eyes up to Aima. Tonight was Aima's night- her, Lev's, and their baby.

"So you're due in March?" I ask as we drive back to town, munching on a beef stick. "Yup! That's around the time nationals are finished, so he'll be able to be there for the delivery!" Aima chimes happily, kicking her feet lightly as I merge over a lane in the highway. "You make it sound like the baby is a package." Toru yawns from the backseat- the boys had decided to stick around in case Arthur and I get into trouble again, though for the majority of the visit I just hung out with Aima, Lev, and Alisa- after the LSD wore off, of course. I'd stayed up all night with the boys while it was full power, and they had all been exhausted from staying up a full 24 hours after their tournaments. Aima had wanted to stay up too, but I convinced her to sleep in my bedroom with Lev at the hotel. It was bad for the baby to not get proper rest after all, and if anything went down she'd be in the room one over if I needed her. "No, not really. Delivery is the proper word for- oh shit, this is my jam." I say as I sing to 'On your mind' as I offer my beef stick back to Tendo. Aima, Tendo, and Toru were riding with me in the Ford Mustang. Ushi, Teru, Iwai and Arthur were behind us in the Lincoln.

Arthur had insisted on taking his 'eye candy' in the Lincoln, though his trunk was loaded with our luggage. I turn up the speaker, Aima singing the song with me as Tendo munches on my beef stick, offering it to Toru. "You sure you're okay?" Toru asks as Aima offers me a bite of her berries and cream cheese pastry. I gladly take one, shifting up a gear as I pick up more speed. "I mean, if you're really that concerned about my driving, think about this. I've been mega fucked up, I'm talking seeing shit, my mind high up in the clouds and a shit eating grin on my face and I still managed to drive Arthur and I across three states because we thought the bagels at this one place were really good. I'm sober right now, so I could be going over 100 and get us home no problem. However, Arthur is a risky bitch and Aima is pregnant, so I'm doing my version of Sunday driver." I say, Aima offering me another bite of her pastry though I shook my head. My stomach was still a bit queasy from the drugs, alcohol and weed. "That's not what I meant." Toru says and I tighten my grip on the wheel, staring out at the street. "I know." I mumble, Toru reaching forward and putting his hand on my shoulder.

"You know, you never cease to surprise me. You just get more and more interesting." Toru says and I shrug, setting my elbow on the window and leaning my head on my palm. "Yeah, I know everyone is interested in me. I'm like their own little complex puzzle, waiting to be solved so they can claim some kind of extravagant prize." I mumble, waving my hand as I sit back up, letting it catch the wind on my fingers. "But that's the thing, there is no pretty prize. There's just me." I say simply, withdrawing my hand and putting it on the steering wheel. "You're a pretty fantastic extravagant prize." Tendo chimes and I snort, rolling my eyes. "There is no prize, just a complex puzzle; even if you solve me, who's to say that you win anything? What could you possibly get other than the pitiful satisfaction that hey, congratu-fucking-lations, you solved the life of Kimiko Suzuki, just another nobody. Here, have a cookie- oh shoot, we're fresh out." I chime, pouting my lip out dramatically. "Well, yeah, but you're you. Even if we don't win anything, there's you. You're not nobody, you are Kimiko Suzuki. One of a kind, never seen before." Toru says and I take a deep breath, slowly blowing it out.

"You know, I actually told someone my deepest, darkest secret." I say simply, brushing my thumb over the steering wheel. "Oh?" Aima asks, looking over at me and raising an eyebrow though I don't say anything. "You know, you're being pretty cynical." Aima says and I take a deep breath, scrubbing my hand over my face. "Sorry, you're right. I'm… that shit, the LSD… the visions… they… they fucked with me… I'm going to need a bit to get back to… me." I mumble, putting my hands back on the steering wheel though Aima reaches over and rubs my shoulder. "I'll give you till December to get things sorted up in that head of yours, don't worry about the competition." Aima chimes and I nod, running a hand through my hair. The car is silent for a moment and a new song plays (pain heal). I pop open the middle console and reach for the blunts in our stick packs, though I grab a stick of gum instead. "I'm going off grid for a week." I say, popping the gum in my mouth and setting the package to the side. "Wait what? Where? Why?" Aima asks and I just stare at the road, turning the song up. "If something goes wrong, they'll let you know." I mumble, driving without another word.