The Day After the Confession

Mahiru and I are dating.

If he was to put it into words, he could have summarized

it in that one short sentence, but Amane's heart was

overflowing with so much emotion that he could barely

string a thought together.

The night after the confession, after Mahiru had returned

to her own apartment, Amane had found himself feeling

restless and in a dreamy haze.

He shared a new bond with his first love: the girl he'd

fallen head over heels for. It made sense that he would be

ecstatic.

It really hadn't been that long since they'd first met—just

over half a year—and yet, having spent those days pining

away, so close to the object of his unrequited love, it had felt

like a very long time indeed.

Shortly after the beginning of the new year, Amane

realized he had feelings for Mahiru, meaning he had spent

about four months in such a state.

Whether it had been "just four months" or "four long

months" depended on perspective, but for Amane, it felt like

forever. The saying goes that "first love bears no fruit," but

in Amane and Mahiru's case, that didn't seem to apply.

Amane was happy that they were together now, but

without the slightest bit of experience, he had no idea what

he ought to do next. He didn't know how he should act

around her the following day.

Kept awake all night by a combination of joy and

apprehension, Amane was rather sleep-deprived when he

welcomed Mahiru into his apartment the day after they

confessed to each other.

"…Um, g-good morning."

Mahiru, who had come to say good morning at an hour

much closer to the afternoon, was wearing a big smile that

completely failed to hide the fact that she felt just as

awkward as Amane.

The day after Sports Day was a school holiday, so it wasn't

unusual for Mahiru to come over. She had visited frequently

before they started dating, too, so it wasn't particularly

strange. She was a familiar figure at home.

What had changed was the feeling of distance between

them, thanks to their new relationship. It somehow seemed

like they were further apart compared to before.

Normally, because she was so used to it, Mahiru would

walk through the door like it was her own house, making

herself at home, but…today, she seemed somehow tense.

However, Amane's nervousness was much worse. He

couldn't even muster his usual lighthearted greeting and

instead let his eyes wander nervously around the room as he

finally managed to reply in a quiet voice, "…Morning."

Then they both took their seats on the living room sofa,

leaving a wider-than-usual space between them.

"Um… A-Amane, you look a little sleepy."

"Yeah, well…how do I put this? I was so happy that I

couldn't really sleep," Amane mumbled, sounding flustered.

Mahiru's cheeks became redder, as if she knew exactly

what he meant. "I—I must be pretty carefree, since I slept

quite well, feeling happy and fortunate…"

"N-no, I think that's great! I just—I was thinking about all

sorts of things and was too worked up, like a little kid the

night before a field trip!"

"…So you're happy, too?"

"Well, yeah… Of course I am, now that I know the girl I

like feels the same way… I'm so happy that my head can't

stop spinning."

Amane had never done this sort of thing before, so he was

practically trembling with joy at the idea that the person he

liked reciprocated his feelings. However, he still had no idea

how he should act toward Mahiru. He was at a total loss.

His parents' relationship wasn't a good reference, either.

Amane did think the two of them got along better than

average, maybe even a little too well. Even though they only

did so inside the house, they were openly affectionate.

Amane felt like trying to use his parents as an example

would only lead to embarrassment.

So Amane was wrestling with the problem of how to act

toward his new girlfriend as he answered. Mahiru put on a

soft, effortless smile and started to lean on Amane, so—

without thinking—he grabbed her shoulder and stopped her.

Mahiru's expression stiffened immediately, and Amane

knew that he had messed up. He pulled back the hand that

he'd put up to stop her and waved it in front of his face.

"Th-that's not— It's not that I don't want to… Just, it's

like, I feel awkward again, about getting close to you. When

you go for it so suddenly, somehow it's kind ofembarrassing, don't you think?"

He tacked on the lame question at the end because he was

uncomfortable.

They had been close enough to touch plenty of times

before, to the point where it had become normal, but now

that their relationship had changed, sitting at the usual

distance somehow made Amane nervous.

It wasn't that he hadn't felt embarrassed before, but now

that his perception of Mahiru had changed, he was overly

conscious of her.

"…When I think about you being my girlfriend, I can't

settle down. It's my first time dating anyone, and…"

"I mean, it's not like I'm perfectly composed, either, but…I

guess my feeling of wanting to stay close is stronger. N-now

that we've finally started dating…I think it's best if we are

honest about our feelings."

Mahiru's voice trembled with slight bashfulness as she

mumbled those words, looking up at Amane timidly. The

effect was so charming that Amane stifled his groan.

"So could I get a little…closer?" she asked.

"…Feel free."

If he was being honest, Amane wanted nothing more than

to grab Mahiru and squeeze her tightly like a stuffed animal,

to revel in the joy that was welling up inside of him. But he

had a feeling that if he allowed himself to do that, he might

end up doing something really embarrassing and regret it

afterward, so he decided to limit himself to light cuddling.

Mahiru seemed to be happy with it, as she leaned against

Amane's arm with a cherubic look of joy on her smiling face.

As a matter of fact, even before they had started dating,

Mahiru had recently become quite clingy. The fact that he

felt more nervous about it than he had before was probably

because he lacked both courage and experience in these

situations.

…I wonder what I should do now?

He worried over whether just cuddling was enough.

Amane had zero dating experience, and Mahiru was his

first girlfriend.

Mahiru was in the same situation, but still, Amane

couldn't help but want to take the lead, as a guy.

But as much as he wanted to take the initiative, he had no

idea how.

Partly because of what had happened to him in the past,

Amane had never shown a lot of interest in others, and since

he'd never been much of a romantic, he'd never even

dreamed about dating a girl. Sadly, Amane's energy had

always been directed toward his studies and hobbies, and he

completely lacked any knowledge when it came to the

essential subject of romance.

Amane's meager understanding was limited to the fact

that boys and girls who were dating held hands, went on

dates, and kissed—and might get more physical once their

relationship became more serious.

Aside from holding hands and going on dates, he couldn't even imagine suddenly kissing her—or doing anything else,

for that matter. So Amane settled on the idea that they

should go out, but he knew that that alone wasn't really

"dating."

Amane wanted to make Mahiru happy, and for the two of

them to be happy together, but he felt slightly hopeless at

the realization that he had absolutely no idea how to go

about it.

"…What's the matter?" Mahiru asked. "D-do you not like

me leaning on you after all…?"

"Ah, no, that's not it. Sorry for making you worry."

Mahiru was staring at Amane, who had been silently

fretting with a serious look on his face. He felt pathetic for

giving her the wrong idea that he didn't like feeling her

touch.

"I was just wondering about something… Well, I think I

can probably ask you, since it involves you, too…"

"S-sure."

Amane felt bad about asking her, since this was her first

time dating anyone as well, but he decided it might be good

to consult with her, as fellow first timers. Surely it was better

to talk things through together, rather than worrying alone.

"So listen, we, um… We've started dating, but…"

"Yes?"

"…Now that we are, what, specifically, should we do?""Huh?"

Mahiru had obviously been bracing herself, unsure of

what kind of question was headed her way. She looked

surprised.

Even though Amane was self-conscious about asking such

a stupid question, even for him, he was asking earnestly.

"…W-well, it's my first time dating anyone, and…I don't

know exactly what we're supposed to do."

"…N-now that you mention it…," she replied.

But as he had expected, Mahiru, who had also never had

much experience with the opposite sex, was similarly

stumped by Amane's conundrum.

"Does anything come to mind?"

"…Holding hands?"

"We do that all the time."

"Spending days off together?"

"That's every day."

"Going out?"

"Well, we've been doing that."

"Hugging?"

"We do that."

Unfortunately, it seemed that Mahiru didn't know any more than Amane, and everything she brought up was

something they'd already done. She couldn't come up with

anything more that couples were supposed to do together. It

seemed like there was nothing else.

What do couples do…?

Amane sighed, and Mahiru tugged nervously at the hem

of his shirt. When he looked at her again, wondering what

was wrong, he saw that her face was flushed slightly red.

"…So it's hard to say this, or rather, it's embarrassing,

but… Haven't we been doing all the things that couples do

together, just without calling it dating…?"

After Mahiru said that, a silence fell over the room.

…Now that she's said it out loud… No, even if she hadn't

said anything, she's right…!

They had been spending time in the same space, holding

hands, and going out together as if it was totally natural, but

those were things that boys and girls normally did when they

were in a relationship.

Of course, even though it might have been clear at first,

maybe he hadn't realized that these activities had become

entirely commonplace for them.

"I—I also wanted you to notice me, and I did my very best

to make it happen, but…when I really think about it, Amane,

I was doing things that a girlfriend does, wasn't I?"

"…N-now that you mention it…"

"So maybe, rather than trying to act like a couple, we should just act like normal…touching each other, and

spending time together, and stuff. Besides, isn't it better if,

instead of forcing ourselves to conform and overthink

everything, we just do it our own way…I mean, date the way

we want to…?"

Amane felt a weight had lifted at the words our own way.

…Maybe we don't have to worry about how other people

do things?

Amane had been anxious to act the part of a boyfriend,

but there was really no need to worry about that. Mahiru

liked Amane, and Amane liked Mahiru, so they were

together. As long as those things were true, everything was

fine. They could take their time and didn't have to rush or

push themselves.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I just… You know I always

overthink things. This is my first time, so I really don't know

what I'm doing."

"…Right."

"So what, then? …We'll act like we always have, but…from

now on, like, with love?"

With his mind made up, Amane took Mahiru's hand in

his. Her cheeks, which were already quite red, flushed even

more. She cast her eyes down as if she was embarrassed but

squeezed his hand back and leaned against his arm.

"Amane?"

"Yeah?" "…I'm happy, just like this."

"Me too."

Amane agreed with her quietly whispered words, and he

silently enjoyed the feeling of warmth against his side.