Human Nature

Thoughts of suicide, injury

I curl into a tight ball, clutching my stomach as I groan in pain- fuck, it felt like I was being stabbed. I whimper as I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing it would just stop hurting already. It hurt so much- my door opened and I jerked my head up, seeing Kuroo walking over to me. "Hey-" I say as he uncurls me from my tight ball, taking off my snuggy and heating pad. "Kuroo-" I try to protest though he scoops me up princess style, carrying me out of my room. "Tetsuro-" I start though he shushes me- was he mad? He slides into my bathroom and sets me down on the counter, confusing me as he walks over to the standing jet shower, turning it on. "Go ahead and take a shower, I'll be back." Kuroo says as he walks out of the room, confusing me even more as he shuts the door behind him. Was he upset? I honestly couldn't tell, but… a shower did sound nice. I strip out of my clothes, trashing my pad and hopping into the already warm water- it was a tad on the hot side, but it felt nice. I slowly relax, letting the hot water drench my body and work my muscles with it's streams. I close my eyes, sliding my fingers up into my hair and massaging my scalp as I feel the hot water soaking in.

I hear the door open again and I turn back, covering my body as I try to peer through the steam. I hear shuffling around as I squint, seeing a figure shut and lock the door. They strip off their shirt, dropping their pants before they grab something. They walk over, their naked body becoming more visible the closer they get- it was Kuroo. "Kuroo?" I ask as he opens the glass door to the shower, stepping in and closing it behind him. He hums softly as he walks over to the shelf, setting a small foil packet down. "Are you upset?" I ask softly though he shakes his head, walking over to me as I look up at him. "Why aren't you saying anything?" I ask, pressing my lips together- the silence was killing me, Kuroo was never the silent type. "I know if I tell you what I'm doing, you'll tell me no even though I'm trying to help. If you tell me no, I won't listen." Kuroo says, confusing me even more- what was he even talking about? He pulls me into his chest, sliding his fingers into my hair and pulling me to look up at him. "Sorry, not sorry Chibi-chan. I'm going to take care of you, like it or not." Kuroo whispers as he leans down, capturing my lips into a passionate kiss.

I was so confused- a little delighted by his words, but more confused than anything. Kuroo tilts his head, forcing his hot tongue into my mouth and deepening the kiss as our tongues tangle together. I moan softly as I close my eyes and place my hands to his chest, his arm wrapping around me. He was so hot, hotter than the water sprinkling over us and coating our bodies. He pulls me flush against him, water beginning to gather in a pool between my breasts as my chest presses into him. Kuroo hums softly, pulling his tongue from my mouth and gently sucking my bottom lip. "Kuroo… what?" I ask softly as I slightly open my eyes, looking up at him with a hooded gaze. "You wanna know an interesting fact?" Kuroo says, his voice low and rough as he begins to lightly kiss along my jawline. I hum softly, tilting my head and giving him more access- he was taking care not to mark me or roughen up my lips. "I just fall more and more in love with you. It's like I can never not love you more and I already love you with every fiber of my being." Kuroo whispers in my ear, making my face burn as millions of butterflies take flight in my bloodstream. He gently kisses my neck, lightly licking and making me shiver.

"I hate knowing you're hurting, especially when I know how I can help. Why do you refuse me?" Kuroo whispers and I finally realized what he was getting at. "Kuroo… no. It's nasty." I sigh and he pulls me tighter against him, shaking his head. "I don't care, I can deal with a mess." Kuroo says as I try pulling away from him, though he holds tight. "I do, it's nasty Tetsuro." I protest as he scoops my legs off the ground, wrapping them around his waist. "You may deny me, Kitten. Your body won't- and I won't deny your body, especially if it's hurting." Kuroo says and I open my mouth to protest, though his lips cover mine and silence me. He walks us over to the wall, pinning me against it as he reaches for the little foil packet. "Wanna know another interesting fact?" Kuroo says as he grabs the edge of the packet in his teeth, tearing it open. "Kuroo-" I protest though he lifts me up, pinning me so my legs are wrapped around his torso. He lightly kisses along my collarbone, sliding his hands down and out of sight. "I'm going to tell you anyway. Your breasts become tender and swollen before and sometimes during your menstrual cycle." Kuroo says as he places the now empty packet on the shelf.

"Elevated estrogen levels cause your breast glands to swell in preparation for pregnancy, so you can produce milk. They become sensitive… vulnerable." Kuroo says as he begins tracing kisses down to my chest. "It's really hot knowing that you're capable of bearing children. It's like… an animalistic drive urging me to put my children inside of you, base instincts telling me to claim you; the one I love, the peak specimen. It's like we're primates, you, the ideal mate, and I, your willing love slave. Sure, it may just be a chemical imbalance but… there's no denying that I love you. It's chemistry, I simply can't deny it; I'm incapable." Kuroo says matter-in-factly, sliding his hands down and stroking my sides as he kisses the swell of my breasts. "I want to show the world that you're mine, I want to brand you down to your very soul and have my name in your very last breath. I want to watch you raise my children and bear them all the same." Kuroo whispers into my skin, his hot breath brushing over my breast as I suck in a sharp breath. "It's weird… how you, simply suffering the effects of being a fully capable, mature woman…" Kuroo whispers as he slowly looks up at me with a burning, starving gaze.

"Makes me feel so fucking ravenous for you. It makes me want to punch anyone who comes near you, it makes me want to fight anyone who even looks at you. You're in pain, I know it; I want to soothe that ache, I want to take it away and give you the utmost pleasure…" Kuroo whispers as he slowly drags his hot tongue over my breast, making me shiver at the bolt of heat shooting through me. "I don't want anyone else to have you. I want you to be happy even more, of course. I'm a reasonable man, I can understand and make exceptions… but fuck, do I want to pump you full of children and watch you become full of our flesh and blood." Kuroo groans as he strokes my stomach, making my face burn. "K-Kuroo!" I squeak though he shushes me, kissing all over my breasts. "Daddy's talking, princess. Just sit pretty and listen…" Kuroo chuckles darkly and I press my lips together, my whole body burning as his lips caress my tender breasts. "As I was saying… I want to see you bear my children. The thought of it… fuck, it's so fucking hot that it just drives me wild. If I ever saw it, I know that I wouldn't be able to resist, I'd simply go insane." Kuroo grounds out, his voice rough and breathy.

"Watching your breasts swell with milk, your stomach full and your body accommodating for the miracle of life… oh, Kitten. I would literally go insane if you bore my child… I simply wouldn't be able to resist. My instincts would take over, every day I'd make sure to give you the ultimate bliss and utmost care." Kuroo groans- his voice was so low and sultry, making me tremble as his hand slides between my legs, cupping my blistering heat. "The thought alone drives me mad, it just makes me want it that much more, on a primal, animalistic level. Base instincts, telling me that I need to take care of you and prepare you for that. Now…" Kuroo says as he flicks his tongue over my nipple, making me gasp in delight. "You're suffering… Because you aren't pregnant. That makes me mad on a different level- but oh, it's so fucking arousing knowing that you're fully capable. I mean, you're on birth control… but knowing that I could take away this pain, even temporarily… knowing that by doing as animals do… being primal… I could see you bear my child, or suffer less… that the world would look at you and know you belong to someone someday…" Kuroo says as he groans on my nipple, making me shiver.

"Mm. I just want to fuck you. It's as simple as that. I want to drive my cock inside your tiny little cunt, to be primal. I don't care about any mess, Kitten. No, not at all- not when I'm inside of you. Messes can be cleaned, but not being inside you… not being able to give you bliss, watching you suffer knowing that I could relieve you, even if only for a moment… it's torture. I need to take care of you. It's just my instincts, I can't deny them… I can't…" Kuroo whispers as he slides his hands to my hips, gripping them as he licks my breast. "I need to fuck you." Kuroo snarls- fuck, that was hot, his snarl was so hot- "It's just my instincts, love. I want to fuck you every second of every day, I want to fuck you every time I see you. I think about it when you're not around, I imagine it when you are around, I plot how I'm going to do it as I'm inside of you. I touch myself to it- you, feisty, compliant, wild- My fully mature, capable and simply irresistible Kitten." Kuroo groans, his hot mouth capturing my nipple in his mouth- I cry out as he suckles it, milking it with his soft tongue. He doesn't relent, making me tremble as bolts of pleasure shoot through me and heat drips from between my legs.

I tangle my fingers in his hair, whimpering desperately as I lay my head back against the tile of the bath. "It's insane, how knowing you're in your menstrual cycle… arouses me so much." Kuroo snarls as he moves to my other nipple, making me cry out again as he continues his torment. "Really… it's been on my mind forever now, how simply amazing your body is. How amazing you are… and how much I simply need you. I need you to scream in bliss, I need to feel you on me, I need to take care of you… you can deny me, Kitten, but oh… I know your body can't." Kuroo chuckles as he slides his hand between my legs, stroking my aching heat as I pant desperately. "Oh… your body can't deny me." He whispers as he slides me down the wall, returning his hands to my hips. "And I can't deny you. I simply can't." Kuroo groans- he slams into me and I scream in bliss, though he thrusts harshly into me, unrelenting. He tangles his fingers in my hair, pulling my head back and slamming his lips into mine. I whimper helplessly as my head spins, bliss tearing through me as my entire body feels like it's on fire. Kuroo groans in disappointment as he digs his fingers into my hips.

"Fuck… even with a condom… I still can't… I just can't… you're too fucking good… but you're oh so much better without… oh so much better… oh… I want you bare… I want to fuck you raw…" Kuroo groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he presses me into the wall, pounding me into oblivion as I try helplessly to catch my breath. "Oh… Kitten… why won't you just let me feel you cum on my cock bare? Why won't you just let me pump your little cunt full of my cum… fuck… I want it so bad… I want it so fucking bad…" Kuroo whispers softly, sounding genuinely disappointed as he groans softly. "How dare you… how dare you make me ache for you so bad… how dare you deny me from your heaven… you turned me into an animal and expect me to simply take no for an answer… but it's not that simple…" Kuroo snarls, my whole body feeling like I was burning alive, my vision blurring with every deliciously rough full thrust of his cock inside me. "I'm just taking care of you, can't you see? I'll always take care of you… always… always…" Kuroo breaths, beginning to pant as his body trembles. "Please… Kitten…" Kuroo whines- and honest to god I feel like I died.

I let out an animalistic cry of pure bliss as a bolt of potent arousal and blistering heat shoot through me. My cramps and period completely forgotten- fuck, fuck fuck- all I could hear was that whine, clawing helplessly at his back. "Let me take care of you… It hurts… it hurts denying my primal instincts… when all I want to do is help you… I want to take care of you… please…" Kuroo begs softly, his breath trembling as he presses his body into mine, pounding every inch of himself into me. "Just let me please you with my cock, let me please you with my bare cock… please… please Kitten… please don't deny me, I can't… I can't fight my instincts, Kitten…" Kuroo begs, grinding his teeth together as I writhe between him and the wall. "Please… Kitten… just say yes." Kuroo whines in my ear- and I feel something snap inside of me. "Yes! Yes, yes yes yes yes please please please please!" I beg helplessly, Kuroo groaning in pure delight as he yanks out of me. I cry out in disappointment, clawing at his back- though he slams into me again. Hard, blazing hot flesh right inside my core- and I felt my body explode, a pure animalistic sound of unadulterated bliss tearing straight from my lungs.

Kuroo is dead silent, ramming his cock in and out of me at a pace that has my whole body convulsing. His soft steady breath on my neck, his nails in my hips- his cock burying itself inside out of me before pulling completely out and slamming right back in. I completely lost myself, burying my teeth into his neck, biting and sucking every exposed inch I could possibly reach with only one thought on my mind- Tetsuro Kuroo. He tilts his head, giving me more access, more of his delicious skin to claim. I bury my nails into his back, letting out an animalistic snarl as I bury my canines into his jugular- not enough to harm him, but enough to thrill him. Kuroo lets out his own animalistic cry as his cock throbs erratically inside me, rolling his hips into me as my mind simply goes blank. Bliss. I slowly exhale, ecstasy making me feel alive- I could feel my skull tingling, every muscle in my body pumping with adrenaline. I fall silent, pulling my teeth from his neck as I lay my head back against the wall- I just breath. He completely brands my body, our gazes locking- and I knew he felt the exact same way. A clear empty mind, with only one thing, one intent- each other, the pure ecstasy that was this moment.

I capture his lips in a kiss- no tongue, just our lips together. I pull my nails out of him, sliding my hand into his hair and tilting my head. I wrap my other arm around his neck, pulling myself as close to him as I could as I deepen the kiss. I pour it all in- the love, the passion, the ecstasy- every once of me, I pour it all into that one simple kiss like an offering. Kuroo groans softly, kissing me right back- he greedily takes it all, giving himself right back with every move of his body. He lets out a shuddering breath as he freezes- I meet him halfway, stroking my hips down onto him. His eyes glaze over as he sucks in a sharp breath, spraying his seed deep inside of me and desperately clinging to me. I honestly felt bad- I really did, because just for a second I could really see all of Tetsuro Kuroo, I could feel everything about him. I could tell that he never wanted to let me go, that he wanted to be in this moment for the rest of his life. I could tell that he wanted nothing more in life than me- just me. All of me, all of who I was and am. I feel bad because I know I can't give that to him, not yet- because he saw me too, cracked me open like a shell as I felt like heaven had opened its gates to me.

And I spilled over- all of my pain, all of my suffering, all of my weakness, all of my sad, miserable moments. All of my loneliness, all the dark and dreary that surrounded my life and cocooned me in for so long. The anxiety, my fear, my irrational insecurities and my inability to ever truly be free from myself, my past. All along I was torturing myself in my head with selfish hopes, though I knew it was only a matter of time before trouble found me again. And if trouble knew that I had given myself to Tetsuro Kuroo, that Tetsuro Kuroo had given himself to me- then trouble would use him against me. I couldn't live through that, I couldn't watch him get hurt because of my selfish desire to not be alone. I couldn't let myself free, no, not yet. I still had so much to solve, so much to work out- "Marry me." Kuroo whispers, my breath catching as tears gather in my eyes, my heart aching- because as much as I wanted to give myself to the man I loved, I couldn't. But I couldn't bring myself to say no, because a small part of me still held onto that selfish hope and desire. I cried- I cried like I had seen my father die before my very own eyes, like I had been hurt beyond repair by men, like I could never simply say 'yes'- 

Because I couldn't. I had seen my father die, how it had destroyed my mother for so long and hung over her head like a curse. I had been assaulted, molested and hurt by a man who was utterly obsessed with obtaining me, so much so he was willing to hurt those around me. I had blindly trusted a boy with my heart, only to have it stomped on, poisoned, spat on and thrown away like yesterday's trash. I was still so scared, so afraid. Kuroo pressed his lips together, tears gathering in his eyes- because he knew. He knew that I was hurting, battling myself in my head and in my heart, my soul torn apart between wants and needs, desires and fears. He also knew that while I loved him with a fiery hot passion and he held my heart in his hands, my heart also belonged to two others. I cried because I saw how much it hurt him, seeing me so torn apart and aching for an answer that I couldn't grasp. He hugged me tight, holding me as I just cried, aching and wanting nothing more than to give him what he wanted- but I couldn't. Because it wasn't right- it wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to him, it wasn't fair to the others and it just wasn't fair that my heart was giving me the most trouble and pain of it all.

Kuroo didn't say anything as he washed us up, leaving me alone and heading back to his room. We were both hurt and in love, so young- but I had scars that had festered into problems, insecurities and irrational fears. I had seen love go so right for others- while my love always went so wrong. I got dressed and put a pad on, sitting down on my bed and staring into space. I couldn't cry anymore- I just stopped, my mind empty because I just couldn't think right now. Thinking hurt, because thinking would tell me I could and couldn't have what I wanted. Thinking would mean giving myself new hopes and fears, thinking would just… Hurt. I didn't want to hurt right now, I didn't want to hurt ever. I lay down, staring as I tried to sleep- I don't know how long it went, tossing, turning, unable to keep my eyes shut because the complete darkness made me feel even more alone. At some point I grabbed my phone, hoping in some way that it would distract me and that I could get some relief that would put me to sleep. I check the comments from the video, slowly scrolling through though my eyes just glazed over the words. I tossed and turned some more, trying desperately to distract myself.

At some point my cramps came back- I pulled the blanket over my head and groaned in pain, hoping it would pass quickly. It held on- I sat up, kicking my legs over the end of the bed and taking deep breaths. It hurt- everything hurt. Why did everything always have to hurt? I crawl onto the bed, laying on my stomach and leaning on my elbows, letting my head hang between my arms, curling into fetal position. I just wait- and wait- and wait- it finally subsides and I feel like I can breath, throwing my body back and just laying, staring at the ceiling. It still hurts, in my chest, in my head. I toss and turn some more, trying desperately to just let go- but it was tearing me apart. I didn't want to face it, I didn't want to hurt- I just want to sleep. I want to go to sleep, to wake up tomorrow and be okay, to stream and be happy. The cramps came back and I pressed my trembling lips together- it was as if life was mocking me, telling me that no matter what I was going to suffer and be in pain. I slowly sat up, wishing I wasn't alone, that I had the heat and comfort. It didn't feel right going to Kuroo- he was hurting too, because of me. If he knew I was hurting and torturing myself so much over this… he'd be upset.

But I didn't know if it was okay to go to the others, if they would let me come to them as I am now. Kuroo was the one that told me that I could come to whenever I wanted or needed, but… I couldn't. If he could've helped, he would've stayed. I slip out of my bed, grabbing onto my pillow and trudging out of my room. I knew someone I could go to- if he was here, if he was awake. I knock softly on Arthur's door- no response. I peek inside, seeing him curled up in his bed- he was asleep. I quietly shut the door, tears gathering in my eyes as a lump formed in my throat. I sniff softly, beginning to trudge back to my room- I was alone, my stupid fucking cramps were killing me and I couldn't fucking sleep because my mind and heart wanted to fight but I wouldn't let them. A door opens and I freeze as a hand takes mine, looking surprised up at Suna. He pulls me into his room, shutting the door behind him and guiding me to his bed. He doesn't say anything, just stripping off his shirt and offering it to me. I hesitantly take it and he takes my pillow, tossing it into his bed. I strip down to my panties and slide on his shirt, Suna climbing onto his bed and lifting up his comforter for me.

I glanced up at him, not sure if it was okay- he just waited patiently, his gaze piercing into me. I relent, climbing onto his bed and into his waiting arms- he drops the comforter, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He grabbed my thigh, pulling my leg over his hip as he put his leg over my other thigh. I slide my arm around his torso, pressing my body as tight as I can to him, soaking in his heat as he allowed it. I try blinking away my tears, but they just slide down my cheek and drop onto his arm. "I'm sorry." I croak, my voice weak and trembling- Suna leans down, kissing my forehead. "Don't be. Go ahead and cry, Sunshine. Nobody does it like you do, I know how much it matters to you. I know you've got issues… you're my little girl, I'll do whatever I can do to comfort you. If you want to get high, we can do that." Suna says softly and I sniff, looking up at him- and I just kiss him softly. He kisses me back gently, stroking my hip and shoulder as he holds me tight. We close our eyes and I cling to him, letting the tears come- his heat, the kiss, his embrace- he just soaks it all up. It hurt so much, I felt so guilty- but I couldn't help but take all the comfort and heat that he offers.

I tilt my head, sliding my hand to his cheek and stroking it with my thumb- I felt moisture. I slowly opened my eyes, seeing that he was crying too. "What are you thinking about?" I ask softly, pulling away from the kiss as he slowly opens his eyes. "I'm thinking about whatever you're thinking about." He croaks, staring into my eyes with that hooded gaze. "Must be thinking about a lot then." I whisper as I lay my head in the crook of his neck, his arms pulling me even closer. He just hums, making me feel even more guilty- I sob softly, my chest aching. "I'm sorry…" I whisper, knowing that I shouldn't be crying, that I was bothering him and keeping him awake. "Your room is right next to mine, you know. I heard you tossing and turning… I knew that something was bothering you. You could've just come to me, my doors always open to you." Suna says softly, stroking my back as he gently kisses along my neck. "I'm always here for you, Sunshine. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night, doesn't matter if you just want to be held… I can listen, too. I like being with you, even if you're crying or sad… being around you makes me happy." Suna says, nuzzling his head into my neck and squeezing me.

I wince as I feel another painful wave of cramps coming on, groaning as I curl up and tears gathering in my eyes. Suna picks up on this, pulling my whole body flush against him as he captures my lips in a gentle kiss. His heat helps more than the heating pad ever did- his kiss was so tender and sweet, his fingers caressing me and holding me close. "You can always come to me, Sunshine. I'll be waiting for you; it doesn't matter what, I'm just a call away. I want to be with you, I want to hold you, I want to comfort you… I want to touch you all the time. Being able to hold you, to feel your body against mine… it's the best feeling in the world. I would gladly open my arms for you, even if you're a sobbing mess." Suna whispers against my lips, lifting his hand and stroking my tears away. "You are my Sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." Suna sings softly, kissing my eyes softly as I sniff. "The other night dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamt I held you, in my arms. And now that you're here, my dreams are waking and I will keep you from all harm." Suna sings softly, making me feel fuzzy.

"You are my Sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. But please don't take my Sunshine away." Suna sings softly and the tears stop, my heart not hurting anymore. "I'll always love you and make you happy. I'll pick you up when you're falling down. You turn the sky blue when it is raining. You'll always keep the sunshine around." Suna sings softly as my cramps subside, making it so I can breathe easy. "You are my Sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my Sunshine away." Suna sings softly as I relax into his embrace, taking slow and steady breaths. "I love you so much, Sunshine… it's okay to come to me. It's okay to cry with me." Suna whispers, gently stroking me as he gently kisses my forehead. "You can always, always come to me if you need someone." Suna whispers, kissing my cheek as I feel my heart swell. "And I'll always, always have my arms open to you. I love you; I'll always love you, from now till the end of time." Suna whispers, millions of butterflies taking flight in my blood as peaceful sleep finally comes.

I wake up the next morning with the sun shining on my face, a nice warm breeze brushing over my face- wait, I don't remember having the window open. I carefully open my eyes, though I see Suna peacefully asleep with the sun illuminating his silhouette. I suck in a sharp breath, staring in fascination- he looked absolutely stunning. I just watch as he takes a shallow breath, his eyelashes fluttering as he softly exhales. His arms were wrapped around me, holding me close- his leg draped over my thigh and my leg draped over his hip. One of my arms were pinned between us, my palm on his chest and feeling his steady heartbeat. My other arm was draped over him, our bodies pressed tightly together. I slowly exhale as I lift my arm and brush my thumb over his cheek. I softly caress my thumb over his bottom lip, his lips slightly parting as I lean up. I press my lips into his, sliding my hand into his hair and closing my eyes. He stirs lightly, pulling me closer as he lets out a soft groan. He kissed me back, tilting his head lightly and leaning in. I press my body into his, tilting my head back and letting him deepen the kiss. His hot tongue slid into my mouth, tangling with mine as he gently caressed me.

I moan softly, our tongues lazily dancing as we press into each other as much as possible. My stomach starts aching and I suck in a sharp breath, pulling away from the kiss. I press my lips together and furrow my eyebrows, squeezing my eyes shut- fuck, it hurt. "Cramp?" Suna mumbles softly, his voice low and scratchy from having just woken up. I hum as I bury my head into his chest, clinging desperately as I wait for it to pass. I took deep breaths of his forest scent- ahh, he smelled so good and relaxing. "Oh yeah…" Suna sighs as he cradles my head into his chest, kissing the top of my head. "You're on your period." Suna groans, sounding disappointed as he buries his head into my hair. "Mmph. Life sucks." I groan as he chuckles softly, his hand sliding down to my thigh and pulling my hips flush against him- he was hard. "Oh, trust me… I know. Being woken up by you… with that kiss… oh, life is so unfair." Suna sighs, making me giggle as he lifts my chin up, beginning to sprinkle soft kisses all over my face. "I'm sure you don't want to, I won't push you." Suna says, making me smile as I wrap my arms around his neck. "Mhm… nasty 'n messy." I say, pulling him into a soft chaste kiss.

"Mm… I wanna make a nasty mess with you. I will if you don't stop teasing me." Suna groans, giving me a kiss as I giggle, my cramp subsiding. "How am I teasing you? I'm not even trying to." I laugh and he takes a deep breath, letting out a low groan. "Not even trying- How are you not teasing me? You are constantly torturing me, teasing me with the thought of you. I swear, I'm with you and I can't think of anything but you. Like… you're the ultimate tease. So soft, so cute, so sexy… and oh fuck, do I want you." Suna groans as he grinds himself against me, making me giggle. "Oh… that little fucking giggle… oh… you are such a fucking tease." Suna breaths, eliciting a giddy laugh from me as I fiddle with the hair at the back of his neck. "I'm not even doing anything! I'm innocent, I swear!" I laugh and smile at him as he lets out a throaty groan. "You liar! Look at you, you're teasing me as we speak! You're such a friggin' tease, why do you insist on teasing me so much? How am I supposed to resist you?" Suna says, making me laugh even more as I feel all bubbly inside. "That's it, you gotta help me now. You teased me too much and now it hurts." Suna says, beginning to softly kiss my neck.

"I'm not even doing anything!" I giggle, his hand stroking my thigh as he groans. "Liar, if you aren't doing anything then why am I like this?" Suna growls softly, thrusting his cock against me. "That's all you, Mr. Horny." I snort, unable to help my giggling at his antics. "It's all you, Ms. Teasy. Come on, you've got to help- you wouldn't just leave me aching for you, will you? Then you'd be Ms. Meany." Suna groans and I take a breath, letting out an exaggerated sigh. "I guess I'll help you~ but you better calm down, Mr. Impatient." I tease, Suna grinning at me as I slowly slide down his body, leaving small kisses all over his chest. "Make me. Really, please, calm me down. It's too tempting to devour you." Suna groans as I linger on his abdomen, placing lingering open mouth kisses. "Mm… you better be patient…" I purr as I nip him gently, though he sucks in a deep breath and rolls onto his back. "Fuck… you better hurry up." Suna breaths, making me giggle as I crawl over him and start sucking along his waistline, leaving my mark. I moved slowly, sliding my finger into the band of his pants- he was commando- and slowly, teasingly pulling them down as I slid my tongue over his skin.

"For the love of god, please, please- it hurts Sunshine, just stop teasing me already." Suna groans, making me giggle as I finally nuzzle my nose into his cock. "But I'm not doing anything, how can I be teasing you?" I tease, giving him a mischievous look as he lets out a low groan. "I swear to god if you don't wrap those pretty lips of yours around my cock, I'm going to torture you for a week." Suna threatens and I smile as I hood my eyes, slowly dragging my tongue up his length. "Suck. Now." Suna groans, sliding his hand into my hair and tugging it till my lips touch his tip. "Jeez, impatient much?" I snort and he opens his mouth to say something, though I open my mouth and slide him in. He groans loudly as I immediately start deep throating him, bouncing my head in fluid moments. I gag and slurp on him, only seeming to rile him up more as his head falls back on the pillow. "That's it, Sunshine. Gag on me, choke on me… fuck, it's so hot seeing you slurping on my cock with such an innocent look on your face. Damn, I want to see you like this forever. Mm… fuck you're so hot." Suna whispers breathlessly, tangling his fingers in my hair as he guides me to move faster on him.

I hum as I tilt my head, burying his cock in my throat and pressing my nose into his pelvis as I suck and milk him with my tongue. He lets out a shuddered breath, shivering as he sprays his seed into the back of my throat. I greedily swallow it all, slowly pulling off as I suck and lick him clean. "Fuck… Mm. Mm, mm, mm." Suna hums, closing his eyes as he catches his breath. "Good morning, Sleepyhead." I giggle as I slide up and kiss his cheek. "Good morning, Sunshine. Go get your ass cleaned and dressed before I ravage you." Suna says, giving me a soft kiss and making me giggle before I dash out of his room. I brush my teeth and get dressed in my black sports bra, my gray Nike long sleeve crop top hoodie and my black and gray tights. I pull my hair up in a ponytail, putting on my black Nike cap and pulling it through the strap. I slide on my running shoes, lacing them up before I grab my phone, keys and wireless earbuds. I hook up my phone and put the earbuds in as I jog down the stairs, stretching out. "I'm going for a run!" I call before I close and lock the door behind me, turning on my running playlist. I keep my head low as I start with a light jog, heading to the road and taking a right.

We were in a pretty good neighborhood- Arthur scouted it out before, it seemed like we were simply the fancy house in the urban area. White collar families, the type who are mostly quiet and keep to themselves. No criminal records, no sex offenders, even a nice park down the road. There was no real sign of trouble, though I still had to keep an eye out. Of course, I still needed to get my exercise in for my health- there was nothing like a jog on a nice day. Let alone it would help me with my cramps, it was a win win sort of situation. Once I properly warmed up I started running, keeping a steady pace and maintaining my breath. Listening to music, my body working to keep up it's pace- but my mind was wandering back to yesterday night. I didn't want to face him- I didn't want to face any of them if I was honest. It hurt, for the first time it hurt knowing that I loved them and they loved me- they each wanted me, for me to choose them. It hurt, it hurt so much thinking that I'd have to make that choice someday. It hurt a lot and I didn't know who I could talk to about it- I crashed into someone, both of us tumbling to the ground with a grunt. I land on top of them, my head landing on a familiar green jacket.

I blink, slowly sliding up- it was Yuki. I quickly stumble to my feet, going to run away- but he grabs my hand. I stop, slowly turn to look at him and see that he was confused. I pull the earbud from my ear, pressing my lips together as he slides to his feet. "Why are you upset?" Yuki asks softly as I drop my gaze, pulling my hand away from him. "Why do you care?" I ask, turning away as he takes a deep breath. "I know things were pretty shitty between us, but I'm not a monster. I can care, too." Yuki says and I slowly look back at him, staring blankly at him. "Sorry, it was hard to tell." I say plainly and he rubs the back of his neck, blowing the breath out. "Okay… I deserved that. But… you did save my daughter, Love bug. I owe you." Yuki says and I scrunch up my nose as tears gather in my eyes. "Don't call me that." I spit, glaring at him as he sighs. "Yeah, okay. Look, I'm not looking for trouble okay, it's just… it's obvious you're upset. Whenever you're upset you always just.. it's obvious okay? Wanna talk about it?" Yuki asks, though it just makes me feel even worse. "I don't need your fucking pity, Yuki. You don't give a shit and I know it." I grumble, though I see his gaze darken- I fucked up.

"Shut the fuck up and stop acting high and mighty, Kimiko. Yeah, I don't fucking care, I'm trying to be the better person and extend a hand okay? I'm not pitying you, so quit with your bullshit. Do you want to talk about it or not? I already know it's about love, the least I can do after I fucked you up is try to do the right thing." Yuki yells at me, making me flinch as he clenches his fists. He glares at me, my body trembling as I glare right back with tears in my eyes. "No, fuck you Yuki! Honestly, fuck you! You don't have to bother with your fuck up, it never bothered you before so why is it just now bothering you, huh? Guilty conscience seeing me on my deathbed? Fuck you, just go about not giving a shit! I didn't save your daughter for you, I did it because a little girl was in trouble and needed to be saved! You don't owe me shit and I don't owe you shit!" I yell right back at him, only seeming to make him angrier. "Hate me! Tell me how you hate me! What happened to telling me that I was trash and that you could easily replace me? Tell me how you wish you never dated me, that I was a waste! It'll do more harm- Oh, wait, you already fucking broke me!" I scream at him, tears streaming down my face as my lips trembling.

"Oh, what are you so afraid of? Is it love? That's what this is really about, isn't it? You're just in love and you're scared because you're up in your fucking head again! Just shut up and get out of your fucking head, you're wasting their time! You could never just open up and let go, you always hold back and pussy foot your way through it!" Yuki yells at me, my blood boiling- "Yeah! I'm fucking terrified, I'm terrified of love okay! I'm terrified that it'll destroy me more than you ever did! I'm terrified that it'll rip me apart, poison me, hurt me, spit on me and tell me I'm worthless! I can't get out of my head because of you, I always had to walk on fucking eggshells with you! I could fucking breath and you would go on a rant that I needed to stop fucking sighing- and I had to wonder if you just wanted me to stop breathing! I would apologise and you would scream at me for hours to stop crying, that I was a worthless crybaby!" I scream at him and he scoffs, gesturing towards me. "You never stop fucking crying! You never stopped apologising either! It's all because you get caught up in your head! I'm just trying to help, but here you are in your fucking head!" Yuki yells at me, though I just shake my head.

"People fucking cry and apologize when they feel like all they do is fuck up! That's all I ever was to you, a fuck up! No, I was only ever a fuck to you- and I was worthless because it was the one thing I wouldn't do! Sorry you decided to take all of your frustrations out on me and turn me into a sobbing, broken mess! I hope it was fucking worth it, too! You broke me real fucking nice, I can never get out of my head!" I yell at him, my whole body shaking with anger. "I hope you're actually managing to satisfy him! You're only good for sex and even then you suck at it!" Yuki yells at me, though I clench my fists and glare at him. "Thanks for the memories, even though they aren't so great. He tastes like you, only sweeter." I spit before I turn on my heel, starting to run as fast as I could- tears stream down my face, my eyes stinging from the wind. "You were always running away, too!" Yuki yells- I run until my legs hurt and my lungs sting, my body trembling. A lump in my throat, my heart heavy in my chest- was that all I was to them? Was that all I was to anyone? Was that all I would ever be? I come to a stop at a park, gasping for air as I slowly look around- there were a few kids playing around.

I slowly trudge over to a swingset, collapsing into one and putting my earbud back in. I changed my playlist, a more familiar and depressing playlist that always got me through my shit with Yuki. I turn up the playlist and just sit on the swing, staring at the ground with my hands limp in my lap. I let the tears fall, feeling numb and alone- I was useless, I was worthless, garbage. A waste of time, all I would ever be good for… Someone walks in front of me, though I don't bother looking at them as someone else walks up to me. I don't bother unplugging my earbuds, just staring at the ground and feeling like shit. One of them grabbed my hand from my lap, pulling me to my feet. I stumble, feeling numb as they start guiding me away- all anyone ever saw… all I was good for… my vision clouded over, my body and mind going numb as I just go through the motions. 'Save me' played over my earbuds, my eyelids feeling heavy as more hot tears drip down my face. I just stare at the cold hand on my wrist- all I would ever be… is worthless… useless… there was no point… why even bother fighting? The two people drag me into a dark secluded alley and I just cry as they start touching me, sobbing as they grope me.

I feel disgusting- I just hurt, everything hurts so much- I just want to die. Being so worthless, so useless… how could I ever think that anyone truly loved me? They never loved me, nobody would ever love me. I was just useful for sex, that's all I would ever be. One of the men's hands started to slide into my pants- all anyone ever wanted from me… all I was good for… I closed my eyes, feeling so broken and alone as I just stopped breathing. The hands suddenly yanked away but I collapsed to my knees, curling into a fetal position. I slowly opened my eyes, looking to my left- Kuroo had a man pinned to a wall, punching him. Suna was stomping a man on the ground- but I just felt numb, staring blankly and not breathing. I slowly sit up, dropping my gaze to the ground- a dark alley, filled with broken glass, smelling like shit with garbage piled up. It was ironic how much I fit in, this was where I belonged after all. I was worthless, useless- it was better if I never existed. I spot a particularly big piece of glass, reaching out for it and slowly wrapping my fingers around it. I lift it up to the light- what was I so afraid of? I was worthless, anyways. All I was good for and I couldn't even do that.

I drag my eyes to my arm, numbly lifting the sleeve as the glass cut into my fingers. The blood from my fingers slid down the glass as I lifted it to my wrist- but I stopped as I saw the blood on my wrist. What was I so afraid of? It was so easy to just let go, wasn't it? But I just felt numb, the glass barely pressing into my wrist as the blood from my fingers dripped down, beginning to coat my wrist. Why couldn't I do it? Life hurt so much anyways, why couldn't I do it? "Kimiko!" Someone screamed over my music and I slowly dragged my gaze up to the entry of the alley- Kozu was there, looking so broken as he ran to me with tears in his eyes. He smacked the glass from my hand, grabbing onto me and pulling me tight into his embrace. He grabbed my wrist where the glass had been held, squeezing it tight- and he just cried into my neck. I felt like shit- I felt really fucking shitty. I cried too, I cried into his shoulder, feeling so broken as I wail my pain to him. I was so fucking broken and worthless, so scared and afraid, so alone for so long. I just wanted to be happy, I just wanted to not be alone. I just wanted to be loved; I wanted what my friends and family had, I wanted the happy ending.

But all I ever got was trouble and pain- what had I done to deserve this? Why did the world insist on hurting me, breaking me even more? More arms wrap around me, wrapping me in a hot embrace as I just cry, my heart aching so much. There was just so much pain, there was so, so much pain- all of it that I kept locked away, hid in the back of my mind and heart. So much pain, insecurity and loneliness- I was broken. 'What are you so afraid of' started playing on my earbuds as I slowly looked up at the sky, falling silent as I just ached. Someone took my arm from Kozu- something cold dumped onto it and I looked over. Arthur held a water bottle, a grim look on his face. He let go of my arm and I let it fall limp, though he took my cut hand. He uncurled my fingers, revealing the cuts on my fingers and dumping the rest of the water on them. He lifts his shirt up, grabbing it with his teeth and tearing it. He wraps the cloth around my fingers, securing them tight before he knelt down in front of me, looking in my eyes. He didn't say anything, instead reaching for my earbud and pulling it out. He took it, putting it into his ear and closed his eyes for a second as he listened.

"Yuki." Arthur mumbles, slowly opening his eyes again and looking up at me. "You saw Yuki and got into an argument, didn't you?" Arthur asks and tears gather in my eyes as I press my lips together. "He said something and it shut you down, made you vulnerable. These guys took advantage of that while you were shut down." Arthur says, pointing to the two men- one knocked out and slumped against the wall, the other knocked out on the ground. "The boys got here just in time to stop them… what Yuki said… it really, really got to you. So much so you grabbed a piece of glass and put it to your wrist." Arthur says, looking into my eyes as he just stared at me. "I know you. What stopped you? If you were thinking about killing yourself, you wouldn't hesitate. You would've gone full deep T cross… but you stopped. Why did you stop? No one was stopping you." Arthur says as I just stare at him numbly, not knowing what to say. "You didn't even pierce the skin of your wrist. What stopped you? I know you can take pain, I know you're not afraid of it. What stopped you?" Arthur asks and I slowly turn my gaze to the piece of glass. "I don't know." I whisper softly- no point in lying, I honestly didn't know.

Arthur stared at me for a while longer, searching my eyes as I just stared off. "What did he say? Yuki?" Arthur asks and the tears come back, my whole body feeling numb as they gather in my eyes. "The usual?" He asks though I just slowly blink, a hot tear sliding down my face. "Oh, he said something new…" Arthur mumbles as I look up at the sky, my voice dead in my throat. "What are you so afraid of?" Arthur says and my lips tremble as my eyes water- I just close my eyes. "He said that to you, that's why the song brought you back. That's the part that got you from what he said- 'what are you so afraid of'. There was more that he said after that though…" Arthur mumbles as I just silently cry, aching so much. "'What are you so afraid of, is it love? You're wasting your time.'? No… no… 'What are you so afraid of, is it love? You're wasting their time.'" Arthur says and I choke, sobbing helplessly at the words that rang through my head like a bell. "He said something else, too. You wouldn't go full shut down because of that. What else did he say?" Arthur asks as I sob, aching everywhere. I couldn't say anything- it all hurt so much, it just all hurt so much, so, so much…

"Come on. Let's go home, get you cleaned up and calm you down. Then you can tell me." Arthur says as he takes my unhurt hand, tugging me to my feet. I stumble to my feet and cover my face with my injured hand, still sobbing as he tugged me behind him. I hear the other three boys follow quietly behind us, though I just let Arthur guide me as I cover my eyes, sniffling and sobbing softly. My legs hurt but I manage to trudge on, Arthur holding my hand tight as we walk. My legs ache with every step, feeling like they were going to collapse at any second- I hear someone snort in front of us. "I fucking told you you're a crybaby. Look at you, you really never stop crying." Yuki laughs, my heart dropping in my chest as I choke. "Oh look, you're being dragged right back after running away. Are you finally out of your fucking head? I doubt it, you're always up in there." Yuki snorts and I wipe away my tears as I feel Arthur tense. "Fuck you." I croak, lifting my head and glaring at him. "I dunno. Will you satisfy me?" Yuki cackles, though I feel my blood boil. "Haven't you done enough?! Why? Why do you always do this?!" I scream at him, though he just laughs at me.

"You were the one running around with your head in the clouds! I didn't ask for you to crash into me, you know! I tried to help, but you were just being a pissy bitch!" Yuki laughs, though I just pin him with a glare. "I didn't need your fucking pity, it was you who grabbed me when I tried to walk away. Oh, and if that's what you call help, no thank you. You're fucking toxic." I hiss, stepping in front of Arthur and letting go of his hand. "Oh come on, you know damn well it's your fault for pissing me off. I mean, I was trying to be the good guy here and lend an ear, maybe a shoulder to cry on." Yuki says though I scrunch my nose at him, shaking my head. "More like give me an earful! I know you don't give a shit!" I say, though Yuki just laughs at me. "You're just mad that I called you out; You're in love, you're scared because you're up in your fucking head again! Get out of your fucking head, you're wasting their time! We both know what they're after anyway, I mean honestly, what do they even see in that garbage? All you need to do is shut your mouth and open your legs. Anyone will love that." Yuki laughs, gesturing towards me- Arthur moves but I stop him by putting my hand to his chest.

"That's royal coming for you, Yuki. I expected nothing less, but you know exactly why I'm so fucking hurt and scared. You planted that in my head, you're the one that ruined me and you wonder why no one wants anything to do with you." I hiss and he steps forward, getting in my face and glaring down at me. "Yeah, you're the one that was alone for how long? It's amazing how as soon as your legs opened the guys started flooding in, isn't it? I mean, really- did you honestly think they cared? Your head is fucking useless, it got you nowhere. Opening your legs did, didn't it?" He whispers and it honestly hurts, it really does. It hurts a lot, my heart feeling like it shattered in my chest as tears gather in my eyes. "You big fucking crybaby- you asked for it, didn't you? You just got so desperate and lonely that you gave up your bullshit. Now that you're opening your legs, you're trying to get your mind in on the action but nobody wants to hear it." Yuki laughs and I feel anger boil in my blood- "At least being in my head kept me from getting in your bed, so I guess it's good for something." I spit like venom- it pissed him off, I knew it. I knew as soon as he pushed me back that I fucked up-

I stumbled back, my legs still weak- I tripped on the curb, everything slowing down as I started falling. I hear a loud honk and a screech, though my eyes look back at the boys- Kozu dives for me but I kick him back. Arthur dives for me, grabbing on tight as he shields my body- I cover his head, everything moving in slow motion. I squeeze my eyes shut as I hear a loud crack, sending us flying- my arms hurt from the impact, but at least I protected his head. He took the brunt of the hit, though I felt it tremble through him as it knocked the air from him. We tumble on the concrete, the force knocking us apart. I hear another loud screech, lifting my arms up again- it hurt being hit by a second car, I had to respect Arthur for taking the brunt of the first. This one seemed to be going slower than the last however, having had more time to brake. I don't wait as I open my eyes, my eyes automatically finding Arthur, lying limp on the asphalt. He was facing away, rolled onto his side- I quickly stumbled to my feet and ran over to him. "Arthur! Arthur, are you okay?" I cry as I collapse next to him, though he doesn't say anything. I cradle his head as I carefully roll him onto his back-

"Call an ambulance!" I cry as I put my head to his chest- he wasn't breathing, he was completely unconscious. I lace my fingers and put them on the center of his chest, beginning to perform CPR. I cry out in agony, closing my eyes tight- my arm is broken. I grind my teeth together, pushing through as I keep thrusting my hands into his chest. I sob, watching Arthur for any sign of him regaining consciousness. "Hey, let me take over, your arm's hurt." Kuroo says as he comes over, kneeling on the other side of Arthur. "I'm fine, get the ambulance here!" I say, black dots in the corner of my eyes- "Kimiko! Let me, please. I know how to perform CPR. Please just trust me, you can't perform it properly." Kuroo yells and I sob- we trade and I just watch helplessly, Kuroo pumping Arthur's chest with a focused look. I cradle my broken arm to my chest, feeling utterly hopeless as I watched my best friend- I turn to glare at Yuki- he was standing, seeming shocked as he looked at the scene. "It's- it's not my fault. It's his fault for trying to save you." Yuki says, though my blood runs cold- I was going to kill him. I was literally going to tear his fucking guts out- it was his fault, it was all his fault if Arthur-

Suna walks over, punching him square in the cheek and knocking him out. Kozu appears next to me, wrapping his arm around me as he gently strokes me. "Breath, Kimiko, breath. Everything will be fine, it's okay. An ambulance is on the way, it's going to be just fine." Kozu whispers softly, staring me straight in my eyes- I slowly turn my eyes back to Arthur. I feel numb, sliding my fingers into his as I tremble, tears gathering in my eyes. "Please… Arthur… I can't live without you… I can't… please… please… I can't do this without you… please… Arthur… please…" I beg and sob helplessly, tears streaming down my face as I squeeze his fingers. "You… fucking idiot… you should've just let me take it… you should've… it's… if you die… it's my fault… it's all my fault… please… I can't… I can't… Arthur, please! I can't survive without you! Please!" I beg and cry, my voice breaking and trembling as I feel like I'm choking. "Please! Arthur!" I scream, squeezing my eyes shut as I cry hysterically, my body trembling. I squeeze his hand as tight as I can, wailing helplessly as I feel my heart shattering in my chest. It feels like it was being gouged out, worse than any hell I would ever experience.

I would give anything in the world for my friend to survive, I beg and plead every god I can think of to have mercy, to pity me- I never felt so alone, completely defeated and utterly destroyed. Of all of our near death experiences, this is by far the scariest, the most painful. I held his arm shut as he was bleeding to death, I held his hand as we were foaming at the mouth, I swung him to safety using his arms and we fought people with knives and guns. We won those fights, we survived all of that together- but knowing he sacrificed himself to save me fucking hurt. Sure, I had done the same without a second thought- but if he died because of it? I would never, never ever forgive myself. It would completely and utterly destroy me, it would send me into a dark place I don't think I could ever recover from. Arthur had always been by my side, always a call away and always there when I needed him. We had been raised together, knew each other's lives and secrets. We were the demon girl and her little devil. I couldn't survive without him, the thought was just too painful to even consider. It hurt more than anything in my life, making me feel dark and numb all over as black takes over my vision.