1 Chapter 1: "If you make your whole life believing that all you need is love, you’d end up crashing sooner or later"

"I would do anything! Please!" I sobbed, begging at the old woman in front of me. Her face filled with disdain at the pathetic sight of my figure kneeling on the floor.

Tears streamed down my face as the only thing I could do for him right now is to beg to the only person I had hoped I would never ask for help. I knew that asking for this person's help would mean giving up everything we have worked for.

But for him, I would do anything.

I would even sell my soul to this devil if it means I could save him.

A loud slap echoed throughout the empty hallway. I could feel my cheeks burn at the impact of the old woman's hand against my cheek.

"This is all your fault!"

***

I woke up at the loud ringing of my alarm clock. I could feel my head starting to ache at the loud noise, especially since I wasn't able to get much sleep last night. I tried to push myself up from the bed and searched for the source of my headache.

A loud sigh left my mouth as I gently massage my temples, cursing at the headache that welcomed me first thing in the morning.

Even after five years, I still dream about it.

I thought I'd finally forget everything from my past, especially when I tried my best to build myself up after all those years.

I only need myself. I don't need anyone.

Sighing, I stood up from my bed to check what I have planned for the day. I just got back to my home country after five years in Japan and the jet lag has been killing me. I never intended to go back, but when I heard the news that my mother was hospitalized, I had no choice but to return.

I had been asking my mother to go to Japan to live with me, but she was very adamant and kept saying that she does not want to leave the house that she and my father spent almost half of their lives working for.

But still, I'd rather sell the house than let her live here alone.

After checking my phone, I realized that I had probably been snoozing my alarm unconsciously since it's already nine in the morning and I've set my alarm last night at eight. Groaning, I took my toiletries and went to the bathroom to prepare for my busy schedule today.

I was planning on waking up early to visit my mother in the hospital first thing in the morning, and then after lunch, go directly to a bidding.

My friend, who was my partner in the business that we started just two years ago, was supposed to be the one to present the bid today, but since I'm planning on returning anyway, he told me to present it so we could save some expenses.

I really don't want to but, I have to face him sooner or later.

After finishing my shower, I struggled to choose what to wear for my presentation. After a few attempts of mix and matching my clothes, I ended up choosing a white button-up blouse with a grey coat and pants. For the shoes, I chose black suede pointed-toe pumps which are quite uncomfortable but look perfect for my outfit.

After almost an hour, I was ready to leave the house. I picked up my brown leather messenger bag and made sure that the papers for the presentation are inside.

With a sigh, I left the house.

***

I opened the door to my mother's hospital suite and was welcomed by a large window that overlooks the city. The suite is just perfectly comfortable with a gorgeous view of the city. My mother's bed was placed in the center of the room and I noticed that she's already awake.

"Good morning." I greeted, smiling brightly at my mother. "I brought you some of your favourite pastries, I hope you can already eat them."

Before going to the hospital, I stopped by a café to buy some brunch for my mother and I. I bought an iced Americano for myself, a strawberry cheesecake, and a bunch of other pastries.

My mother loves strawberry cheesecake and I always buy her some whenever I had extra money back then. I always love to see her smiling excitedly at the sight of the cheesecake and we'd share it over some coffee and stories about our day.

"Good morning to you too." My mother greeted back and gestured for me to sit on the chair beside her bed. "How's my daughter?"

"Still a bit jet-lagged but I'm fine now," I replied as I prepare our brunch on the bed table. "Your favourite." I said as I placed the strawberry cheesecake in front of her.

"I missed this!" My mother exclaimed cheerfully. "Just right after I'm off the hospital diet."

We ate comfortably while talking about my mother's garden. She has a small restaurant near our house and whenever the store is closed, she would busy herself with planting in the small garden in front of our house.

I told her plenty of times not to overwork herself and take some rest, but since she's the type of person who cannot sit still without doing anything, she ended up being hospitalized because of over fatigue.

"I told you, you can just close the restaurant or let aunt take over it," I said, frowning. "You should just take care of your plants."

"Hey, I'm still young and able. This is just because I've been watching too many dramas and wasn't able to sleep properly." My mother reasoned out.

"Then you'll be fine if I confiscate your phone for a while?"

"No!" My mom exclaimed light-heartedly. "I can't live without my dramas."

We both laugh at how ridiculous we sounded. It's as if our roles were reversed and I was the mother reprimanding her daughter for watching too much television.

I missed my mom.

Those five years that I've been away, my mother and I would settle for video chatting every other day. Although we would contact each other frequently, being beside her like this is really different compared to seeing her on the screen.

There was even a time when I wasn't able to video chat with her for almost a week because I've been busy with starting up our company. I was so guilty back then, but she reassured me so many times that it's fine as long as I'm doing well.

I just wanted to live with her again.

"Hey mom," I stared at her, my face filled with apprehension. "Once you're better, will you please stay with me in Japan?"

My mother sighed and took my hand. "I told you, I'm fine here. I just want to live the rest of my life in the house that your father and I worked hard for."

I knew she would still refuse, but I really hoped that she would change her mind.

"I'm the one who's worried." My mother spoke as she tightened her hold to my hand. "You are all alone in an unfamiliar city and god knows what might happen to you while you live alone. I can't sleep whenever you won't reply to my messages, thinking about how you might be in danger. "

I frowned, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. I never thought about how my mother felt about me living alone in another country. When I was told to leave the country, I didn't think much about how my mother would feel and left the country as fast as I could.

Back then, all I could think about was how I could save him.

I regret not persuading her enough back then to go with me. I should've tried harder so that we could leave this country without looking back.

"But now that I'm settled with my life there, won't you go with me? You can just stay in the apartment and build your mini indoor garden." I said, my voice laced with happiness as I imagine living with my mother once again.

My mother merely shook her head and said, "My life is here. I'm just worried about you. You're already twenty-eight and you should have your own family by now." With a tiny voice, my mother continued, "Won't you consider marrying again?"

I took my hands back from my mother's hold. I turn my gaze downwards and stared at my fidgeting hands. "I won't. I'm already happy with what I have right now."

My mother sighed and spoke once again. "But sooner or later, you have to have your own family. Who will take care of you once I'm gone?"

"I've already experienced marriage once, I don't need to for a second time."

***

After our somber conversation, my mother changed the topic and we began talking about her garden once again. She probably saw the change in my mood and decided to leave the topic behind.

I understood her worries, but after that one marriage, I never imagine myself getting married once again.

Because you never imagine falling for another person again.

My previous marriage was not filled with rainbows and butterflies, but it was the perfect marriage between two people who truly love each other. We didn't need many material things, but being with each other is enough for both of us.

But that was just my immature self thinking.

I realized that love is not everything. It won't make the world spin, rather, if you make your whole life believing that all you need is love, you'd end up crashing sooner or later.

After hugging my mother and saying our goodbyes, I went straight to the location where the bidding will be held. It's not quite far from the hospital, but since it's quite warm outside, I decided to get a cab and in less than ten minutes, I arrived at the location.

The bidding will be held in a building owned by the Chadwick group of companies. They are part of several industries, but the one I'm going to be presenting our bid with is focused on building hotels and its operations.

My knees began to tremble as I stare at the tall building in front of me. I never thought I would enter a building owned by that family ever again. As much as I hate the thought of entering the building, I have no choice. This is for the sake of our company, and I don't want to disappoint my partner who's been with me through ups and downs by running away from a bid just because I'm scared.

After inhaling and exhaling a bunch of times, I finally gathered the courage to enter the said building. I went straight to the receptionist and was told to go to the seventh floor in the conference room one.

The elevator ride felt like an eternity and my palms began to sweat. I didn't feel this nervous when I was presenting before with other companies, but I guess this certain company is different.

He works here.

When the elevator doors opened after arriving on the seventh floor, all I wanted is to press the close button, go back to the ground floor, and run away.

We could find other companies. We don't need this certain company.

But whenever I think about Luke, my partner in our company, with his face full of expectations, I can't help but be ashamed of my cowardice.

You won't get anywhere by dwelling on the past. This is your present and all you need to do is to face it.

With a loud sigh, I exited the elevator and searched for the conference room one. I was brought to the waiting area for the presenters. There were quite a lot of presenters inside and my nervousness came once more. I could feel my sweaty hands tremble as I wait for our turn and I'm scared that I might forget my speech during my presentation.

After what felt like centuries, our company was finally called. I struggled to walk towards the conference room with my unsteady knees paired with my uncomfortable shoes. I began recalling my speech and outline of my presentation to ease away my nervousness.

Once I entered the conference room, I could feel all eyes were on me, but there was only one pair of eyes that I was immediately drawn into.

Those blue eyes that felt like he's piercing right into your soul.

Time really did him good.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw him staring at me. He looked a little surprised, but he immediately masked it with a glare. I flinched at the cold look he gave me and I just lowered my head and began walking towards the podium, one step at a time.

The whole presentation felt like a blur. I don't know if it was because I've been practicing too much that I already remember everything or the fact that I was too busy trying not to make eye contact with a certain person.

Caesar Ansel.

His black hair that was too long for him before was now cleanly pushed back, making his blue eyes stand out more. His chiselled jaw and high bridge nose that I used to trace with my fingers were now more mature compared to his boyish look before.

And those lips.

His full lips that I can't get enough off were still the same. I used to tease him that having those beautiful lips is such a waste for a guy and that I could only wish for mine to be as perfectly shaped like his.

Those were the days.

I was shaken out of my thoughts when I realized I was finally finished with my presentation. I did not know if I did well or not, I can't remember. Right now, I just hope I did well as everyone is clapping right now. After bowing, I went straight out of the conference room.

What was that?

I did not expect him to be there. I thought that since he's the CEO of a large company, he would not bother to join the bidding and leave it to the department handling the procurement. I was not prepared, and never will be, to see him.

I didn't want to see him.

All those feelings that I tried so hard to bury were now rising just because I saw him. My chest aches as I try my best to control myself and stop my tears from falling down my cheeks. I walked as fast as I could towards the comfort room, biting my lip as hard as I could in order to stop the cries that wanted to escape.

When I finally arrived in the comfort room, I locked myself inside the cubicle and finally let those unshed tears that I've been struggling to control fall down my cheeks. I started sobbing as a child would, and I couldn't stop.

I remembered how he looked when I left. His body lying on the hospital bed, filled with bandages covering his injuries. All I wanted to do at that time is to stay with him until he's better, but I was powerless. I can't do anything.

So I chose to run. That was the only thing I could do for him.

I was so glad when I saw him on the news, looking as handsome as he is right now, but his eyes looked tired and his face deprived of any emotion. All I could think of at that time was how glad I am that he's finally awake and safe.

I cried and cried until I felt like my tears would run out. The moment I saw him earlier, I wanted to run towards him and hug him.

But I shouldn't.

I didn't know how long I have been crying inside the cubicle, but after a while, I wiped my tears off of my face and took out my phone to see how my eyes looked.

I groaned when I saw how red my eyes were. I stepped out of the cubicle and tried washing my face with cold water to ease away the redness of my eyes. Thank god for waterproof make up but still, the water did not help with my eyes.

Sighing, I ended up fixing my puffy eyes with make-up and re-applied my lipstick. My eyes were still a bit red, but it's not as noticeable as before. When I'm finally satisfied with how I look, I left the comfort room.

I took my phone out of my pocket and searched for Luke's contact number to report to him that I'm finally finished with my presentation. As I was looking at my phone, I did not notice the person in front of me.

"Sorry!" I exclaimed after I bumped into the person. The other person's chest felt like concrete and I unconsciously touched my painful forehead.

"You're still the same." A deep familiar voice said. The voice that used to whisper 'I love you' to me every night.

I suddenly looked up at the sound of his voice and found him staring at me, his face deprived of any emotion. I stared at him, my eyes wide and my mouth open. I did not know what to say and I tried opening and closing my mouth, but no words would come out.

Why is he talking to me?

"After all these years you've finally shown yourself." He said in a soft voice. I wanted to reach out and touch his face and tell him how much I missed him.

"You're quite callous for showing yourself in front of me." He spoke once more, his voice cold. "What did you expect by coming here? That I will favour you just because of our past?"

I could not believe what I'm hearing.

I don't know this person.

You deserve it.

I could feel my eyes swell up with tears once again and I bit my lip, trying to contain myself. I don't want to show him any weaknesses and as much as possible, I want to maintain our current relationship as civil as possible.

I just want to leave and never see him again.

If he hates me, then so be it. I don���t care anymore. I'm not begging for him to accept our bid and I don't need to get into his favour just to do so.

"I'm sorry Sir," I spoke once I'm able to suppress my emotions. "I gave my presentation and it's up to your objective perspective to decide whether or not we're capable of fulfilling your company's needs." After finishing my little speech, I bowed lightly at him and walked away.

"You're good at that." I paused when I heard him speak from behind me, his voice almost mocking. "You're just the kind of person who will leave just because it gets tough." After saying what he wanted, I heard his footsteps walking away.

I was left alone in the hallway, feeling the sudden surge of emotions over what he had said. I don't know what exactly happened after I left the country, but I can guess.

And I don't blame him for hating me.