5 Sara - 1940 - The Weight

Sara stomped down the steps and continued into the yard until she came to the large willow tree. Plopping down between two large roots and tucking her skirt under her legs, she fought back the tears. They burned behind her eyes and brought a flush to her cheeks. She crossed her arms about her chest and grunted, her lips growing white.

Lilly had gotten her way once again. When had she never gotten it? It was always Lilly who was told yes and given the best pieces of cake or the newest hair ribbon. It was Lilly who didn’t have to help with the chores around the house. It was Lilly who avoided having to help with Grandfather. Sara was always left out in the cold.

This time was no different. Sara had been invited to her first birthday party. It was for Nellie Simpton’s eighth birthday and was to be held at the birthday girl’s house right outside of town in a big house. Sara had wanted to go so bad. Third grade had just started, and she was slowly making friends. To have someone so popular invite her was a miracle. To be invited to a real birthday party was a major acceptance. Sara had begun to feel as though she was not such an outsider anymore. It helped that her mother had to buy her a new dress for the school year as she had grown another inch.

Now she couldn’t go, unless she took her little sister with her. Why couldn’t Sara go anywhere without the six-year-old trailing along with her? Her whole life seemed to center around Lilly. Sara had been dressing and feeding her sister for years since their mother worked so hard to put food on the table. Sara hadn’t minded helping out until she had begun to have a life that was hers. School. It had opened up a world without her mother, grandfather, or her little sister. It showed her that as an individual Sara existed with dreams and hopes of her own.

How freeing it had been to escape the oppressive house and go to a place where so much could happen and she could be herself. Yes, it was hard to face the ridicule from the other students. Her clothes screamed the reality of their financial status. It also made her and her mother look bad in the eyes who knew who her grandfather was and they still dressed so poorly.

Edward Stone was a landed man. Yes, he had a house in town where they lived, but he also owned land a half a day’s journey outside the town. It was a large farm that was extremely profitable with rich soil that produced a good crop every year even when the weather wasn’t the best. After his wife had died a few years before Sara had been born and before he began to feel the curses of old age, he had bought the house in town and moved there. He had wanted to be closer to help in case he needed it. It was also when his eldest daughter decided to come home and start a family. He would be taken care of very well.

Sara had been born in that large town house and had never left it. Her world had revolved around it and the few blocks away where they would walk to the store once a week for groceries. School had taken her several more blocks away which to her was like a new world. It was a way to push her world outside of the one her home had trapped her within.

She had learned to read. She had learned to write. Numbers were easy to Sara. She was seeing a path of adulthood before her, a path to escape the house and find a different life...a better life. The world presented before her was amazing. She might only become a wife that was expected of women, but she’d be one with a mind and one who looked outward instead of inward.

Lilly begged to go everywhere Sara went. The first two years of school had been wonderful because Lilly couldn’t go with her. Now Sara had to walk her sister to school every day and make sure she had her lunch and was dressed properly. On the playground, Lilly was by her side, crying that Sara wasn’t playing only with her. After school, Sara couldn’t stay behind and read books her teacher had on shelves for the students to borrow in the schoolroom. She had to take Lilly home and play with her. Always Lilly getting what she wanted. Always Lilly demanded all of Sara.

“Cynthia!” Her grandfather’s voice boomed out the door and seemed to pounce on Sara where she sat. Sara could hear her mother’s footsteps making their way down the stairs where she had been making up beds. The old man demanded, and her mother acquiesced.

He typically called for Sara’s mother at least once an hour. Sara knew he could do many things he pretended not to when her mother was around. Sara had seen it with her own eyes. He would get up on his own to get his pipe very well when Cynthia wasn’t around. Yes, he had a pained look on his face as he pushed his body up and forced the old joints to work. It wasn’t like he was spry like a child. But when her mother was in the house, he was suddenly helpless.

Sara usually glared at the old man with the bushy, grey eyebrows that appeared to be large caterpillars stuck to his forehead. She knew what he was up to. He wasn’t fooling her. He was using them all. Even Sara had become a victim. He would yell at her to bring him a glass of water the moment she got home from school. It was another reason to love the building that offered her something aside from learning. It offered her hope.

A slight breeze drifted over her. Her long hair shifted with its gentle push. Sara reached up and pushed a strand back out of her eyes. The tears had not flowed. She had managed to fight them. Crying was a sign of weakness. She refused to let them see her tears. See her anger, yes, but never her tears.

The morning had started with shouting from her grandfather, her mother snapping at her and Lilly, and her sister crying because Sara wouldn’t play with her. What about? What about what Sara wanted? It didn’t matter. She had to be the one shouted at and ordered about. When Nellie’s mother picked her up from school, she hugged her child and asked about her day. Sara couldn’t remember the last time her mother had hugged her. Had she ever hugged her? Sara searched her memories but couldn’t find a single one that showed her mother being affectionate.

Why didn’t anyone love her? Why was everyone around her angry all the time or demanding? Why couldn’t they be loving and kind?

Sara leaned down to rest her chin on her knees. It was Saturday. There was no school to rescue her. There was nothing but a party that would not even be an escape for her. Lilly would be present. She hated her sister. She hated her mother. She hated her grandfather. She hated herself.