Eddard The Bloody Blade (Prologue)

If Brandon Stark, also known as "The Builder", was asked to describe his father in three words he would always answer that "there are no three words to describe a man that fucking insane". During a feast a foreigner who had never been in westeros before once followed up with asking if it wasn't possible to describe his father as "VERY fucking insane" in that case…

Brandon answered with a resounding "No".

The foreigner asked if Brandon's father was truly that vile. Brandon proceeded to praise his father as being "Honest, loving to his family and a fearless warrior". The foreigner at this point was profoundly confused and asked with some frustration why he called his father insane if he was truly that virtuous.

Brandon, with a deadpan stare, said "An insane, honest man would comment upon how fat and ugly a king was to his face in the king's very own hall then proceed to slaughter countless guards in his escape from the castle all the while, somehow, seducing the king's daughter and riding away with her.

"A fucking insane man who loves his family would throw his children into a large pit with two ice spiders, one bear and six wolves and tell them that he'll be back in three days but come back after two days because he doesn't want them to 'grow up too fast'.

"A VERY fucking insane man, who is also a fearless warrior, would singlehandly provoke a battle with a clan of giants but during the ensuing battle start punching a large boulder because it was 'giving him the eyes and he ain't no rock swallower or marble gargler'.

"In my father's twilight years he heard of the man who slew Nagga the sea dragon and decided that he wanted to capture one himself and place it in his privy so that he could play a game he 'invented' called 'piss on the sea dragon without getting your giant cock bitten off'.

"He created 'the mighty six and fifty step plan' which had five steps consisting of going to the Children of the Forest, making them use their spell hammer of waters that can smash the land with the sea, waiting for a sea dragon to wash up on shore, capturing it and finally playing his privy game.

"He went to the Children who were scared shitless due to him previously forcing several of them to join him in a drinking game with a mixture of weirwood sap, pig fat and oil and then later losing, becoming so mad and killing so many of them that the neighboring blue lake is now known as 'Red Lake'. When telling them to summon their hammer of waters so that he could capture a sea dragon to play with his cock all of them were naturally stunned.

"One brave little fucker named Snowflake-drifting-in-the-wind lied and informed my father that they needed a brown rabbit's head, nine cups of seawater drunk and then later pissed out by a pregnant woman who witnessed him carving the legendary monster from the west known as 'Tarasque' from its first arse to its second arse while using a magical blade without a handle.

"Two years after that my mother came to me carrying a babe and my fathers mutilated corpse, smelling faintly of piss. A brown rabbit starved to death was badly sewn onto his head, his hand had been cut off and in its place was the bronze blade of his sword melted into his arm with the word 'malba' carved. My mother told me his last words were 'tell Brandon to teach his children how to spell magic or they will never find the second arse'.

"Now, my father was forever declared an enemy of king Rodrik of house Fletchsend, coincidentally my grandfather on my mother's side. When I was nine I survived an encounter with ice spiders, bears and wolves. To the southwest of here there is a large boulder covered in old blood surrounded by the skulls of giants called 'Boulder of Cockloving'. And lastly, my mother knew what the name of my young sister was going to be when she was born… My mother named her Snowflake."

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Thousands of years later an honest man, forged into a warrior from a young age due to losing his beloved family and later discarding his friendship, marriage and honor for the sake of protecting his nephew, Eddard Stark discards his last fears and prays to the old gods and his ancestors to watch over his family as he is about to be executed… one ancestor answers his call.