boy keeps worrying

The life of Hikigaya Hachiman and Fan Xinglu begins before sunrise.

"Hey, Hachiman, you're falling behind."

"...I know."

In the early morning, the two of them marched through the snowy mountains towards their destination.

Hachiman replied to Xinglu's voice from ahead and circulated an equal amount of Star Power in both his hands and feet. The rings attached to his hands and feet reacted to the Star Power, and the Manadite shimmered. At the same time, the weight on his hands and feet slightly decreased, allowing him to move more easily.

He stepped on the snowy ground and followed Xinglu ahead.

However...

"Ugh!!"

After a while, the Manadite began to shimmer intensely. As a result, the weight on his hands and feet increased, causing him to kneel down.

"Huff...huff...huff..."

"You're struggling. Listen, Hachiman. The important thing is to maintain a certain amount of Star Power. Your Star Power is quite abundant, but wasting it in battle is a waste. Maintain the minimum required amount for a long time. Once you can do that..."

"By concentrating Star Power anywhere in your body, you'll gain integrated offensive and defensive techniques... Is that right?"

"That's right. However, that is just the foundation. The real goal is the next stage."

Saying so, Xinglu concentrated Star Power in her feet and leaped into the air. Using the Star Power concentrated in her feet, she freely moved through the air, and eventually descended in front of Hachiman.

"If you can do this, you pass."

"Haruno-san also did it, but it's amazing."

"It's a unique technique of the World Dragon. We have the Pure Star Luminary Armament at our school, which can achieve the same thing, but that's for those who lack the talent of Star Art. Since you have talent, you must acquire this."

"By the way, how long does it usually take to acquire it?"

"Hmm... Simply flying will take six months to a year. Being able to freely traverse the sky like me depends on the person's talent. By the way, Haruno managed to do it in about a month."

Those words made Hachiman realize Haruno Yukinoshita's talent. However, whether he could do it or not was a different question.

"...It seems difficult."

"Don't worry."

Inadvertently, Hachiman expressed his anxiety, and Xinglu stroked his head.

"You have talent. More than anyone I've seen before. Can you believe in yourself?"

"...Well, I'll give it a try."

Satisfied with Hachiman's response, Xinglu continued to stroke his head.

"Hey, isn't it fun? Petting my head."

"It's fun. You also pet my head. So it's only natural for me to pet yours."

Since their cohabitation began, Xinglu often initiated physical contact with Hachiman. She would pat his head for various reasons, and vice versa, she allowed him to pat her head.

Hachiman's heart was stirred by Xinglu's actions. It made him feel both happy and embarrassed. However, he was aware that he didn't dislike it.

That much was certain.

"Now, the break is over. If we're too slow, there won't be any breakfast."

"That would be troublesome. Let's hurry then."

Following Xinglu, the two of them started running again.

Soon, they arrived at a village. Located at the foothills beyond two mountains from their previous location, it seemed that this village was led by an acquaintance of Fan Xinglu who served as the village chief. A man was waiting at the entrance.

"This is Manyuu Tenra. We've been expecting you."

"Oh, village chief. We appreciate your assistance again this morning."

"Yes. The breakfast is ready. Please come when your companion's condition improves."

Saying so, the village chief left.

Xinglu called out to Hachiman, who was sitting down behind her.

"We're 30 minutes earlier than yesterday. It's going well, Hachiman."

"Huff...huff...yeah. Huff...huff..."

Hachiman regulated his breathing and replied.

"I see. Then..."

Xinglu snapped her fingers.

As a result, lines ran through the space centered around Hachiman and Xinglu. The sections of space cut by those lines were rearranged like a puzzle, and the two of them were standing in a wooden-floored hall.

There were no walls, only a dark space where the wooden floor stretched far into the distance. The surroundings were illuminated only by numerous candles placed on the floor.

"Now, let's continue our training. Until lunch is ready, let's meditate."

Saying so, Xinglu sat next to Hachiman and assumed a meditation posture. Hachiman, who had taken off his ring, imitated the posture as well, calming his mind.

A tranquil space where there were no sounds of birds or wind. It was a world for only the two of them, undisturbed by others.

Normally, meditation was not practiced as part of the Star Pulse generation's training. The correct form of training was to strengthen the body and polish one's skills.

However, Xinglu claimed that meditation was perfect for calming and training the mind, so they practiced it every day.

Hachiman didn't dislike this training either.

He glanced sideways at Xinglu sitting next to him. With her eyes closed and her hands and feet crossed, her posture was far more perfected than his. Hachiman felt as if she had merged with the world, unlike anything he could achieve.

At present, Xinglu was sitting next to Hachiman, but there was actually another version of her existing. In the original space, she was currently preparing lunch. Xinglu had mentioned that this was a different-dimensional space compared to the original world. It seemed that she could exist simultaneously in multiple dimensions if she desired.

It was apparently one of her techniques...

"Hey, your mind is wandering."

A voice came from beside him as if not overlooking the conflict in his heart.

Deciding to put aside other thoughts for later, Hachiman closed his eyes and cleared his mind.

During meditation, there was no need to think about anything.

About his parents, his sister, and... the girl who said she wanted to become his family...

He hadn't yet given an answer to her question that day.

After finishing lunch, they would resume their training. They would put the rings back on and enter the alternate space.

Afternoon training mainly involved using their abilities. The content of the training varied.

For example...

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

They created hands out of darkness and played rock, paper, scissors with Xinglu.

Counting silently, they used the hands made of darkness to pick up beans from one plate and transfer them to another.

"Dog...cat...bird...cow...shield...plate...sword...spear..."

At Xinglu's words, they instantly transformed the darkness, creating various objects.

The training primarily focused on transforming darkness into different shapes.

Xinglu had read Hachiman's fear regarding his own abilities and tailored the training to help him control his abilities while considering his psychological burden.

They gradually released and controlled their abilities, allowing them to manipulate them as they desired. That was the goal.

However, using their abilities for an extended period of time placed a physical and mental strain on them. After a few hours, Hachiman reached his limit.

At such times, Xinglu had only one response.

"Come over here."

"No... I can't..."

"Don't hold back. Sit here."

Xinglu made Hachiman sit down, laid him on his side, removed his ring, and rested his head on her kneeling legs.

It was called a knee pillow.

"You did well today too."

"..."

Xinglu gently stroked Hachiman's head while praising him.

When Hachiman raised his gaze, he saw Xinglu's face up close. The smile on her youthful face was filled with love, as if a mother were comforting her child.

...

Hachiman felt perplexed.

"Stir up more! Fan Xinglu!!"

She attacked him with a ferocious smile on her face.

"I apologize. I've reminded you of that."

The warmth of the small hand enveloping his left hand.

"Hachiman... Would you consider becoming my family?"

He stared straight into Hachiman's eyes, his gaze serious.

"Hehehe♪ This cowlick is quite amusing."

And now, she had the innocent appearance of a child, playing with her cowlick. Everything seemed different, yet everything was still Fan Xinglu. Fan Xinglu, Rank 1 of Karyou Academy, also known as Manyuu Tenra.

Yukinoshita Haruno said she was one of the top fighters in Asterisk.

There was no doubt about her abilities, as Hachiman himself had witnessed them. However, when he questioned her about her exceptional strength at her age, she casually revealed her true identity.

"I am a Youxian, a type of immortal."

When asked what she wanted for dinner, she responded lightly.

Being over a thousand years old, she claimed to have changed bodies numerous times.

"I am inviting you to become a part of my family. There will be no secrets between us."

Hachiman was not surprised by the fact that she was not a pure human. Instead, he was convinced of the reason behind her strength. From the perspective of a Non-Star Pulse generation, the Star Pulse generation was already monstrous enough. It wouldn't be surprising even if this world had gods, demons, immortals, spirits, or monsters.

"...Is something wrong?"

Xinglu noticed that Hachiman had been staring at her. She stopped playing with her cowlick and looked back at him.

"Don't rush for an answer. Take your time to think and make a decision."

After her question about becoming a family, she said those words.

Becoming a family meant abandoning the Hikigaya surname. It wasn't something that could be decided easily or taken lightly.

That's why Hachiman continued to ponder it even now.

"No... I was just wondering what we should have for dinner tonight."

But deep down, he knew the truth. He could no longer return to the Hikigaya family. The sense of murderous intent and hatred he felt that day. Towards his sister, his parents, the members of the Service Club, and those who brought trouble.

Even now, just thinking about it...

"Well, I'm planning to make a hot pot today. It's the best on a cold day, after all. So, Hachiman, what would you like as the finishing touch for the hot pot? Zosui or udon?"

Xinglu's hand, which had resumed stroking, moved once again. Her movements were gentler and more tender than before as she continued to caress Hachiman's head.

Feeling a familiar warmth in her touch, Hachiman's cheeks grew warm.

"...Zosui."

"Alright. Zosui it is, then."

Hachiman averted his gaze in embarrassment, but Xinglu's hand did not stop.

As if enjoying Hachiman's embarrassed reaction, Xinglu continued to stroke his head with a calm smile.

Fan Xinglu had lived a long life. That meant she had abundant life experiences and had gone through various things.

In their life together, she would sometimes share her stories and experiences.

"The Shinsengumi? Are you talking about the Shinsengumi from the end of the Edo period?"

"That's right. As a swordsman, you must be interested, right?"

As dinner turned out to be a hot pot as declared, they ate the pot and zosui made with plenty of meat and vegetables. While washing the dishes together, Xinglu brought up the topic.

"There was a time when I came to this land when it was still called Hinomoto. I wandered around various places for a while, but I remember encountering them, the Shinsengumi, while they were surrounding a certain building in the capital."

Xinglu handed Hachiman the washed dishes and began to speak with a smile.

"I observed them from a distance and quickly realized they were about to launch an attack from their armaments and murderous aura. Since I didn't want to get involved in any trouble, I initially intended to just watch..."

"I can somewhat predict what happened next."

"Oh? What do you think I did?"

After spending these few days living together, Hachiman had come to understand the person known as Fan Xinglu in his own way.

He looked at Xinglu while wiping the received dishes.

"You joined the fray, didn't you? Right in the midst of the conflict between the Shinsengumi and the opposing side."

"Correct! Unable to resist the pleasant fighting spirit and murderous aura, I couldn't hold back. My body moved on its own."

"And what happened after that?"

Curiosity prompted him to ask for the continuation of the story. However, it was not something he could easily ask about, being a living witness of the clash with the Shinsengumi.

"Yes, I suddenly jumped in, which surprised them greatly. Both sides were momentarily taken aback."

"...That must have been surprising."

"Well, as a result, some of their opponents fled. Some of the Shinsengumi pursued them, and the remaining members resumed their fight. Fortunately, the individuals I was targeting were still there, so it wasn't a problem."

Xinglu joyfully recounted her memories.

"After that, reinforcements arrived, including Hijikata Toshizo, Saito Hajime, and Inoue Genzaburo. I fought with them all, and they were all strong swordsmen... Now, here comes the question. Do you know what this incident is called nowadays?"

"...The Ikedaya Incident. But I've never heard of your name being mentioned in that incident."

"That's probably due to the judgment of Kondo Isami, the head of the Shinsengumi. The Ikedaya Incident was an event that brought fame to the Shinsengumi. It's hard to believe that the head and deputy head of the Shinsengumi, as well as all the participating captains, were defeated by a single woman."

"I feel like I've learned the hidden truth behind history."

Xinglu resumed washing the dishes and handed the finished ones to Hachiman.

"At that time, those people had strong convictions. Both those who supported the shogunate and those who advocated for expelling foreigners. Remember this, Hachiman. Those with strong convictions are strong. Even though I'm not from the Star Pulse generation, the fact that the members of the Shinsengumi who injured me were a testament to that."

"They must have been incredible individuals... So, what happened afterward? Did the government side send pursuers?"

"They did. But...,"

Xinglu stopped washing the dishes and fell into deep thought. Her gaze drifted into the distance.

"...In hindsight, it might have been instigated by Kondo Isami himself. He probably realized that he couldn't defeat me in a direct confrontation. Like calls to like. The ones who came to me were the Yabuki clan, now known as the active force 'Night Emit' of the Milky Way."

"The Yabuki clan, Night Emit..."

Hachiman murmured.

"At that time, they were an underground organization that didn't appear in the public eye. They were an organization that hunted down beings like me, non-human creatures. Their techniques were quite troublesome. Especially their leader was quite formidable. At that time, I lost an arm to him."

"...Seriously? That era was before the Falling Star Rain, so there shouldn't be anyone from the Star Pulse generation, right?"

The Falling Star Rain refers to the unprecedented catastrophe that struck the Earth in the 20th century. Meteorites rained down across the world, causing widespread devastation to many cities. As a result, the power of existing nations significantly declined, and integrated corporate entities began to rise.

"No, there were already individuals like Wan'ousu, Manadite, and the Star Pulse generation from ancient times. They were a very small number, though."

"Wait a moment. Wan'ousu is an unknown element brought from outside the Earth, and Manadite is likely mined from meteorites. In that case, it's like..."

"That's right. I suspect similar phenomena had occurred before the Falling Star Rain. That would also explain the description of the Yabuki clan."

After saying that, she handed the last dish to Hachiman. He took the dish and wiped it, completing the task.

"Now that we're done with the cleaning... Where are you going, Hachiman?"

As Hachiman tried to leave the spot as soon as they finished cleaning, Xinglu caught him.

"...I was thinking of going back to my room and studying."

"But there's something you need to do before that. Did you forget?"

Exercising and training their bodies was not part of their routine after dinner. Instead, studying became a daily habit. But that came after something else.

Xinglu approached closer, and Hachiman retreated step by step.

Finally, cornered against the wall, Hachiman looked up at Xinglu with an upward glance, and she peered down at him with a smile.

"Come on, let's take a bath together♪"

The bathhouse built behind the house was an open-air bath. The washing area was inside the building, so they washed their bodies there first.

Hachiman reached out and touched the girl's hair sitting in front of him. Her hair, which was usually tied up like a butterfly, looked different when let loose. With shampoo in hand, he carefully washed her hair.

"Ah, it feels great to have Hachiman wash it for me, just as I thought."

"Well, I used to do it a lot in the past."

When they were younger, it was Hachiman's responsibility to wash his sister's hair.

"Rinse it. Close your eyes."

"Yes."

He rinsed away the shampoo from her hair using the shower.

"Now, I'll rely on you to wash the rest of my body."

"...You can wash it yourself. It's not that difficult."

"Is that so?"

Xinglu turned her face back while still asking Hachiman.

"...Just the back, okay? Wash the front yourself."

"Alright, after I finish that, it'll be your turn. Let me wash you."

Hachiman thought about rejecting Xinglu's statement, but he felt it would be futile. So, he compromised and said:

"...Just the back, then."

Once they finished washing their bodies, they both stepped outside together. They quickly got into the hot water in the chilly air, feeling their bodies warm up to the core. Side by side, they relaxed in the hot spring.

"It's a nice bath~ Japanese hot springs are the best. Asterisk has great places too, but it's a shame they don't have natural hot springs."

"You wouldn't usually find them in a water city. But this hot spring, it's 100% sourced from the spring, right... It really feels good."

After that, silence lingered for a while. Today was an unusually clear day, and the night sky was adorned with numerous sparkling stars. As Hachiman gazed at the multitude of stars in the night sky, he felt a sense of calmness settling in his heart.

He glanced sideways at Xinglu, who was beside him.

Her relaxed state, fully enjoying the hot spring, made her look like an innocent child.

For Hachiman, Fan Xinglu was becoming special in various ways.

Xinglu had shared various stories with Hachiman. She listened to his thoughts and opinions without asking about his circumstances. It wasn't that she disregarded Hachiman. When Hachiman spoke, she listened attentively without interjecting unnecessary comments and expressed her thoughts on various matters.

Like a child in an adult's body, or an adult in a child's body. These contrasting answers formed Hachiman's impression of Fan Xinglu.

The question she posed about becoming a family had almost reached an answer within Hachiman.

However...

"...Hey, Xinglu."

"...What is it?"

She had revealed her own secret.

"There's something I want to ask you."

If that was the case, Hachiman also had to share his own story.

"And that's the situation."

"I see."

Hachiman told her everything—the details of his swordsmanship, his sister, his parents, elementary school, middle school, and the various events that happened in the service club. That included the Cultural Festival and the field trip.

During Hachiman's narration, Xinglu didn't interrupt. She simply listened attentively, with a serious expression on her face.

Hachiman's mind was filled with unease after sharing everything.

He understood that his actions were wrong. However, he couldn't think of any other solution. That's why he had no choice but to take such actions.

Under normal circumstances, he would never have shared such a story with others. There would be no meaning in discussing his actions, and there was no way to undo what had been done.

But he didn't want to hide anything from the girl in front of him. He couldn't stay silent about his significant secret, especially to the girl who had offered to become his family.

Yet, he was anxious. What if she rejected him? What if she berated him? He wanted to trust her, but he was also afraid. Within Hachiman, these emotions swirled.

His appearance was no different from that of a frightened child, similar to a mischievous child apologizing to their mother for their mischief.

Hachiman closed his eyes and awaited judgment. He had revealed everything about himself.

Regardless of the answer Xinglu would give...

"...Well done."

Suddenly, a soft sensation covered Hachiman's face along with the voice.

When he opened his eyes, he saw a flesh-colored expanse. He tried to turn his face toward the source of the voice but couldn't move his face. Something was pressing his face down.

Finally, he grasped the situation. Xinglu had stood up and come close to him, using her hands to embrace Hachiman's face against her chest.

"...Why?"

Hachiman's words contained several meanings.

He didn't understand the meaning of being embraced. He didn't understand the meaning of being praised. He believed that what he had done was undoubtedly despicable.

Xinglu continued to speak while gently stroking Hachiman's head.

"It's true that your actions may not be praiseworthy. Many would criticize the self-sacrificing way you chose."

"...Yeah."

"But you achieved your goal. In that regard, it's only natural to commend you. So... it's okay to cry, Hachiman."

Those words... shook his soul.

"You're an intelligent person. You must have known the potential outcome of your actions. But you still went through with them. No, you had no choice but to go through with them."

That's right. He had to do it because there were things he needed to protect.

"You may blame yourself. Think that everything is your fault. But that's not true. I can assert that you are not in the wrong."

"!!"

His eyes welled up with tears.

"Of course, there are things you need to fix. It's better to change the self-sacrificing way you do things... If something happens in the future, try consulting with me."

"Consult...?"

"Yes. I may look like a child, but I've lived a long life. If you consult with me, we can think of solutions together... So you don't have to bear it alone."

Hachiman's eyes overflowed with tears upon hearing those words, obscuring his vision.

Tears. Once they start flowing, they can't be stopped. Before he knew it, his hands were wrapped around the girl's waist in front of him.

"...I believed in you."

He muttered those words.

"...That place felt comfortable. I thought that place... and those people... were the first genuine things I ever had."

"..."

Xinglu remained silent, only gently stroking Hachiman's head. Her tenderness brought out Hachiman's true feelings.

"But I was wrong! Thinking that they would understand was just my self-centered delusion!"

He thought they understood. To solve unreasonable requests, he had to resort to unreasonable means himself.

Two contradictory requests: a confession he desperately wanted to succeed and a desire to prevent that confession. He couldn't come up with a way to protect both groups and find a resolution.

"That's why I..."

He made a false confession and resolved the request. As a result, he lost his place in school, and everything would have been fine if the Service Club members had been there for him. But his expectations were shattered, and he was rejected by the two members of the Service Club.

Even if Hachiman was known as a "monster of logic," he was still just a human being. There was no way he wouldn't be hurt when exposed to malice and belittlement. There were no visible changes, but his mind had long surpassed its limit.

Yet, he continued with his daily life... until he was dealt the final blow regarding his sister.

Xinglu tightly embraced Hachiman and spoke to him gently.

"That's enough. Spit out all your feelings, all your true thoughts. This small chest might not be enough, but I will accept them."

"...Ahhhhhhhhh!"

He had reached his breaking point.

Prompted by Xinglu's words, Hachiman raised his voice and began to sob.

His cry expressed the anguish of a young boy's heart.

Sadness. Pain. Things he wanted to say but couldn't. It felt as if all those emotions were pouring out.

The boy and the young girl were both exposed, naked. The middle school boy clung to the girl's chest, crying his heart out. And the girl continued to stroke his head.

"Uuuuuhhhuuuuhhhhuuuuuu."

Hachiman continued to groan.

"Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu."

He lay face down on his futon, burying his face in the pillow, and continued to groan. His face couldn't be seen from the front, but from the side, his cheeks to his ears were completely red, and it wouldn't be any different from the front.

A naked young girl embraced by a naked middle school boy, who continued to cry. It wasn't just a simple incident. It wasn't just a dark history. It was completely dark, out of bounds, a triple play.

The boy's heart, contemplating such thoughts, was in a state of utter confusion. If the young girl beside him wasn't there, he would have rolled around on the futon.

Hachiman tilted his head slightly to look at his surroundings while his face was buried in the pillow.

There, he saw Fan Xinglu looking at him with a gentle smile.

"After the bath, it's study time... but it doesn't seem possible in this state, does it?"

Embarrassed, he tried to nod in response to her question but couldn't move due to embarrassment. In his current state, even if he studied, he wouldn't be able to absorb anything.

Without waiting for Hachiman's response, Xinglu stood up and turned off the lights in the room.

"Well, it's best for you to rest for now. Good night, Hachiman."

"...Good night."

Hachiman managed to reply, and Xinglu got into the futon next to him. Hachiman also got into his own futon, and they both went to sleep.

Some time passed. But he couldn't sleep. It hadn't been long since the recent events unfolded. He was still in a state of excitement, making it impossible for him to fall asleep.

He glanced at Xinglu. With her eyes closed, he couldn't tell if she was sleeping or not.

Just looking at her face reminded him of what happened earlier, making his cheeks grow warm.

Hachiman realized that his heart felt lighter and relieved. It was the effect of releasing all the buried feelings deep within him with Xinglu's help.

She was older, but she was still a young girl. No, considering her physical age was in the single digits, she might be considered younger. In any case, he had exposed his entire self to someone he had met not too long ago. He hadn't even considered doing such a thing with his family or his sister.

It was embarrassing.

But his current feelings... were definitely not unpleasant.

Hachiman was surprised by the change in his own heart. Xinglu had become such an important presence within him.

That's why.

"...Wait a little longer, Xinglu. I'll find the answer soon."

As he murmured those words, it seemed like Xinglu's face nodded slightly.

He didn't know if she was awake or asleep. But it didn't matter either way.

Hachiman closed his eyes and drifted into sleep. Overwhelmed by a sudden wave of drowsiness, he felt his consciousness fading away.

And just before his consciousness completely disappeared...

"...I'll be waiting, Hachiman."

He felt as though he heard that voice.