My Lord! My Lord? My Lord….

First, I gotta be careful. From the gem itself, I am guessing this magic item is related to an evil sect. The part about the cookies suggests that they are tricksters too. The more I analyze this the more I realize how foolish what I am doing is.

But centuries of boredom will do that to you. It is stronger than me. I feel alive again for once. Not that I ever was. I'm a pure-blood undead after all.

[Oh? So you have time eh. I'm busy, however. I charge every call per minute; how long do you want to chat darling?]

Call? Charge per minute? Does he want a sacrifice?

"…"

[Just kidding. Ain't a hotline here haha. Alright, let me see. This is the exposition part eh. Boring stuff really. Let me see. We a good sect. Kinda. We do our stuff, others do whatever, we give no fuck. If they annoy us voluntarily, we wipe them all. Also we all OP AF. We are legion! We have pie! We have training montages! Does that help]

What is all this? Hotline? What kind of upright sect wipes sects? OP AF what is that? Pie? A race that needs to eat food? What is a training montage?

How does any of this help! It will just confuse me!

Alright, relax.

[Too much for you in one go? Just take a deep breath and tell me what question you have!]

I'm a vampire. I don't breathe. Okay. Just relax. What question should I ask first? I need to figure out the important information first!

"What is a call and a hotline?" This is definitely related to the weird magic at play here!

[Oh…a call is a way to communicate and a hotline is something horny lonely people call to feel a spark of love in their otherwise empty lives. In exchange they offer remuneration of course.]

There are lots of vampires leading empty lives here. Not sure about what the whole love part is, however. But I need to know more about the call thing.

"How does a call work?"

[Oh that thing? I don't know. You'd need to ask the Cookie people. They be a sub-division of ours. Recently joined. They are hilarious I tell you. But all you need to know is that it is easy to use, just send mana to it and done.]

"How can it work even after passing through the void?! Especially with the seemingly dimensional turbulences inside!"

[Don't know, don't care, now tell me about you.]

What would he like to know? Is he curious or simply testing me? Maybe injecting mana already gave him some information about me. He seems oddly confident. Any chance this is a trap? Probably not. I'll answer honestly. There is too much I don't know about him. I dislike the current status-quo of my situation anyway. Well living in a cave by myself is awesome but still.

I tell him everything about me. And also about my own race. The vampires.

That would make me a traitor but meh. So what?

He doesn't seem surprised by anything he hears. Sometimes muttering about how cliché it is or passing sly remarks about our so-called leadership. He never once loses his cool during the conversation. We the bloodsuckers used to be feared. Hearing our name would send the various races into a panic. He shows no trace of it.

This simply reinforced my supposition that he's a really strong entity. After all, never has one managed to contact us in this realm. Either voluntarily or involuntarily. He is the first. As far as I know anyway.

He asks why we did not build any tools. I answer that this world only seems to have grass, soil, and rock. And even destroying a strand of grass is a challenge. Everything is incredibly sturdy here.

He asks why we did not explore and conquer this world right after our arrival. Back when we were still full of vitality. I tell him that no one realized the issue. We, vampires, were previously too strong. Before we knew it we were weakened too much by the passage of time. Doesn't help that we are a race that likes to slumber for long period from time to time.

He asks why we are stuck half a day from the nest. Why we don't build small relay holes and try to find more natural caves. I tell him that the lords don't care that we have barely enough room to survive. They have plenty.

In his eyes, the mighty lords are nothing but imbeciles, dumbasses, simple-minded fools, witless old things, and he keeps the derogatory terms coming.

It is oddly satisfying. I feel like he is expressing aloud all the things I've ever wanted to say. Well in my head it seems, via magic at that.

Still, it is refreshing.

I knew I couldn't be the only sane one! Well, he is not a vampire but that matters not to me at this point.

[So you are telling me you guys have an invincible undying army and your leaders are just watching as they all try to die? Instead of doing something productive like training or writing some Unnamed God Fanfic?]

I'm not sure what fanfic is, but then again, I'm getting used to it.

This being has an extremely high level of knowledge. Most of the terms are foreign to me.

I wouldn't be surprised if he even knew a way to get out of here haha.

Wait! Why didn't I try that before! Gotta be polite.

"My lord! Do you perhaps know how it would be possible for me to get out of here? It would be my honor to find a way to go to your side and serve you!"

[Oh? That? Well, can't you just use this gem as a beacon to guide you here? Simple stuff really. How do you think we are even communicating haha!]

OMG. True that!

Wait there is an issue.

"My lord, I have nowhere near the skills required to accomplish such a task. I don't know any space magic and I also haven't drunk blood in a long …."

[Aren't you a proud member of a supposedly mighty undead race? Figure it out yourself! Well, gotta go. Left a pie in the oven. Later]

"My Lord! My Lord? My lord…."

How am I supposed to even do that?

Think! Think. Think…