reaching out

Suna and I walk into the house, his arm around my shoulders and mine around his torso. We were leaning into and supporting each other, managing to walk fine. I hear someone jamming out to music, a familiar guitar playing a cover- "Oh, Kanori's already here." I hum, looking at Hina who held Suna's hand and offering her a smile. "That means Nen's probably with him. You can go on ahead and see if you like, just follow the music." I say, Hina's eyes widening as a big smile spreads over her face. "Okay!" She chimes, dashing ahead as we meander behind her at our own pace. "So… what's this place again?" Suna asks, glancing around the living room as we enter. "This is my uncle Kioshi's second house, aka Kanori's party house. We have a room for kids here, a green room for smoking, etc etc. He beefed it up for music, that's him playing the guitar." I say as we enter the room, seeing Hina and Nen jamming out to Kanori's cover of 'Hayloft'. "Hey Kanori." I say as we sit next to him and I lean back into Suna's embrace. "Hey." Kanori says, his lip twitching as he finishes off and offers me the electric guitar. "Your turn." He says and I take the guitar, getting it settled in my lap.

"If you say so." I say as he pulls out his phone, beginning to play 'sweater weather'- I wait for the vocalist before I start playing, closing my eyes and enjoying strumming the guitar to the beat. I lean my head back against Suna's shoulder, enjoying his warmth as I hear Hina and Nen dancing together- the little rockers. I was so proud that they enjoyed the chiller side of the music scene, but then again Nen was pretty versatile and loved to dance. Suna was recording them with a small smile on his face, Kanori stretching out and relaxing as I draped my legs over his lap. "Ooh, you should do 'somewhere I belong' next." Kanori says and I hum, continuing to play as I hear the front door open. "You said that you don't want Arthur to know where Kanori lives, right?" Suna asks softly and I snort, nodding my head. "Kioshi's selling this house to a family soon, so today will probably be the last day it's used." I say, Suna humming softly as I open my eyes, seeing Arthur strolling in with a backpack over his shoulder and Semi at his side. "I brought all the goods, captain. The others should be here soon." He says, collapsing on the recliner as I finish covering for the song.

"Thank you." I say, 'Somewhere I belong' playing as I start playing cover for it- Nen absolutely jams out, making me smile as he headbangs to the music. I watch as Hina jams out with him, riffing on the guitar as even Kanori rocks out a bit. "Mommy! Mommy!" Nen says and I hum, looking over at him as he bounces in his spot. "Do the one song next, the dum dum dum ba da da da!" Nen says, making me smile as he tries sounding out a song. "The one by the cool park guys?" I say and he nods enthusiastically as I smile at Kanori. "You heard him, Kanori. What I've done next." I say, Nen pumping his fists and cheering excitedly. "Make it extra jammy for me!" Nen begs, making me laugh as I nod my head. "You got it, boss." I say as I finish up the cover song, Kanori playing 'What I've done' next. I wait a second, getting the beat down before I start playing, hitting the beat hard and making Nen freak out. He absolutely goes wild, bouncing around and playing the air guitar as he bobs his head. "Don't bite your tongue, you goof." I laugh, making him laugh as he settles down, though he keeps jamming out. Even Hina was totally jamming out, Suna openly smiling now.

"It's Aima and Millie!" Aima chimes as she comes into the room, though I'm still strumming the guitar, watching as Hina and Nen jam. "Is that a baby?!" Hina squeals as she runs over to Aima with a bright smile, cooing to Millie as Nen seems curious. "That's Aima's baby girl, Nen. Do you wanna meet her?" I ask, clamping my hand on the guitar to stop the strings. "Can I?" Nen asks, looking up at me curiously as I offer him a sweet smile, giving Kanori his guitar back. "I'm sure Aima wouldn't mind. Right, Aima?" I ask, Aima humming affirmatively as I take a deep breath, pulling myself onto my feet. "You okay?" Suna asks, looking up at me as he puts a hand on my hip. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I say, offering him a reassuring smile as I take Nen's hand and lead him back to Aima as she carries Millie over to the side. "This is Millie, she's almost 3 months old." I say, Aima setting down the carseat and heading over to the couch as I sit down before the carseat- she trusted me. "Come here, I'll teach you how to hold her properly." I say, patting my thigh and offering him a smile as Hina sits beside me. Nen sits on my lap, looking at Millie curiously as I unbuckle her from the carseat.

"Mommy, how are babies made?" Nen asks as he looks up at me, Hina taking her turn to cradle Millie and staring at her with pure adoration. I feel all the eyes in the room turn to me, wondering how I was going to answer and if I was going to stumble over my words. "Babies are made with lots of love, care, dedication and effort. Sometimes with a mommy and a daddy, sometimes just a mommy- like you were. There's nothing wrong with that, you were given just as much love and dedication as any other baby, mommy just put more love and effort into it. Not all mommy's are that strong, so they need a daddy to help." I say, brushing my fingers through his hair as he hums. "Does that mean you could have another baby if you wanted? Without a daddy?" Nen asks and I can't help but laugh as I shake my head. "I think I need a daddy when I have a baby, you really pooped mommy out. Plus, the more babies you have the more effort and dedication you have to give to raise them into good people like Kioshi and Kanori. Besides, I wouldn't be able to have a baby without a daddy. Just like a daddy can't have a baby without a mommy." I say, Nen humming as he scrunches up his nose.

"Kioshi is my daddy too, right? But... he's not my daddy." Nen asks, looking up at me confused as I nod my head. "Kioshi is your foster daddy, he gives mommy a lot of kindness by helping me love and care for you so I can raise you up good and proper. He loves you just as much as a daddy would, too. There are babies in the world who need help, so people in the world step up to be foster and adoptive mommies and daddies so the babies can have homes and families." I say, Nen furrowing my eyebrows as he shakes his head. "No, no. I meant, like, Kioshi's not my dad, but you said all mommies need a daddy to have a baby. So who's my daddy?" Nen asks and I pause, not knowing what to tell him- I never thought I would have to explain. "I… You don't need to worry about your biological father, Nen. Mommy will take good care of you, even if I'm not there, okay? Sometimes… mommies and daddies aren't good people. That doesn't make their babies not good, it just means that mommies and daddies have to step up and be stronger, better people for the sake of their baby to grow up good. Mommy will do anything to make you happy." I whisper, Nen hesitantly nodding as he hums.

"Ooh! That's what Kioshi means when you're working hard to make sure you can raise me. My daddy isn't a good person, so mommy has to find a good person to be my daddy instead! But to that, you have to make sure that my old daddy doesn't try to be my daddy because he's no good." Nen says and I furrow my eyebrows, trying to keep up with his words. "The person at the park thought he was my daddy, but mommy was scared of him. He must be a bad daddy, so mommy has to try extra hard and do lots of stuff so my bad daddy doesn't hurt us." Nen says and I slowly blink, unable to help the awkward laugh that escapes me. "You're a very smart boy, you know that right?" I ask, though Nen turns and hugs me tight. "And you're a very strong mommy! I'm glad that you're my mommy, you must be the best mommy to deal with a bad daddy for me! Thank you for being my mommy!" Nen says and I press my lips together, hugging him back. "Child! My heart!" Aima croaks, making me laugh as I glance over and seeing her fanning her eyes. "I hope my baby appreciates me as much as Nen appreciates you." Aima says, making me laugh as I flash her a cocky grin.

"Best mommy privileges." I tease, making her scoff as she rolls her eyes. "Okay, we get it, you're literally the best mommy ever." Aima says, making me giggle as Hina looks up, smiling at me. "What about me? Do my mommy and daddy love me a lot, to?" She asks and I offer her a sweet smile, gesturing to Suna. "I'm sure they do, but you have a big brother, so you get extra love." I say, Hina letting out a happy giggle as she smiles at Suna. "Yeah, he spoils me!" Hina says, flashing Suna a big grin as his lip twitches. "And that's why you're a little brat now." Suna teases her, making her scoff as she rolls her eyes. "I want a big brother!" Nen says, seeming excited as I snort, covering my mouth. "Silly, I can't do that unless I adopt one. You can be a big brother some day." I say, Nen gasping in excitement as Kanori scoffs. "Oh, and what am I?" Kanori says, looking over and raising an eyebrow at Nen as his eyes widen. "Of course you're my big brother, Kanori! You're more like a daddy, though." Nen says as he dashes over, crawling onto Kanori's lap and giving him a big hug. "That's what I thought." Kanori chuckles, hugging Nen back as they each squeeze each other.

"I just want someone I can be a brat to." Nen says, making me laugh as Hina passes Millie to me. "You have Pee head for that." Suna says, making me laugh even harder as I cradle Millie in my arms. "And I have you to annoy!" Hina says, dashing over and crashing into Suna's lap with a big goofy smile, making him grunt. "Are we missing out on the fun?" Kuroo says from the door and I look up, seeing him offer me a sweet smile as he steps in. Kozu follows behind him, Lev dashing over to Aima and giving her tons of kisses as Yaku also trails in. They're also followed by Arthur, the twins, Kita, Toru, Iwa, Tendo, Ushi, Teru, Suga and Daichi. I feel a bit anxious with all the people, but also relieved with all the familiar faces. "Eww, Peehead!" Nen says, Atsumu scoffing and acting offended as Osamu laughs. "Is that Millie?! Oh my gosh, look at her, she's so precious!" Toru says as he dashes over, kneeling down beside me and smiling at Millie. "Isn't she?" I coo, showing Millie to him as Suga also comes over, all of us adoring her. "She's my daughter, I'll have you know! Just saying, it's my pretty genes, not Lev's." Aima says, making all of us laugh as Lev shakes his head.

"You're really good with kids, Suga." I comment, smiling at him as he offers me his signature sweet smile while he rocks Millie. "I actually want to be an elementary teacher, so I try my best to be good when it comes to kids." Suga says and I can't help but let out a bubbly laugh, smiling widely at him. "I bet you'd be like Takeda-Sensei, you know, nice, sweet and encouraging- but don't piss him off!" I joke, making Suga and Daichi both laugh at the inside joke. "You know, I thought when you invited us to hang out and chill, you were speaking of other things. I mean, I'm fine with this… just…" Teru says, itching the back of his neck as I glance over at him. "Yeah, me too. I mean, I don't mind hanging out, I just thought you had something else in mind." Toru says, though I just offer them all a sweet smile as I point out the door. "Oh, you guys can go ahead and start. Come on Nen, let's show Hina your playroom." I say, pulling myself to my feet and walking over to the door. "Sunshine… They said you're supposed to hang out with your friends." Suna says and I flinch, glancing back at Suna as I press my lips together. "I um… I forgot…" I say sheepishly, Nen and Hina dashing out.

"Here, Lev and I got the kids. You go ahead and hang, it's not like I can participate anyway. It'll be good practice for when Millie grows older and if I have another kid." Aima says, walking over to Suga and taking Millie before she follows after the kids. "Come on, Lev!" Aima calls, Lev dashing after her like a lost puppy as I glance after them. "Come here, Sunshine." Suna says, patting his thigh as he watches me from over the back of the couch. I sigh, walking over and carefully sitting on his lap as he wraps his arms around my waist. "Now… don't forget, she wants you to be comfortable and friendly since you've been distancing yourself." Suna whispers in my ear and I hum affirmatively, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear as Kozu comes and sits beside us. "Finally! Semi, Teru and Kanori, go get the drinks please and thank you. You two, get to work." Arthur says, offering me his bag as everyone gathers and Kanori gives me his guitar, heading out with Semi and Teru. "I'm surprised you agreed to come, Suga. Usually you're saying, 'no, don't do it'." Daichi says as he sits on the ground next to me as I pop open the bag, pulling out the bag of green, the grinder and the sticks.

"Oh my gosh, it's- it's the bonzai!" I laugh, pulling out the bong from the bag and setting it on the table with a big grin. "Never smoke without- well, if there's no rollers." Arthur snorts as I give Suna the bag and grinder, beginning to pop open the stick packs and gut them. "I remember the first time I hit that thing, I almost died." I snort, making Arthur laugh as Suga comes over and sits beside Daichi, everyone else taking their seats and getting settled in the order of me, Suna, Kozu, Kanori, Kuroo, Yaku, Toru, Iwa, Kita, Atsumu, Osamu, Teru, Tendo, Ushi, Arthur, Suga and Daichi. "Wait a sec…" I mumble, reaching back into the bag and feeling around- "Oh my gosh, you did." I say, pulling out the nectar collector and raising an eyebrow at him. "Guilty as charged. It's for the party people, you don't gotta if you don't wanna." Arthur says, shrugging as I put the nectar collector by the bong. "That's on you, last time I took dab with you… not fun." I say, Arthur shifting and sighing lightly as he scrubs his eyes. "Only because the other shit." Arthur grumbles and I shrug, Suna offering me the grinder. I take it and the tray from the bag, dumping the ground green on the tray.

"Yeah, but the instructions are to enjoy myself, not go wild." I say, giving the grinder back to Suna as I adjust the guitar in my lap, getting it tucked under my breasts as I start rolling blunts. "That's comforting, but… instructions?" Suga asks, raising an eyebrow at me as I run my tongue along the edge, sealing the blunt. "Don't worry about that, Suga. You should be worried about the nectar collector before anything, when I smoke dab I get devious." Arthur cackles and I snort, moving onto the next blunt. "If you try that shit you did last time again, I am going to kick your ass to fucking hell, Arthur. My son is in the next room, so you better watch your shit." I say, Arthur raising his hands and shaking his head. "I know better than to test you, momma bear. If anyone fucks with Nen they get the teeth and claws, I know cause I've been there." Arthur says and I lick the wrap, sealing it again. "These are some weird choices you got, Arthur. They're all in english, but I don't doubt your tastes so far, so I'll try." Teru mumbles as he comes in, looking at one of the cartons of beer as I glance back. "Arthur! You didn't!" I gasp, seeing the label on the carton that Teru was reading as Arthur cackles.

"I got you all your favorites when we were in america, been saving them for a rainy day. 3 Floyds dark lord, Imperial chocolate peanut butter and Mean Old Tom." Arthur says and I groan as I turn back to my tray, the three coming and setting the cartons on the table. "Of course you bust them out when I can't savor them." I grumble, Arthur snorting as Kanori sets a straw in front of me. "Technically… you can. I was saving them for your birthday, but…" Arthur mumbles and I press my lips together, packing the next blunt as he reaches forward, grabbing a Mean Old Tom. "Don't you think you deserve it?" Arthur asks and I hum softly, licking the stick edge and sealing it. "I'll take care of you if you decide to drink it slow, Pudding. I don't mind." Kozu says and I slowly nod, Suna giving me a light squeeze. "I haven't really seen you tipsy yet. This might be fun." Suna says and I can't help but crack a smile, giggling softly. "If that's what you wanna call it." Arthur cackles, though I move on to the next blunt, though Kanori snags the guitar from my lap, taking the grinder and sticks. "Oh my gosh, your poor guitar!" I say as he dumps the grinder on the back, shrugging his shoulders.

"It'll live." He says, beginning to roll with me as Suna takes the grinder back. "That should be all the blunts we need, but grind some more for the pipe." Arthur says, Suna nodding as he tucks two more nugs into the grinder and closes the lid, twisting it. "To savor or not to savor?" I mumble, looking between the straw and the glasses that Semi had brought. "It's not like you can't drink more if you change your mind. You know best how to get out of the first stage." Arthur says and I hum as Kanori pulls out his phone, changing the playlist to a more happy, vibey one. "It's not like I won't beat someone's ass if they try anything." Kanori says, making me smile even more as I giggle. "It's okay, I trust these guys. They're my friends- I'm pretty sure they'll respect my boundaries." I say, Kanori humming as he looks up at me. "I think we both know that even if you trust someone, you might not know about them when it comes to being taken advantage of." Kanori says and I fall silent, casting my gaze down as I finish rolling my last blunt. "I haven't heard shit about that." Arthur says, looking between Kanori and I as Kanori drops his gaze, pressing his lips tightly together.

"It's best if you drop it, Arthur." I mumble, Kanori sparing a look up at me as Arthur shifts lightly. "Hold up, now I'm genuinely curious." Arthur says and I sigh, looking up at him. "Didn't I trust the man before shit went down? Who was it that gave me the drink that started it all, Arthur?" I say in german and Arthur falls silent, looking me in the eyes. "He said 'we', Kiki." Arthur says and I pin him with my telltale 'shut the fuck up and drop it' look. "There's a reason why I've been so insistent on 'no', Arthur." I say, venom dripping from my voice as he quickly lifts his hands. "Hold up, back up two steps, the line has already been drawn so don't go and point your javelin. I'm simply curious as to 'we', I figure you went through something together." Arthur says, though Kanori says and drops his gaze as he lowers his hands. "I was raped by an old friend of mine while I was drunk." Kanori says, Arthur's eyes widening as his jaw drops. "You're fucking kidding me! What?! I'll kick fucking ass and destroy lives for you, Kanori. Just say the words." Arthur says, clenching his fists as Kanori offers him a half-hearted smile. "My dad got that covered." Kanori says, Arthur relaxing his fist slightly.

"There you guys go again, speaking in a different language." Kuroo mumbles, looking between us all as I shrug my shoulders. "Sensitive topic, I know for sure that Kita understands english and Lev understands russian and I don't want them to overhear." I say, Kuroo dropping his gaze to Kita and pressing his lips together. "Uh… this is probably a bad time to mention this, but… I understand some german. Not a lot, just a tiny bit. By no means am I fluent." Teru says and my eyes widen as Arthur immediately turns to Teru. I reach over and take Kanori's hand as it starts trembling, giving it a small squeeze. "Not a fucking word, Teru. This is a do not speak topic." Arthur says firmly, looking Teru straight in the eyes as Teru raises his hand. "Hey! I'm saying a tiny bit, like, yes, no, hello- I didn't understand a fucking word of what you said, I'm not fluent at all! I just figured in case it's a sensitive topic and you're talking around me you can be aware! I'm only mentioning it because it sounds like you were speaking German. All I got from that all was 'No, Arthur.' and she says that a lot." Teru says, Kanori letting out a soft exhale as his hand stops trembling, squeezing my hand lightly.

"Man, we're running out of languages to speak around you guys. Does anybody else have some language experience we should know about?" Arthur says, looking around as Toru raises his hand. "I speak english!" Toru says proudly in english, making me smile at his honesty. "Same, but you already knew that." Kita says in english, itching the back of his neck. "I'm learning to speak Russian." Kozu says in russian and I turn to look at him, furrowing my eyebrows. "You're kidding, right?" I ask and he offers me a small smile, nodding his head. "I'm learning so I can tease Lev. Don't worry, it's been a recent investment and I haven't heard anything sensitive." Kozu says, making me laugh as I imagine him teasing Lev by speaking fluent Russian. "Kyaaanma! What language do you speak?!" Kuroo asks, seeming genuinely confused as Suna snorts. "Wouldn't you like to know, science boy?" Kozu says, making me laugh even harder as Arthur snags a blunt, lighting it and taking a hit. "Well, if you know a language and you're hiding it I hope you don't go blabbing. If you overhear something, keep it to yourself." Arthur mumbles, passing the blunt to Suga as I hum softly.

"Push comes to shove, we can teach Kanori our secret language." I say, Arthur humming as he grins at Kanori. "Did you guys make your own language?" Suna asks and I giggle as I look over at Kanori. "Our secret language is basically a combination of all the languages we're fluent in as one sentence in a sort of code. It's rare that someone understands all the languages in the commoner world- I'm excluding the spoken languages right now, though." I say, switching languages with every word I say and seeming to confuse the fuck out of everyone except Arthur. "What kind of fucking secret language is that? It sounds super complex, I swear I heard at least 4 different styles." Suna says, though Kanori starts laughing as he covers his face. "Oh my god, that's genius! Fuck, that'd literally be so confusing though! I'd be getting tongue tied all the time, but you did it so easily." Kanori laughs, making me smile as Daichi passes me the blunt. "We used to always practice this as kids, so we're extremely fluent in it. Of course, we do have an actual secret language, but that's even harder to teach." Arthur says as I hit the blunt, offering it to Suna who hits it.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but like, can we not speak secret languages while we're smoking? I'm gonna be tripping balls soon and if you guys are speaking different languages I'm gonna be confused as hell thinking you're speaking Alien." Toru says, making me choke on the smoke as I laugh and cough. "God damn it, Toru!" I laugh, trying to stop my laughing so I can deal with my coughing fit. "That's what we'll call it! The alien language, it suits it so well! The other one will be our actual secret language." Arthur says as I catch my breath, finally able to stop my coughing. "Jeez, how many languages do you guys know?" Suna asks, Kanori saying '12' while Arthur and I say '15'. "That's uh… that's a lot of languages. I only speak two." Suna says, making me curious as I turn back to him and raise an eyebrow. "I learned to speak the language of love with you." He says as he kisses me softly, making me laugh as he gives me a cheesy smile. "If Aima heard you say that, she'd be gushing." I say, giving his cheek a kiss before I lean forward and grab two bottles of stout, popping the lid off of one and pouring two glasses, taking them and giving Suna one.

Before long 'Selfish love' is playing and I'm dancing with Kanori, tipsy and high as a kite. We don't even bother matching our dances, dancing for fun and enjoying ourselves at our own paces and styles. I sing along, my eyes closed as I move my body fluidly with the beat of the song- the liquor had settled in and made me warm, my head fuzzy from the weed. I was at a good in between, some of the others dancing with us though Arthur was taking a hit of dab. I kind of wish Akaashi was here to dance with me to this song or that Kuroo would dance with me, but at the same time I didn't know if they would be able to vibe to this song. Suna's legs were still iffy from earlier, otherwise I would ask him to dance with me though mine were doing pretty good right now. It sucked cause I wanted to dance closely with someone, but it seemed like there was no one to dance with- I was dancing and vibing with Kanori, sure, but not close. Someone takes my hand, spinning me out and pulling me back. I dance with them, thinking it was probably Atsumu or Arthur with the vibe and confidence they had when it came to dancing with me, leading me along with them to the beat.

They dip me down, their breath brushing over my lips- I open my eyes, startled when I'm met with dark chocolate, not hazel or ocean blue. I'm suddenly pulled away, hands settling on my hips as the song ends. I had been dancing with Semi? I look back, seeing Kita- I can't help the giddy laugh that leaves me as the song changes to 'Save your tears'. Kita and I dance together, he wasn't bad by any means, I'd say he was about average which was nice. Kita sings the song softly to me, making me feel bubbly- though another hand takes my wrist, pulling me away. I'm surprised when I'm suddenly pulled into an intense dance between the twins, which is peculiar because they pass me back and forth. I can't help but giggle as they goof off in their dances, dancing with me and swaying me around. 'Kiss me more' plays next, though Kanori plays his guitar over it, giving it more vibe- someone grabs my hand, beginning to pull me away- wait, I wanted to dance more? I looked up, seeing it was Semi pulling me away to the door. "Hey, wait-" I protest, though he tugs me out of the door and heads for the stairs. "Semi?" I ask, though he doesn't respond as he pulls me up.

I hear a thump from the room we had been in as I stumbled up the stairs with him pulling me, confused and wondering why he was dragging me away- I was too drunk and high to process this, it was really confusing. "Um, Semi, I want to go back and dance, please." I say, trying to clear my head as he starts walking to the first room. "Too bad." Semi says and I furrow my eyebrows, not knowing what he meant. "Then… what? Why?" I ask, starting to feel concerned as he pulls me into the first room. "We didn't get to finish last time." Semi says, tugging me over to the bed and pushing me down. "What?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows as he strips off his shirt. He leans down, capturing my lips in a kiss- but it felt wrong. "Semi, I want to go back-" I say though he shushes me, sliding his hand under my shirt. "It's okay, I'll make it quick." Semi says and I feel a bit conflicted, pressing my lips together. "Semi, I'd rather not-" I try to protest, though his hand slides into my pants and panties, stroking my core. "But you're wet." He says and I try pushing him away, starting to get a bad feeling. "Semi, please stop." I say, though my hands begin to tremble as my arms feel weak.

"It won't hurt." Semi says, stroking his finger between my lips- but I start feeling sick. "Semi, please stop. I don't want to do this, I want to go back to the dance." I protest, my voice beginning to tremble as his face falls. "If you don't do it, I'm going to tell everyone about Arthur." Semi threatens and I feel my heart fall in my chest as my eyes widen. "Y-You… what?" I ask, my voice barely over a croke as my whole body begins to tremble. "It's simple, you shut up and let me do this and I won't tell everyone that Arthur sucks dick." Semi says and I feel sick, a frog forming in my throat as I feel acid bubbling in my throat. "Y-you… You wouldn't! That's- you-" I try, though he shrugs, standing up and wiping his hand off. "Fine, I'll go tell them now." Semi says, heading for the door- "Stop! Please, please don't tell anyone- I- I-" I choke, feeling tears gathering in my eyes- fuck, I felt sick. If Arthur's secret got out- if… if it was my fault because I wouldn't… Semi stops, turning back to me with an apathetic look. "Agree to have sex with me whenever I want and I'll never tell anyone Arthur's gay, it'll be our little secret." Semi says and I feel a tear slide down my face, feeling so sick-

"I- I- but... Don't… don't tell… anyone… please… I'll do anything, just… don't… Please, don't tell anyone!" I beg, my head spinning as I start hyperventilating- he was going to tell them if I didn't agree? "That's a good girl, now… spread your legs." Semi says as he comes back over, unbuckling his belt as black dots start clouding my vision. "Just take it and no one will know." Semi chuckles as I whimper softly, feeling like I was choking. "Haha… very funny, Semi. But we both know you signed an NDA." Arthur laughs darkly as he yanks the door open, pinning Semi with a glare as Semi whips to face him. "You don't ever have to agree to being raped for me, Kimiko." Arthur snarls as I sit up, tears streaming down my face as Suna slips through the door, coming over to me. "It's okay, Sunshine. I got it all on recording. Just breath, you don't have to do anything. It's okay." Suna mumbles as he hugs me, stroking his fingers through my hair and helping me calm down. "You think you're fucking smart, coming into my house and threatening my blood?" Kanori snarls as he comes over, shoving Semi away as Kozu and Kuroo also come in, Arthur shutting the door behind himself.

"Do you think you're fucking smart, using my secret against her? You think I wouldn't find out?" Arthur says as he also comes over, everyone looking pissed as Semi glances around. "You do anything and I'll call the police and tell them that you were underage drinking and smoking." Semi says, though Arthur laughs even harder as he crosses his arms. "And just who bought the drinks and weed, Semi? You did! You're a dealer? If we agree to flip on you, who do you think that the police will take? The seller or the buyers? Besides, as I said, you signed an NDA stating you can't say shit about what happens in my presence, that includes anything my friends do. You can't say shit." Arthur says, Semi's face souring as Arthur walks over to him, giving him a big dark grin. "Besides… didn't you hear? We got you on recording, trying to blackmail a minor into sex. That's a pretty big nono, you know?" Arthur cackles, Semi pressing his lips together and furrowing his eyebrows. "You know my dad is literally her lawyer right? He eats cases like this for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What do you think he would do for blood?" Kanori says as he takes a stand between me and Semi.

"I want to know what the fuck you've been getting into that makes you think it's okay to even consider going against our agreement! I mean, it was set in stone that you don't speak a fucking word to anyone about me! Yet here you are, blackmailing my sister, who I would literally sacrifice my life for, with my secret- Aha! It's- it's so fucking ridiculous that you think you could get away with it!" Arthur laughs, covering his face and dragging his hand down- when it falls to his side, his face is dark, no smile on his face. "It's so fucking ridiculous that you think you could get away with it." Arthur says dead seriously, though I scramble over and take his hand. "Arthur, no…" I whisper, though he turns to me and gives me a big smile. "You know I'd kill for you, Kiki. You know I'd do literally anything to protect you- You know that you're my sanity, my clarity. Do you know how fucking horrible it makes me feel knowing that you just agreed to being raped on my behalf? Honestly, even if he could say shit, let him fucking say it. At least I'll still have you, I don't give a damn if it means you don't have to put yourself through that." Arthur chimes and I feel a lump form in my throat as his lip trembles. 

"So don't do that, don't try and calm me down right now. It makes me feel even worse because you know rape and you just fucking agreed to deal with it for me. Don't you ever, ever fucking do that for me, I don't give a fuck why or how. I can't have that on my mental, it'd tear me the fuck apart." Arthur says and I press my lips together, furrowing my eyebrows. "Just don't hurt him, Arthur." I croak, searching his eye as he nods, squeezing my hand gently. "Pretty sure everyone in this room wants to beat your ass, Semi, and I do mean everyone. So, I'm gonna do them a little favor- the NDA includes everything that happens while in my presence. As long as I am not violent against him… you can beat his fucking ass an inch from death and he couldn't say shit about it because I'm right here watching. This is in no way, shape or form a request or suggestion, but… if you just so happen to beat his ass right now, I'll owe you a hug fucking favor." Arthur says, flashing Semi a grin as he swallowed thickly. "With fucking pleasure." Kanori snarls as he lurches forward, giving Semi a killer right hook that lands with a loud crack. Arthur wraps his arm around me, pulling my head into his chest.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Kiki… you never agree to that shit for me, okay? Don't even fucking consider it, I don't give a damn if my life is on the line. I couldn't live with that, okay?" Arthur says, squeezing me tight and sniffing softly as I hear an onslaught of thuds and kicks landing. "Are we just going to have a touching moment and pretend they're not kicking his ass?" I ask quietly, Arthur laughing softly as he gently strokes me. "Yes, we are." Arthur says, though I pause as I realize something. "My son is downstairs." I say, Arthur pausing as he pulls back, looking at me. "What, you want me to take him somewhere else so we can beat his ass?" Arthur asks, though I'm just staring blankly at his chest as I feel sick to my stomach. "I was almost raped… while my fucking son is downstairs." I whisper, everything crashing down on me as I realize the reality of the situation. "I… I was almost raped again." I croak, feeling the panic set in as I feel my breathing pick up. "Kiki, hang on, honey. I think you're in shock. Calm down, just breath." Arthur says, gently stroking my back as I feel like I was suffocating. "It- it wasn't-" I choke out, clinging to him as I begin hyperventilating.

"Kiki, calm down." Arthur says as I begin trembling, my mind racing a mile a minute. "It- it wasn't- the man! I- I- I always thought… that… man… but… it wasn't! I- Arthur, I-" I gasp, Arthur making a pained face as he presses his lips together. "I know Kiki, but you really need to calm down. I understand you're freaking out right now, but please calm your breathing." Arthur says, though my mind was racing too fast now, freaking out and feeling sick. Wait, I had been training for moments like this, preparing my mind- but when it came down to it, I totally panicked and my training went out the window. "Arthur- Arthur! The- it- I- it's- I- I- I- it's useless. It- I- I can't, I can't." I panic, feeling like my world was crumbling down around me. All this time I had been preparing, but when it came down to it I failed- I panicked and broke down. What about the man? When I was kidnapped by the man, what then? Was it going to be the same? Was I going to break down and- "Kiki! Please, calm down! Listen to me, I understand, but… you weren't prepared for this, okay? You were preparing for the man, not this. He came when you let your guard down-" Arthur says and I can't help the tears that gather in my eyes.

"But he's gonna come when I let my guard down, Arthur! He's gonna come when I'm vulnerable, when he thinks he can get me alone and you won't be there! He's going to get me and it's gonna be the same thing! I- I'm- I'm scared, Arthur! He's- he's gonna- I'm- I'm not- I- it's for nothing, I've wasted my time, it's- it's useless, I- all this time, I've- it's all for nothing! Nothing's gonna change! It's just gonna be the same!" I sob hysterically, my legs giving out under me as Arthur catches me. "Kiki, Kiki no, listen to me, no, it's not for nothing, it's okay, calm down, listen to me- just- just calm down and listen to me, okay? You- you weren't preparing for this, okay? You were with your friends, you let your guard down when you were supposed to, it was Semi who was in the wrong, not you. You thought you could trust him but you couldn't, we all couldn't. You know the man is bad, you know what you're expecting, it wasn't you." Arthur says as he slowly guides me to the panic as I gasp desperately for the air. "It was just Semi, not you. Calm down, Kiki. Please just breathe." Arthur says, though I can't help but think- if I trusted Semi, then who's to say the others won't do what he had done?

What if it wasn't just the man and Semi out for my flesh? What if there were others? Kuroo had taken advantage of me at some point- he- Arthur even thought he had raped me at one point. Was- had- my head spins, my heart pounding in my ears as I realize that everyone I knew had at one point craved me like Semi had, that they might want me like that right now? Who's to say when they'll act on that craving? Who's to say they won't force themselves on me, that they won't blackmail me like Semi had? What if the people I loved and trusted- if that was the case… wouldn't it be better to just give up and accept my fate? I mean, I deserved it, right? This was just fate telling me that nothing was gonna change. I feel the darkness cloud in as I feel my chest aching- it hurts. "Kiki! I can see you shutting down on me, don't do that! Kiki, listen to me- hey, no! It's okay! Listen to me- fuck, Suna! She's- um- get over here and- I don't fucking know, it's not working for me!" Arthur says as my body starts feeling numb, my heart aching. It hurt so much, knowing that I failed while my son was downstairs, that I had just given in without a fight, that I hadn't put up a fight or anything.

"Come here, Sunshine." Suna whispers, gently prying me from Arthur's arms and into his embrace. I was shaking so badly, hot tears blurring my vision as I gasped helplessly for air. "Listen to me, we stopped him; I know you were scared, I know he caught you off guard- we were here to save you, to hold you and make you feel safe again. You didn't freeze up, you didn't panic- you made a choice that you believed was correct and acted accordingly. Be proud of that; It just caught you off guard because it was Semi." Suna whispers softly in my ear, gently caressing my hair. "You did just fine in your situation, believe me. This is fine, you were just fine. I know that if it was the man that you'd be perfectly prepared, you'd follow all the proper steps and you'd do wonderful. Even if it hurts, even if you're scared- We're here, supporting you and waiting with open arms to make you feel safe again. That's our job, to help you- so take a deep breath, okay? It's okay, nothing bad happened and everything is fine. I knew as soon as you left that room that Semi had bad intentions and I was already following you with the others, ready to act and save you." Suna whispers as I feel my head clear with his words.

"Trust me, okay? This is a perfect example of why the therapy is working. We all followed the steps- we watched for any signs of your discomfort, we saw when you were being taken away and we followed with backup in case there was a fight. We acted when we felt it was necessary and that we felt it was right, when there was no risk to any party. You did good, too. You protested, you made it known that you were not okay with what he was doing, that at no point did you want to participate even when you were incapacitated. However, Semi tried to blackmail you- that caught you off guard because you didn't get that part of the training yet." Suna whispers and my chest stops aching as he kisses the top of my head. "When it comes down to it, we're here to protect you. You did wonderful and I couldn't be prouder of you, okay? You didn't break down for him, you made a choice and you broke down after you were saved. That's the good thing, you broke down in the comfort of our presence when you knew you were safe, when you knew we were here to help you and to get you back on track. That's what we're here for." Suna whispers and I let out a soft sob, feeling a small relief.

"That's right, you did perfect. Now come on, let it all out in the safety of my arms. That's what I'm here for, you're safe now. You did just fine, you're so strong for getting through that." Suna says and I do, I cling desperately to him as I cry and sob into his embrace. He just strokes me, offering me sweet comforting words and making sure I breathe properly. I feel so relieved, knowing that it had actually worked out- Suna was right, it wasn't for nothing. Despite everything, despite it being someone else, despite it being a different situation, something I hadn't dealt with- in my position, I did everything I could to stop him and only gave in when I felt it was necessary. In the end, they saved me and they made sure I was alright before anything. It felt good- I mean, it gave me hope that when it came down to the real deal… that I would be okay, that I'd come out… okay. "See, I fucking knew it. When it came down to it, it had to be someone else." Arthur says once I calm down, making me feel a little guilty as I sniff. "That's not true, it's just…" I mumble, not even knowing what to say to make him feel better. "Oh, I'm not saying it's a bad thing." Arthur laughs as he shoves his hands in his pockets.

"I can't calm you down because when you break down, I break down and just don't know what to say or do. I knew that, so I knew… I was the wrong choice. I'm fucking glad that I made that decision because now you do have the proper care. He's the one it's gotta be, Kiki. I mean, yeah, you take comfort in me but…" Arthur mumbles, shifting lightly as he drops his gaze. "I think we can both agree that there's something buried between us that makes it so you can't get emotional support from me. You get support and comfort from me and I'd do anything for you but… when it comes to attacks, I can't bring you out, no matter how hard I try. If… if it came down to that, I'd fail you and I can't stand the thought of that. It's a good thing that we let Suna in on this, he's the one who'll get you through this. I just know it. I do know you need me there, too, but it's different. You needed something more." Arthur says and I sniff, pressing my lips together. "Come on, let's be real… we're both fucked up. Two wrongs don't make a right, it just ends up even more fucked." Arthur chuckles, itching the back of his neck and offering me a half hearted smile. Arthur kneels down, showing me his wrist tattoo with a smile.

"So I guess I was right with this." He laughs softly, though tears gather in my eyes again as I choke up. "Goddamn it." I croak, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing him tight. "I know, Kiki, you over emotional sentimental beautiful bitch of a person you." Arthur says, making me laugh as I offer him a smile. "I know shit is fine when you call me a bitch." I tease, making Arthur laugh as I take a deep breath, looking past Arthur and seeing Semi curled up in a ball on the floor, Kuroo and Kanori heaving as they tower over him and Kozu standing to the side with his hands tucked into his pockets. "I don't wanna…" I mumble, turning away as Suna nods, pulling himself onto his feet and scooping me up. "W-Wait! Suna, your legs!" I say as I grab onto his chest, waiting for his legs to give out. "I'm fine." He says as he carries me out of the room and down the stairs, though he doesn't take me back to the smoke room. Instead he carries me out the backdoor, onto the grass and sets me down. "I figured you could use some fresh air." He says, sitting down beside me as I feel my heart squeeze. "Thank you." I whisper, leaning over and kissing his cheek before I lay my head on his lap.

"You're the best, you know that?" I whisper softly, offering Suna a smile as he runs his fingers through my hair. "No, I don't know that because I've met you, I've gotten to know you and I've gotten to fall in love with you. You're the most brilliant person I have ever met. I swear, I find more and more reasons to fall in love with you everyday, even when I'm not with you. I dream of you, I think of you and I just literally live my life with your love in my heart. It's hard to even think I had a life before you, it's almost like… it was just… surviving. When I met you… I was living." Suna says, making me smile- that feeling sounded familiar. "I know what you mean, I've been there. It's when someone comes into your life and just… makes it worth it, you know?" I say and he offers me a tender smile, leaning down and kissing my forehead. "Yeah, I do know." He chuckles, offering me the most loving and sweet smile that makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. "I love you." I whisper and his eyes soften, his smile spreading as he pulls me fully into his lap. "I love you too, Sunshine." He whispers, sliding me between his legs and curling his arms around me as he buries his head into my neck.

I lean back into his arms, caressing his arm as I relax into his embrace. I look out ahead, seeing the sun casting a beautiful mix of blue and pink across the horizon as it sets in the distance. "Look, it's beautiful." I whisper, Suna setting his chin on my shoulder and looking out at the sunset as he smiles lightly. "Yeah… it is." He says, squeezing me a little tighter as I smile, looking over at him. "I'm glad I get to spend this moment with you." I whisper, Suna turning to look at me- and I swear I've never seen him look so in love. "Me too." He whispers, kissing me ever so softly as he gently brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. "You know, I used to think you could never get any better. I used to think you couldn't get any more beautiful, any more interesting… I used to think I couldn't fall anymore in love with you… but you really do prove me wrong every second of everyday, you know that? I'm literally so in love with you, I just… I can't even put it into words." Suna whispers, making my heart flutter as I feel my cheeks burn. "And knowing that you trust me… that you're putting your faith in me… it means a lot to me." Suna whispers and I can't help but smile at him.

"It's weird to think that it started with just sex, as I sort of release… but then it became this. I don't know, I just… I used to think that I'd end up alone, that it'd always just be me and Nen against the world. Even then, he'd leave me someday- I'd end up alone, I'd die alone and… no one would care. They'd move on eventually." I say, turning back to the sunset as Suna hums softly, waiting for me to continue. "I… accepted that. I accepted that I was meant to be alone in the last moments of my life. I knew Nen would be there, but… back when I was pregnant, when it was all… pain, fighting, being sick and watching my family fall apart… I accepted that I was on my own. I accepted that I would have to fight to the ends of the world, that even if I had to put him up for adoption or if I didn't make it… I used to think that'd be okay, because at least he'd have a chance. At least my little boy… he'd see how beautiful life could be. He could see what I never got to or maybe his kids would or…" I whisper, Suna not saying anything as I feel tears gather in my eyes. "I thought it'd be worth giving my life up for him. I'm not gonna lie, I still do." I whisper, Suna gently stroking my ribs as I sniff.

"But… now… I have hope. I mean… I… I've seen it myself, how beautiful life can be. I've seen how things can change and become something completely different. All my life… I've been scared of committing to something because I thought I'd end up alone… I've seen life sicken the strongest man, put him in his deathbed and make his wife and young children watch. I used to think he was the strongest, bravest man… It was a shame to see him go, but his death was one surrounded by the people he loved in a battle hard fought. It's something he simply couldn't beat and it cost him his life." I admit quietly, Suna's thumb faltering on my hips as I let out a shuddering breath. "I've… I've seen someone who felt like my sister… get stabbed in her stomach repeatedly by the man she loved, while she was pregnant with their child." I say, a tear sliding down my face as I sniff lightly. "I've had my own stomach punched by someone I trusted with my life while I was pregnant…" I whisper, another hot tear sliding down my cheek, though Suna gently wipes it away. "I thought I found love, I fought for a relationship…" I mumble, my heart aching at the dull, dark memories rooted in my mind.

"That was fucking toxic, full of lies and deceit. It kind of topped it all off, you know? Like… Love just wasn't for me. I had seen it go wrong, so many fucking times, I had seen it break so many hearts and just… if that was love, if love was pain… than I didn't fucking want it. I love Nen, I do, I'd give everything in the world for my son to have his chance." I admit, Suna nodding his head as I take a deep breath, looking up at the blue sky with pink clouds. "That's what I felt, what I thought… for years. I just accepted it, I mean… it felt like no one would ever love me, that life just made that decision for me. Then… all of this… all of the love and…" I whisper, Suna's hands pausing as he searches my eyes. "I… I want to fight for this. I do. Even if it ends up in pain and failure… I… I want to fight for you, I want to fight for Nen, I want to fight for the others." I admit quietly, Suna's breath catching as I shift lightly. "I think… This is my battle to overcome. My time to fight everything I've ever been scared of… and it fucking scares me. It terrifies me because I'm fighting for something I want, that I believe in… that's a first. Something…" I mumble, not really knowing what to say.

"Something worth facing my fears for. I guess that's what love is, it's an element to give you hope and strength when you need it the most. I'm… fighting for my hope." I say, Suna letting out a shuddering breath as he nods his head. "But… I'm still scared to commit. I want to beat my demons before I can say for sure that I'm committed to anyone. I… I don't know if I'll make it out of this. I don't know if I'll ever be the same… I have no clue what I'm getting into. I just know that it's going to happen. I don't know how long for… for all I know… I could end up dead in a ditch tomorrow and leave you broken hearted." I say, Suna pressing his lips together as hurt flashes across his eyes. "But… I um… I… it was worth it. I know… your love is with me. All of your love, all of your fear and… it's with me. It's sort of comforting, it's… if I get kidnapped, I feel like… I won't be alone, because I'll have moments like this to reflect on and think… he's waiting. Even if you've moved on or… if… I don't know. It's just… something to come back to, I guess. It's… it's my hope that I'll come back from my battle and you'll be here… waiting to watch the sunset with me." I say, Suna squeezing me a little tighter.

"I know you'll make it. You're strong, you've faced all of that… it's been preparing you for this moment, hasn't it? You don't need to worry about the others, I'll be here with them waiting for the moment to save you and bring you back. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it takes years of hunting you down… you'll have your army waiting for you. I'll make sure that they don't lose hope or give up on you until… well, I'd need to see you in your casket before I give up, but I'll still have my love for you." Suna whispers, giving me a small comfort as I look back at him with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry to put this all on you. I really am, I just… I wish I didn't have to ask you for your commitment, I wish that I could just… make it through this on my own. I wish I could tell you that it's okay to move on and that in the end… I'll be okay. But I can't say that, can I? Because neither of us knows how this is going to end, we just know it's going to be painful." I say, though Suna shakes his head, gently kissing my cheek. "I'd do it even if you didn't ask, the difference is we both know and we're both preparing for this battle… together." Suna says, squeezing me tight and gently cupping my chin.

"In the end… we'll still have our love. He can't take that from us, no matter what he says or what he does… I'll still love you. I'll be waiting here with open arms for nobody but you, all you gotta do is not give up on me, too, okay? Because I'll never give up on you. You're the only one for me, I know it. I won't give up until one of us dies or until you find someone better or you tell me you hate my guts so much you honestly wish you never met me- even then, you'd have to scream it with venom at the top of your lungs, meaning every word of it. I'm not giving up on you easily, you'll never have to go through anything alone as long as I'm here." Suna says, pulling me into a tender, passionate kiss that makes millions of butterflies explode and flutter in my blood. "Thank you…" I whisper, twisting in his arms and wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him back. We kiss until the sunsets and the sky goes dark, then we just sit and stare at the stars in each other's embrace. It feels nice, I just relax as he gently strokes my hip, holding me into his side as we just stare at the sky together. A cold gust blows over us and I shiver, tucking closer to him as he chuckles softly.

"Come on, let's go inside. It'd be bad if you caught a cold." He whispers and I hum, both of us standing though he doesn't move his arm from around me as he guides me back into the house. We walk into the living room, seeing Kuroo in a blanket with Nen running at him. "Grah!" Kuroo growls as he opens up the blanket, scooping Nen in and closing it around them both. Nen lets out a giddy squeal, their laughter filling the room as I feel my heart swell, an easy smile spreading over my face. Kanori was on the couch with Hina beside him, showing her how to tune a guitar by ear. Kozu was cradling Millie in his arms, rocking her gently while he played a game on his phone. "Help! He's tickling me!" Nen squeals, laughing giddily from the cocoon and I dash over to the blanket, beginning to tickle Kuroo. Kuroo yelps, jumping to the side as he jerks the blanket back, looking at me with pink cheeks. "Mommy to the rescue!" I cheer, Nen laughing as I tug the blanket away from Kuroo, tying it on like a cape. I chase Kuroo around, everyone laughing as Suna takes over playing with Nen. Kuroo and I just end up goofing off together, enjoying the rest of our night together.