Chapter 9

One fall night last year, I had been searching for a t-shirt in my sister's closet without permission from her. Everyone knows that little sisters steal the older sister's clothing all of the time. Well, that's what I was doing.

I had a college party that I needed to go to. My first college party of the semester. It was very important to me and none of my clothes seemed right. This was the one night where I just wanted to forget about my mother's new sickness that had bed ridden her for a couple of days.

Perhaps if I would have asked, I wouldn't have seen it. She might have just handed me a dress or shirt and told me to get out. That isn't how this event went, sadly enough.

In the back of her closet was a door. Obviously, it had piqued my interest. Since when was there a random door in the back of anyone's closet in this house? As I slowly turned the door knob, my heart had began to race for some reason. It was like my body could just feel that there was something horrible behind this entryway into an unknown room.

As the door creaked open, I reached up and pulled a string to turn on the light. The area was illuminated and my entire being just stopped. The air ceased to come into my lungs. The sight before me was so terrifying and shocking that I just stared at it.

For over a year then, Athena had been so distant and silent. She didn't want to hang out. She never wanted to talk to me anymore. She was just an entirely different person.

And now I knew why.

Behind that old wooden door were all sorts of blades, ranging from short little knives to long sword like weapons. Let's not forget the rifles, pistols, a crossbow, and tons of ammo for each. Hung on the wall just behind that was an outfit that was burned into my mind forever.

Black jeans, a white crewneck t-shirt with a few light red stains of blood on it, and a solid black leather jacket. The same exact thing that Ryan had worn the first day that she picked me up. I knew it seemed like Athena had known her with all of that hushed talking did every time Ryan came in.

It was right in front of me this entire time. My mind just refused to make me see it. It was undeniable. The girl that I was now infatuated with was working with my sister. The girl that has been in my mind for weeks on end since the moment I laid eyes on her... was an assassin.

It had to be a dream or maybe the PTSD messing with my brain. That's right, yeah. A hallucination. There was absolutely no way that Ryan could kill someone.

But...

There was the certainty that she had vanished just minutes before the lights went out. That was a huge coincidence for her not to have done it. The look on her face before she walked away...

No. I refuse to believe that she is a killer.

There's just no way.

After the whole murder thing at the gallery, I was still shaking and out of it so Ryan took me to her dorm room and laid me in her bed softly. Her roommate wasn't in yet and I started wondering if she even had a roommate.

She searched her little dresser and pulled out a big t-shirt, taking a breath. "Tank-top and shorts ooor baggy shirt?" I just pointed to the shirt and she handed it over.

I don't even think I had said a word since the lights went out at the gallery. My throat felt really dry and my chest was aching with anxiety. Ryan didn't seem to mind it. She just turned her back to me and changed into the tank-top and shorts. I took that opportunity to check out her bare body. Her perfect, olive-colored, smooth skin held my attention like always. This time, I was able to see a sort of white scar of what used to be a round hole in her left shoulder and one in her right side. They could have been anything from a little accident to possibly even cancer biopsy marks.

But I had seen marks like those on my sister recently while living there. I knew what they were. They were old bullet wounds. Instead of saying anything, I just stared at them while fumbling with my dress and leggings. I tried my best to get undressed down to my panties and dressed in the baggy t-shirt before she turned around. Luckily, she heard the blankets and sheets shuffling as I struggled so she didn't turn to face me quite yet.

I think I have mentioned before that I am not the type to just undress in front of people. It didn't necessarily make me feel any sort of way to do it in the presence of Ryan, but I figured that it would be too soon for her to see any part of my body. That involved seeing my scars and I was not ready. I was far from ready.

They were hardly noticeable in the room lit only by a small table lamp, but they were there. Dozens of different colored marks across my thighs. White, red, purple, pink. It all depended on how old they were. Unfortunately, a majority of them were only a few months to a week old at most. The past three months have been killing me. I was almost too afraid to tell anyone, including my therapist. Terrified that they would put me in some kind of mentally ill asylum of sorts. I didn't belong there. I was just someone trying to ease my mental pain by causing myself physical pain.

It worked... for the most part.

As much as I would love to spill my secrets to Ryan, I didn't want them to push her away. She obviously had secrets as well that she couldn't or didn't want to tell me, yet. So technically it was fine.

But out of all of the things she could be hiding from me, she had to be an assassin? Not only that, but she had to kill on our first date? Did she just use me for her cover up story? No one would believe that two goody-two-shoes art students were behind the murder of a very rich man whom I can't recall the name of at the moment. She never liked me. She just needed to use me for her missions. Did Athena put her up to this?

Athena didn't think I would fall for Ryan this hard. That's what this is. She didn't expect me to fall in love again after what happened the last time that I let myself fall for someone.

Just ask. That's all I have to do. Ask.

Ask if she is using me.

As I watched Ryan crawl into the empty bed across the room, I took a slow breath, "Ryan?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Artemis. Not yet," She whispered, her eyes watching mine as she turned on her side to face me. The familiar soft look on her face was there and thankfully it had reached her eyes. It amazed me how she knew what I was thinking at all times, but also concerned me. I would never be able to hide anything from this girl.

I accepted that she genuinely wanted time for us to rest before having the hard conversations. It didn't stop questions from racing around in my mind, but I knew that this was a huge secret to just tell someone. Ryan killed people. All kinds of people. Athena had told me that she and her team only killed people that deserved it. They put down individuals who did something really awful to someone or the city. Maybe she was telling the truth, but that didn't exactly make murdering someone okay.

Eventually, my thoughts chilled out and I was able to drift off to sleep and sleeping undoubtedly did not help.

- - -

"Soooo how did the date go?" Sophia asked as we painted the first small section of our mural together.

I wasn't exactly sure how to respond. It was going great... Until it wasn't. This was a secret that I couldn't just go around and tell people, including Sophia. For all I knew, she could go tell Jason and maybe Jason didn't even know what his best friend liked to do in her free time. I couldn't risk exposing her like that, even if she did scare me now.

Sophia didn't like the news. It was very boring to her. Even if the rich guy's picture was all over it all weekend, she would never know. She only used newspapers for art and never read them either. It was clear that she was quite oblivious to the events that happened on Friday. I was glad for that. No awkward questions for me today.

"Um..." I tilted my head to one side and then the other, finishing my response, "I am not so sure Ryan likes me as much as I had thought. The date was pretty good, though." It was an honest answer. I didn't think she did. In my head, she was using me as a cover up story for her murders. However, I was the one ignoring her messages, not the other way around.

Ryan was great. She awakened something inside of me that I thought was long dead. She made me see how beautiful the world could be. For a long time, everything seemed to lifeless and dull around me. Wherever I went, all I saw was darkness. That was until she walked into my life. Now all of the colors seemed brighter. The air felt fresher. The heavy weight on my chest felt almost nonexistent while I was at her side. Could I really just give this up for a small little detail that she left out?

Well, it wasn't small. It was a huge detail that I would have liked to know, especially since I am pretty sure that she knows Athena. Athena should have told me. They both should have said something. I already knew Athena's secret. Why were they keeping this from me? It made me feel like Ryan was using me for her missions. I am not interested in being used. Until I get answers, I don't think I am going to respond to Ryan. Luckily, she wasn't at the art studio today.

"I don't think that's true, Art. I mean, are you that clueless to the way she looks at you or?" Sophia chuckled, looking over at me, "She is so into you. She's under your spell. Why do you think otherwise?'

Because she's a murderer.

That's what I wanted to say, but I didn't. Maybe I should have.

Instead, I said, "I don't know. I think I'm just afraid of this turning into another Madison situation, you know? Pretty college girl can have anyone she wants and she chooses me? I just... I don't see that happening again, not without events repeating themselves. That's all."

Sophia wasn't sure what to say to that. I could see it on her face. She slowly nodded and gave me this little look of pity which she knew I hated. Sometimes it was just hard to avoid. She laughed just a little to lighten the conversation, "I think you forgot that you're hot, Art. Smart, talented. Of course she would choose you. If I was gay, I would choose you, too." She laughed some more, gently punching me in the arm which earned a light smile from me.

"Thanks."

I knew that Sophia was right. Well, not about the part where she would choose me if she was gay. I didn't know if that was true and I didn't actually care. I knew she was right about someone choosing me because of who I am. I needed to get the bad memories of the past out of my head. They were ruining everything. They were making me second guess everything that happened and I couldn't just let them control me like this.

When 5 p.m. rolled around, I put everything up and left on time for once. I had asked Athena to pick me up from the studio tonight because I knew if I didn't, Ryan would be the one waiting outside to drive me home. I didn't want to see her right now.

Sure my sister was pretty much in the same boat as Ryan, but the difference was that I knew my sister would never do anything to hurt me. I didn't know Ryan. The most I have learned is that she is scared to get close to someone. That wasn't enough for me to trust her now that I knew what she did for a job.

However, there Ryan was when I stepped outside with Sophia. She was waiting by her bike with the helmet in her hands, giving me just the slightest of smiles, but it seemed forced. "Hey," she whispered while watching me.

Sophia looked to her then to me and shrugged, "I'm going to head to the bus stop."

I gave her a look that said "please don't leave," but she did anyway, leaving me alone with Ryan. I was forced to turn my attention back to the silver haired girl standing in the street. She looked like she was really having a hard time standing here with me right now.

I watched Sophia walk off down the side walk and I desperately wished that she would have stayed, but I knew she only walked away to give Ryan and I some privacy. It was blatantly clear that her and I needed to talk about something by the tension that surrounded us when our eyes met.

Ryan took a few steps closer to me, stepping up onto the curb, but my feet stumbled backward a couple of steps in response. My heart was racing, but for once, not in a good way. I could tell that I was giving her all the signals of me being absolutely terrified of her right now, but it isn't like I can just stop myself from looking like that.

I had time to really think about everything since I left Ryan's dorm room Saturday morning. It was Monday. I had 48 hours to think about it. I was scared of her, even if she did make me feel all of those nice things whenever I was with her. The truth of the matter is that she is a killer. She was dangerous. I could feel that from the moment I saw her eyes darken for the first time. I had just been ignoring it because my heart and my head were wanting different things. Now they both painfully agreed.

We couldn't be together.

"I... Know I'm the last person you want to see after what happened on Friday. I know that you... know." She paused to look over me for a moment. I could see the pain in her eyes as she read my body language. "But, before you make the decision to cut me out of your life, I want to explain myself. Please."

I didn't want to be a bitch and walk away, but I wasn't ready for this conversation. I wasn't ready for any of this. She took another step forward and I yet again took steps backward. My head started shaking no before my mouth even let words out.

The bus that I was supposed to be on came zooming past and I let out a heavy sigh as I followed it with my gaze. My one easy escape was now gone. Of course this just had to get more difficult and annoying.

Her hands gently grabbed onto my arms as she looked down into my eyes. The relaxing warmness took over and I very gently held onto her forearms while looking up at her.

"Please, let me explain," She whispered.

"No, I'm going home," I said, a little shake in my voice while I pulled away from her grasp.

I could see her eyes pleading me to stay and talk, give her a chance to explain herself. I didn't know what she was going to explain. There was nothing for her to say if she knew that I knew what she did for a living.

I began walking down the street, pulling out my phone to order an Uber but I felt Ryan's grip on me. It didn't hurt. She was just barely holding on, but I turned to her. Anger and fear was laced within my expression and she took notice. She dropped my arm, a look of defeat growing on her face, "I-I'm sorry. I just-... Please let me speak."

The haunting crime scene of the other night came playing again and again in my mind. It was literally all I could see. I knew I needed to get away from here, away from her, in order to make it stop. I needed space and time to figure all of this out so that maybe I would be able to handle it.

I shook my head, "I need to go."

Ryan's shoulders shrank in pain as if I had taken all of the air from her lungs. I felt bad for doing this but I needed space. I was terrified of her and being scared of her and talking to her wasn't something that I felt that I could do at the moment. I needed to think straight before any kind of conversation or interaction with her.

She seemed to get the idea as she turned and walked back to her bike, slowly slipping her helmet on. That was somehow the hardest thing that I have had to do in a while. The look on her face and the way she shrank down when I told her that I was leaving without letting her talk... It hurt me.

The only thing to do now was to get myself to come to terms with the fact that Ryan was dangerous.

My Uber arrived in a few short minutes and that's when Ryan drove away. At least I knew that she cared enough to stay and make sure I was safe before leaving. As I got in the car, all I could think about was that I should have let her speak. Maybe then some of my questions would have been answered, or maybe new questions would have came up.

This was for the best.

At least, that is what I keep telling myself.