28 - Worthless (1.9k words)

Another day had passed, and it was time for the weights around my limbs to unlock.The master bedroom became an office as the trio discussed the logistics of our new home and how we would be able to sustain ourselves with a new business venture.I lay on the fluffy furs that felt warm against my skin. I tried everything to fall asleep ─ counting sheep, deep breathing, you name it ─ but nothing worked. Finally, I just rolled over to my side, giving up, catching the trio's attention. "You know how Bai was talking about needing some cotton and her monthly estrogen cycle thing?""Precious, not now," Vick said, trying to keep his tone light, but I could hear the strain. As he stood, a lump formed in my throat."It's just... you might think it's the same deal for me, like a monthly thing, but... I've never had it. Not even once." My voice faded, leaving those words hanging heavier in the air than I intended, "I've told you I'm broken, in a most literal sense."I laughed dryly, "Is that why you two keep having those sad puppy eyes around me? Because I can't have a baby? You said my looks could've landed us a nice place, but you never took me along to negotiate. You knew the ape king himself would've ditched me and called me worthless, right?"The laughter didn't reach my eyes, but it was the only way to say the toughest stuff without breaking down right there and then."Yaya, listen...""I don't want to hear it," I snapped, my voice cracking with emotion, "I'm sick of listening to words that mean nothing to me. I'm sick of everyone pretending to be my therapist, trying to make me feel better like I'm their patient. Like it's their duty to fix me. To heal me. I don't need anyone. I don't want anyone. I want to be alone. Why can't you understand that?""You've got some nerve to talk shit again, huh?" Vick hissed, pinning me down, "You're so full of shit, and you know it. You know we don't give a damn, yet you keep saying these things, keep pushing us away. And for what? For you to go and have fun being alone again? You want to be left alone so bad, Yaya? Well, too fucking bad you'll have to be stuck with us.""You left me once, and how was that? I was doing just fine, didn't I? I was so happy being alone, so happy being a fucking freak. So, yeah, let me go back to that. It's the only thing that works. Nothing else.""I know that nothing else is going to work, you stubborn girl." Vick's voice was so close to a snarl, I could feel his breath on my skin, "So get your head out of your ass and let us in. Or I swear to the gods, we will have you chained to a bed until you stop saying such stupid, fucking shit.""You are speaking like you haven't tried it before!" I kicked Vick away, sending him flying, then clawed at my face, but Curtis and Muir were on me before I could do any real damage, grabbing hold of my limbs, and forcing them down, "Let me go! I'm going to destroy this face you like so much and make you regret your choices! I'm going to rip it apart, and then we'll see how much you will want to stay around me!""You can't, Yaya." Curtis whispered, his arms enveloping me in a desperate embrace."What is wrong with all of you?!" I screamed as I thrashed in their hold, my frustration boiling over, "Aren't beastmen all about continuing their bloodline? Why didn't you leave me after finding out that I'm a barren female? Tell me! This is just a sick game, isn't it? Some kind of sick joke, a game to break me more than I already am. You two think I'm too fucked in the head to get it. Is that it? Huh?! Am I just a piece of meat for you two? Is that why you're still here, pretending to care? Pretending to love me? Because that's not how it works. It doesn't work like that."Muir held my head in place, "Stop. Just stop. Stop hurting yourself." He pressed his forehead against mine as Vick put the weights back on, "I'll never let go of you. Ever.""I told you not to touch me!" I spewed out, " I hate you. I hate you all.""I know," Muir's face darkened as he pulled away. I could see the hurt, but it was enough to shut me up, "I know. But it's okay, Yaya. It's okay. Because I lov-""You can't!" I screamed, struggling to get free as the weights were back in place, "I've never done anything to deserve your love. There's only my face, and my body, and even that is worthless in this world. That's it. It's not worth anything."Muir choked, eyes bloodshot from pain or perhaps unshed tears, "The spousal mark... it tells me when you're in pain. It's been screaming at me, Yaya. I don't feel it as my own, but I know when you're suffering. It's killing me inside. I want to rip my chest out many times because I can't stand seeing you like this. Knowing that I can't make you feel better."I clenched my jaw. My chest hurt, and it wasn't the kind of pain you could rub off, not like the ones from physical injuries. I refused to acknowledge the tears, but it was difficult to ignore the wet drops falling on my face. "Why are you crying like him too, Curtis? We've known each other, what, barely a month?" My voice cracked, a mix of confusion and a raw, unspoken emotion. I wondered why he, too, seemed moved to tears over a connection so newly forged."Crying?" Curtis said, blinking. But there was no stopping the tears as he touched his cheek, his brows furrowing. "It hurts, Yaya. It hurts so much," he whispered, his hands clutching at his chest. He was trembling, his breath coming in short gasps, "My heart hurts. I can't take it. It hurts. Every time I look at you, it hurts.""Then don't look at me," I said casually with a cold expression, causing Muir to hit the wall with his fist, cracking the stone surface, as his emotions spiraled.Curtis buried his face in the crook of my neck. His fingers dug into my skin, clinging desperately onto me, "Why would I want little copies of me running around the place? Do you think I'd care about them more than you?""Yes." I whispered, "Yes. Because they'd be beautiful. They'd be perfect."Muir's face was out of my line of sight, yet the sound of his teeth gritting broke through the tense air, accompanied by a soft whimper that betrayed his turmoil. Curtis's grip on my arms was ironclad, his nails unintentionally digging into my skin, enough to draw blood. But I didn't push him away."If you are worthless, then there's no hope for me. I'm a feral, a beast with no place in this society, a copy of my ancestors, a slave to my instincts. If you're a freak, then so am I. If you're a monster, then so am I. What's so lovable about me, Yaya? My face? My body? You've never once shown real interest in them. My mind? My personality? I don't have any of that either. I'm a shell, a shell built for survival, for battle, for killing.""You are conveniently useful. You can't argue with that." I stroked his red hair, getting defeated yet again. His hair was soft and silky between my fingers, and I could smell the scent of the shampoo we all shared, "It's making people flock to you naturally. Vick and Muir had been using you as their personal treasure chest. Even Nivi showed interest in you despite how scary you were, didn't she? You have a lot to offer. Maybe you should start taking advantage of it and demand some compensation in return.""Why don't you use me too, Yaya?" Curtis asked."I don't want to," I said, twirling his long hair around my fingers, "I have no use for you.""You should. I want you to. I want you to use me. Tell me to go to the Flame City and kill everyone, and I will. Tell me to bring you their hearts, and I will. I'll tear their bodies apart and present them to you. I'll rip their flesh off their bones and lay them out before you. All for you."I laughed softly. It was a hollow sound. A bitter, broken, empty laugh. "And then what? Give you the reward you want? I won't just open my legs because someone kills a few people for me. It won't make me happy. I'll still be a freak.""No. Not like this," Curtis said, pressing his cheek against mine, "You won't open your legs, Yaya. You will open your heart. I'll fill it with me. I'll fill it so much that it'll burst like mine.""That sounds terrifying. No, thank you.""It will feel good," Vick said, holding my legs from behind Curtis, invisible to my sight. "I promise.""You're delusional," I muttered. I didn't even have the energy to argue. I just wanted to sleep. To sink into oblivion, "A lunatic.""So are you, Yaya," Vick responded, "We are the same. You said we are two crazy idiots who don't fit in. We are both broken. We both deserve each other.""Yeah. That sounds about right," I said. "Two crazy idiots who don't fit in, but somehow, they've got each other. It feels like I really mentioned something like that ages ago.""Four idiots," Muir tried to correct me, "Don't leave us out of it.""Four crazy idiots, then." I laughed dryly, my eyelids heavy. "We're all insane. It's the only explanation.""So what if we are?" Muir asked, his voice low and strained, "I don't regret falling in love with a madwoman. And I certainly don't regret being a madman myself. Not when I have a mad family to share my insanity with.""A family of freaks, huh," I mumbled, "Maybe we'll get along after all. Maybe."I sighed deeply, my body relaxing as they released me. I was finally able to sleep. I was finally able to rest. But before the darkness enveloped me, I heard a whisper in my ear, a whisper that sounded like a promise, a whisper that echoed through the depths of my soul."We will always be there for you. Even when your own heart abandons you, we will be your strength. We will be your shield. We will be your home. We will be everything you need. All you have to do is let us."╔═══ Author's note ════╗Is it only me, or do I see some progress in Yaya? ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀)That girl won't cry no matter what, but she is thinking about other things besides going to Flame City now. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧Is everyone ready to meet Winston? I think he will show up in the next chapter. ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡╚════════════════╝