Preparations

I took two months preparing for the inevitable- I had a long talk with my family, coming up with codes and preparing them mentally on the subject. Knowing that they would be fine no matter what helped me relax when it came down to the fact, though I hadn't told them that I knew the event was going to occur. I had Arthur schedule me with a therapist to privately help me develop my mental state for when the time came, I was scheduled to meet him regularly 3 days a week. I also got an advance on my homework, trying to get as much as ahead as possible. With his advice I was also able to mentally prepare my family and I was able to gather up the courage to ask the Karasuno boys to be there for my family if it ever came down to it. All while only Arthur and I knew the burden that was to come- I knew he couldn't face me, he had been avoiding me, looking dejected the entire time. It wasn't easy to accept the fact that I might be kidnapped for the rest of my life… but I decided to prepare and I got my darkness under control, which put a stop to my narcoleptic episodes. Before I knew it the end of the school year was coming, right around the corner and spring in full bloom.

"Ahh, it's a beautiful day today, isn't it Kimiko?" Aima asks as I stare down at my book, scribbling down my notes and answers. "Huh? Oh, yeah." I mumble, not even bothering to look up at my flash cards- I already knew she was pouting. "Okay, that's it- first of all, what the heck Kimiko? It's been like, 2 months and you haven't talked with anyone outside of school, you've been burying your head in books and you've totally been going straight home right after school, none of those crazy shenanigans that you used to do!" Aima complains and I blink, my brain not even able to come up with a good excuse. "Uh… Finals, Aima. I need to catch up on my school work… Sometimes I need to focus on school, you know?" I say and Aima sighs, laying her head on her desk. "Right, right… of course, you're only like, completely ahead of the class on literally everything now. It's obvious you're going to ace them, but you're still stressing yourself out over it all. Plus- this only happened after, well, you know what." Aima sighs and I finally drag my gaze off of my cards, looking up at her. "Is there something wrong with being prepared?" I ask and Aima pouts, looking at me with a concerned look.

"I didn't say that… I just think you're overdoing it. I mean… Last I heard you needed 'time'- and it's been two months! Everyone's hanging on a bated breath, waiting for you to come back around! Would it kill you to relax for a day and let everyone know you're doing okay?" Aima sighs exasperatedly as I shift, turning away. "It's okay if you're not okay, too, you know… I'm sure they're plenty willing to offer their support and sooth you." Aima says, though she wasn't too far fetched from the truth as to why I was hesitating to reach out. Ever since that… well, whatever that was, I found it hard to look at any man or even think about… They were boys who loved sex and right now, I was scared of sex. I knew that it had been a while, I knew that Aima had told them that she told me the truth about the competition- everyone was waiting on a baited breath for my response, especially after the accident. To be honest, I was too busy addressing my current problem to even think about anything else. The only people I had really been in contact with since then were the Karasuno boys, even then I really only talked to Ryu, Hinata and Kageyama about the whole thing.

"They're texting like crazy in the group chat, trying all kinds of methods to get your attention- did I mention they've been blowing up my phone? Because they are, it's hard to handle a baby and like… 20 worried boys." Aima says and I look at her, raising an eyebrow. "And who's fault is that when I would've been perfectly happy with the friends I have here?" I say and Aima's jaw drops as she scoffs. "Yeah right! You know darn well that if I hadn't invited them you wouldn't have all this love and support waiting to cradle you." Aima says and I sigh softly, quickly pulling out my phone and sending a quick text to the group chat- 'I'm focusing on my studies, don't worry, I'm fine, please stop bugging Aima, she won't quit nagging me about it and I need to focus so I don't fail. We can discuss your concerns at a later time.'. "There, solved." I say as I set my phone back down, picking up my flashcards again- though my phone starts absolutely blowing up. Aima snorts as she pulls out her phone, showing me their texts. "And a fully devoted study group with 20 people wouldn't help you with your mission to pass?" Aima says, raising an eyebrow at me as I sigh- she wasn't going to let this go.

"Hey everyone! Thanks for coming!" Aima says as we approach the library table, though I scan my eyes over for a spot that would be comfortable amongst all the boys. "I can't believe it, she actually came." Tendo teases as I spot Toru patting a spot between him and Iwai, giving me a sweet smile. I feel relieved as I slide between them, pulling out my textbooks and notes. "Well, I wouldn't let it go." Aima says, seeming a bit disappointed as I immediately delve into my notes. I was wearing a mask and thick, baggy clothes in hopes that it would give me some comfort. As much as I trusted these boys, I was still afraid and sensitive because of my nightmare. Even the Karasuno boys knew I had been hesitant to touch or be touched lately, but they didn't ask which was a relief. "Where's Arthur?" Aima asks, taking the spot next to Lev and setting down the car seat beside her. "He won't be coming til' later." I say simply, flipping to the next page in my notes as Toru also pulls out his notes, putting on his pair of glasses. "This is my first mass study group, I'm hoping it goes well." Ushijima says as everyone pulls out their schoolwork, Toru mocks him lightly.

I spent an hour mostly doing my own independent studies, though people were idly chatting amongst themselves and discussing volleyball and graduation plans. I made light conversation as well, not really too keen on having full out conversations and keeping my eye on the time. "So, uh, Kimiko, what are your plans after schools over?" Aima asks and I shrug, placing my pen against my bottom lip. "I'm probably going to work at Ukai's store during the summer… he already offered me the job, so…" I mumble as I read over my next question, though Aima scoffs as she rolls her eyes. "I thought you were going to be my on call babysitter!" Aima protests and I hum, filling in the question with the answer I thought was right. "I'll be doing that too." I say as I flip the page over, looking over my next job. "Okay, what are you going to do on your birthday?" Aima asks and I finally drag my eyes up to her, not saying anything. "Don't tell me you didn't plan on anything for your birthday." Aima says and I drop my gaze back down to my homework as I shrug. "You know me and birthdays. It's just a day." I say and Aima lets out an exasperated sigh, slapping a palm to her face.

"No, no- you think your birthday is just another day. If it's anyone else's birthday or event, you do a lot for them." She says and I hum, glancing at my watch again. "Well, I was hoping to work my first full shift that day." I say, turning back to my homework- my appointment was getting close. "No, you are not working on your birthday, Kimiko Suzuki. I will rain down hellfire if I don't get to throw you your 18th birthday party- you know what? Clear that day, I'm throwing you a party, that's final, you aren't getting out of it so don't even try." Aima says and I sigh, rubbing my temples- I didn't even know if I'd be kidnapped by then. "Hey… it'll be fun, come on. What's the harm in having a celebration with your friends?" Toru says, lightly nudging me with his shoulder as I offer him a weak smile. "Hey, come on- let's go." Arthur says and I immediately start gathering my stuff together. "Am I late or are you early?" I ask as I pull my bag over my shoulder, everyone looking at us confused. "I'm early." Arthur says, shrugging lightly as I stand up out of my chair and head for the door. "Are you coming?" I ask when I notice Arthur wasn't following, though he looks at me with a stubborn look.

"I'm not going in this time. So… pick someone from the table to take with you." Arthur says and I blink at him, feeling anxiety build up in my chest. "Nice joke, Arthur… you already agreed." I say and Arthur nods, slowly turning to face me and pointing back at the table. "I only agreed to accompany you, I didn't agree to participate. Besides, I can't be the only one that knows this- so pick someone from the table and let's go." Arthur says and I can't help but let out an awkward laugh, shaking my head. "Yeah, Arthur, that's not happening. You said you would go…" I say and Arthur shoves his hands in his pockets, looking me straight in the eyes. "Did I say I would be in the room?" Arthur says and I feel a lump in my throat as we both have a little standoff, everyone watching quietly. "Arthur… Please don't do this to me. Please don't- honestly, I mean this, please don't make me fucking do this. I- I can't, okay, I can't. I can't put that burden on their shoulders." I say, my voice trembling as he just gives me an apathetic, tired look. "And you think we can handle this alone? If you don't pick someone, I'm telling them all." Arthur says and my eyes widen as my body stiffens, knowing he wasn't joking.

"You know what she said- you need someone you trust, someone who gives you comfort and support that will be able to handle the situation-" Arthur says as I cover my face, running a hand over it. "Arthur, I trust you, you give me comfort and support and you will be able to-" I say, though Arthur shakes his head and makes a pained face. "No, I really fucking won't. It's you- Kiki. It's you. I won't be able to handle it." Arthur says simply and I press my lips together, dropping my gaze. "So, look at that fucking table and find someone else." Arthur says and I feel my chest ache as tears gather in my eyes. "I get it, I really do, but honestly, I can't. I can't do it, I can't… I wouldn't be able to keep my shit together and you know deep down that when it comes down to it, I can't. It- I know you trust me and that's why I'm telling you to pick someone else. Don't you dare say you'll go without either, because this isn't for you. This is for them, for us." Arthur says and I feel my heart aching as I press my lips tighter together. "I'm sorry, but I can't be that for them in this case." Arthur whispers and I look away, tears gathering in my eyes as I feel myself cracking down from the stress.

"You think I want to deal with this? Do you think that I'm waking up everyday okay with this? Do you think I want to put you in that position? No, I don't, I really fucking don't but someone has to do it!" I yell at him through my tears, feeling all the anger and stress bubbling up. "I don't fucking know, Arthur. If you think that you can't handle it, then pick someone who will help keep your shit together, because I obviously can't do that. I'm trying to take care and prepare myself, so do me a fucking favor and don't put that on me; I've got enough shit on my plate as is. If you decide to tell them, you know damn well I'll cut them all out so they don't get hurt in the end and I'll be alone. So you tell me Arthur, who are you going to choose to keep you together when shit goes down? Who'll be able to keep you all and themselves together, who'll always have to bear this in mind and won't say shit to anyone but you and me until that day comes. So, tell me, who the absolute fuck do you think can handle this knowledge without imploding on themselves when the time comes? I thought it would be you, but apparently I'm wrong." I say in german as I turn on my heel and storm to the door with tears in my eyes.

"Kiki- wait. Kiki! Wait!" Arthur calls and I clench my fists, turning to look at him. "This isn't for me, Arthur. This is for you, it's for everyone- So you tell me, I'm trying to make sure that I'm okay so you have peace of mind. I can't just tell them because you know damn well what they'll do. You can't change fate, Arthur." I say and Arthur presses his lips together, tears gathering in his eyes. "But you're always the one keeping me together! How the fuck am I supposed to replace you?! Nobody, absolutely fucking nobody can replace you! Nobody can comfort me like you, no one can put me in my place like you, nobody gives me a reason to live like you! What the fuck am I supposed to do?! This knowledge is destroying me!!! It's fucking suffocating me, I feel like I'm constantly choking, standing on a mine waiting to explode!" Arthur says and I throw my hands in the air, feeling like I was losing my shit. "How do you think I feel, Arthur?! How do you think I fucking feel, huh?! I'm not only thinking about you, I'm not only thinking about my family, I'm thinking about all these fucking people and how they're going to feel! It's killing me!" I scream at Arthur, my body trembling and shaking violently.

"I woke up today knowing damn well that today might be the last day I see my fucking family- I woke up today knowing full well that today might be the last day I see my fucking son, I woke up today knowing that the day is coming when all of my fucking friends and family might not see me again and that I'll be living in hell! Do you think thatI am okay with that?! Do you fucking think that I can handle the thought of you destroying yourself with this knowledge when it's literally fucking killing me?!" I scream and he chokes, covering his face as he cries. "You'll live, you'll be fine, just- just choose someone who will keep you together. I can't stand the thought of you broken by this, okay? That's the worst fucking part- the destruction it'll cause, what I'll be leaving behind." I whisper, Arthur crumbling to his knees and crying. "It's not fucking fair! Why does it have to be you?! Why does it have to be you?! Do you know how Judas will react when she finds out? I don't even fucking know what I'll do! I just- I fucking can't! You're the last fucking person-" Arthur chokes, beginning to sob hysterically, breaking my heart. As much as I wanted to hug and comfort him, I knew I couldn't-

Because if I did, then he'd be relying on me for support and when I was kidnapped he'd be even more broken. I couldn't- and it fucking hurt, it broke my fucking heart, it did. It broke my heart so much that this was hurting him, it broke my heart knowing that this was destroying my best friend. It crippled me really, it made me want to shut down and just give up- because if it was this hard for them, how hard would it be for the others? I feel numb as I walk over and grab his left wrist, lifting it up and pointing at his tattoo. "You are my hope, Arthur. You're my only fucking hope, if you can't find away… then I might as well fucking give up." I whisper and Arthur chokes, his eyes full of tears. "You're all the hope I have, because if you're fine… then I'm fine because you're fine.." I croak through my tears before I turn and walk away, pressing my lips together. "Appointments at 30. Choose someone who will be able to handle it. I've got enough shit to deal with." I mumble as I storm out the door, but for the first time… I wish I had snapped the man's neck, I wish I hadn't ever agreed to that competition, I wish it would hurry up and be done and over with or that it would stop hurting us so much.

I lean against Arthur's car, slowly sliding down and covering my eyes as I take a deep, trembling breath- to be completely honest, I was fucking terrified. I had no clue when, where, what was going to happen… in reality I could only be held for a day or I could be held for the rest of my life- there was really no telling. I was going to therapy to prepare my mental state in hopes that it would help me keep my sanity knowing what is to come, especially with the man's words hanging over my head- he'd make me regret running away, he'd make my life a living hell. Considering I had experienced it… I knew he was going to follow through. It was honestly so terrifying, it scared me down to my core. I couldn't take Arthur with me on this, I couldn't take anyone- in my visions I had been alone with him in that icky darkness, no sign of when or where I had been. All I knew is that I had my tattoo but I didn't have my ring- whether I took it off myself or he sabotaged it, I did not know. Arthur had considered implanting a tracker in me but I had refused- I didn't want to resort to that. I knew it would help, I knew it could potentially save me- but I didn't want to resort to that.

Arthur had suggested I take out my implant to change my fate- but I reminded him that I hadn't seen him take it out, merely that he had made an incision on my arm to cut it out. We thought of so many things but I shot them all down- it felt like we were grasping at straws with only what I had- Arthur had even proposed that I actively use my darkness to track down the time and date so they could prevent it- but you can't mess with fate, no matter how much you want to. That's why I never used that aspect of my darkness- it was inevitable that it was going to happen, or else my darkness wouldn't have sprouted of it's own will and shown me. With that in mind… I didn't want to experience something I knew I was going to experience regardless, just to have nothing come of it. Arthur saw me accept my fate, he saw me preparing in my own way- this is all I could do, I didn't want Akira to get stressed and sick, I didn't want to leave Nen without a mom, vulnerable and confused… It broke my heart telling the little guy that I might not be coming back when it only confused him the most. Knowing that I would be leaving Nen behind… he wondered why, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him.

How could I tell my son that I was going to be taken to someplace for god knows how long to be raped and possibly impregnated and that I might never come back? How could I face my son knowing that I could possibly never see him again, knowing he'll forever wonder if I'll be found dead on the side of the road, possibly with a child? How could I tell my son that his biological monster and he desired all of this from me, so much he was willing to do anything to make it happen. It was simple- I couldn't. I could barely face my friends with this knowledge, I hadn't even been able to tell my family the truth. Arthur and I were the only ones that knew what was going to happen, we were preparing my family in the pretense of 'just in case'. They thought I was thinking ahead, being paranoid if anything 'just in case' it happened- it would kill them if they knew I already knew what was going to happen, that I had a taste of it. I honestly couldn't bring myself to tell anyone else- it was already destroying Arthur, how can I expect anyone else to be strong enough to face the truth? I couldn't even handle it, but I was trying- I was really fucking trying not to fall apart.

I couldn't help but admire my father for being strong knowing his impending doom was coming, that his death was inevitable and that he was able to face us with a strong face when he was at his weakest. Of course, my father had been sick with cancer and fighting a losing battle- he knew what was coming. I on the other hand had no idea what I was looking forward to, I only had a glimpse of something that was inevitably going to happen. It could be hours, it could be days- it could be years that I battle for my life, trying to maintain my mental state and not turn into a mindless zombie and abandon myself. It was fucking terrifying facing that destiny- and I didn't know if I was going to make it out alive, I wasn't going to be surrounded by my family and people that I love. I was going to be by myself with the man, with only my head and thoughts, that pain and darkness, hoping for the day to come when I was found and saved- which may never come. I was leaving behind people who loved me, who watched me blossom and had looked forward to my second coming- what would they think when it had been scuffed short, when there had been hope and it was all taken away from me?

"Hey, Sunshine." Suna whispers as he gently places his hands on my shoulders, making me shriek as I jump away from his arms. Shit- I forgot rule number one, never let your guard down or be vulnerable in public spaces, especially when you're alone. They'll catch you off guard and you'll be going in with the wrong mindset- "S-Sorry… you scared me." I croak, Suna seeming a tad hurt as he presses his lips together. "I was calling you, but you weren't responding." Suna says as I see Arthur walking around to the other side of the car, opening it up. "I- I was lost in my thoughts. Sorry." I say, my cheeks burning as he kneels down in front of me. "It's okay, come on… Arthur says we're going someplace where they'll explain everything." Suna says, offering me a hand though I press my lips together. "We already know what's going to happen… they're just going to prepare us." I croak as I pull myself to my feet, Suna slowly nodding as he opens a door for me. I climbed in the rear seat, checking the trunk to make sure no one was there before settling in. Suna climbs into the shotgun, seeming a bit anxious despite everything as we strap in.

"I see you brought a friend." My therapist says politely, bowing her head to Suna as she offers Suna a smile. "Yes, hello…" Suna says, still seeming confused as I walk over and sit on the couch. Arthur was in the waiting room with a magazine as Suna came to sit beside me, the therapist taking her seat. "So, how are we feeling today?" The therapist asks as she pulls out her clipboard, crossing her ankles and offering me a sweet smile. "I um… I had a little breakdown, Arthur confessed that he might not be strong enough to get through this and… well, it's a lot." I say and the lady nods, reaching over and placing her palm on my hand. "You're a strong and wonderful girl, Ms. Suzuki, I find it amazing how well you've been handling this and how open you're been to the therapy sessions. It can't be easy going through this, especially with the perpetrator on the loose. However, it is important not to lose sight of yourself and hold all these worries in, you need to decompress sometimes in the safety of your friends and home. I understand that you've been reluctant to do so, but I am glad to see you have brought a new friend." She says and I slowly nod, pressing my lips together.

"How long have you known this young man, how much does he know?" The therapist asks as she sits back, setting her hands on her lap. "This is Suna Rintaro, he's a trusted friend- I met him after the first incident, but… the… the second incident involved his sister, whom I saved." I say, Suna looking between us as I fiddle lightly with my fingers. "He… he doesn't know that I fear getting kidnapped again and that I've been mentally preparing for it." I say, looking at Suna as he looks at me, the question obvious in his eyes. "I see… Well, Suna, I'll be starting with you this session. First off, I'd like to ask you if you are willing to be Ms. Suzuki's support and comfort in these times, when she is feeling vulnerable. As I have been told, there is a big possibility that Ms. Suzuki will be kidnapped again and she has been preparing mentally- if you agree to support her, it is important that you know this support not only goes to before the incident, during the incident and after the incident. It is to build a better bond between you, Ms. Suzuki and our other participant, Mr. Pendragon." The therapist says though Suna was staring at me as I stared right back- he had already signed the NDA.

"I- Yes, of course. Anything to offer her comfort… I had no idea she was…" Suna mumbles as he turns to the therapist, though I drop my gaze down. "It seems that you are reluctant with this partner, Ms. Suzuki. Is there any discomfort between you two?" The therapist asks though I look up at her and shake my head. "No! Not at all, I… I trust him, I do. He's a great friend, support and motivation, it's just… As you know, I have been struggling to involve my friends and family on the subject because I believe it will be a burden upon them. It… It was Arthur that chose him, I couldn't bring myself to do it…" I admit softly, though she offers us both a sweet smile as she nods her head. "As you have told me, you value all your friends above all else and hope to avoid any conflicts in the event that you are kidnapped again. While I understand you struggled to pick yourself, it is important that you open yourself up fully to him and establish the bond that will help you through this. Seeing as you have been through an event together before, this will help establish a bond as you have already been through the experience together." The therapist says and I slowly nod, scooting back on the couch.

"Now, Mr. Suna, it is important that you support and help Ms. Suzuki in her time of need- I'm sure you have noticed that certain behaviors and patterns have changed, she has taken certain precautions in case an event should occur again. Our main focus has been preparing Ms. Suzuki for signs of a kidnapper about to strike, what actions to take in the event of a kidnapping, what to do to stay strong during a kidnapping and what you should do after a kidnapping. If at any time you do not feel you can properly accomplish your assignment as Ms. Suzuki's aid and support, it is important that you tell us so we can find a new aid as soon as possible to support Ms. Suzuki. This is not a commitment to be taken lightly, it is important to Ms. Suzuki. You must prepare yourself for the actions you must take in the event of a kidnapping, potentially long term, that way Ms. Suzuki can trust you when the time comes and not have to worry about her daily life." The therapist says and Suna nods, sitting up straight. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you through this. I won't let you down." Suna says as he takes my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze and offering me a reassuring smile.

"All right, that's all the time we have for today. Mr. Suna, I look forward to seeing you at our next appointment. I'll come up with a schedule with Mr. Pendragon to suit all your needs and we'll be having our own private sessions to prepare you fully for the role you'll be taking." The therapist says as she walks us over to the door, but Suna won't let go of my hand. "Yes, of course. Thank you for your time." Suna says as Arthur sets his magazine down, standing from his seat. "I'm ready to see you now, Mr. Pendragon." The therapist says and Arthur nods, passing us as we walk out to the waiting room and take a seat. The door closes and we sit in silence for a while, though I feel anxious- he still didn't let go of my hand. "You're going to be kidnapped, aren't you? That's what those nightmares really were." Suna whispers and I look over at him, feeling vulnerable as I see him staring at the carpet. "I… Yes. I'm going to be kidnapped. I… I don't know anything but…" I mumble as I drop my gaze down, Suna pressing his lips tighter together and swallowing thickly. "Why aren't you telling everyone?" He asks as he looks up at me, seeming conflicted as I shift lightly.

"It's unavoidable. Arthur and I have already discussed everything and… we're just preparing at this point. There's nothing else we can do, if we get too worried about the useless prevention and locating… then we'll lose focus on the 'during'. I want to prepare myself for what I'm going to experience because… I know it's bad." I say and Suna frowns, searching my eyes. "I'm not going to lie because… I'm supposed to trust you and well… I want to. I'm scared, I'm absolutely fucking terrified about what comes next. I have no clue when, where, how long and… I just want everyone to be okay while I'm doing my best in that situation. I haven't told anyone because… if I do, don't you think they'll just… panic? Maybe they won't believe me, but… I don't want them to panic when I tell them that I know I'm going to be kidnapped, cause then they'll try to prevent something that's going to happen. They might try and lock me away and give me false hope… but it's going to happen. I know it is. So I'm doing what I think is best- and that's preparing for the storm that's going to happen and create chaos and destruction." I say and Suna slowly nods, seeming to understand where I'm coming from.

"I'm going to worry about myself, what's on my end- So please… Just… focus on making sure everyone else is alright. I don't want them to worry about me when I'm doing everything I can to prepare for this mentally. That's what this is all about- when the time comes, I'm going to put my faith in you for however long it takes to care for my friends and family and give them comfort." I say as Suna slowly nods, squeezing my hand. "Of course, Arthur is going to be there too, trying to help but… he should be your main focus on keeping his shit together. He's the one that's gotten more training then you and well… you can get comfort from each other in your times of need. I just… I…" I mumble and Suna looks at me, searching my eyes as I sigh. "I know it's selfish, I know I'm asking for a lot but… More than anything I want everyone to be okay. I don't want anyone to hurt for me, to worry about me… I know it's unavoidable… but I… I'm going to put my faith in you. I have to, because if I don't… this is going to break me. I need to know my family will be alright, that my son will be alright… even if I never come back." I say and Suna swallows thickly, dropping his gaze.

"I know it's a lot, asking you to devote yourself… if you're not going to do it, tell me you won't and you can go. I'll find another way; You can give me false hope, agree and follow through the motions and put on a great act that will convince me-" I say, though Suna silences me with a soft, gentle kiss. "I know you're scared, Sunshine. I know you feel like I won't do this for you, that I'm not ready for this, that I don't know what I'm getting into, that I'm not prepared to make this commitment or that I might trick you… but honestly, if you're not in my life… then I've got nothing better to do. Life without you is fucking boring- so if I have to keep your life intact and give you hope while you're… suffering, that's fine by me. That's perfectly damn fine to me because I'll make sure you have a home to come back to, a family that loves you- I will make sure that Nen never forgets how great of a mother you are and how absolutely in love you are with him. I'll make sure he's never scared or alone, I'll make sure that he's raised into a fine gentleman that you'd be proud of… and I'll wait for you to come back, even if I'm an old man." He says softly, brushing my hair back as a lump forms in my throat.

"That's a good way to start off an act." I croak offering him a half-hearted smile as he shakes his head. "I don't need to act because I already know I'm ready to devote my entire life to you. It's just something I'm willing to do- you're the best goddamn woman I've ever met, if I can't save you from it… then I'll help you through it. You entered my life and gave it light, you sacrificed your life to save my sister, you saved a girl you knew nothing about and put a perp in jail- you are literally the most courageous, powerful and absolutely passionate woman I've ever met. Knowing that you're scared about this, knowing that you're asking for my help… I'd say yes in a heartbeat and I'd follow through, because it's the right thing to do. Not only because I love you, but because you're my inspiration. I want to be the person you can depend and rely on, I want to be the comfort when you're in the dark… I want to be your hope, your light. I want to be the one you feel safe and free with… because you gave me life. I'd do anything to repay that favor. You're my one true love, Sunshine- I'll do anything for you." Suna says as he brushes a strand of my hair back, making me sniff as I search his eyes.

"You're important to me- of course, it's important to me that you take care of yourself and are properly prepared to. That's why I'm going to insist on being there for you before and after, too. If you need me, if you're scared, if you need comfort, if you need anything... I'm here. No matter when, no matter where, no matter before, during or after- even if I can't be by your side, I'll be here waiting, holding down the fort and making sure that you have absolutely nothing to worry about on this end, okay? I got this locked down, it might take a while and I might not be perfect but… I'll do my best and I'll make this work." Suna says, my heart clenching in my chest as I press my lips together. "Thank you. I mean it." I say softly, curling into his arms as he gently strokes my back. "No problem, Sunshine. If it gives you any comfort at all, I'll do it in a heartbeat." Suna says, gently caressing me as I slowly relax into his arms. I close my eyes, soaking in his comforting words, his soothing warmth and his tender embrace- I let myself relax. I forget about everything for a moment and relish in the thought that for once, someone outside of Arthur and Judas was willing to help in my difficult times.

I peek into the gym, glancing around and feeling a bit anxious- it was the first time since the study incident that I had gone out of my comfort zone. I was relieved to see that there were no fangirls, the boys instead practicing freely- coach Nekoma couldn't look happier. Of course, as I looked over the boys, I saw my reason to come- Kozu was sitting to the side, his cheeks pink and seeming out of breath. I quickly make my way over, dressed to the T in impervious sickness resistant clothes- and you better bet I had a mask on. "Hey, are you okay?" I ask as I kneel down in front of him, though his eyes seemed bleary. "Huh?..." He mumbles, blinking as he tilts his head lightly. "Come on Ken-ken, let's get you home okay?" I ask, sliding up and wrapping my arm around his chest, under his arm. "Hey Kitten, thanks for coming." Kuroo says, making me jump as I quickly look over at him. "Oh, um… no problem. I'm gonna… you know, take him." I say sheepishly as I stand up and Kuroo slowly nods. "Want me to help you get him to the car?" He asks as Kozu leans against me, his head slumping against my chest. "No, no, it's fine." I say as I wrap my arms around Kozu's mid torso.

"You sure? It'd be bad if you drop him." Kuroo says and I purse my lips as I glance up at him. "But your team needs their captain, I think it's best if you stay here. If you want, um…" I mumble as I look over the gym, spotting Yaku practicing with Lev. "Ah! You can have Yaku or Lev help me." I say and Kuroo glances over, pressing his lips together. "Oh… okay. Yaku! Can you help Suzuki get Kenma to his car?" Kuroo calls, Yaku glancing over and seeming surprised. He then turns to Lev, gives him a quick lecture before coming over and offering me a smile. "It's good to see you again, Suzuki-chan. Here, let me take him." Yaku says and I nod as he slips in the little gap between Kozu and I, taking Kozu's weight off of me and lifting him up. "Alright, Kenma, let's go. Lead the way, Suzuki-chan." Yaku says and I move to take the lead- Kuroo gently takes my hand, making me stop. "Hey, um… real quick." He says, swooping in and giving me a big hug. "I missed you… I'll be over after practice, okay? Just… get him to bed and watch him for me." Kuroo says and I nod, gently patting his back. "Okay, see you there." I say and he pulls away, seeming a bit dejected as he hesitantly nods.

I grunt as I lay Kozu down on his bed, panting lightly as I crouch beside him. "I don't know how you guys do it. Man, I need to start exercising again. Ha… okay, okay. Time to take your shoes off." I mumbles as I move down, pulling off Kozu's shoes. "I'll go get some medicine and stuff for your fever, then I'll get you changed into something cool." I mumble as I jog downstairs, gathering the stuff together before I head back upstairs. I set the things down, heading to Kozu's closet and opening it up- the first thing I'm met with is my shirt hanging on a nail, making me blink- hey! That was my favorite shirt that I gave him back when I was drunk. Did he really hang that up like that? The thought that he actually valued it was endearing, making me smile lightly as I begin picking through his shirts. He hadn't given me one of his shirts yet, though I didn't mine- deep down I was kinda hoping he would jack his jersey and give it to me, but I kind of knew that it wouldn't be possible. I pick out an outfit for him, pulling it down and walking back over to him. "Here you go, Ken-Ken. Take these, it'll help bring your fever down." I say as I offer him the pills and water, helping him take them.

Kozu had just overworked himself apparently, having induced a fever- hopefully I wouldn't catch it, but I had taken precautions just in case since I knew I would probably be vulnerable due to my stress. I changed his clothes to the ones I had picked out, putting his clothes in the basket. I sigh softly, leaning over and putting my hand to his forehead- yupp, he had a fever. He groaned softly, opening his bleary eyes and looked up at me- "Pudding… is that you?" Kozu asks and I offer him a small smile, caressing his cheek. "It's me. Get some rest, Kenma. I'll take care of you." I say, though he grabs my arm and pulls me into a tight hug. "I… ha… I missed you… can I just… I want to hold you…" Kozu whispers, holding me tight as I feel my face burning. "Huh? Oh, um… sure. It should be fine, but uh, I gotta be careful. I don't want to catch your fever." I say and Kozu grunts, rolling us over and putting me on my back. "K-Kenma?" I ask, my face feeling like it had caught on fire. "I'm just- gonna…" Kozu mumbles as he slumps over on my chest and curls around me, panting softly. "Oh… okay. Rest now." I say as I gently run my fingers through his hair, feeling him slowly relax.

"Hello?" Someone calls and I blink my eyes open, not even realizing I had fallen asleep. I rub my eye, slowly looking around- I was still at Kozu's house, him curled up in my arms. "Hey, did you fall asleep? Sorry I'm late, it took longer than I thought it would." Kuroo says as I slowly blink, reaching for my phone to check the time- "Shit! I'm gonna be late- no no no!" I hiss as I try to carefully slide out from Kenma's arms, stirring him from his sleep as he whines and squeezes me tighter. "I'm sorry Kenma, but I've got to go, Kuroo's here to watch you now." I say, though he opens his eyes and gives me a devastated look. "Please don't go." He begs softly, breaking my heart as I press my lips tightly together. "It's an important meeting, Kenma… I need to go." I say and he whimpers softly, squeezing me even tighter. "Please! I don't want you to leave!" Kozu begs and I cover my face, groaning softly- I need to be strong. "Kenma, she has to go." Kuroo says as he comes over, trying to gently pry his arms off of me. "Please! Just this once, I- I don't want you to go, I want you to stay. Please, I miss you… I need you here." Kozu begs, looking up at me with tear filled eyes.

"I-" I whisper, feeling really guilty as he starts crying- I was fucked. "I'll… I'll try calling them and rescheduling with them, okay? Just this once… I can't do this again, okay? These meetings are very important to me." I say and he sniffles softly as Kuroo looks conflicted, though I grab my phone and slip out of the room. I sigh heavily, dialing my therapist's number and putting my phone to my ear as I nibble my lip. "Hello, Ms. Suzuki, is something the matter?" My therapist asks and I sheepishly rub the back of my neck- I never missed or called out of an appointment. "I'm fine, it's just… a friend of mine got sick and they want me to stay by their side, I won't be able to come in today." I say and she's quiet for a moment as I nibble my bottom lip. "Even if I was to leave at this moment I would be late, I don't want to miss the session, but my friend… he's asking me to stay. Is there any possibility that we can reschedule or move this session to our next meeting?" I ask softly and the therapist hums as I hear her tapping on her laptop. "As you know today's lesson was an important one, which is why we scheduled for a long afternoon session." The therapist says and I nod my head, rubbing my eyes.

"I'm pretty booked out for a while, so rescheduling is not an option. Your usual sessions are half an hour long, so if we miss this session it will put us behind schedule on all the other subjects- I understand you value your friend, Ms. Suzuki, I do…" the therapist says and I let out another heavy sigh, looking up at the ceiling. "I… I know this is difficult, is there any other way we could do this?" I ask and I hear her pause as she shifts her phone. "Well, if you trust this friend…We could have an online session, it's not uncommon in my practice to have a patient go from an in person session to an online one; if you have a laptop, a computer or anything of the sort with a video calling app, we can have our session like that." The therapist says and I nibble my lip, glancing through the crack of the door- I… I could use Kozu's laptop, I'm sure he wouldn't mind, but… he might overhear, even if I used his gaming headset they'd still overhear half of the conversation. If it had just been Kozu's who's out of it I would agree, but Kuroo was here to take care of Kozu. "Actually… there are two people here, I trust them both but…" I say softly, the therapist silent for a moment as I fiddle anxiously with my shirt.

"Ms. Suzuki, I understand your concern for your friends… but didn't you promise yourself you were doing this for them? If it is a problem with the person themselves, I understand. If it is a problem because you don't want them to learn, I can take precautions on my behalf not to put you in any discomfort. It is as simple as if you do not wish to answer vocally, you can type the response in a message. However, if you don't wish to do this, I cannot make you. It will slow our progress and put us behind schedule not only for your session, but the sessions of your support as well if you miss this session. It is up to you, Ms. Suzuki." The therapist says and I press my lips tightly together, feeling torn. "Pudding…" Kozu calls weakly through the door, making me sigh as I nod my head. "If it's alright… I'd like to make sure it's alright with everyone here and get everything prepared. If you send me the details and services you use, I'll find something to work with and I'll get in contact with you with my decision." I say and she hums affirmatively before we hand up. I run a hand through my hair, scrubbing it over my face- what was I going to do? What was I going to choose? I didn't want to leave Kozu…

I walk back into the room, Kuroo looking up at me with a pensive look as he keeps Kozu laying down. "I um… I talked to them, if I miss this meeting… it'll put me way behind schedule." I say as I fiddle lightly with my fingers, pressing my lips together. "There's not any way you can stay?" Kozu asks, sounding broken hearted and dejected as he looks at me with a pained face. "There's… um… the meeting, it can be done online instead, I'd have to use your computer but… I… I'd appreciate it if you guys didn't listen to the conversation… At all." I say, Kuroo seems confused as Kozu looks slightly relieved. "Anything, please, just stay here." Kozu says as Kuroo lightly itches the back of his head, glancing down. "It'll be hard not for me to overhear anything but… I can just listen to music and read books or something, I can't guarantee I won't hear bits and pieces of the conversation. I'll be busy taking care of Kozu so..." Kuroo says and I shift lightly, fiddling with my phone. "I guess you could say it's a sensitive topic, I just… don't mention it to the others and… don't ask, it's better if you forget anything you hear… For me, please." I beg quietly, Kuroo looking up at me and hesitantly nodding.

I glance back at Kuroo for the third time, seeing him with the earbuds in and books at his side. He was sitting by Kozu's bed with everything he might need, not looking in my direction. It gave me a small relief- Kozu was on the bed, panting softly and sans any distraction. I hoped he was asleep or that he didn't remember when his fever was gone, but I hoped he would just forget anything he heard as I clicked the dial button on his computer. It rang twice before my therapist answered, offering me her usual sweet smile. "Ms. Suzuki, I'm glad you decided to make it to the session. Let's get started right away, shall we? The first topic of the day is your friends and what you can do to help ease the process for them, for that we'll be discussing different ways to offer them comfort even when you aren't there." The therapist says and I nod, trying to settle in and let go of any anxiety I had. "There are many methods for this, some leave letters, some leave messages, some leave hunts and challenges- some give more personal things and affects, like gifts. In the occasional case, you might get matching tattoos or matching piercings." She says and I nod, getting into the lesson as she continues.

Kuroo was guilty, he knew it; but curiosity got the best of him- he was listening to music, he just listened to it at a normal level, something he could easily hear over. He felt bad, but he was dying to know what kind of meeting was about. It was confusing from what he heard- she talked about her tattoos, how she had written letters for Judas, all of her friends and everything they'd done for her, including him. It was actually quite touching and sentimental, it made Kuroo feel even worse for eavesdropping- he told her he might overhear, but considering the conversation and topic he didn't see any reason to be considered. From what he had seen from stolen glances, she was talking to an older, sweet lady- she even seemed to be offering kind words and listening intently to everything Kimiko said. Kuroo wondered why she was so private about the whole thing, there was nothing wrong with making light chat with friends. It was actually really nice knowing that she had reached out of her comfort zone and sought out a new friend, a great one at that. Kimiko looked relaxed and open, much different from her recent timid and jumpy behavior- it was actually quite relieving.

Kimiko turned to Kuroo, waving her hand until he looked over before making a gesture for pen and paper, pointing to her bag beside the bed. Kuroo nodded, reaching into the bag and pulling out her notebook with a pen inserted into the spiral before walking over and offering it to her. She offered him a kind smile and mouthed thank you before turning back to the computer, pulling out the pen and opening the book. "Oh, yes- I've been keeping up with my journal as you instructed. One entry in the day, one at night- I'll give it to you at our next meeting." Kimiko says, striking Kuroo oddly as he glanced at her screen- from the new angle he could now see that the lady was at a desk, a name tag on her shoulder and a certificate hanging behind her on the wall- Dr. Sharron? Kuroo walked to the bed before Kimiko could think too much of his presence, not wanting to make it awkward or uncomfortable for either of them. "Yes, Arthur- every other-" Kimiko says, though Kuroo's music decides to pick up at that exact moment and prevents him from hearing anything she says. He knew it'd be suspicious if he tried turning it down, especially after he had just given her something.

He decided instead to think of what he had seen about the woman- she was finally dressed in a suit and had a sweet, genuine but professional smile. She was a doctor though, so it was to be expected. That left Kuroo to wonder about her profession, especially since Kimiko seemed to value their time together so much. They had been talking for over an hour now, after all. In fact, they were going on the edge of two hours now and still holding a vigorous two way conversation. "If you insist I'll have Suna alternate with him. I'm sure they won't mind, it'll help transition them as well." Kimiko says, though this catches Kuroo off guard as he had only caught it through the small gap of his songs beat. Everyone had been curious about Kimiko's last outburst, though it seemed like no one understood a word of what was said between the two. Kuroo had even been studying extra hard on his English- but they hadn't spoken in English. Of course, everyone knew that in the end, Arthur had chosen Suna. Kuroo could blame him, Suna was a cool headed, calm and collected man that rarely burst or let anything get to him. He wasn't surprised when Suna simply responded 'NDA' whenever questioned.

Kuroo thought of that the day the outburst had happened, the day Suna signed an 'NDA' and what they had said in Japanese, how Suna fielded any questions on the subject with a simple 'NDA' and a shrug. Now for Kimiko to not only mention all of her friends, including Arthur and Judas, her two main friends that they didn't know existed until they seemed to appear out of thin air- why would she voluntarily mention them now? In fact, Kimiko was being very open and talkative with this woman, especially if she had only just met her. Kuroo would've figured she opened up to him before a practical stranger- but for her to mention Suna, Arthur, alternating and transitioning? "You want me to let them study my journal at the same time and discuss it?" Kimiko asks, sounding a bit taken off guard as Kuroo can practically hear his ear twitch in interest. "I… I know you said I should really trust them and I do, it's just weird to think about them discussing the things I write. No, I know it's for the process and so they can build their bond as well, I- no… I don't want it to be anyone else, I may trust them… but I don't want to worry them." Kimiko sighs softly, itching the back of her neck and shifting lightly.

"I know, I know- I can't bring myself to do it. It was hard enough to trust Suna with this, even then Arthur forced my hand… letting someone else in, well… I know they'll worry too much. Suna is honestly probably the only person I trust on the topic and I'm glad to have him in on the sessions and everything but… I'd rather not involve anyone else in this." Kimiko says softly, though Kuroo's song just ended and he heard every word. "Huh? Them? Oh… they're great friends of mine, Kozu has been my friend for years and Kuroo… well, he's been a great friend and support." Kimiko says, gesturing back to them as Kuroo feels his heart jump. "Mm, yes. I trust them a lot, I do… just… I know Kozu would worry himself sick- and I mean that literally, he'd worry so much he'd give himself a fever. Kuroo… well… I can't bring myself to tell him because… it's um… he'd worry a lot. I know he's trying to help, I do, but I think he'd end up stressing himself out a lot and I don't want to do that. I love and trust them both with all of my heart, but this is something that it's better for them to stay out of, for all our sakes." Kimiko says softly, Kuroo feeling his heart throb as he pressed his lips together.

He felt like shit now- here she was, trusting him but he was eavesdropping on her privacy and digging his nose into things she didn't want him to know. "The whole point of these therapy sessions is so I can get better for them, so they don't have to worry about me when the time comes and I can deal with my emotions accordingly. The stronger my mental state, the better it will be for everyone- it's not like I want to leave them out, it's just- they're better off not knowing." Kimiko says, though Kuroo has to blink as he debates if he heard that right- Kimiko was in therapy? What was she in therapy for? Okay, he knew plenty of reasons she would be in therapy, but… now his curiosity has peaked. There were plenty of reasons she could be in therapy- but for Suna and Arthur to be involved? "Kuroo?" Kimiko says and Kuroo jerks his head up, caught off guard. "Huh?" Kuroo asks, making Kimiko jump as she looks over at him with red cheeks. "Nothing! You didn't hear anything, right?" Kimiko asks and Kuroo's heart drops in his chest. "Oh, I just heard you call my name between songs." Kuroo says, offering her a smile as she hesitantly nods, returning to her meeting, now more attentive.

Kuroo lets out a slow exhale, knowing full well he almost blew his cover. Now she was tense, obviously anxious and fidgety as she glanced back at him here and there. Kuroo turned his attention to Kozu, taking care of his sick friend as his mind raced over the context of her words- from the sound of it, everything she said was about all of her friends and even her family- it didn't necessarily seem like she was discussing the trio, but this was just one session out of many- wait, Kimiko was actually active in her therapy. He was proud of her, she seemed to be responding really well to the treatment and very open with her doctor. Of course, Kuroo had probably put her on edge with his slip, which made him want to kick himself since she had been doing so well, too. He also found it strange that even though she was doing so well and talking so fondly of everyone that she had been avoiding them all. He couldn't exactly come out and ask her why she decided to be in therapy, but he respected her decision to take care of her mental health and keep it private. When he got the chance to, he discreetly turned up the volume to actually give her privacy with the doctor- he had eavesdropped enough.

"Thank you again for your time, doctor. I look forward to our next meeting." I say, feeling more decompressed as she offers me a smile. "Of course, keep up with your tasks and schedule; I'll see you the day after tomorrow, Ms. Suzuki." The doctor says and I offer her a smile, nodding my head. "See you then." I say simply and I hang up the call, leaning back in the chair. I let out a sigh, stretching out my limbs and setting my head against the headrest as I looked up at the ceiling. I mean, could I trust Kuroo with this? I know he would be worried, that he would want to protect me at all costs and try to constantly be by my side, but… "Hey, Kuroo." I say as I glance back, seeing he had his glasses on and was reading a book, his head laid on the bed. I watched him for a moment, hearing him softly humming the song he was listening to and seeming so peaceful- the words died in my throat before I even knew it. I couldn't take that peace of mind from him, I couldn't put that burden on his shoulders- plus, I knew he would do anything to keep me safe, as he said, even if I said no. If I told him… there'd be no telling what would happen, how far this would go…I could only hope he'd be okay.