Love and Death

Hell- screaming, writhing, tearing at my flesh and eating me alive, devouring my soul and body. Tearing me into shreds and melting me back together again, just to suffer it all again. It felt like I was in hell for thousands, millions of years, just screaming and begging for mercy as I was ravaged in the pits- tossed into a black void, pulled and stretched by hooks. For years I forgot who I was- I was agony, all I felt was agony, and all I could think was agony. I abandoned myself, lost faith in my escape and I knew that this was my fate. "Kimiko!" Someone cried and I was yanked up, a hot shock pulsing through me as I sucked in a breath. I was in a vast land of green grass and clear blue skies, no sun in sight yet the sky was a bright blue. "Hey, Kiddo." A familiar voice says and I jerk my head back, staring wide eyed as a familiar form approaches me, clothed in a white gown. "Dad!" I gasp, colliding into his body and squeezing him tight. "Is- is it really you? Dad! I-I miss you so much, there's so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you!" I sob as I cling desperately to him, though no tears flow from my eyes. "I've seen it all, Kiddo." My dad says, gently stroking my hair and smiling at me.

"And I know all about Nen, I know all about what you tell me when you're alone. I know all about your mother's prayers at night, and all about Akira's sickness. But there's no time to talk about those things, sweetheart. I would like to talk with you before you return. I'm sure that someone else here wants to visit you as well." He says, beginning to walk with me under his arm. "Please! Anything dad, I just- I'm so happy." I sob and he squeezes me lightly, kissing my forehead as we walk. "Sweetie, I'd like to start off by saying I am so proud of you. You are the light of my life, and even though you've made your mistakes, I couldn't be more proud to call you my daughter. I love you with every fiber of my being and I will always be watching you, our family and friends. Don't you ever doubt my love for you, for I have been by your side as long as I could remember." My dad says and I sniff, nodding my head as I rub the tears from my eyes. "You've grown into such a beautiful and mature woman, my only regret is that you weren't able to enjoy your childhood to its full extent. However, I know that you've been a wonderful person." My dad says and I sob softly, my heart feeling full as tears flow from me.

"I could go on forever about how proud of you I am but… we don't have much time. My next subject… I'd like you to pass on a message to your mother. I'd like for you to tell her that I love her with all my heart, that I support her decision and I'll always be with her. I'd like you to make sure that Ukai takes care of her, let them know that they have my blessing and that I'll accept them no matter what." My dad says and I nod, scrubbing the tears from my eyes. "I'd like for you to tell Akira that he is such a strong boy, that I love him with all my heart and that I'll be with him every step of the way. I have always been by his side, and I will always be by his side even if I am not there. Of course, I will be by all of you no matter what." My dad says and I nod, blinking the tears from my eyes. "Your son is the light of my day, darling. He is such a wonderful boy already and I couldn't be prouder of him. You are a wonderful mother, I know that he will become one of the finest of men that could ever grace the earth. I am so proud of you for not giving up on him, for fighting for what you believe in. I'll be watching over him, too." He says before he comes to a stop, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Lastly, before I see you off to your friend… I'd like to tell you about your grandparents. They may come off as harsh but I assure you, they are not evil people. Their methods may be… tough, you may not ever understand them but… they are good people, Kimiko. They are just complex in their ways and traditions, because society calls that from them. They are no less human than you or I. When you feel ready to accept them, I'd like for you to pass my love on to them." He says, kissing my forehead and squeezing me tight. "Okay… I love you, dad." I whisper, grabbing onto him and squeezing him as tight as I could. "I love you too, Kiddo. More than you could ever know." He whispers before pulling away, ruffling my hair and giving me a big smile. "Go on now, your friend is waiting for you." He says before urging me to turn around- I glance back and see a head of blonde hair, making me choke. "Ray! It's you!" I cry, dashing into her waiting arms and sobbing as we collide in a tight embrace. "Hey, Kiki! Look, we don't have much time, so I'm going to get straight to the point. First off, congratulations on your son! He's so beautiful!" Ray says, pulling back and flashing me a huge smile.

"But Ray, your baby-" I say though she shakes her head, smiling at me and holding her stomach lightly. "It's okay, Kiki. Look, I don't hold what happened against you. I may have loved him and it hurt seeing him go down like that, but… Kiki, you have a wonderful son, you've become a wonderful person and you have even saved Arthur's life at the risk of your own! Here you are, battling for your life for the sake of two little girls you barely knew! I know it isn't the ideal situation, but I love you and I forgive you for it. Just don't go doing it again, okay? Promise me." She says and I nod, tears coming to my eyes though I desperately wipe them away. "I promise. I don't want to be that, I don't want to do that ever again." I sob and she takes my hand, squeezing it softly. "You keep that promise and we'll meet again. For now, we need to talk about something else. Kiki, I never got to tell you what being in love feels like. I feel like it's time for you to know." She says and I sniff, nodding my head as she smiles widely at me. "Some of this might sound familiar to you, but love is a really complicated thing to experience, especially for you." She laughs softly, beginning to guide me through the field as it blooms.

"Love is like a breath of fresh air, it will make you feel alive, free and happy. It will make you comfortable when you're facing your darkest fears, it'll make you feel open about your darkest secrets and it'll make you feel safe in your darkest moments. That's only scratching the surface, it goes way deeper than that- love is infinite, it's something we simply cannot grasp or control. It's something we just feel, no matter the spectrum or amount. I believe that love is something that should be expressed openly and freely, something you should never be ashamed of no matter the degree. To love and be loved is the greatest gift one can receive, nothing should get in the way of that. It should also be taken seriously, with your hottest passion and your sharpest of minds. Don't let anyone define your love, because it's only something you can feel." Ray says, the field exploding in a vast amount of flowers of different kinds, petals flying everywhere and astonishing me. "Don't let your love be defined by other people's standards, for love cannot be controlled. It is often misconstrued, lied about and used in ways it shouldn't be used." Ray says, guiding me into the vast flowers and petals.

"It's okay to be afraid of love, it's okay to not be sure. It's okay to wait until you're ready, because love, true love will always be there, waiting for you. True love will not waver, it cannot be bought or bribed. It is earned, it is uncontrollable and it is passion at its most powerful. Love comes in many forms- whether it be a racing heart, butterflies or just enjoying a laugh together. It is open, it makes your world more colorful and it is true happiness. Don't push it away, don't hide it, and don't betray it- don't lie about it, always be open and true." Ray says before we stop in the middle of the field, though I look around in amazement. So many vivid colors, so many different flowers and so much brightness. I started feeling warm and fuzzy, heat flooding into my body as I suck in a breath. "It's almost time for you to go back now. Tell the others I love them, that I'm proud of them and they're incredibly strong, capable and smart. Everything will be just fine, stick together and you will get through this. I love you both and I'm so proud of you, I know that as long as you are together, you are strong, smart and powerful enough to get through anything." Ray says, though the petals start flying towards me.

I took a deep breath, feeling fresh oxygen suck into my lungs- everything ached, but I felt hands in mine, holding me tight. My eyes hurt, I felt sore and something on my face- there was a whole bunch of stuff attached to me, actually. I slowly blink open my eyes, groaning at the bright light as I close my eyes again. "Oh my sweet baby, you're awake!" My mom sobs as I hear her dash over, taking my hand and squeezing it. "Mm? Mom..." I mumble, slowly opening my eyes as they adjust to the bright light. I looked around, seeing I was in a hospital- Suna, Kuroo, Kozu and Arthur were all around me, holding me, all passed out in various positions in chairs. I saw the other boys in the room, scattered around and also passed out in various positions. "Hold on sweetie, I'll call the nurse." She says though I squeeze her hand, licking my chapped lips. "Mm… Mom, wait…" I croak, my body and voice feeling weak as I took a deep breath of the oxygen. "I… I saw… dad… he… he wanted me… to tell you…" I croak, my mom's eyes widening as she collapses to sit on the bed. "You… saw dad?" She asks, squeezing my hand as Arthur lightly stirs from his sleep.

"Mhm… Ray, too… Dad… wanted me… to tell you...he loves you… with all his heart... He supports your decision and… he'll always be with you… Make sure... Ukai takes care of you.. you have his blessing… he'll accept you... no matter what." I slowly work out and she sobs, covering her mouth as tears gather in her eyes. "Oh… oh sweetie…" she chokes, beginning to tremble as she starts crying loudly. "Good morning, Kiki." Arthur yawns, stretching his arms over his head before he blinks, looking at me. "Oh my God, you're awake! You're actually awake!" Arthur yells, startling all the boys from their sleep as Arthur tackles me into the bed. I grunt at the weight of him as he starts sobbing hysterically, wrapping his arms around me. "Oh my fucking god, you're awake! You scared us to death you bitch! Oh, you're awake!" Arthur sobs as the boys all blink the sleep from their eyes. "Arthur- you fat bitch-" I groan, though suddenly I'm cocooned by a wave of boys all diving for me. "Hey! Calm down, she just woke up! You're going to break the bed or hurt her!" My mom protests though the boys are all too busy crying and clinging to me as I grunt under their weight.

"Guys- I'm 5'4", your collective mass is going to compress me into 2D." I groan, making the boys all laugh as they slowly peel back, though Suna, Arthur, and Kozu all stay draped over me. "You- your dad really said that, sweetie?" My mom asks and I slowly work my arms out from under the mass of bodies, patting Kozu and Suna's head. "Yeah. We talked a bit, I have a message for Akira from him, too. Oh, and Arthur… Ray wanted me to tell you that she loves us, that she's proud of us and that we're incredibly strong, capable and smart. Everything will be just fine, stick together and we will get through this. She loves us all and she's so proud of us, she knows that as long as we are together, we are strong, smart and powerful enough to get through anything." I croak, grimacing as I lift my arm and see a bunch of bruises and needle marks in them. "Jeez, you'd think I was a junky." I mumble, shaking my head as I glance at my other arm- same thing. "Your blood vessels kept breaking. We had to give you a lot of blood transfusions." Kuroo mumbles, showing me his arm- he had a few needle marks in his arm, too. I purse my lips, blinking as I drop my head back against the bed.

"You… gave me blood. Lots of it." I mumble, reaching up and wincing as I feel the needles and tubes move around in my arms. I hiss, dropping them back down as I feel tears gathering in my eyes. "Son of a- that… um, mom, can you go get the nurse?" I ask and she nods, dashing out of the room without another word. "Kuroo, that's the second time you've saved my life. What the heck?" I sigh, glancing at him though he takes my hand, squeezing it softly. "I'd do it a thousand times if it meant you staying alive." Kuroo says, offering me a smile as I blow out a breath, a tear dropping down my cheek. "Yeah, well, with how many needle marks I have, I must be like… um, 60% Tetsuro Kuroo now." I snort and Kuroo laughs, shaking his head as tears gather in his eyes. "No, not that much. You would've been… well, you wouldn't be here. You're approximately 8% Tetsuro Kuroo, and that's only because they stopped taking my blood." Kuroo says, gesturing towards the group of boys. "You're 20% Toru Oikawa, Sakusa Kiyoomi and Atsumu miya." Kuroo says and I shake my head as my bottom lip trembles. "Kinky." Arthur says and I snort, smacking him in the back of his head.

"Shit- well, I see you're still fully capable of beating my ass." Arthur mumbles, rubbing the back of his head and scowling at me. "Arthur, I could be dead and I would soul tussle the shit out of you." I say and he looks somber, taking my hand. "Kimiko… you did die. I mean, it was only for a little bit but… you were brought back. Without that blood, you would be in an incinerator right now." Arthur mumbles and I blink, closing my eyes and laying my head back. "Yeah, I think I kind of knew that when I met my dad and Ray in a field that went in for like, ever." I admit, though Arthur strokes the back of my palm lightly. "You… went to heaven?" He asks and I shrug, slowly opening my eyes as I take in a shuddering breath. "No, not at first. I… I can't remember what happened first but I knew it was bad. Like… Really fucking bad. Tear my soul to shreds bad…" I mumble quietly, Kozu, Kuroo, Arthur and Suna all grabbing me somewhere and squeezing me lightly. The other boys all lean forward, not having heard what I said. "But then I heard someone cry out to me and I was yanked out. I remember that, it was like a hot shock to my body." I admit, Suna covering his mouth as a tear slides down his face.

"Then I was in a field with my dad, then Ray and… the field blossomed in so many flowers, it was… it was so beautiful. I felt warm and fuzzy, heat flooding back into my body… the petals enveloped me and I woke up." I mumble as a faint smile spread across my face, remembering them and their words. "Ray… was she…" Arthur asks and I shrug, looking over at him. "She was Ray. Big, happy smile and blond hair like a halo. She was in a white gown, there was nothing wrong with her. She was happy as could be." I say and Arthur sobs softly, covering his mouth. "She didn't have her baby though… we didn't really talk about what happened. She was just…" I mumble, falling silent and closing my eyes, suddenly feeling really weak and tired. "Just what, Kiki?" Arthur asks and I take a shallow breath, my body beginning to feel numb. "Sunshine? Are you okay? You feel cold." Suna asks, beginning to brush his hand over my arm and I hum softly, my body beginning to drift off as I feel light. "Nurse!" Arthur calls, pulling away from me as I hear a loud ringing in my ears. I take shallow breaths as I feel heat envelop my body- when had I gotten so cold? That heat, I wanted more of it, lots more.

"She's stable again, it looks like her body is adjusting to all of the new blood in her system. With all the different types, it is possible for her body to reject the blood. Seeing as she is immunocompromised, it won't be easy to manage the side effects. She will be very weak and it's best that you limit the amount of visitors she has until she is stable." Someone says, though my body felt so weak that I couldn't even move. It was as if I was still asleep, but I was awake- someone opened my eyelid, flashing a bright light in it. "Oh, good afternoon. I didn't realize you were awake." The nurse says, dropping my eyelid- it falls closed. She opens my other eyelid, flashing the light in that eye as well. "If you can, move your finger for me." She says and I try to move my finger, but all I manage is a small twitch with my weak and sore body. "You must be completely exhausted after everything you've been through. You need your rest to recover, you'll be weak for a while." The nurse says and I take a breath as I feel a hand brush through my hair. I hum weakly, though a big hot hand takes mine, squeezing it lightly. I manage to squeeze it back weakly, letting the heat slowly relax me as I fall back asleep.

"How many days has it been now?" Someone mumbles, my body feeling weak- not as much as before, but still weak. "2 weeks, but it seems like her body has acclimated to the blood." My mom says and I take a breath, fighting to open my heavy eyelids. "Sweetie! You're awake!" My mom sobs in relief, gently stroking my hand before I notice Yuki standing beside her. "Why are you here?" I croak weakly, my body not feeling as sore as it did last time. "I'm going to go get the nurse and let everyone know you've woken up." My mom says, glancing between us before slipping out of the room. "What kind of a stupid question is that?" Yuki asks, shoving his hands in his pockets and dropping his gaze to the ground. "The kind I'm asking you." I croak, dragging my gaze over the room- we were all alone. "You saved my daughter." Yuki says firmly and I drag my eyes back to him, seeing he was staring at me. "I didn't do it for you." I croak and Yuki chuckles softly, sliding his hand from his pocket and taking my hand. I press my lips together, wanting to pull my hand away but I was weak- emotionally and physically. "I know you didn't." He says, gently stroking my hand and squeezing it lightly.

"But if it was you in my position, you'd be right where I am, wouldn't you be?" Yuki asks softly and I grimace, dropping my gaze. "Okay. You've been acknowledged, I'm fine. Let go of my hand, you can leave now." I mumble, though he doesn't budge, just staring at me. "No, I'm staying here. Not because you saved my daughter, which I'm grateful for, but for the fact that we spent 2 years together." Yuki says and I laugh so hard I start coughing, wincing softly as I hear the door open. "Yeah, 2 years of you lying to me." I say, letting my eyes fall closed as Yuki shifts, squeezing my hand. "2 wonderful years with you, I don't regret them." Yuki says and I laugh softly, tears gathering in my eyes. "Yeah, well I do. I regret every fucking second of trusting you, thinking I could've had a life with you. Now please, just let me go and leave." I say, my voice beginning to tremble as I hear someone shuffling over. "I know I hurt you, Love Bug. I know I was your first try at a relationship, that you came into it expecting a lifelong commitment. I also know that what I did to you, how I hurt you… it wasn't right, I ruined that for you." Yuki says softly and I feel the tears sliding down my face.

"I'm not your Love Bug. I'm not your anything. Just fucking leave." I say and Yuki sighs softly, withdrawing his hand from mine. "Okay… I get it. I don't expect a second chance and quite frankly, I really don't deserve one. Thing is, I know you didn't love me. Not really, no. It might've become that, but… you never really, truly opened up to me. When I saw you at that mall… something had changed. I didn't know what it was, but… you changed. I'll admit my intentions weren't pure when I was seeking you out, I thought that you became something that I now realize you could never be-" Yuki says and I choke out a sob, shaking my head. "Okay, I get it- you had some kind of realization. Quite frankly, Yuki, I don't give a fuck. I could give less of a shit about what words you spill to me, trying to get me to let my guard down in my moments of weakness- this, us- it's never going to fucking happen. I can't with you, I don't want you in my life. You're right, you ruined it for me- and yeah, maybe you're right. I don't have a fucking clue what love is, maybe I didn't love you. But it doesn't change the fact that I gave it my all. What you did to me hurt, a lot." I say, sniffing softly as hot tears down my cheeks.

"It hurt a whole fucking lot. I hurt for months after that, and quite fucking frankly, if that's not love… then I don't want to know what is. I don't want my heart to be broken like that, I don't want that pain ever again. I don't want you in my life, I don't want you anywhere near me." I choke out, hearing Yuki sniff softly as I sob. "Yeah, well… I know we're not going to happen. Maybe in another life I realized you were the best thing that ever happened to me instead of hurting you and realizing it too late. I know we aren't going to happen and… I don't regret those two years. I regret that they'll be all I ever had with you. I'll regret that I can never hold your hand again, that I'll never take you stargazing at three in the morning-" Yuki says and I cry out in frustration, opening my eyes. "Shut up! Just shut up, okay? I don't- I don't want to fucking hear it. I really don't want to fucking hear it, haven't you hurt me enough? Is seeing me broken not enough for you? What part of get the fuck out, I don't want you in my life is not clear to you? If I wasn't strapped to a fucking hospital bed right now, I would be the one leaving. Just- just fucking leave already. Goodbye." I cry, my vision blurred with tears as I choke out my sobs.

The heart monitor was going crazy, the other person in the room trying to push Yuki out. "Hold on- I just, I just want to say one more thing. I'll say it then I'll leave you alone, I'll never reach out again, you'll never hear from me again." Yuki says though I'm too busy crying to say anything, curling into a ball. "Look, just because I fucked up doesn't mean that other people will hurt you like that, okay? I was- I was just an asshole who didn't know better. You didn't deserve that, I shouldn't have done that to you. But- but there are people out there that will do it right, okay? I just- don't hold back because of what I did to you. It's not always going to be like that, I know you've been holding back because of me. You shouldn't, because you deserve to be loved and holding back your love… it's a real fucking shame, because even if you didn't love me, you sure as hell knew how to make me feel loved. You're really good at relationships and you deserve way better, so… don't let how I hurt you affect you, okay? I'm sorry for that, really, not everyone is going to do that. Just… please, be happy with someone who actually deserves and loves you." Yuki says before I hear the door slam, though I just sob.

The nurses check on me and help me calm down before my mom is allowed to come back in. "Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" My mom asks as she takes a seat beside me, offering me a small smile. "For lack of a better word… I feel like shit." I croak and she laughs softly, brushing away a strand of hair that was stuck to my face by my own dried tears. "Oh, I can imagine. You've been in the hospital for two weeks…" She mumbles and I frown, shifting lightly. "Two weeks? I… I thought it's only been a day, two at most." I mumble and she shakes her head, offering me a half hearted smile. "It's been… tough. Your body lost a lot of blood, they had to give you multiple transfusions and sedate you so you wouldn't seize…" She mumbles and I take her hand, squeezing it softly. "It's okay, mom. You don't have to tell me. I know… I know it's hard for you." I say and she sniffs, nodding her head. "Um, they're gonna keep you overnight to keep an eye on you… then you can come home, but you'll have some special instructions. Your body is vulnerable to sickness right now, so you have to be extra careful." She says and I nod, taking a deep breath before slowly blowing it out.

"Um, how are the boys?" I ask and she laughs, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Oh, goodness. When I say they fought for the right to be by your side, I mean they went all out. They didn't really fight, I mean, I'm sure they would have if it wasn't for Aima telling them that you would be really upset if you knew… but they played all kinds of games, set up a schedule and everything. Arthur had them all scrubbed raw and tested for all sorts of diseases before they were even allowed in the room. He's been keeping the schedule and making sure they behave, they kind of designated him as the head. He's been having a bit too much fun with it, I'm sure I saw a few pictures of the boys on their hands and knees in his office." My mom says, making me laugh as I imagine what Arthur put the boys up to. "The family? How's Ukai been?" I ask as I settle in, her smile faltering as she looks down at her hands. "Oh, he's been so wonderful. He's with Akira right now, has been since we broke the news to him. Everyone's fine, worried of course… but we've been holding strong. It helps that all of your friends are here, they've been… nice." My mom says and I hum softly, fiddling with my fingers 

"I mean, really. The Karasuno boys have been keeping him company, helping him keep up you know? The others have been here, alternating time with you, watching you since we can't. Keeping us constantly updated so we know you're doing well, it really helps. Of course it was so sudden but… no one really knows what happened. The police have been waiting for you to wake up so they can get answers, all they've got is testimonies from the two little girls you've saved." My mom says before she reaches over and squeezes my hand tightly. "But… we do know that you ended up like this trying to save those girls, that it has to be because of the man. The girls are fine, by the way. Arthur has made arrangements for them to have security detail so they can't be taken again." My mom says and I nod, taking a deep breath. "Um, there's a schedule, right? Who's turn is it right now?" I ask and she pulls her hand away, smiling at me. "It's Suna's turn right now. He figured you'd want some time to yourself, he's in the waiting room right now." She says and I nod, settling into the bed. "Can you send him in so we can talk... alone?" I ask and she nods, beginning to stand.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll let the police know that you're awake, when you're ready they'll interview you." She says and I nod, watching quietly as she steps out of the room. I take a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling and slowly blowing it out. I flinch when I hear the door open- but I can't bring myself to look, a lump forming in my throat. "Hey, Sunshine." Suna says softly and I bite my bottom lip as tears gather in my eyes. "Suna… I think you should drop out of the competition." I croak and Suna pauses, though I take a deep shuddering breath. "Actually… I think that you should just… get out of my life." I croak and I see Suna's head tilt, though I roll onto my side, careful for my arm with all of the tubes attached. "Wait… what?" Suna asks quietly and I press my lips together, curling into a ball. "Did you not hear me? I… I think you and your family are better off without me. You should just get as far away from me as possible." I say, the heart monitor begins to make slightly faster beeps, though he's silent for a moment. "And why do you think that?" He asks and I shift, laughing softly. "That… that's a stupid question, isn't it?" I ask as I hear him walking over, sitting behind me.

"Suna… your little sister was kidnapped because of me. She was handcuffed to a monster, she was crying and so scared because… because he saw us together. He was at the park, watching everything we did… if I hadn't… if we didn't… look, just… being around me is putting you and your family in danger. I can't put you in that position… so I'm giving you a way out. Think about it, Suna. Really think about it, what if next time… What if next time I don't get to see her to the police station? What if next time he targets you, what if he hurts you to get to me? I… I can't. I just… I can't do that… I can't stand the thought of him using the people around me, the people dear to them…" I croak, though Suna takes my hand, squeezing it tight. "You know what, no. I'm… I'm not going to do that. I get where you're coming from, I do. It's scary to think that Hana… I was scared when I found out my sister was gone, I just… it's scary. That's never not going to be scary, but you promised you would save them and… you did. The moment I saw she was fine, unharmed… I was so thankful for you. You saved them both from that man." Suna says, his other hand sliding into my hair and brushing it out of my face.

"When I heard you were in the hospital… it scared me. It scared me because I had no idea how hurt you were, what you had done… what you had to do to save my sister. You got them out unharmed, but… what price did you have to pay?" Suna says and I sob softly, shaking my head. "It's not about what I had to do to save them, Rin! It's about putting them in danger in the first place. They shouldn't be put in danger like that, no one should be!" I cry, the heart monitor picking up it's pace though Suna hugs me tight. "You're right. No one should be put in danger like that… but it's not you that's the problem. That man was probably trying to make a point to me by taking my sister. I know it, he's trying to get me to back away from you… but I can't do that. I just can't." Suna says, squeezing my hand lightly as I sniff, feeling a teardrop down my face. "Look, I was there when you were flatlining, okay? I called out to you when you were dying. I just… when I saw them shock you, I saw that it didn't work the first time- all I could hear was you flatlining and just… I couldn't. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't function, I just… I couldn't." Suna says and I sob softly as he squeezes me lightly.

"You almost paid your life to save my sister. Hell, you did pay your life to save my sister. The whole time you were in the ICU, fighting for your life… I couldn't stand the thought of you dying. I couldn't stand the thought of being without you, especially since… I know we've only known each other for a small amount of time but…" Suna mumbles, falling quiet as I sniff, brushing the tears from my eyes. "Rin, it doesn't matter-" I sigh softly, looking into his eyes- though he stares right back. "Don't. Don't say that. It does matter. Don't push me away, Kimiko Suzuki. I'm not going anywhere, you can't get rid of me. I know it's going to be hard and that's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm going to stay right here, with you, because I love you." Suna says and I suck in a sharp breath, my heart skipping a beat- the heart monitor picks it up and I feel my cheeks burn as it starts going wild, Suna smiling widely. "I love you." He chuckles, pulling me into his arms though my whole body feels light, my heart pounding as a million butterflies take flight in my bloodstream. "I love you." He whispers, leaning over and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. I close my eyes and kiss him back, feeling all warm and bubbly inside.

I don't know how long we kiss, the heart monitor going wild as our tongues tangle. "Is everything- oh, oh!" The nurse says as she walks in and Suna chuckles, pulling away from the kiss. My face feels like it is on fire- I quickly cover it, making all kinds of shy noises. "That- that's- that's so not fair!" I squeak, squeezing my eyes tightly shut as I bite my lip, unable to stop my lips from curling in a smile. "I've loved you since that first day in the underpass. I haven't been able to get you out of my head and heart ever since." Suna whispers in my ear and I uncover my face- he snaps a picture. "Rin!" I cry out though he laughs, pulling away and smiling widely at me. His face was bright red, though he looked really happy- I slap my hands to my face and groan. "This picture is so cute, I'm going to use it as my screensaver." Suna says, showing me his phone- I peek out of my hands, though he just snaps another picture of me. "Rin!" I say, though he just laughs and leans down, kissing my forehead. "Sorry, just… I can't help it. I never want to forget what you look like right now." Suna says softly, offering me a sweet smile as he gently brushes his hand through my hair.

"You don't have to say anything, I understand that you're new to all this. I'm fine with that, I just wanted you to know my feelings." Suna says and I slowly look back at him, my cheeks burning as I take his hand. "I… Thank you, Rin. If there's one thing I know… it's that you mean a lot to me. I don't want to lose you and I'm… I'm really happy…" I whisper, sliding my fingers into his and squeezing his hand tightly. I offer him a genuine smile and he smiles back, lifting his phone up. I laugh as he takes even more pictures, my heart fluttering as I give him a big toothy smile. "Jeez, Rin. Why don't you just take a video? You're making a whole gallery with how fast your fingers have been tapping." I joke and Suna laughs, leaning down and kissing my forehead. "I've actually taken quite a few pictures of you. I have a gallery committed to you on my phone." Suna says, his lips twitching into a smile as I feel my face burn like it was on fire all over again. "Oh my-" I say before I pause, blinking before I frantically glance around. "Wait! What's today's number?" I ask and Suna furrows his eyebrows. "Uh, it's the 21st." Suna says and I gasp, slapping my hands over my face.

"Fwahh! No! Ah, I'm so behind! Shoot, where are my things? I need Arthur, asap!" I squeal, going to stand though Suna grabs me and forces me to lay down. "Lay down, I'll text Arthur that you need him. You aren't going anywhere, you're in the hospital for a reason, remember?" Suna asks and I purse my lips, slowly nodding as he starts tapping around on his phone. "What's the big deal?" He asks and I sigh, running a hand over my face. "It's the 21st of December! Christmas is on the 24th! I don't have any presents, I don't have a tree or anything- I'm so behind." I groan and Suna seems surprised, blinking at me. "You're in the hospital… And you're worried about Christmas." Suna asks and I scoff, looking over at him. "Well yeah! For me, Christmas is big! It's the day you can truly show your appreciation for your friends and family. I love Christmas, I get to spend time with all the people I love and enjoy their company, plus I get to see their happy faces as they open the presents I got for them!" I chime, smiling widely as I clap my hands together. "I'm especially excited about this year! Ah, I might have to celebrate it late." I sigh, pouting my cheeks as Suna raised an eyebrow at me.

"Why are you so excited for this year?" Suna asks and I offer him a big smile, squeezing his hand. "Because of you, silly! Well, not only you but… I've made so many friends this year, I want to spend Christmas with you all! Ah, I guess it's a bit late to ask that of everyone, they've probably already made their plans… I don't even know what they want. Shoot." I grumble, though Suna chuckles and runs a hand through my hair. "I'm sure they'd be glad to celebrate Christmas with you, even if it's a little late. Arthur says he's on his way." Suna says and I look up at him curiously, my lips twitching lightly. "What do you want for Christmas, Rin?" I ask softly and he hums, leaning down and kissing my cheek. "I just want you to be happy and healthy, that will make me happier than anything you could give me." Suna says and my heart flutters, the heart monitor picking it up. "Jeez, what the heck…"I grumble as my cheeks burn, rubbing my chest as my heart flutters. "You just like making my heart do weird stuff, don't you?" I ask and he laughs, squeezing my hand lightly. "Guilty as charged, it makes me happy." Suna says, offering me a big smile and making me giggle.