Katarina is in Town

…Isabella…

Did that break my heart? Of course, it did, every second, every minute, and every word I said. I just broke my soldier's heart and mine into more pieces than what my heart is even made of.

But I can't; I will rather lose him and still be able to bump into him in town than lose him and not being able to bump into him at all. I cannot stare at someone's ashes and wish that there was more than an urn to hold.

I wish he could understand that.

But I wish he could also understand that I will not be the woman he gives his dreams up for. Cause he will wake up a bitter man one day and blame me for everything that I have taken away from him.

I can't do that to him.

The one thing I have learned about time is that it does make things better. He will come to see by the time he deploys that I will be nothing but a faded memory.

I want him to be happy.

Is that not what sacrifice is all made up of? I know that if it was me, that had to go, that he would do the very same.

Of course, he is my soldier, and I will miss him, but this is the best for both of us. It does not mean, though, that it should not hurt like a bitch.

He just told me to burn his clothes that bothered me, but what bothered me even more, is what else he said. He said he loves me. I have not heard a man say that in so long. Yes, I loved Mark, but there was a time that it was just not that important anymore. The Marines were everything to him, just like it is for Clay. But for Mark, it was more; starting a family and settling down was never in his plan.

I am sitting on the patio with my third glass of wine in my hand. I nearly spill the damn drink all over me as my phone buzzes again.

"Hey, Kati."

"Hey, Isi."

"You phone like you are heaven-sent."

"What is wrong, girl? I can hear that you have been crying? Is that soldier giving you trouble?"

"Oh, Kati, you know me too well. We broke it off earlier today."

"What! Why? I thought you told me that you two were solid. What has the boy done wrong that was so bad?"

"He is deploying again, and I told him that I could not do it."

"But what about his leg?"

"There is this program thing; to be honest, I did not listen. I went blank when that damn word came up again."

"Isi, you know what? Put that bottle on ice, for now, I am on my way."

"Kati, it is not necessary; I will be fine."

"You are not fine, babe; this is not up for discussion; I will be there at the crack tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, babe, drive carefully, and I will see you soon."

Katarina has been my best friend since we were two little twelve-year-old girls. She has been there for me through everything, from helping me through my first training bra to Mark's funeral. I honestly don't know how I will get through this without her.

Once I have finished my glass of wine, I decided to call it a night and turn in early for the evening.

The next morning at the crack of dawn, I hear Katarina knocking on the front door already.

"Come on, sleepyhead, the sparrows are already singing."

"Hahaha, I don't know so much about sparrows singing."

"Well, for fuck sure, the is something singing around here. Girl, it is like you live on a big old farm."

"Hahaha, it is peaceful out of here. I'd take that sparrow that is singing above old honking any day."

"Well, what do you say we take this old honker here, and you take me for breakfast at that cute little place I saw in town."

"Oh god, that means old Betty."

"Hahaha, old Betty. That sounds fun. Is it something you eat around here?"

"Hahaha, it is an old lady that runs the flower shop slash paper slash blog. Oh, don't forget the gossip column as well."

"Oooohh let's give her something to talk about."

"Hahaha that is was the soldier said, and look where that got me now."

"Don't worry; I am not going to kiss you. Unless if you want me to?"

"Gross. I don't know where your mouths been."

"Hahaha, girl, you don't want to know. Now get that booty dressed so we can go introduce me to that Betta gal."

Katarina puts her things in the guest room while I head to my room to get dressed.

She looks me up and down as I step out of my room. I know she has got some wisecrack comment to say.

"Yeah, girl, that soldier must eat his heart out. Talking about that soldier, you have never shown me a picture of him."

"To have you drool over my man, I don't think so, babe."

"Like I would ever take your man."

"Do I need to remind you about my prom date?"

"Oh, that little accident."

"Hahaha, I am glad you are calling it an accident."

I grab my purse and pull her out the door.

"Come, we are walking; I think that airy head of yours can use a bit of fresh air."

"But my stilettos."

"Babe you can navigate those perfectly fine when you are drunk; I am sure a bit of gravel will be like a breeze."

Watching Katarina nearly fall almost four times on the way to the main road is the highlight of my morning. Only a day ago, it was Clay's messages that were the happy start to my day. I am sure going to miss hearing him call me boo.

We hit the corner to the main road, the exact spot where Clay kissed me that very first time. I can remember how it felt like my toes were almost curling when he was doing those things to my body by just rubbing those sweet soft lips against mine. His hand was resting on my waist, and I swear the touch was so electrifying, it felt like his hand was melting into my skin. That soldier can do things that I know no other man will ever get the chance to again.

"Oh god, Katarina, don't look now, but we are heading for the old gossip girl."

"Hahaha hold me now, or I am going to piss my pants."

"Katarina!"

"What? She looks like something out of a low budget scary movie. Like she can come after you with an iron pan."

"Please just be nice to her."

We slowly approach Betty as she is sitting outside her flower shop. For an old lady, she is typing frantically away on her laptop. Guess gossiping demands a unique skill set.

"Hi, Betty."

"Oh, look. Is this not Clayton's lady friend?"

"Yes, Betty, and this is my friend Katarina."

"Hello, dear. Are you also new in town? Oh, don't tell me you are dating the other Jackson boy. Now that is a handsome child. He likes the ladies too much, but he is a nice man and so friendly too."

"No, Betty, Katarina is just here for a visit."

"Oh, I see. That is nice. Where is Clayton? Is he still going to come? I want to retake a few photos of him. The girls here are going mad for him. I need more pictures for the centerfold we are going to do of him."

"Centerfold?"

"Yes you know those things you can stick up on a wall. The girls will go crazy for him."

"Mmm, I am sure they will. Does he know about this centerfold thing?"

"Oh, oh yes, yes, he does."

"I see. Well, he is not joining us. We took a little break while he is getting ready to go back to the Marines."

"Oh? Is he going back to the army?"

"It is the Marines."

"Oh like I said, is he going back to the army?"

And then Katarina jumps in slightly, getting with Betty and her continued blunders.

"She said, Marines."

"Oh, yes. The girls are going to love to hear that."

"Don't these girls have anything better to do than drool over someone else's boyfriend?"

"Oh, but Bella said they are taking a break so that she won't mind."

"It is Isabella. And she does mind. It does not mean that they have broken up."

"Oh, but Clay, don't mind."

"I am sure that CLAYTON does mind."

"You are quite a feisty one, Trina."

"It is KATARINA, and I don't entertain bullshit. Isabella and Clayton would like their privacy; you must tell these girls to find something better to do. I am sure you can give them some knitting classes or even a bingo night once a week."

"Katarina!"

"No, Isabella, the man is not a piece of meat. I find it hard to believe he would approve to be some giddy teenager's pin-up in her bedroom closet."

"Well, girls, I will let you two argue that between yourself. I am going to phone Denice so I can go get more pictures of our soldier."

"HER soldier. Isabella, please let's go; I don't feel like messing up my manicure."

Katarina pulls me by the arm towards the coffee shop. Only once we have entered and sat down do I finally let it out

"Hahaha, you are goddamn terrible."

"Damn, the old lady is annoying. Is her hearing aid not working or something."

"Betty is, well, she is just special."

"Ya, a special pain in the ass. But who is this other Jacksonboy? You never told me that he had a brother?"

"Don't even think about it. The body has more girlfriends than he has body parts."

"Oooohh that sounds like my kind of man. I know which body part I would like to be. So out with it, show me a picture of these two boys."

"Ah sorry to disappoint, maybe next time. You know I am not a big photo girl."

"Well, I am here for a couple of days; who knows, I might bump into him."

She gives me a cheeky smile and goes on to look at the menu.

"Are you ready to order? Or is that a stupid question?"

"Stupid question. Just give me a few more seconds."

I have always been the worst at ordering. Half of the time, I don't understand what they are serving, and most of the time, I have no idea what I want. So I stare at the menu just as I am doing now.

All of a sudden next to me, Katarina bursts out, "Holy mother of mothers."

"What? I am almost finished."

"No, take your time. I have just seen myself a feast for my eyes."

"Babe, what are you on about?"

"The two hot as fück boys have set the cutest asses in the door. God help me cause I swear I can jump them."

"Who are you talking about? I don't know of any hot boys in this town."

"Isi, girl, lift your damn head and look at that. God took his sweet ass time in making them."

"Hahaha, this I got to see."

I slowly lift my head off from the menu

"Oh, fuck."