6 The Wounds that We Inflict upon Ourselves

"Clarke! Where's Clarke?!?" Jasper shouted as soon as we were in sight of the walls.

I did not care that he had just yelled in my ear since he was helping me walk. My injuries took a lot out of me over the hike back, but we could not stop for Finn's sake. A couple of people opened the gate as a crowd gathered by the entrance.

"Get Clarke now," Jasper snapped at someone nearby, but she was already jogging over to us.

"Hey, I'm here. What's up?" she asked as she closed the distance.

We did not have to say a word as Bellamy walked in carrying Finn in his arms, knife still sticking out of his chest.

"Finn. Finn?" Clarke nearly cried upon seeing him.

Several guys stepped forward and took Finn from Bellamy.

"Oh my god… oh my god," she repeated in a panic then checked his pulse.

"Oh my god," Raven said when she saw Finn.

"He's alive."

"Octavia wouldn't let me take the knife out," Jasper said.

"No, that was a good call. Get him in the dropship now. Go!" Clarke ordered.

"Clarke, can you save him?" Raven asked.

"No, not me. I need my mother. I need to talk to her," she replied.

"There's still no radio," Raven responded, moments away from a full-blown panic attack.

"Raven, fix it!" Clarke said, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Go!"

That small action was enough to calm her down and Raven gave her a nod before running back to the dropship. Clarke started to follow her, but then caught sight of me.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just go," I replied.

"Ok," she breathed then continued onto the dropship.

"Hey, hey… Why were you defending him?" Bellamy asked angrily.

"Because he saved my life," I replied, following the prompt. "That spear that hit Roma was actually meant…"

"No, you're wrong. I saved your life! For all you know, he was keeping you alive to use you as bait for one of their traps."

"No, I don't think so," I said.

"You don't think, O! That's the problem! They killed three of our people today, and if you would've let me kill him when I had the chance, Finn wouldn't be in there dying right now."

"Stop blaming me for your mistakes! What happened to Finn is not my fault. I wanted to leave, so if Finn dies in there, that's on you," I yelled, now being taken over by that strange force which had led me tumbling down that hill. "Everything that's gone wrong is because of you. You got me locked up on the Ark. You wanted me to go to that stupid dance. You got mom killed!"

"Me?" he said with pain in his eyes. "Mom was floated for having you. She's dead because you're alive. That was her choice. I didn't have a choice. My life ended the day you were born."

While I had been forced to say some hurtful things, Bellamy delivered a truly low blow with his last statement. I did not even need the prompt telling me that I should walk away to do so because I could not stand looking at him after that. He may not have been my actual brother, but to his knowledge, I was Octavia and that was a deep cut that no family member should make to another.

I limped my way over to the dropship as thunder cracked overhead and walked in. Finn was laid out on a makeshift table while Raven was in the back tinkering with a radio. Clarke was trying to calm herself down, but I could only imagine what was going on in her head when Finn's life was in her hands.

"Hey, Clarke… tell me what you need," I said as I walked up to her. "Raven will fix the radio."

She sighed, looking at me, then nodded. "I need something to sterilize everything."

"Monty's moonshine!"

"Good idea. Go get me whatever you can carry!"

I nodded and made my way out. Rain had started to fall, and the wind was picking up. People were running around, trying to secure what they could. Monty's tent was not too far away, so I grabbed a few containers as I walked and went inside. There was a large jug of moonshine already made which I poured into the canisters then a small amount into a cup that had been left behind. If the whiskey had been strong, this was on a whole other level, but my aching body kept it from messing too much with my head despite having two drinks.

On my way back to the dropship, I checked in with one of my brother's goons since I noticed that several people were not helping out, specifically Bellamy. He had left with a couple of others, but I had more important things to worry about than him being an idiot and risking his life in the storm. When I walked back inside the ship, Raven was trying to call the Ark, but there was still no response. I pushed past the slowly forming crowd and walked over to Clarke. She helped me set the containers down and gave me a thankful nod.

"This is a restricted channel. Who is this? Please Identify yourself," a voice came through the radio.

"This is Raven Reyes. I'm from Mecha Station. I'm transmitting from the ground. The one hundred are alive. Please, you need to get Doctor Abby Griffin. Dr. Abby Griffin, now!"

"Hang on, Raven. We're trying to boost your signal." It took a few moments, but then a second voice came through the radio. "Raven. Are you there?"

Even with the heavy static, Clarke recognized her mother's voice, and she visibly shook. She stepped forward as Raven looked at her and she responded, "Mom? Mom, it's me."

"Clarke?"

"Mom, I need your help. One of our people was stabbed by a Grounder," Clarke replied.

"Clarke, this is the chancellor. Are you saying there are survivors on the ground?"

"Yes. The Earth is survivable. We're not alone… Mom, he's dying. The knife's still in his chest."

"Okay, can you patch me through to Medical?" Abby asked, likely to someone onboard the ship.

"Clarke, is my son with you?" Jaha asked.

The pain on Clarke's face was easy to see as she replied, "I'm so sorry. Wells is… Wells is dead."

Again, there were several moments of silence, but it was easy to understand since Jaha had just found out his son had been killed.

"I'm gonna talk you through it step by step. Clarke, give 5..." Abby said but the radio cut out, "to medical. Medic..."

"What? Raven, what's wrong?" Clarke asked.

"It's not the radio. It's the storm," she replied, tapping a few parts.

"Clarke, we need to hurry. Get everything together," Abby said, clear this time.

"Raven, I need a suture needle. Octavia, help me," Clarke said, walking back to me. "The storm's getting worse. Monroe, close the doors."

"We still have people out there," the girl, who had followed Bellamy to find me, said.

"Bellamy and some of his guys left camp," I said, quietly.

"It's all right. They'll find somewhere to ride it out."

"Look, one suture needle," Raven said, holding out a freshly made needle.

"Right. I still need something to close the wound," Clarke said, thinking.

"There's some wire on the second level. I used it for tents," I suggested.

"Let's see it," Clarke replied with a nod.

"Stay away from the blue wires that run through the ceiling. I rigged it to the solar cells in the roof. That means they're hot. You got that?" Raven warned.

"Yeah, I got it," I replied as I headed for the ladder. It only took me a few minutes to find what I was looking for and to start back down the ladder.

"Tell me you can do this," Raven said, turning towards Clarke.

"Hey, they're back," someone yelled.

I turned to look over and saw Bellamy walking in with his goons, who were dragging someone between them.

"Bellamy!" I exclaimed, realizing who it was. "What the hell are you doing?"

"It's time to get some answers," Bellamy said, looking between me and Clarke.

"Oh, you mean revenge?" I snapped.

"I mean intel," he insisted. "Get him upstairs."

"Bellamy, she's right," Clarke agreed, stepping away from Finn.

"Clarke, honey, we're ready. Can you hear me?" Abby's voice came through the radio.

Clarke looked at Finn then back to Bellamy and said, "Look, this is not who we are."

"Clarke?"

"It is now," Bellamy replied, pushing past both of us.

"He saved my life, Bellamy!" I growled.

"I don't want to hear it, O! Stay down here," Bellamy yelled then climbed up the ladder.

"Octavia, I need your help," Clarke insisted.

Even with the prompt telling me to stay with Clarke, it was all I could do to control my temper. I knew how much Lincoln did for Octavia and the group as whole, so watching them carry up his body to be tortured for information made me sick. After twelve days here, this was no longer a television show to me, but real life and he was a man who had already risked his allegiance to his tribe by saving me. True, if Bellamy had not come or I saved myself, his intentions were not solely pure, but I could overlook that considering everything that he would do for us in the future. I sighed and walked over to Clarke as Lincoln's feet disappeared upwards.

"Soak everything that I'm going use in the moonshine," Clarke instructed after she poured some on her hands then passed me the rest of the container.

"I'm on it," I replied.

"Mom, the blade is at a sharp upward angle, between the sixth and seventh ribs," Clarke said, moving back to Finn.

"Okay, how deep does it go?" Abby asked.

"I can't tell how deep it goes," she replied.

"That's all right. Just don't remove the knife yet."

Clarke picked up the second can of moonshine and poured a little more into one hand then passed it to Raven. "Hey, here. Sterilize your hands."

Raven took the moonshine but took a large gulp before she cleaned her hands.

"Clarke, can you see any fluids dripping from the wound?" Abby asked.

Despite the tense situation that the three of us were facing, the room was filled with people taking shelter from the storm. I did not even see what happened, but two of the guys nearly started a fight.

"Damn it! Clear the room," Clarke yelled.

"Everyone, upstairs! Now! Let's go!" I shouted at the group, ushering them away from Clarke and Raven.

"He feels a little warm," Clarke said to Abby.

"Okay, that's all right. Fever sometimes accompanies trauma. Clarke, I need you to tell me if there is any fluid leaking from the wound."

"Uh... no," she replied.

"That's good, really good. He got lucky."

"Hear that? You're lucky," Raven said to Finn as she leaned over him.

There was a hint of pain in Clarke's face as she watched the interaction between the couple which made me sigh. I remembered that Finn had a rather tragic death, at the hands of Clarke, no less, but it was a mercy kill as he was going to suffer a much worse death since he was going to be killed by the Grounders for his crimes. Perhaps I could prevent it in the future, but that was only if we could save his life now.

"Okay, Clarke, firm grip on the knife. You're gonna need to angle it upward and to the left, very slightly to the left, as it exits the rib cage."

"How very slightly?"

"Three mil... Clarke?" the radio cut in and out with the storm.

"Wait, what was that? You dropped out!"

"Clarke, three millimeters. Got it?"

"Yeah. Ok, I got it," she said, looking down at the knife, psyching herself up. "Here goes."

"Steady hand, Clarke. You've assisted me on trickier procedures than this... and once that knife is out, the hard part is over."

The storm raged outside and banged against the walls, but Clarke took one last deep breath and said, "All right, extracting now."

Clarke slowly gripped the knife with one hand while the other pressed on firmly on his chest, next to the wound. As soon as she did, the pain instantly woke up Finn.

"Hold him still," Clarke ordered. "Finn, I'm gonna get that knife out of you, okay?"

"Good plan," he said through gritted teeth.

Raven held down his shoulders while I took his legs.

"Finn, you can't move, you got it?"

"Uh huh," he agreed.

"Ok. Here it goes," she said, restarting her attempt.

"Nice and slow, Clarke," Abby encouraged.

"Finn, do not move," Clarke stressed. "Almost got it. Hold still."

Finn's body was trembling from the pain while Raven and I held him still. Clarke slowly eased the blade out, but as she was working, something outside slammed. The whole ship was rocked by that hit, and all of us were thrown to the ground. Branches spiked through the wall where Clarke had been standing, but she was fine, and the knife was out of Finn.

"Clarke... Clarke, Clarke? What's happening?" Abby asked, concerned. "Clarke, can you hear us?"

Clarke was standing there in shock, clutching the knife, as she stared down at Finn and he stared back at her.

"It's out," Raven said, looking at Clarke. "She did it."

Raven noticed the tension between the two and her expression fell. While I wanted to try and comfort her, it would be more likely to come off patronizing at the moment since this was our first meeting, technically. Clarke snapped out of her daze and set the knife down on a table then looked at me.

"Octavia, will you go make sure everyone is okay upstairs?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah, no problem," I agreed.

I stood up and made my way over to the ladder. I climbed up and made it to the second floor just as someone started coming down to the third. He asked what happened and I told him that it was storm damage before moving on to check out the others. Thankfully, no one had anything more than some bruise and nothing penetrated the walls up here. By the time I finished, Clarke was climbing up the ladder.

"Anyone hurt?" she asked.

"Just a few bruises," I replied.

"Go help Raven," she suggested, quietly.

"Clarke... He saved my life, multiple times. He found me at the bottom of a ravine and healed my leg. The spear that hit Roma would have been for me if he had not grabbed me when I escaped. It's wrong," I insisted.

"I know, Octavia, but things aren't that simple anymore. Bellamy has already brought him here," she sighed.

I gave her a hard look, but I did not argue. She was right, but that did not make it sit any better with me. Unless I was going to show off my powers and take on a leadership role, I had to take a step back, especially with the prompt telling me to do so. I did not know the story well enough to try and run my own script, so I had to play along... for now, at least.

I climbed down the ladder while she headed up. Raven was sitting on the edge of Finn's makeshift bed and wiping a wet cloth across his forehead. She looked over at me as I walked over.

"Need anything?" I asked.

"Any of the moonshine left?" she asked.

I smirked and nodded while I walked over to the can that I had used. I took a drink from it before I passed it over to her.

She took a drink and passed it back to me as she asked, "So, Octavia... that makes you Bellamy's sister, right?"

"I take my lovely big brother has already made a wonderful first impression with you," I replied sarcastically, then took a gulp.

She chuckled at that and took her turn with the moonshine. "Yeah, he jacked my radio and threatened to kill me."

"Give him break. He's a freaking moron and his life ended the day I was born," I replied, taking back the liquor and staring down at it.

While Bellamy was not my true brother, he looked like him and the relationship that he had with Octavia mirrored Tori's and mine. Tori had taken care of me from a young age and been my best friend for most of my life. For Bellamy cut so deeply at his own sister, combined with his actions against Lincoln, I would prefer to never talk to him again, but that was not possible in this situation.

"I get it... my mom was a piece of work too," Raven sighed.

We went back and forth with the moonshine a few more times, but then Finn started shaking.

"Clarke, Finn's seizing!" I screamed as I ran towards the ladder.

Raven back away, unsure of what to do and scared for his life. I raced back over to him and tried to hold his head so he would not bang it, which was the only thing that I could think of to help. Clarke came down the ladder less than a minute later.

"He was fine, then--" Raven started.

"Get my mother on the radio now!" Clarke ordered while rushing to his side.

"The radio's dead! Interference from the storm," Raven said as she walked around to his other side with a tear rolling down her cheek. "Please don't let him die."

He continued to seize for several minutes until he slowly stopped, but as soon as he did, he started foaming at the mouth.

"Quick, help me get him on his side," Clarke said. "There is fluid in his lungs. He could choke. Quick."

Raven froze, but I slid around next to her and helped Clarke roll him.

"He's burning up," Clarke said as she touched his cheek.

"Fluid in his lungs... Does that mean the knife hit something?" Raven asked.

"This isn't blood. It's something else," Clarke replied, wiping his mouth. "I did—I did everything she told me... Wait, I've seen this before. Shortness of breath, fever, seizing... it's poison."

"Clarke, we sterilized everything," Raven said.

Clarke's eyes locked onto the knife and replied, "Not everything. Stay here."

I did not like where this was about to go, and the prompt told me to follow Clarke. She grabbed the knife and headed for the stairs with me right behind.

"Octavia, you should stay here," she ordered.

"He'll listen to me, please, let me try," I replied.

"Fine, but we are getting that antidote one way or another," she huffed as she started up the ladder. The guys on the third level had jammed the hatch, but that was not about to stop Clarke as she pounded on it. She screamed, "Hey! Open the door!"

A moment later, the hatch opened.

She climbed up a couple more rungs then snapped, "Get out of my way, Miller. Now!"

He backed off, which allowed her to climb up the rest of the way. I followed, but I only got to step on the floor before Miller stopped me. I glared at him yet resisted the urge to take a swing at him.

"What's on this?" Clarke demanded as she stormed up to Lincoln, showing him the knife.

"What are you talking about?" Bellamy asked.

"He poisoned the blade. Give us the antidote! Now!" she yelled.

"Vials," Bellamy exclaimed softly then turned around. "It's gotta be here."

Clarke tossed the blade aside and followed Bellamy. He dug around in Lincoln's pack and pulled out a small container of glass vials. Lincoln's eye was focused only on me, and I used the term 'eye' because one was swollen shut. They had beaten and bloodied him, but the angry faces told me that they had been unsuccessful so far.

"You'd have to be stupid to have a poison around this long without an antidote," Clarke said as she looked through the bottle then stood up. "Which one?" she asked as she carried them over to Lincoln.

"Answer the question!" Bellamy roared.

"Which one? Our friend is dying down there, and you can stop that," Clarke pleaded.

Lincoln remained silent and stared at me.

That did not make Bellamy happy, so he said, "I'll get him to talk."

A prompt appeared before my eyes, and I did not hesitate despite the danger it posed to me. I slid my way over to the knife that Clarke had discarded and cut my arm while Lincoln watched with alarm.

"O! What the hell are you doing?" Bellamy exclaimed.

I shoved past him and threw the knife down before taking the vials from Clarke. "I already told you. He saved my life more than once," I snapped as I walked forward and held out the vials.

I pointed to the different vials nodding and shaking my head until he nodded for one that was filled with a pale-yellow liquid. I shoved it into Clarke's hands and said, "Go, take care of Finn."

She took the vial and ran. I grabbed a piece of cloth and wrapped my wound to stop the bleeding. Bellamy came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders, but I twisted out of his grip.

"Don't touch me," I snapped as I stood up. "I told you; he saved my life. You shouldn't have done this."

I did not wait to hear his excuses and headed for the ladder. I started climbing down, but Raven was on her way up, so I stopped on the middle floor.

"What happened to you?" she asked when she got off the ladder.

"I got the antidote for Finn," I replied, but I did not feel like elaborating and just headed down the ladder.

"...Dad's dead because of you! You turned him in. I know it! Wells told me everything before he..." Clarke cried, and it was easy to guess she was talking with her mom. "He let me believe that he did it, so that I'd hate him instead of you."

"Clarke..." Abby's shaky voice came through the radio. "Clarke, I want you to listen to me. That was never supposed to happen. Jaha was supposed to talk him out of it."

"I'm done talking to you!" Clarke yelled, hitting the radio which caused it to go out.

I reached the bottom of the ladder and walked over to her as she looked up at me. There was nothing that I could say to make her feel better, so I just pulled her into a hug, and she cried on my shoulder. After the conversation that I just overheard, I could only imagine the turmoil in her mind right now. I just held her until she was ready to let go.