Carson

I just moved to a knew town. I don't have any friends and at my old school all my "friends" left me a while ago. I've hit rock bottom at this point. Everything went to shit when I lost my mom at the age of 12. She never liked when I cut my hair so when I lost her, I stopped cutting my hair. She always loved how curly it and ginger it was. I've always wanted to dye my hair but never could bring myself to do it because she loved it so much. I got so depressed when I lost her. She died at the age of 37 from a car crash. She was driving home one night after a late night at work and out of nowhere a drunk driver hit her, she died, and he lived. No, I don't understand how the world chooses who gets to live and who gets to die. I'm pen pals with that drunk driver and he no longer drinks, and somehow has become my only friend. He is 20 so not too far off from my age.

Usually when a kid moves from one town to another, they are sad to leave friends behind but for me I was happy to move because I wasn't losing any friends, I was just leaving behind everyone who stopped or never cared about me. I'm not looking to make new friends or get close to anyone just to finish school. It's funny how I don't want to get close to anyone, yet I've started liking the most popular guy at school. The thing is though is that popular guys don't date other guys.

Everyone thinks that I'm a girl before they get to know me because of my long hair and how I dress. Really, I don't care what they call me because in the end I don't have to deal with anyone I don't want to deal with. I'm coming off mean, but really, I'm a nice person. I don't judge people because that's not my place and let people get to know that I'm a guy before I just say fuck you for calling me a girl. I don't blame people for assume I'm a girl at first because of the way I look. It makes sense why people would think I am.

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I'm a girl. His name is Blake, and he is a junior, 17, and the next-door party boy. He looks so cute and kind of dorky. He has shaggy brown hair that blows perfectly in wind, deep hazel blue eyes, and fair flawless skin. We first met at his back-to-school party. He was wearing his baseball jersey when it wasn't even baseball season with a pair of blue jeans. I grabbed the whole bottle of Jack Daniels and started drinking and dancing. I caught myself look his way several times kind of hoping that he would come talk to me even if it was just about the fact, I took the whole bottle. I got so drunk that I finally worked up the nerve to walk up to him to introduce myself, but I was to drunk and couldn't find him so I just kept dancing. I knew I didn't look good dancing, but you know what no one knew me, so I didn't care so I just kept having fun. I tried to make it to as many of his parties as possible, but my dad didn't like me going out a lot even though it was just next door. The only other party so far this year that I have been able to go to was his Halloween party and I went as a zombie. He went as a baseball player which was classical of him since he is a baseball player. He still looked so good though, maybe it was because he was dressed as himself technically.

The only other time I ever saw him was in French class and on our walk home. Even though we lived next to each other we haven't talked. His mom is friends with my dad because they work together, and she invites me to every one of his parties and even tells my dad that see will be there to make sure nothing bad happens. My dad has considered letting me go to some of them. The only reason he let me go to the Halloween party was because I made the comment that I have been going to West Wood for this long and still have no friends, this is one way for me to make friends, I guess. Even though I don't like anyone at this school enough to be their friend I really do like this kid Blake.

I've kind of liked this school because I've been in the shadows, and no one has made fun of me or asked about my cuts on my arms. When I said I was depressed and hit rock bottom I really meant it. I constantly wear hoodies at school but when I'm not around teachers I'll roll up my sleeves and I've had a couple of students stop and stare at my arms, but no one has said anything. I have noticed that Blake has seen my arms and I really wish he wouldn't have but I guess that's my fault for wearing short sleeve t-shirts to his parties.

It's the first day of the baseball season and I've heard he was planning to throw a party and so before school I convinced my dad to let me go and he actually said yes. I have spent all of first and second block so far hyping myself up to actually talk to him. At my very surprise he talked to me after French today.

"Hey, you wanna come to my party tonight?"

In my brain I was like oh my goodness this really hot guy is actually talking to but out loud I said, "Sure why not I have no plans"

"Wow wait are you a dude?"

Oh, shit what if this ruins all of my chances with him? What am I think do I really like this dude I've never even talked to or barely know anything about? "Umm yeah I am, is that a problem?"

"No, not at all. You should come over early and help set up or at least keep me company while I set up."

"Okay I'll see you there."

So, I got a personal invite to the most popular guy at school's party, and he wanted to hangout before the party. I guess I got a party to get ready for and to see if I can flirt with this guy or not.