26 Ryan

Part of me wanted to fall back on old habits and lazy in bed this morning but Homelander's instincts basically compelled me to go see Ryan.

'Our son!'

I inwardly sighed. Yes our son. Your son, my son, what's the difference now really? Doesn't matter really he's going to be the one of the most powerful beings on the planet so I needed him to at least not dislike daddy dearest.

I saw him sporting a baseball mitt on his left hand preparing to throw with his right. Huh, is he playing catch with himself, did he figure out superspeed?

And I guess not, the ball went far, really far but he stayed in place. Hopefully it will land in some field instead of someone's brain.

"Whoa! I knew your fastball would come in sooner or later" I said with an excited smile as I gently landed.

"Stay away from him!" Mallory said bursting outside in her awkward gait. How the hell was she ever a badass agent and former director of the CIA?

"It's okay. I'm not here to cause trouble, hurt anyone. Just want to see my son." I replied firmly and casually.

That of course did nothing to change the look of desperation off of her face.

"And I had a heck of a time trying to find you, buddy, I..." I paused slightly and glanced at Mallory. "Even had to get a big, important congresswoman to help me."

"She been treating you all right?" I asked him while letting my face relax its features in a cold stare at her.

"Aunt Grace?" That instantly irked me and I felt a twitch in my features. "Yea she's nice."

"Aunt Grace?" I pushed down the bubbling feelings rising up inside me. "Okay. She may be nice Ryan but I don't think 'Aunt Grace' knows what is best for you. She has good intentions, I'm sure but she's not like us. Like you and me."

I fought the urge to laser her in half while I heard her ruffle around for her phone.

"I can hear those clumsy fingers of yours slipping around on that screen. Get rid of it now." I ordered her.

I have half a mind to laser that hand off if she doesn't comply.

'Do it!'

I really want to but then that would set Ryan against me…again.

Luckily for me she throws it to the ground.

"Listen, Ryan. Your mom, she wanted what's best for you. And so do I. You have a real family. I'm your father, I understand what you're going through, the changes that are happening to you. I went through the same thing myself."

He looks at me confused.

"But aren't you mad at me?...For what I did?"

Time to do some goddamn parenting!

"No, no! Of course not! You know that wasn't your fault right?" I pause and let him absorb what I just said. In his mind he is still blaming himself for the death of his mother and probably Stormfront.

I slowly walk to him and stopped a foot or two before him.

"Son, when you are as strong as we are, accidents happen, things break, and sometimes they are the things you love the most." I pause as he looks at me pensive.

"But that's all it is an accident, and nobody knows that better than me."

"Nobody!" I said firmly.

"And what happened with Stormfront and with your mother, that, that" I sighed heavily paused and looked at him. "That was my fault. Not yours."

"You were put in a position no child should ever be put in and it's all my fault." I said pensively.

"I was angry, I was upset that you were being kept from me, and Stormfront, well I wish I could say I didn't see the signs of who she was and what she was doing but that would be lying and I don't want to lie to you."

"She was, well, we were" and I sighed again. "complicated." He looked conflicted I could tell.

I reached my hand out to put it on his shoulder he flinched out of reflex but accepted it.

"As you grow older and turn into a man you will find that things aren't always black and white and that what our heart desires and the actions we take aren't always noble or right."

"Now this is no excuse of course, not for my actions, not hers and not the position you were put in. Don't blame yourself, blame me, you were put in an impossible position and you did the best that you could in the moment.

It is not your fault, it was a simple accident. Do you understand?"

His eyes went up and down briefly, and I saw a glint of tears, before he nodded.

"And son, I want you to know that as your father I will always love you, I will try to be there for you no matter what happens! And I'm not going anywhere. I will always be here!" I finished firmly.

He looked at me and his lower lip and chin quivered and he lunged at me into a hug.