Late night chats

"My turn." Suna says as I lazily blink my eyes, feeling tired- "Alright, we'll finish this book later, Pudding." Kozu says and I hum softly as I pull myself to sit up, yawning softly. "Goodnight Kemma…" I mumble, Kozu leaning over and kissing my cheek before he takes my book and heads to the guest house. True Beauty was laid out on the ground, though I knew she would only be asleep for a little bit. It was nice to know she was relaxed enough to sleep so peacefully, so vulnerable. Suna sits down beside me, gently tugging me to lay down on his lap. I gladly roll over, burying my head into his chest and taking a deep breath of his comforting forest scent. "So… did you like Xavier?" Suna asks and I hum softly, shrugging my shoulders. "A long time ago, when I was a little girl- I mean, I was 5 and I thought he was a prince cause he liked showing me off. It came to my attention that he was just using me for eye candy and well… I quickly got over it. From then on he was just a close friend, I could never think of him as more. He is… was… I thought he was a good guy. I mean… turns out he was using me…" I mumble, Suna humming softly as he runs his fingers through my hair.

"Are you sure you aren't bored of me? You're not just using me as a rebound, are you? I mean, I understand if you are, but…" I mumble, Suna's fingers pausing in my hair as he looks down at me. "If I was bored of you, you would know. I wouldn't bother being here for you. I'm not using you for anything, I'm here because I really want to be. I was being serious, I'm not bored of you at all, I don't think I could ever find you boring. All other girls are boring, you ruined them from me- Alexis forced that kiss on me, we never said a word to each other. It completely caught me off guard, I didn't like it at all. All I want is you, I never wanted anything at all from her." Suna says and I slowly nod as he gently caresses my cheek. "You're my first true love, my one and only Sunshine; there is no one like you. I only want you, you hold my heart in your hands. You can be greedy with it, I don't mind. I want you to- hoard it, hold it like it's the most precious thing in the world. I want you to keep it and care for it forever." Suna says, making me smile as I peek up at him. "Your heart is the most precious thing in the world to me, I want to care for it as long as you let me." I admit as Suna's cheeks turned pink, his eyes widening.

"Well, besides Nen, but that's different. I am greedy for it, I want to keep it forever; I never want to give it back, I want to take care of it for the rest of my life- aren't I selfish? I don't want you to look at any other girls, I don't even want you to think of any other girls ever- unless it's our baby girl. I can make a once in a life exception." I say, Suna covering his face though I see his ears and neck turn red. "You want me to be the father of your children?" Suna asks softly as he lightly uncovers his face, peeking out at me. "Is that a bad thing? I know it's selfish and I'm being greedy but… I always wanted a big happy family. I wanted to have like, 8 kids- crazy, I know, but… I've been told I have one shot at a happy, healthy baby- and as much as I want more… I know that it'd probably be a lot to ask. I do want to have a baby with you, though… I also want one with Kozu and Kuroo… I'm so selfish." I sigh softly, though Suna grins as he chuckles softly. "I feel bad now… I know for sure I'll be loving one girl besides you." Suna says, making my jaw drop as I stare up at his teasing grin. "Wah- ah, mm- I don't… ah, I don't want it, but I can't deny you. It wouldn't be fair." I whine, pouting as I turn my gaze away from him.

"I'm so selfish… such a hypocrite… I'm terrible, aren't I?" I mumble softly, though Suna grins wider as he cups my chin, lifting it so I look up at him. "It's okay, I love you more for it. That might make me stupid, but… I can't help but love you even more when you're so greedy and selfish for my love." Suna says, making my cheeks burn as I stare up at him. "I'll love one- two, if we're lucky- girls besides you; they'll call you mommy and they'll call me daddy, we'll love them and raise them together as a happy family. Even if they aren't our flesh and blood… we can look into adoption and surrogacy." Suna says, making my face burn as my eyes widen. "My love for them will be different but… you can gladly hoard my special love, it was made especially for you anyway." Suna says and I shyly cover my face, making flustered noises as he chuckles. "Can you... kiss me?" I whisper shyly, Suna brushing my hands from my face and giving me a sweet, loving smile before he leans down, cupping my chin- he pulls me into a tender, gentle kiss that makes my blood blossom in millions of fluttering butterflies. I feel really happy as I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back as my heart pounds.

"Fuck, I'm so happy I literally can't stop smiling. God, I love you so fucking much. How can you literally be absolutely perfect in every which way, all the damn time- huh? What are your secrets, woman? Tell me." Suna chuckles as he barely pulls away from my lips, his eyes soft and full of affection. "Mm, I'm not really sure, but it seems like it's working really well for me so… maybe I should keep it up." I say jokingly, making Suna groan as he smiles even wider. "Keep your secrets then, you temptress. God, you're such a tease." He chuckles, making me laugh giddily as I shake my head. "I'm not even trying! I'm not doing anything, how can I be teasing you?!" I laugh, making Suna chuckle more as he gives me a toothy smile. "See?! There you go again- you pull it off so flawlessly, so effortlessly. It's almost like you don't even try but you're always being such a tease." Suna says, making me let out a giggle as I smile right back at him. "But I'm not even trying!" I say, feeling giddy as he scoffs, shaking his head. "Lies, the lot of them. You can try and play it off, but… there is no way I can be absolutely in love with you when you're not even trying." Suna says, my breath catching though he kisses me passionately.

"Mm… fuck… I'm so happy… my cheeks hurt from smiling too much." I say shyly when he finally pulls away, covering my red face as I bite my bottom lip- I couldn't stop smiling. His words were so friggin' sweet, so nice and they made me feel oh so good. "I know Sunshine… why don't you go ahead and take a nap? I'll watch Beau, you need your rest so you can wake up and tease me properly tomorrow." He says, making me giggle as I lay back in his lap. "Whatever you say, Sloth Boy. Goodnight." I say, nuzzling my head into him though he pulls the blanket I had brought snugly around me. "I love you, Sunshine. Goodnight." Suna says softly, beginning to gently stroke his fingers through my hair as he settles back against the bench. He seems very relaxed, an easy smile on his face and a bright sparkle in his eye as he just looks out over the backyard. "Man, how can you be so damn perfect? you literally ruined everyone else for me, no one will compare to you. I just… I can't get enough of you, what will I do without you?" Suna mumbles softly, running his fingers through my hair. "I'm never going to let you go… you're just too precious to me." Suna says as I slowly drift off with a big happy smile on my face.

"Sunshine… Sunshine. I'm going now, okay?" Suna says softly as he brushes his thumb over my cheek, stirring me from my sleep as he gently kisses my forehead. "Hm? Mm, mhm…" I mumble as I lethargically drag myself to sit up, gently kissing his cheek. "Gnight…" I mumble, yawning as he slides off the bench and chuckles softly. "Goodnight, Sunshine." Suna says, walking toward the guesthouse as I lazily blink my eyes open. "Hello, Kitten." Kuroo whispers, taking Suna's spot- I jump, having been caught off guard by his presence. "Shii- you scared me." I sigh, putting a hand to my chest as he chuckles softly. "My bad." He says as I put my legs down off the bench, avoiding looking at him. I didn't know what to say, what to do- After all, Arthur liked Kuroo. It felt wrong to do anything with Kuroo when I knew it could hurt Arthur. "Upsy daisy." Kuroo says, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me to straddle him. "Wha- but, Kuroo!" I hiss softly, my cheeks burning as he gives me an easy grin. "Shh… I missed you. Is it bad that I want to just hold you in my arms? It's been so long since I have, I just want to." Kuroo says softly, his eyes full of tender and sweet affection- my whole face burning.

"Kuroo… Arthur…" I mumble, dropping my gaze down as I hesitantly place my hands on his chest. "What about him?" Kuroo asks and I anxiously look to the side, pressing my lips together. "He… likes you…" I whisper, Kuroo chuckling softly as he strokes my hips with his thumbs. "I know he does." Kuroo says and I look into his eyes- he stared right back, unwavering, determined with that steady passionate gaze. "Then… we can't…" I mumble, though Kuroo shakes his head. "Mm. We can. Arthur may like me but… I love you. I know you love me. I know you want to fight for me, that you want me deep down… I don't want Arthur. I want you, I'll fight for you- even if I have to fight you for the right to love you. You're more than worth it to me, I don't want anyone but you. I'll love you and take care of you, even if you don't want it; I know that Arthur only likes me, we had a talk about it." Kuroo says, my eyes widening as I feel like my face caught on fire. "You can get over liking someone, but… love? I could never get over my love for you. That's just how powerful my love for you is, Kitten; if your love is even half as powerful than mine, then…" Kuroo says softly, brushing his thumb over my cheek and smiling.

"Then I know that you wouldn't be able to let go, no matter what or who comes between us. It's okay to be selfish if you don't want to let go of me, Kitten, especially when I already know who I'll choose- and I'll always choose you. I know you want to choose Arthur, but… in this case, it's just pointless because I'll just choose you. Arthur will choose you, too- it's okay to say no, he'll totally understand your choice. Saying yes… it'll only cause more pain for all of us. I want you to choose me… because I know that deep down, you can't bear the thought of losing me. Knowing that, I could never deny you- especially when I know deep in your heart, you're begging me to stay. Your words may say yes… I know that your body, your heart, your soul… they want to scream no, and that's perfectly okay- my body, my heart, my soul scream no, too. I can't deny you, I can't let go of you… I could never choose anyone but you, no matter what they have or what they offer. You are my everything- and you will always be #1 to me." Kuroo says, my body lighting up with happiness as I shyly bury myself into his chest. "Because I love you." Kuroo says, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

"I will always love you. I will always be here when you want me, I will always be here when you need me- and I will do everything in my power to make you happy, to make you smile and feel comfortable, safe within my arms." Kuroo says, kissing the side of my head as my heart pounds in my chest. "No matter what it is, no matter how big or small, if you ever- if you ever need someone, to talk to, to lean on, to just keep you company, whatever you may need… no matter what it is, I will be here. You can always ask me for help, I don't mind; I will do everything in my power for you. So you can tell Arthur no and I will say yes to you. I will say yes a thousand times to you and I will mean it with every single molecule it took to say it. Just like how I will say I love you a million times to you and I will mean every single one of them with every fiber of my being." Kuroo says, millions of butterflies taking flight in my blood. "So you can tell Arthur no, you can tell him to fuck off- you can be selfish and tell him to never look at me again… and I'll be perfectly fine with that, because I only want you. Arthur was never an option; he knows it, I know it- we both know it." Kuroo says, laying his chin on my shoulder.

"And I know that deep down in your heart, you know it, too. You know it because deep down in your heart, every fiber of your being is screaming 'no', it's tearing you apart with every passing second; you're fighting your instincts with something you simply can't resist. Now… how dare you deny me what I know you want? I can't deny my instincts, I can't deny you- and I sure as hell won't be saying no to you when I know you want me just as bad as I want you. I don't care what you say, what you think, what you do… I will take care of you, even if you feel like you don't need it, even if you feel like it's wrong… taking care of you is my number one priority. It's simply built into my biology, I can't help but act on it. So… if you tell Arthur yes… I will spend every day, every second of the rest of my life… proving to you that No is the right answer. You'll simply be wasting Arthur's time telling him Yes- and I know you don't want to waste Arthur's valuable time, especially when we both know what the answer will be anyway." Kuroo whispers and I press my lips together, slowly nodding. "Don't even think of denying my love, Kitten." Kuroo chuckles softly, nuzzling his head in my neck and gently stroking me.

"Because I will show you just how strong and stubborn I can be; I will irritate you, bug you and in general be a pain in the ass- just by loving you, never leaving you alone and proving that you love me just as much. I will literally make you fall madly in love with me, I will piss you off and you'll fall even more in love with me until you simply can't deny it. I will find a way- and you'll just be along for the ride that is my love for you. Don't test me, Kitten- Because Kuroo Tetsuro will hold back at nothing because I know… I know that you love me just as much as I love you. And if you love me just as much… I know in the end you will never say yes to Arthur and mean it. I know that saying those words will feel like sandpaper on your tongue, that it will hurt your heart and shatter your soul… and I will take care of you. I will soothe you and put you back together until you say no- and you will say no, because I know you want to." Kuroo says and I curl my fingers in his shirt, hiding my face in his chest. "Just like I know you want me for the rest of your life, that you want to bear my children and wear a ring on your finger that I put there. I won't deny you your hopes and dreams." Kuroo chuckles as I make shy noises.

"Damnit, Kuroo… I get the memo, okay? I got it… I'll talk to Arthur about it…" I mumble, making Kuroo chuckle as he cups my chin, lifting me to look up at him. "I knew you would. It was only a matter of time." Kuroo says, leaning down and capturing my lips in an affectionate kiss. I close my eyes, clinging desperately to Kuroo's bigger frame as he pours all of his love and passion into that one kiss- and boy, he sure was giving a lot. "Boy, if you don't get your lips off of my granddaughter, I will show you the wrath of hell." My grandpa says, making Kuroo laugh as he pulls back from the kiss. I shyly dropped my head, covering my face as I realized my grandpa had caught us. "Sorry, sir- but… I have to tell you this. This won't be the last time I kiss your granddaughter, just like it isn't the first- I will love her, I will be by her side and I will take care of her, whether you like it or not. We will have a happy family and I will prove to you that I am the perfect man to make her smile everyday of her life- through the good and the bad, I will be with her if she'll have me. One day, if I'm lucky- you'll walk her down the aisle and I'll kiss her with an 'I do'." Kuroo says, my jaw dropping as I stare at him with wide eyes.

"Are you crazy Kuroo?! My grandpa will kill you!" I shriek, Kuroo giving me a big toothy grin as he chuckles softly. "What? It's true; I want it, I know you want it- someday, he'll be glad to see it. I know you'll say yes to me; you can't deny what your heart wants- I know damn well I'll never deny you." Kuroo says and I slap a hand on my face, knowing that it was bright red- as my grandpa bursts out into laughter. "The last time someone said such words to me… I called bullshit. You got a lot to prove, Kuroo Tetsuro- I look forward to it. You've got a big shadow to fill, if you really want to fill it… maybe start off by not kissing my granddaughter in front of me, especially since I've got half the mind to shoot you for it." My grandpa chuckles, heading back inside as my jaw drops even more. "How did you just survive? Oh my god- I was ready to start planning your funeral!" I say, utterly astonished as Kuroo chuckles, looking at me with that love filled gaze. "I think I'm starting to grow on him- you think if I called him Paps he'd let me get away with it?" Kuroo asks, making me burst out into hearty laughter. "He would literally kill you, Kuroo Tetsuro!" I laugh, making Kuroo laugh as he holds me tight.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Kuroo says, holding me in his lap as he buries his head into my neck. "But… tell me, Kitten- if you ever need someone, for anything- whether it be a small or big thing, a simple task or something big for you- that you feel uncomfortable just asking anyone for, will you come to me?" Kuroo asks and I fidget lightly, not knowing what to say. "Well… I don't…" I mumble, dropping my gaze down and shyly itching the back of my neck- I was used to being alone, having to deal with those things by myself with no one to help me. There was even a time when we ran out of pads and I had to walk to the store, bleeding bloody hell in my pants and in agony- that had been utterly humiliating, but I had to deal with it. "I don't care what it is, I don't care what's happening between us, even if we are in a huge argument or fight- I don't care how embarrassing or how hesitant you are to ask… just ask. I'll kiss you and hold you if you asked me to, even if we're in the middle of the biggest fight of our lives- I don't care if you ask me to bark like a dog and dance on a table- if it makes you happy, I will do it. Just ask, okay?" Kuroo asks, gently running his fingers through my hair.

"But…" I mumble, my cheeks burning as I press my lips together. "I don't care if you think you're bothering me, I don't care what you tell yourself; if you need something, anything at all, from me or just in general- anything at all, Kitten, you can ask me. I would never consider you a bother, I want you happy and I want to help you, no matter what it is. I really couldn't care less what it is- if I can't help, I'll tell you straight out. If I can help, I'll be there in a heartbeat for anything you ask. I would literally do anything I could to help you; all you need to do is ask. Whether you need something from the store, if you want company, if you get bored and need entertainment… of course, if you want some fun I'll definitely be up for that, too. Anything and everything, Kitten- if you need me, just ask. If I could, I'd be there for you every second of every day and you'd never have to ask because I'd already have it done. I really couldn't care less- I'll even clean horse shit for you. Don't hesitate to ask, okay? I'm here to help. I want to help. I want to be there for you, I want to listen to you and all your insecurities… just ask and I'll be here, okay?" He says and I nod, lightly curling into him as my cheeks burn.

"Tetsuro… thank you. Really, it means a lot to me. I just… if you need me, it's the same, okay? I'm sure I can't be as comforting as you or anyone else but… it really means a lot to me that you'd do that for me. I want to do the same for you, you're precious to me. I'll help you anyway I can, even if it's just listening to you or holding you… I want to return the favor and make you happy, too." I admit, shyly looking up at him as he gives me a soft smile, kissing my nose. "Thank you, Kitten." Kuroo says, his eyes full of that same affection- jeez, just how much did he really love me? "I mean it, you know… I want to be there for you. I know what it's like to feel like no one is there when you need them, I know what it's like to feel alone… I really want to be someone you can rely on, because… you are someone I can rely on, or at least you try to be. You can tell me your secrets, your insecurities and stuff… I'll listen, I'll try to help because… well, I want to." I say, Kuroo's face melting into a sweet soft look as he brushes his fingers over my cheek. "I know what it's like to be stubborn and not seek anyone out, even when you really feel really alone or like you need help." I say softly, looking deep into Kuroo's eyes.

"God… you're just so… how can someone so tiny have such an effect on me? I mean, really." Kuroo chuckles, smiling as he lays his forehead against mine. "I… that time I saw you fell asleep crying… it made me really sad. I don't want that, I really don't- I never want you to fall asleep like that, it really fucking sucks, crying yourself to sleep. I know because I've been there, a lot… I know that your house feels empty, that you go to Kenma's because the silence can be deafening sometimes and you just want someone to be there. I've been there, Kuroo… and you guys took that away for me. I want to take that away for you, even if we just call in the middle of the night and just sit quietly, or if you just talk about anything or everything… I don't mind. I'll even read you a book until you fall asleep, if you wanted me to. I like the company I just… I'm afraid to ask, I'm sure you know what that feels like, too." I say, Kuroo swallows thickly as his eyes widen. "I want you to be happy, I really do- no matter what, I think happy teasy Kuroo is the best Kuroo, but I understand you're not always like that. I know you have your weaknesses, your insecurities..." I say, Kuroo dropping his gaze and pressing his lips together.

"I know you have your own history, your own past… you don't have to talk about it, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to… I know. I understand, I've been there to… but you all took that away and you make me really happy. I want to return the favor anyway I can… because that's what you do, right? I want to. I want to do that for you, for all of you. I want to see all of you, so I can accept and appreciate you for all that you are and all that you do… despite everything that's happened, you've always been here for me, you still are and you still want to be. I want to do the same for you, you deserve it." I say, seeing tears gather in his eyes as his lips begin to tremble. "It's okay to be weak with me… because I'm weak with you, but you still accept me. I want to lift you up, to make you happy like you do for me on a daily basis. I want to share this endless kindness and happiness that you give me so freely." I say softly, gently brushing the tears away as they slip down Kuroo's cheek. "It's the give and take, you know? You give so much, and… I want you to take all that you need from me, too. Especially since… well, I want it forever." I say, Kuroo letting out a watery chuckle as he looks at me.

"You really are perfect, you know that?" He whispers softly, making me smile as I lean up, gently kissing his forehead. "Shouldn't I be saying that about you? You're always so willing for me… you never even question or hesitate, when it seems like all I do is just think twice… when it comes to helping you, I don't want to think twice." I say and Kuroo smiles, laying his head against my chest and holding me tight. "Well, yeah. Thinking twice isn't a bad thing, though. It's just, when it comes to you, your happiness, your safety, I would literally do everything in my power to secure that for you." Kuroo says, making me giggle as I gently stroke my fingers through his hair. "And you do, it means the world to me that you do that. I mean, you all make me insanely happy- it honestly feels ridiculous how happy you can make me sometimes. The least I can do is accept you for who you are, like you do with me- and try to give you that back. I mean… if you're telling me it's okay to ask for more… isn't it okay for you to do the same? I want to help, I do." I say, Kuroo humming softly as I cradle his head against my chest. I was on my knees, Kuroo hunched over with his head laid on my breasts- he was a big guy.

"I do get lonely a lot… but when I'm with you, it's like I was never alone." Kuroo admits softly and I hum, nuzzling my head into his hair. "Mm… maybe you should get a cat? That's what I did when it was just me at my house… I got two cats, actually, but… they can be really fun. You can play with them if they're lively, sometimes they'll come and demand a cuddle… I know for sure that my kitten, if I don't leave my room door open at night, she'll come and play with the door stop until I open it. Then she'll come and just knead me for like an hour and lay with me for 30 minutes, then proceed to ditch for a while, then she'll come back and do it again- I swear, sometimes I want to just keep her locked out until she goes and bothers Akira, but at the same time she's so cute that I can't help but open the door for her. The mama cat will come and curl up behind my back though, but she doesn't demand I open the door like the kitten does. Oh, but if you don't like cats, maybe a dog? They require a lot more attention though, cats are more independent creatures, though they can be demanding at times. I guess it depends on the cat." I say, making Kuroo chuckle as he looks up at me and I lay my forehead on his.

"Mm, maybe I will then. It wouldn't hurt to look, there's plenty of room in my house anyways. Something trotting around my house will be entertaining enough, especially with summer coming." Kuroo says, making me smile as I wiggle my nose against his. "Or you can invite Bokuto for a sleepover? I'm sure you two would have lots of fun, you're friends, right?" I say, making Kuroo laugh as I slowly slide back down to sit in his lap. "Yeah, but then Bokuto gets fidgety and wants to play volleyball, but we don't invite Akaashi because I don't have the room for him, so he goes and bugs Kenma and makes Kenma uncomfortable…" Kuroo says and I let out a bubbly laugh, knowing he was probably speaking from experience. "Then stay the night with Bokuto then!" I chime, though Kuroo groans and lays his head back. "But then we tire Akaashi out by playing volleyball and we don't get to sleep because he and his two older sisters-" Kuroo says though I gasp, covering my mouth. "Bokuto has two older sisters?! Whaaat? Do they have the… you know…" I say, pointing my fingers up in the horn like fashion that Bokuto styles his hair in. "No!" Kuroo laughs, shaking his head and smiling widely at me.

"They're actually pretty cool, one's more refined- she has black hair, she's a professional ballet dancer- and the other is eccentric- crazy like Bokuto, with the white hair; she's a business woman of some sort. When I stay over the three of them get into all kinds of stuff and we end up staying up at all times of night." Kuroo says and I let out a bubbly laugh, imagining Bokuto knowing all the juicy gossip in the ballet and business scene. "Oh, yeah! You have an older sister too, right? What does she do?" I ask, Kuroo giving me a small smile as he sits back on the bench. "Her name is Mayumi, she actually works with Bokuto's older sister at some kind of business agency, I don't really know much about the details. They're best friends, that's kinda how Bokuto and I met- we would occasionally go out with our sisters and they'd let us hang out and goof around. I don't get to see her much since she works in Tokyo and all, but she does stop by and visit here and there." Kuroo says and I hum softly, laying against his chest. "Your house is always so empty…" I say, Kuroo chuckling softly as he wraps his arms around my waist. "I actually live with 4 people." Kuroo says and I hum curiously, closing my eyes.

"I'm supposed to live with my grandparents, my sister and my dad but… they're often busy with work and stuff, so I get left behind. My dad goes on business trips pretty often and my grandparents' work is actually a bit of a ways away, though their jobs offer them lodging to save them from the commute. They kind of pop in and out as they please, I never really know when anyone's gonna pop in so… I mostly just hang out with Kenma." Kuroo says and I hum softly, kind of curious about his mom. "My mom and dad divorced when I was younger." Kuroo admits softly, gently stroking my thigh as I purse my lips. "Oh. I'm sorry, that must've been hard." I mumble, Kuroo chuckling softly as he stretches out his legs. "Well, kinda, yeah. We moved to my current house right after the divorce, that's where I met Kenma. My parents weren't the best couple… in fact I'd go as far as to say they were pretty toxic. My dad was always a workaholic, he went away a lot for work for long periods of time... but whenever he was home, they'd argue a whole lot." Kuroo admits, though I can tell it was a tender topic considering his tone of voice- he was divulging this to me, a small piece of Kuroo that I didn't know.

I waited patiently for him to continue, gently caressing his chest as he slowly blew out a breath. "She was an okay mom. I mean, she was actually there- she was nothing like you, though. Seeing you and Nen… it really showed me what she lacked, you know? You're a fantastic mom, I'd even go as far as to say you're one of the best- she wasn't really like that, though. She never encouraged me, she never sought me out cause she missed me or praised me or anything… it was kinda like I was just there and she just dealt with me because she had to. She and my dad fought all the time, it was weird how often they'd fight and always over such trivial things, too. Sometimes they'd get drunk and the fights would get really bad- I mean, screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs. There were never tears though, just… bitter anger and hatred. They couldn't stand each other, I never knew why they were even together- they never even touched each other or slept in the same bed together." Kuroo mumbles, staring out at the yard as I slowly slide my arms around him. "I tried blocking it out, it was all I could do. I used pillows, music... anything, really." Kuroo mumbles, beginning to lazily swing the bench.

"But I hated it. I really hated it when they fought- it really bugged me, you know? Fighting so unnecessarily all the time, it just… it kinda pissed me off but at the same time, what could I really do? I didn't even understand half the time, I was just a kid. It was just annoying to deal with, but I dealt with it anyways because I had to. I could only hope that one or the other would leave and that it'd be quiet again. It got to the point where I wondered if they ever even loved each other at all." Kuroo says, sounding a bit dejected as I hum softly, trying to offer my comfort. "I read a lot of books back then- science books, mostly, but there were some romance books in there too. I kind of got the idea that my parents were a special case from there… but my mom… Well, she found someone new. She would start leaving late at night, sometimes she'd leave for days on end… when she'd come back, she'd kinda just ignore me, like I wasn't even there. By then I was used to kind of taking care of myself, I could make myself stuff to eat and dad would leave cash in the fridge for groceries." Kuroo says, though I don't say anything- I can't imagine what it must have felt like for him, watching all that.

"It didn't take long for me to realize she was cheating, either. Sometimes she'd bring the guy home and well… I'd go to the store and just hang out. I didn't want to be there, I just walked around and did kid things. I got into volleyball around then, so I joined the club at my school and would stay late. Sometimes when I'd go home… the door would be locked, so I'd go to a friend's house and just hang out for the night." Kuroo says and I press my lips into a tight frown, appalled that he actually went through such a thing. "I actually started wishing they were just fighting again, it was better than… whatever. Anyways, I went home one day and my parents were fighting, really bad- I'm talking throwing things at each other, screaming at the top of their lungs and just… dad found out she was cheating. She demanded a divorce and well… they did. They didn't even fight anymore after that. They didn't look at each other, didn't speak a word to each other… it was just suffocating silence, full of bitter anger and hatred. My mom didn't even fight for custody, she just… gave us up to my dad. She left without even looking back and we moved." Kuroo says and I slowly nod, holding him tight.

"And I've pretty much just been home, doing things… it's so quiet now, but… you're completely right, the silence can be deafening sometimes. Not having my mom around… it's been hard, but it's been… better, I guess? I can't really say…" Kuroo says and I look up at him, gently caressing his cheek. "I kind of get it… not the parents fighting things. My parents… they were total love birds. As a little girl, I used to dream of having something like their love- it was perfect, really. They never fought, even when times were tough… They always supported each other and loved each other above anything. If something was wrong, they'd talk and work together to fix it. They were utterly devoted to each other, too- I idolized them for that, I took so many notes from their relationship and kept it in my mind so I knew what to say, what to do… but… My dad got sick. My mom tried, and tried, and tried… but in the end, it didn't matter. She was… she was so heartbroken. We all were- it tore our family apart, it made a big gaping hole where he had been and… nothing could ever fill that. Nobody could ever fill that… Akira was just a baby then, but…" I whisper as I shyly itch the back of my neck.

"It was quiet. That's the first thing I noticed- it was quiet and mom didn't come out of her room unless it was for work or to take care of us. When I would put my ear to her door… I could hear her crying. She cried for so long… it hurt. It hurt more than any words ever could, because I knew that my dad had made the biggest hole in her heart. He made a hole in her life- and he left her hurting because he didn't even get to say goodbye. He went in his sleep- he knew that he was going, he knew and he made the arrangements so we wouldn't have to. The whole time we still held hope, we tried, we believed- but it wasn't enough and it left my mother a broken, hollow shell. He used to come home with flowers and words of dear love, he'd always embrace her and she'd get the biggest smile on her face- but… she didn't smile anymore. Not like that, at least. Her smiles from then on were painful, forced… and that silence that his words used to fill was just that. Silence." I whisper, Kuroo gently stroking my back as he listens. "I wasn't the best kid during that time, either- I rebelled, I got into a lot of trouble- I was just… I was so angry." I admit softly, closing my eyes and taking a breath.

"It just… didn't feel fair. The world took my father, one of the strongest and most amazing men I knew… and made him weak using sickness. It took him out in the slowest, most painful ways possible… and I was so fucking mad, because I couldn't do anything about it. I was so mad that he died so young… he should've gone when he was like, 60 or something. But no, he went when he was 30… he was a heavy smoker, you know? He smoked since he was like, 11. He smoked a full carton in a week- it was his only flaw in my eyes, I always tried bugging him to stop, telling him that it would make him sick… I was right." I mumble, tilting my head and tapping lightly on my neck. "It started as a pulled muscle… then we woke up one day and he was foaming out of the mouth. He came back and told me he got Non-hodgkin's lymphoma, right here. Can you imagine telling your kids you've got stage four cancer when you're 29? That you probably weren't going to make it because it had gotten so far?" I whisper, Kuroo pressing his lips tightly together. "He was a strong man… but it spread. Under his pits… he got a mass the size of…" I whisper, choking up as tears gather in my eyes.

"It was really visible, you know? It was huge, it was- it was bigger than a baseball, right here in his collarbone. It was nasty- big, purple and black… it was bleeding, open sores and just… it made me so sick. I wanted it to just go away. It came so suddenly too- it built from nothing to that in less than a year." I croak, my voice trembling as I remember the sight of it. "And… he got so fucking sick. He couldn't eat anything- everything just tasted like chemicals. Have you ever seen a grown man cry eating salad? I did- he cried because he could actually fucking taste it. Can you imagine being that desperate to taste something that didn't taste like chemicals?" I sob, tears gathering in Kuroo's eyes as he shakes his head. "He got so fucking tired too; but he still went to work, to chemo- work actually had to force him to take time off for him to stop going. He was so stubborn, so strong but… it just made him weak, tired…" I sob softly, shaking my head and covering my eyes. "And then he couldn't leave the hospital… he knew it then… he told us that it was the closest he ever felt to god and… he couldn't keep the food down. He was puking it all up." I sob and Kuroo squeezes me tighter as he quietly cries.

"My mom took me to the hospital gift shop and we bought rosaries to pray… she told me that she had prayed to one of them and her wish came true." I whisper, my chest feeling tight as I let out a soft, broken laugh. "I had seen him throwing up that morning, so much and so hard that it came out of his nose. His skin was turning yellow because his kidneys were failing, his body shutting down… he couldn't keep the pills down- and I could see the pain in his eyes. So I asked God to take his pain away. I asked that his suffering stopped- because I couldn't watch the world turn the strongest man in my life like that. It didn't take long- it didn't even take a month. He died in his sleep- I was lying beside him, asleep when I felt this…" I mumble, gesturing to my shoulder area. "Warmth. It gently woke me from my sleep and… he was gone. He didn't even say goodbye… and I just felt… I didn't really feel anything. Everyone was crying and I just… I hugged them, I offered words of comfort but… I didn't feel anything at all." I admit, Kuroo gently squeezing me as I shrug. "I felt like a monster for it… what kind of daughter doesn't cry when their father dies?" I laugh ironically, Kuroo shaking his head.

"But… you do cry, don't you?" Kuroo whispers and I let out a broken laugh, clinging tightly to him. "I was actually kind of relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore… I kind of knew he was going to heaven, so… he went to a better place, right? Why cry? I miss him, I do. Sometimes I think he'll just pop and be like- 'surprise!' but… you know, reality wouldn't have it. Sometimes I dream of him- one time I actually had a dream that he came to me and just stood beside me… when I asked him why he had come, he just said 'I felt like you needed me right now, so I came'. It made me cry, it did. It made me cry a lot, because I was happy- I always heard of him visiting others in their dreams but… he never came to me. I kind of figured others needed him more than I did so… the one time he did come to me made me feel really good. I don't think I'll ever forget that, just like I won't forget that warmth when he died… I think that was him saying goodbye, you know? He couldn't say it himself, so…" I mumble and Kuroo nods, gently stroking my shoulder as I close my eyes. "My mom hurt the most… she was really the strongest…" I whisper softly, squeezing Kuroo a little tighter.

"I mean, can you imagine watching the one you love slip from your fingers like that? Just… not being able to do anything for them? Watching them suffer like that? She had to make the choice not to resuscitate him. She had to make the choice to let the love of her life go… I couldn't do it. It scares me. It does. If I… if I have to say goodbye forever to the one I love… I couldn't do it. I couldn't be strong like her, I'd fall apart… that's one of the reasons I'm so scared to be in love. I… I hate the idea of anyone I love dying. I've already watched one too many people I love die… watching the people around me suffer is the worst, you know? They call us the survivors because we have to suffer the pain they leave behind… I watched my mom fall apart, I watched her cry herself to sleep and just… try to survive without my father for years. It killed me- if being in love means having to let them go without being able to say goodbye… Then I don't want it. So… I kind of just… tried not falling in love. I guess I failed but… I'm still really afraid of it." I admit, Kuroo gently squeezes me as he chuckles softly. "Not all love is going to be like that, you know…" Kuroo says and I slowly nod, burying my head in his chest.

"Yeah, I know. It's still scary to think about- I mean, I was only 8 when my dad died. I have nightmares about my mom dying now- I can't stand the thought of her dying. Her being in pain… It kills me, I want my mom to be happy more than anything in the world. She's met someone and she's getting married now- Ukai is a really fun and cool guy, but he's not my dad. I still want her to be happy and he makes her happy so… it's been 9 years now. I think she's long overdue for some happiness." I say and Kuroo hums softly, gently stroking my back. "Your dad passed surrounded by people who loved him, with plenty of love and care in his system to keep his strength… I don't think he gave up. I think he just accepted his fate and knew that he did everything he could- sure, he didn't go out fighting, but he fought hard. I think your mom knew and respected that- it wasn't a bad way to go, especially in a painful battle against your own body. You're right, it must've taken a lot to make that decision but… I think you knew deep down that it was his way. Peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by loved ones and the people that meant the world to him." Kuroo says softly, making me smile lightly- he was right.

"Yeah… you'll miss him, you hate that he went like that but… the pain is proof of love, right? Letting go… it isn't an option, but… saying goodbye should be. He's in a better place and he's held tightly in your hearts, in your memories with him… and you saw him in a better place." Kuroo says and I nod, squeezing him a little tighter. "Sorry, this was supposed to be your little talk but… I ended up babbling." I mumble shyly, Kuroo chuckling softly and kissing my cheek. "No, no- it's fine. We both have that pain- it's just for different reasons. It's actually kind of nice, knowing that you can relate in your own way… honestly, I'm scared to fall in love because I'm scared I'll end up like my parents. The fighting, the bitter anger and hatred… I don't want it. I really don't- I hate fighting. I really do- fighting is the last thing I want in a relationship. I want what your parents had- that love, the trust and just… it sounds wonderful. If it means the painful ending… I think it'd be worth it. It's way better than fighting all the time." Kuroo says, making me crack a small smile. "But it hurts more." I mumble, Kuroo shrugging as he holds me close. "If it was you… it'd be worth it." Kuroo says, making me smile as I close my eyes.

"I'd much rather love you while the time permits it and feel the pain of losing you than feel anger of pointless arguing and saying a bitter goodbye. But… I do hope that we just get to love each other until we're old, with grandchildren and plenty of love over the ages." Kuroo says, making me giggle softly as I nod. "Yeah… that does sound nice." I admit, Kuroo laid his chin on my head. "If we do fight… I want it to be play fighting, I want it to be me teasing and annoying you and you getting sassy and fussy like you do. It's absolutely adorable, I mean, I can't get enough of it; That's literally the only argument I want with you." Kuroo says, making me giggle as I shake my head. "Oh, I see how it is- you trying to pick a fight with me, punk? You think just because we had a heart to heart that I won't kick your ass?" I tease, making Kuroo laugh as he pulls back, grinning down at me. "What are you gonna do about it, short stuff? Hiss at me? Maybe you'll spice it up and kiss me angrily?" Kuroo says, making me laugh as I shake my head. "How the heck do you kiss someone angrily?" I laugh, making Kuroo laugh as he shrugs his shoulders. "Heck if I know." He laughs, both of us laughing together.

"Mm. The only bad thing about not fighting is missing out on the angry makeup sex." Kuroo says, making me snort as I raise an eyebrow at him. "Makeup sex?" I ask and he laughs, giving me a sly grin. "Oh yeah, that good rough stuff that's just pounding out your frustrations together. The stuff that makes it so you can't walk afterwards because someone forgot to put the milk back in the fridge and the other drank the spoiled stuff." Kuroo says, making me laugh as I throw my head back. "That's oddly specific; It almost sounds like you're talking from experience- why the heck would you even get so mad you have sex about it anyways?! Besides, you do that to me all the time, Kuroo." I say, making Kuroo laugh as he grins even wider at me. "Oh, but it's so different Kitten- it's the act that broke the camel's back, when you're so in love, angry and horny that you literally just grab and fuck the absolute shit out of your significant other- it's on a whole other level." Kuroo says and I cover my face, still laughing at his antics. "Oh my gosh- that's ridiculous. If you're that desperate, we can do it on purpose or something." I laugh, Kuroo raising an eyebrow and grinning at me.

"Oh? You'll make me mad at you on purpose so I fuck the absolute shit out of you? How will you do that?" Kuroo says, a sly grin spreading over his face as I shrug. "Well, believe it or not Arthur specializes in that kind of stuff; he made someone so irritated they fucked him over a couch- a simple couch. I can ask him some tips and pointers, but then again I don't know if it'd work since I don't know what would get you like that." I say, Kuroo humming as he leans his head back. "Well, when you agreed to date Toru, before I knew the context I was right there. Of course, Suna got to you first- pretty damn sure he had makeup sex with you then." Kuroo says and I furrow my eyebrows, really thinking about it- "Are you friggin' kidding me? That's makeup sex?! Dude, that was- whoo, that was hot. I mean, I ended up in a hospital but… I wouldn't mind it again if it meant that good sex again." I say, making Kuroo laugh as he grins at me. "By all means, as long as it's not a real bad argument, you can tease and piss me off all you want- then we can royally fuck it out, I'll take you against walls, counters, in the shower- and of course, in bed." Kuroo says, making me shiver and giggle at the same time.

"I don't even know what pisses you off!" I say and Kuroo blows out a breath, pulling me closer against him- he had a boner. "Well… first off, other than Kozu and Suna, I am very possessive of you. They're the only exceptions; when I see you flirting with anyone else it makes me want to show them who you belong too- by pounding the shit out of you while they watch, though I probably wouldn't do it in front of them lest they see how wild I get you. Oh, and when people are flirty with you, try to touch you and stuff like that- that gets me going… that's all I can really think about, I'm sure Arthur would have more luck in that. It's not like I go around pissing people off for sex- I just tease for fun in the moment." Kuroo says and I hum, slowly nodding my head. "Mm… I want you…" he whispers, pressing his body against me and making me feel hot all over. "I hadn't noticed." I tease softly, pressing my body back against his- jeez, he was so big compared to me. "Hey, is it weird that I'm so small compared to you?" I ask without thinking about it twice, though Kuroo chuckles. "Mm, no. It's cute, you're so small and sassy- like a fussy kitten." Kuroo says, making me snort as I lift his hand, comparing it to mine.

"Well yeah, but I'm small compared to you. You're huge compared to me- my fingers barely make it past the first bend of your finger here. Plus, I'm sitting in your lap and I barely make it to your chin. You're like, double the size of me." I say and Kuroo chuckles, taking my hand and kissing the back of my palm. "What can I say? The comparison is fun… especially since… well…" Kuroo says, placing his other hand on my pelvis and grinning widely. "I like how small you are, I like it a lot." Kuroo purrs, my face burning as I make a flustered face. "Oh my- you perv!" I squeak, Kuroo letting out a throaty chuckle as he raises an eyebrow at me. "Can you tell me that you don't like being pinned under me?" Kuroo says and I open my mouth to protest but nothing comes out. "That's what I thought, Kitten. Best part? I'm still growing, so I'm just gonna get bigger…" Kuroo says and my face feels like it caught on fire at the thought of Kuroo getting bigger. "I can barely handle you as is!" I protest, making Kuroo laugh heartily as he pulls me closer. "Oh, I know. It's the best feeling in the world, knowing you can barely contain all of me." Kuroo purrs, though I feel a hot tingling shudder tear through me.

"Quit that…" I mumble shyly, burying my head in his chest as Kuroo hums happily. "Oh? Is my kitten getting worked up at the thought of me?" Kuroo hums, his fingers sliding down to cup my ass as he pulls me flush against him- and his throbbing hot cock. "I know I am, it's been so long since I've had you… oh, how I miss feeling you wrap around me, hearing you moan so sweetly… we didn't get to last time." Kuroo sighs softly and I cling tightly to his chest, my body growing hotter. "Kuroo… my grandpa will literally kill you if you keep this up. If he catches us in the act… he'll kill you dead." I whisper, Kuroo chuckling softly as he starts lightly swinging the bench. "Well… we have this blanket. We can go nice and slow… I really fucking want you, Kitten. I do." Kuroo whispers in my ear, making me shiver as I cling tighter to him. "Do you want me, too? I can just pull your pants out of the way… you can just grind down on me while I'm balls deep in you… we don't have to bounce or thrust, we can do it just like this. I'll make sure you cum." Kuroo whispers softly and I nibble my bottom lip, fidgeting lightly. Kuroo's hot cock throbs against my growing wet heat as he kisses my neck, waiting patiently.

"Do you feel how hard my cock is for you right now? You drive me wild, Kitten. Just what am I going to do with you now? When you get so worked up, it makes my heart race and I just want to tease you more. Do I have to beg? I just want to please you, Kitten- I want to my cock deep inside of you, to feel that sweet sex of your greedily sucking me in, begging me to make you cum, to release inside of you. It makes me want you that much more." Kuroo whispers, pulling me tighter against his stiff rod as he lazily rocks his hips up into me, disguising it by gently rocking the bench to his pace. "K-Kuroo…" I moan ever so softly, tucking myself into his chest as I curl my fingers in his shirt. "I can't be quiet… especially if it's you… my grandpa will find out." I whisper, my voice low and throaty as Kuroo chuckles. "Oh, but you can be quiet- I've seen you be quiet through more." Kuroo says and I shake my head, looking up at him with a vulnerable and heated gaze. "That wasn't with you, Daddy. I literally can't be quiet with you…" I croak throatily and Kuroo sucks in a sharp breath, his gaze lighting on fire. "I guess you'll just have to learn." Kuroo chuckles, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over my shoulders.