The another side of the same day without he. [May, 17th]

On the other hand.

Unlike Tatsuda Manabu who suffers from a mental illness and has the resources to medicate it.

Not everything is rosy.

The day is the same.

The selected profile is of the other protagonist of the story.

Katagiri Touka wakes up.

"Another shitty day...", flashes through her mind, looking straight up at the ceiling of her room.

In the insignificance of his thoughts, Katagiri has no desire to get out of bed.

He thinks it's a waste of strength to even make the attempt to stand up.

He has no reason to do so.

Katagiri, silent. He runs his fingers over the bandages he covered his arms with to hide the cuts he made.

"What memories...", Katagiri thinks as he feels a brief pain, as he squeezes the site of one of the wounds.

The white room of a hospital, flashes through her mind.

The days she was hospitalised there were long enough and are now only a distant memory of the present.

Her custody ended up being given to her uncle after her parents proved incompetent as Katagiri's guardians after the "accident".

It was because of her parents' negligence that Katagiri Touka grew up alone knowing the worst side of humanity. And that caused her to become the way she is now.

But it is not all bad.

Katagiri Touka was under observation for several months until she proved to be better. Cases of suicidal minors are rare, but they may be more common than you think.

However, she is not depressed... because she knows that there is someone who is much worse off than he is.

A boy her age at the time, diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and a failure of neurotransmitter systems from the same thing that caused the trauma, also known as schizophrenia.

She remembers each and every time they spoke, as they were roommates.

She just never saw his face, they were always separated by a curtain. They both expressed that they were ashamed of themselves and did not want the other to see him.

Katagiri wakes up every morning, with that wish in mind. Wanting one day to meet the boy he had talked to so much.

And this time was not going to be the difference. Willingly or unwillingly, she gets out of bed, glancing in the direction of the class uniform that's all buttoned up. But first of all, Katagiri looks down at the underwear she had taken off to sleep.

Her uncle isn't at home much, as he spends months at a time travelling from place to place as an airline pilot for a prestigious private airline.

This time was to be no different than usual.

She stands up, and goes to her wardrobe, that's how she finds, she dresses herself in a bra and panties without lace, not too showy either, as she has no intention of showing that to anyone.

Keeping up her despondency, she dresses in her school uniform, whose school badge had changed.

Oh, right... I don't have to go to that damn school any more....

A myriad of bad memories have her self-conscious.

It's not that she can't pay her tuition anymore, since the scholarship takes care of most of it and her uncle takes care of the monetary expenses at home.

She just got fed up with being the centre of attention, since that's not her thing.

But this is a simple romantic comedy, there is still no need to expand on the complexity of things.

...

After having my breakfast, I wanted to go and get my things... I was about to leave.

Until I became engrossed, looking at the sharp object lying there, already with my dried blood on it.

I lose my breath for a moment.

And by simple reflex, I put the letter opener in my backpack. I might be using it in the near future.

After locking it, I put on my headphones and, just as I was about to put on some music to listen to.

─Good morning, Touka-chan!

Someone approaching to my right, came and greeted me cheerfully, as he does every morning.

My expression of calmness, changes to one of disgust from one moment to the next, glaring at this person.

Without hesitation, I turn on the music and ignore this person.

─Touka-chan, don't ignore me!

I don't care.

This person is as insignificant to me as the wind blowing around me.

But just in case, I'll mention it.

This guy's name is Yuzaki... uh, I don't remember his first name, just his last name.

Well, that's how insignificant he is to me.

Do you know why?

─Come on, Touka-chan. Why can't you love me? Don't you think even returning my greeting is enough?

He keeps bothering me while I'm walking.

Even though I don't hear what he says, I can imagine it.

When I got fed up with him moving me around. I took off a hearing aid and asked him:

─What the fuck is wrong with you today?

─The happiness of seeing you is what's wrong with me, I want to go out with you, Touka-chan! I love you so much!

...

─Again with that shit? Are you an idiot? I don't know how you can believe that I could like someone like you, you're a piece of human rubbish that I care less about than a shit worm, a pile of filth that I want to get out of my sight, no, in fact, I don't even want to breathe the same air as you.

─Touka-chan?! You're even crueler than usual!

─You're the cruel one, playboy of the fourteen girlfriends.

─But Touka-chan, you're my number one! I want to give all my love only to you, with the others I just pretend to feel the same way, totally different with you!

Ah, his voice is too annoying.

I regret taking my headset off, now I have to listen to all the shit he has to say to me.

That's what this bastard's been like for as long as I've known him... he's the type that goes from one woman to another jumping around like a flea, he's a disgusting guy who's slept with so many women we couldn't count them on the fingers or toes of the two of us put together.

I can't get him off my back, it's annoying saying all the time that he's in love with me.

But the truth is, this jerk doesn't love anyone.

As far as I know, it's the fault of someone this guy was really in love with, having sworn to marry in the future. Sad illusions. Since that girl traded him in for some shady guy from her high school.

I don't know too much about the details, I've never cared to ask him, after all, he's an idiot.

─Huh? Touka-chan...? Your badge...

Looks like he's noticing it so far.

He really is an idiot.

─Ah, yeah. I decided to change schools, the expenses became too troublesome for my finances, so I'd like to keep my spending to a minimum.

─But, Touka-chan... we're not going to be classmates anymore. You never asked me about it...

─Why would I? You're such a jerk, I hate being around you. Besides, switching schools makes it easier for me to avoid you.

─You're too cruel, too cruel!

I don't give a damn about your comments.

Fortunately.

We've already arrived at the station of the bus I have to take to go to my new school.

─This is where we part ways, Yuzaki. Please sort out your feelings first before you even try to propose to me.

─Ah... Touka-chan...

Why did that sound like what you'd say in a shoujo manga? Ah, well. I don't care, so I put my headset back on and take a seat on the bus.

I'm not a very kind person to tell you the truth.

My emotions are almost completely flat, I'm incapable of smiling or showing any kind of joyful emotion. After all, I lost my happiness at an early age.

The machinations of fate led me to be who I am.

But... even with all that pain, there is still some hope in my life.

I know nothing but that boy's name and his voice. I'm sure he's changed quite a bit over the years.

It's been seven years since we were in the same hospital room, talking about the problems we couldn't tell anyone but our psychiatrist.

In fact, it was only thanks to the psychiatrist that I learned the name of that shy boy.

His surname is "Tatsuda", and this is written in katakana (たつだ), on the other hand, his name is "Manabu", written in furigana (マナブ), his name comes from the verb "to study". It was only until I asked the boy about it that I introduced myself as well.

We didn't share more than our names.

But I enjoyed every moment we talked together.

When I write his name either on the phone or in any of my notebooks, a smile comes across my face. I feel happy to remember that boy's name.

Probably for me, that boy is my first love.

I can't find room in my heart for anyone else but him... but I guess he should be having a quiet and uncomplicated life right now, he probably even forgot about me.

Well, though.

I don't mind that my first love is something impossible and one-sided. It's not like I intend to live long the same way either. I want to die before I'm twenty, and I'll probably end up doing so.

After all, I'm still not over my bout of major depression.