One hundred and seven: You don't trust me

MATURE CONTENT WARNING. THE END OF THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL VIOLENCE.

The relatively simple days were interrupted by a long phone call one morning. Back to the Compound we went and when we arrived that night, he carried me to bed and then went straight to his office to work.

He didn't come back all night.

In the morning, Iain met me outside the apartment. I wore one of my new dresses and he quirked a corner of his lips when he saw I had no shoes on.

"I still find shoes uncomfortable," I explained. "I've gotten used to going everywhere barefoot."

Iain hid his smile.

"As you wish, My Lady. Come this way. Kiran's waiting for you to arrive before he has breakfast."

Near the end of breakfast, there was a knock on the door to Kiran's office.

"Come in," Kiran called and Alfie entered.

I stood to leave, not wanting to disturb Kiran's work.

Alfie looked me up and down.

"Good morning, my lady, Kiran. Sorry to intrude. Sorry, Kiran," he said to Kiran's glare when he kept looking at me with a bit of a furrowed brow, "it's just, is my lady well? She looks like she's lost a lot of weight again."

Kiran pressed his lips together and examined me in silence. Then pointed me back to my seat, with a stern, "Sit and eat more." His attention returned to Alfie when I did as I was told. "What news?"

"Unrest at the border, sir," Alfie's forehead wrinkled more. I ate another fruit tart slowly while I listened. "Centred around Angelswake and Blackwhorl."

I pictured the map in my mind and saw the two suburbs on the city's edge that they were talking about.

"From the reports, Lakesgreen seemed quite active last week and Posy two weeks before," Kiran frowned at the papers on his desk and then opened up a map on his computer screen.

"But Posy is deeper in past the border than the others," I piped up. "In fact, Posy isn't all that far from the Compound."

"Are they really going to try and take back the city again so soon?" Kiran shook his head. "They won't have any element of surprise."

"They will if they strike right at the Compound first," I said and both men looked at me. Maybe they thought that somewhat unlikely given their information and the fact that Posy was still closer to the border than it was to the Compound. Maybe I should just shut up and stop talking.

"Anything else to report?" Kiran asked Alfie.

"Besides the fact there's a union strike amongst the builders from Hortons and that there's strong concerns with the demolition of the building on the corner of Wilder and Little Fifth Avenue."

"But the safety people gave it the go ahead last week. What's changed?" Kiran rubbed his chin.

"They say they found asbestos in the building and that it can't be demolished in any old way. It'll take time and specialists, which have been hired from over the border."

"Investigate it," Kiran ordered, "and do background checks on all the hired people from over the border. Get the reason behind the strike looked into carefully to see whether it's legitimate or there's someone pulling strings. And Jean, what were you saying about Posy?"

"There's a direct path to the Compound from Posy. The water to the Compound comes from Posy, as does the electricity. I don't know anything about weapons, but is it possible that there are missiles or something that could come from Posy's higher ground? Then I would also suspect they might have a mole and put a bomb in here like you did to the Department of Defence. It would almost be poetic justice, wouldn't it?"

"Who's side are you on?" Kiran shook his head. "Alfie, order a bomb sweep of the Compound, but quietly. Under the guise of maintenance. I'll get someone else to look into electrical and water supplies. How'd you know about that, Jean?"

"Our company did some work with the waterworks and electrical supply companies before the war. After the Invasion, they became concerned you would know about the supply lines and capture Posy first before laying siege to the Compound."

"And this is why I need you around more often. There's nothing like local knowledge. All right, go, Alfie."

"Kiran," I said, nibbling on the last slice of toast after Alfie had gone, "if they're preparing to take the Compound, it almost also means they have a window for a cyber attack. Somehow. Somewhere. It means that some of the people who have been welcomed back into the city to work may be saboteurs or spies or informants or…"

"I know, I know," Kiran waved a tired arm. "We had to take the risk, because we needed to get businesses back up and running again. Ghost cities are expensive maintenance."

"If you'd just let me -"

"No, Jean. I know you want to help, but if anyone finds out I let you have access to a computer, we will be both in so much trouble that we may both never see the outside of a prison cell again. There are some powerful people in the international community who really don't like you for some reason. I don't understand why yet."

"If you'd just let me learn all the new coding out there that I haven't seen before, I can make it so that no one would ever find out. I can help."

"No."

"You don't trust me either, do you?"

"How many times do I have to let you betray me to remind me that you don't really love me? You only owe me your life. What does that mean, anyway? You've been telling people you don't see us as a married couple and I am at my wit's end as to figure out how to make you actually fall in love with me as deeply as I am with you."

That hurt. Even after everything, he still didn't really trust me. Trusted me no further than he needed to be to screw me.

"You don't believe I didn't try to betray you at the end of the war. You said you did, but you don't. You don't believe that Dr Eisor and Whistlor set me up, nor that Whistlor half raped me as a warning."

"Don't you use that tone with me, Jean. There's too much going on. I don't have the patience for it right now. I'm warning you."

My words choked in my throat.

"You don't really love me either. You only want to use me. You do what you want. I don't even get a say. I don't know what you want. You don't love me."

Kiran moved so fast that I didn't have time to scream. Before I knew it, I'd been bent over his desk. He had never been so angry or so rough with me before. It hurt and made me cry. Then beg. It still took a while before he was done with me and would let me go.

"And you say I don't love you," he pushed me from him, while I gathered my half torn clothes, shaking in fear and pain. "You say you don't love me, but you still respond to me. You always say 'no' to me just to frustrate me. I don't understand you at all. They're right, you know. I should have started doing this much earlier. Then perhaps I'd have a better grip on you and be able to control you better. Why'd I have to fall in love with you?"

He pushed me backwards over his desk and this time I did scream, but he only held me harder and hammered a bruising impression of the edge of the table into my lower back with every scream. My flailing attempts to fight him hadn't deterred him any. Like I said before, he was far stronger and the contempt with which he took me shook my guts.

He blocked the doorway until I had dressed and looked halfway decent, before letting me out. I staggered out of his office on shaky legs, not really seeing anything. Glancing back, I saw him watching me out his office window without expression and pushing past a confused Iain, I ran blindly.