The feeling of rain

Did you ever think about the noise in the world? How it affects us and all. You'd probably say this is boring. But... have you ever in life just stopped, and thought, 'How miserable the world is.' Nasty. It's nasty. The people, the people around you that just don't want to accept you. And it's quite difficult to fit in, but...do you? Do you fit in?

I know, I know. We all have a place in this world, somewhere. But again...what if we see don't fit anywhere? What if you roam all alone in school, on the way back home, or at the park? What if...no one accepts you? They don't have to. You can live alone. You can...smile alone. Can you?

Questions. So many questions and the answer are unknown. So curious, why am I like this? Well, I suppose my parents are to blame. Always answering my questions, even the dumb ones. Well, they technically raised me and used to tolerate me every day. Didn't they? Another question, I'll shut up. We don't have to be curious about things. Let's...ignore. And let's not be interested in learning.... that's hard. But some people naturally don't care. And then there is something called.... wait. I think someone is at the door. I mean I also live in a house with few windows, few bedrooms, one kitchen, one backyard, two doors heading out, and with a roof. I can also have guests. Let's ignore the fact that we just got interrupted in the middle of having an interesting conversation. You were enjoying it, right? I am just...going to go...and check who it is. Um...I mean...I never wrote a journal before so...yeah. First time. Bye, I guess?

"Open the door in an instant! Or else I'll break it and also, I will surely break your neck!" Spoke an angry voice behind the door. "Why don't you break it then?" I asked in sarcasm while rolling my eyes. Well, this is my...brother. Super boring, too mature, and hates milkshakes. He is older than me and he suits that role. Oh, I didn't introduce myself yet. I am Mike. Male. Teenagers, who don't have many pimples, have black hair, and are handsome, "Do you want me to take your phone away? Open the door! "He banged on the door with force while yelling at me. "Fine...." I exclaimed and turned the lock. And as I opened there, he stood. With combed black hair, pale skin, groceries in both hands, and a frown on his face plastered. "I wish I had a sister." He commented. "You want to come or not?" I asked in irritation. He came in struggling to walk and as soon he came in, he dropped the grocery bags. "Oh my god. Can't you place it gently?" I asked while frowning at the sound it made when it hit the ground. He went to the sofa and took a seat. "What did you eat?" He asked ignoring my question and taking his socks off. "Instant noodles," I spoke while picking up the bags. "You cooked?" He asked in surprise. "Yeah," I answered while emptying the bags and placing the groceries on shelves. "Nice". He spoke with a small smile. "I am going to take a nap for a while. Let me know if you need something," I said while finishing putting the groceries on the shelves. "A nap? It's the evening". He questioned while raising his one brow. "Yeah, I am tired," I answered. "Okay then, I'll wake you up after a while. You have school tomorrow, so don't sleep too long. You won't be able to sleep at night then". He answered while getting up to make himself a coffee. "What will you do?" I asked. "Work." He replied in a cold tone. When it comes to his work, he is dead serious.

"Okay." I slowly mumbled. I climbed up the stairs and went to my room. This is odd. My parents are gone. My brother works, and I don't study at all. The last time I remember, we four sat on the grass that night, talking about useless things and seeing patterns in the stars. When Dad told us he loved us when Mom cried for the first time. When they both were in the car...and when all came to an end. I still remember the time when my brother got a call from the police. "We are sorry but...they didn't survive." And that ends there. I cried for a few days, but I was just fine. My brother quits studying. He started working. He is well educated; he was almost about to finish his PhD. But he got a job straight away, leaving his studies incomplete. And I am just...living. Existing. With pain and nothingness in me. And try my best to learn something each day. Just trying to sink the fact that some important people aren't here with me. To answer my weird, dumb questions. I hate Google, my parents answered better than it. But...they are gone. And... let's talk about something else. Or else I'll start biting my nails. It's quite a bad habit.

I came to my room and went near the opened window. Staring blankly for no reason. I suppose that's what the absence of loved ones makes you do. Waste life. Trying to forget. Then suddenly a loud voice was heard. I came back from my thoughts and peeked out the window. A child was shouting. "Mum! It's raining! It's raining! Can I take my spider-man umbrella now?!". He shouted the whole thing. I look at the child and his mother. The mother nodded in response and how excited the child looked. Then I realized. It was raining. Slowly my window was occupied and blurred by tiny rain drops. Rain. It's raining, it's raining Mum. Unknowingly I smiled and opened the window wider. All the water rushed coming in, including soaking me wet. I smiled and giggled. It's raining. The smell of rain. The feeling of rain on my bare hand, the feeling of rain. I miss that.

I feel happy.