Chapter 5

"No, I don't want to go to a party, Sophia."

"Oh come on, Art. It'll be fun. It's the last big event before Winter break!" Sophia begged, tugging on my arm as we slowly made our way out of the art building.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "There is absolutely no way that I'm going to-"

Sophia interrupted with quite possibly the most devilish smile I have ever seen her make, "Ryan will be there."

It would be nice to see Ryan again. I hadn't seen her since she dropped me off at my house on Wednesday and I had run inside. She probably thought I was so strange now that that happened. She didn't have my phone number and she wasn't on any of my social medias so I never asked her.. And now it was Saturday.

That was two whole days for her to think whatever she wanted about me without getting the truth. She didn't really strike me as one to make up rumors or lies about me, though. I think those thoughts were just coming from my anxiety over needing her to like me for some reason.

"How do you know that?" I finally asked as I put my hands in my hoodie pocket. We both looked left and right while crossing the street, even if the crosswalk said we could go. We didn't exactly trust the drivers to stop all the time.

"Jason told me they were going," She laughed. "It's sad that I have made more moves than you in 3 days and you have known Ryan for like... 2 weeks. Anyway, Jason invited us." She poked me in the side a few times. "So you have to go."

A party. A college party. There would definitely be tons and tons of alcohol and maybe even several different types of drugs. There will be fights and drunken mistakes and uncomfortable conversations that no one is brave enough to have while they're sober. There was no way that this was going to work out.

I could feel the anxiety rising in my chest just thinking of the chaos that comes with a party like this one. Way too touchy drunk boys, screaming girls and not the good kind of screaming, if you know what I mean. Angry drunks. Awkward drunks. Sad drunks. Spilling secrets that I shouldn't because of being too drunk to realize what I'm saying. I just couldn't see myself having a good time at all.

But...

Ryan will be there.

"Fine. I will go, but only for a couple of hours and I'm not drinking."

Sophia smiled and pulled me along down the sidewalk. "Then we need to go get ready. You can just borrow some of my clothes."

Her clothes were relatively close to what I wore, so I just nodded and followed her back to the her university dorm room.

For some reason, my nerves just would not calm down the entire time we were getting ready. It was driving my insane. What could I possibly be so worried about? Nothing about parties usually freaked me out this bad, but then again, usually I wasn't trying to look good for anyone.

This time I was trying to impress someone. Ryan. I just wanted her to look at me the way that I look at her whenever I see her. Just a few seconds. That's all I wanted. Even if I didn't understand why I wanted that so bad. I didn't even want a relationship again. I was still so broken. It would never work between me and anyone.

Not now, at least.

Sophia handed me a short and tight royal blue dress and I just stared at it, holding it out in front of me and making a confused face. She rolled her eyes and turned around, covering her eyes so that I could change. I was grateful that she remembered those little things about me. What else were best friends for?

It took me a good moment to get out of my clothes and figure out how to put the dress on. When I finally got it, I looked over into the tall mirror leaning against Sophia's wall. Honestly, I had forgotten how good I could look in a dress like this. Most days I just wore hoodies and t-shirts, even if I did go to a party. Like I said, though. Tonight was different.

Sophia slowly turned to look at me. Her jaw dropped open as I watched her in the mirror and a smirk came to her face. "Daaaaamn, Art. You have to wear that."

I nodded slowly, biting my lip and messing with my hair to fix it up some. "I... I definitely will. Heh. I really do look good, huh?"

"Girl, if we weren't best friends and I wasn't straight? I'd totally date you. Now come on. Let's get you some party makeup on."

I hadn't noticed, but Sophia had changed into a party outfit as well. Similar to the dress she handed me.. Except hers had one long sleeve and it hung off her shoulder. She pulled out her makeup and made me sit on her bed as she applied it to my face.

I wasn't one to use makeup, so I had no idea what she was doing. I didn't even know what I would look like after she was done. Hopefully it wouldn't be too over the top. I knew how... eccentric... Sophia's makeup could get sometimes.

When she was done, I looked almost like a completely different person, but I definitely looked hot. It has been so long since I've done this. It made me wonder if people would make fun of me for the way I looked since it was very different from my usual self.

I tried to think back to that time that I said that I hadn't cared about what everyone thought about me. That was true still. I think I only cared about what Ryan thought. And thinking about what she could think about the 'new me' scared the living shit out of me. What if she hated it? What if she doesn't even like me? She was just so damn hard to read. It was frustrating, but intriguing at the same time.

Ugh. Here we go.

---

We sat in Sophia's dorm forever before she finally decided to go. She said that being late was good, especially since we both looked amazing tonight. No one would care that we were late because they would be too focused on our hot dresses. Supposedly.

But all I could think about was Ryan. I wonder what she will be wearing tonight. I wonder if she would even show. What if Jason was wrong and she wasn't actually going? Then I would look this hot for nothing. She was the only person I cared to impress tonight.

Who am I kidding? Of course she would be there. Sophia wouldn't lie about anything. Not to me, anyway. I will be just fine the moment I walk in and see her beautiful blue/grey eyes on me.

When we finally got to the party, the frat house was trembling with the vibrations of very loud music. We could just see it shaking from outside. There were lots of different colored flashing lights in the windows and a couple hundred people all through out the house, the front yard, and the back yard where there was a giant inground pool.

I could already smell the alcohol. Every person I could see had a red solo cup in their hand. We walked up to the front door and let ourselves in, looking around for our friends. I didn't see Ryan or Jason yet. Sophia went off to the kitchen, probably to get her drinking started, but I awkwardly stayed by the door. I wasn't even sure how to party anymore.

All of my confidence went out the window when people started looking at me. There were half naked girls dancing on table tops and shirtless guys in their boxers jumping in the pool outside. Why did they just have to be watching me?

I felt like a deer caught in the headlights as I stumbled back a step or two. Finally, I hurriedly found Sophia in the kitchen and practically stayed glued to her side for a good while until Jason came over. I asked him where Ryan was and he pointed outside.

Shit. I need a drink.

No. No. I am not falling down that rabbit hole even for a second tonight. The last thing I needed was to be plastered the moment I finally do see Ryan here. I got this.

When I went outside, there was even louder music blaring and even more lights flashing everywhere. It was really making me have a sensory overload episode, but I tried to keep myself together. I walked around slowly, checking every corner of the place and looking in the pool. No Ryan.

Come on. Where could she be? There were only so many people out here and none of them looked like Ryan. I would know her long gorgeous hair from anywhere. She wasn't out here.

I said that until I heard her laugh from behind me. I wasn't expecting her to be dancing with a girl, though I should have been. This was a crazy party. Anything could happen. The girl had her hands on Ryan's hips and they were moving together perfectly. Ryan was obviously a bit drunk, judging by the red solo cup in her hand. Even though she laughed, I could tell that she wasn't that into it. The smile just still never reached her eyes. I was thankful that I could at least tell that about her most days.

There was a tightening in my stomach and I turned around so that I didn't have to watch them. Maybe I will just wait for her to come to me instead.

I slowly made my way inside to the couch and sat down, leaning against the armrest as I rubbed my face. This was not how I wanted this to go. I just wanted to see her, see her reaction, her eyes, then quite possibly wanted to leave right after that since that was all I came for tonight. And I meant leave alone, not with her. Way too soon for anything like that.

My hands were sweaty, my heart was racing, and that annoying beep started to ring in my ears. I took very slow, deep breaths, hiding my face in my hands. This couldn't be happening. Not here. Not in front of all of these people.

I must have sat there for a good 20 minutes before I could hear my own thoughts again. The ringing finally faded and I felt like I could breathe again. Thank God.

Someone had sat beside me, but I was too deep in my thoughts to even register it at first. A hand touched my thigh and moved up it, almost under my dress and I swear my skin was crawling with disgust immediately. When I looked over, I glared at none other than Chase who had a big smirk on his face while his hand kept moving up.

"Finally decided to come to one of my frat parties, huh?' He spoke and I only felt myself get nauseous.

I pushed his hand down and off, rolling my eyes, "No. I was forced." I tried to stand up, but a strong hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down into Chase's lap.

Maybe I had to admit, this might have been fun if I had quite a few drinks in me first. He was cute and into me. The old me would have been all over him and would have loved the attention. But obviously I hadn't had a single sip of anything at all, so this just made me really, really uncomfortable.

"Let go of me," I said while looking right into his green eyes. I tried to keep my voice down because I had only been here for 5 minutes and I didn't already want to cause a scene.

"Just have a drink. Loosen up," He sighed, holding his cup up to me.

I should have declined. I really should have, but if this was going to continue... Well... I needed some liquid courage to get me through what I wanted to say to him. So I took it... and chugged the entire full cup of what I assumed to be beer. Bad, cheap beer. It tasted like ass.

He took me drinking as a sign to continue and put his hands on my hips. I felt a little funny for a moment, but I just ignored it. Shoving his hands away, I got up and looked around. At least I was trying to find Sophia. I knew this party was a bad idea. I wasn't a partier. I preferred being alone at home with nothing but rock albums and my art supplies.

I made my way to the kitchen to get another cup of something. Yeah, I know. I said I wasn't going to drink, but at this point I didn't feel like I had a choice. I was never going to make it without being a little drunk.

Or.. a lot... drunk.

Maybe this was a horrible idea, but Sophia was already drinking somewhere and so was everyone else around me. What's the worst that could happen?

I felt so dizzy all of a sudden and grabbed onto the counter to catch myself from hitting the floor. I knew I wasn't a lightweight at all. Before my stepfather started drinking, I had built a pretty high tolerance to alcohol and party drugs. It's just what a lot of college people did at parties. No big deal.

Something was wrong though. I couldn't really feel my legs. The only reason I was still standing was because I was holding onto the counter.

Did Chase really drug me? That didn't seem like something he would do, but then again, I didn't know him. My head pounding and the room spinning really made me think that that is exactly what he did though. Maybe he knew I wouldn't want to let him get touchy and he did this to me. I don't know, but something was off.

"Artemis?" A familiar voice said from behind me. Only one person called me that unless they were a teacher and there were no teachers here tonight, obviously.

I slowly turned around, leaning my back on the counter to keep myself up. I had thought I was looking up at Ryan, but actually I had ended up looking right at her chest... That's when I really started to hate whatever was happening to my body right now.

She very gently held onto my arms. Her touch sent shivers through my body and I finally managed to look up at the gorgeous girl in front of me. She was just in a band t-shirt, flannel that had grey sleeves and a grey hood, and cut-off shorts, but she still looked hot. That's just what her usual style was. At least she was comfortable, because I sure wasn't.

"God, you are so hot."

No! Dammit mouth. Shut up. Don't say your thoughts out loud.

Her cheeks slowly started to turn red as a very tiny smile played on her lips, "Let's get you some water." Was she blushing? Did that actually make her blush or was I just seeing that?

She handed me a red solo cup filled with just plain water and helped me sit down in a chair. She didn't say anything else, just stood behind my chair, running her fingers ever so lightly through my red/brown hair. It felt so nice. It has been so long since someone played with my hair like that.

"I... I was looking for you. I came to see you," I said and mentally facepalmed myself because this could not end well at all. Not with me on whatever I was on.

"Oh?" She chuckled softly and a smile came to my face while I leaned into her touch more.

"But you were with someone," I looked back and up at her, looking into her eyes. There was a slight change in her expression, that little smile fading as she watched me. She could probably tell that it made me feel some sort of way and maybe that made her feel bad. That wasn't my intentions. Hell, if I was sober, I wouldn't have mentioned the other girl at all. Ryan wasn't my girlfriend and I understood that, but drunk me wanted her more than sober me.

Ryan didn't say anything again, just nodding slowly while continuing to play with my hair. She obviously couldn't deny it anyway. She slowly pulled up another chair and sat next to me, giving me a soft smile while wrapping an arm around me.

I at least tried to drink my water and sober up some, just leaning against her while I people watched. The amazing smell of her hair filled my nose and for a second I couldn't smell the alcohol anymore. My heart started racing again while I sat up straight and looked over at her. I definitely couldn't control my body anymore. My hand slowly moved to her cheek and she placed a gentle hand over it.

Stop.

If it was anyone else, I probably wouldn't have hesitated. I would just go for it. But this was Ryan. Someone who hid so many dark secrets behind their eyes. I didn't know how she was going to react and I couldn't risk this moment pushing her away. I had to stop.

Her eyes held so many emotions, one of the main ones being confusion. She watched my body language, then her eyes flicked down to my lips a few times before she laughed it off and pulled away. It was good because I definitely didn't want this to be the way our first kiss happens. If we ever even have a first kiss. I still didn't know if she liked me or not.

"Drink your water. I'll be right back. Promise."

She got up and left me there staring down at my cup of water. Of course she didn't know about the Chase thing. Maybe I should have told her. Maybe she wouldn't have left me alone if she had known.

No. I know she wouldn't have left me alone. She was always so adamant about taking me home or making sure I got to the bus safe every night. She wouldn't have left me alone if I had just told her.

I couldn't peel my eyes off of her back as she walked away around a corner. As she disappeared, I felt something in my chest ache. Something that genuinely worried me because I could feel myself getting attached to her and that wasn't good. I really couldn't handle a relationship and with someone like Ryan? I definitely couldn't handle being with her at this point in my life. She was too hard to read. I would probably drive myself insane trying to guess what she was feeling most days.

Right on que, Chase came around the corner and plopped down in the seat next to me, smirking and whispering something in my ear that I couldn't quite understand. I still shook my head no to whatever he had said. He seemed more persistent this time, though.

He stood up and grabbed onto my hand, pulling me to my feet. As he took my water and set it on the table, he pulled me out of the kitchen.

I had no idea where we were going or what he was doing, but I did try to at least pull my hand away. That wasn't working. He had a pretty tight grip on it. When we got to the stairs that led up to the second story, my heart jumped.

He wasn't seriously going to take me to a bedroom. Was he? Chase had definitely lost his mind, but the more I tried to get my mouth to let out words, the less my senses were working.

We made it up the stairs by some will of Satan because I swear I could barely even walk. He pulled me along to a bedroom that must had been his and closed the door behind us. The longer this took, the more scared I got, and the dizzier I felt.

I finally managed to mumble out the word, "No," but by then he was already shirtless and shoving me down onto the bed. That didn't matter. He never had my consent and now he definitely heard me say no.

I could smell the strong alcohol radiating off of him and I knew he probably wouldn't remember even doing this to me. Yet another reason to hate parties. No one ever remembered a single second of the wrong choices they made.

However, there was no way that I was going to forget this.

The door flew open and a dark, blurry figure stood in the door way. Their shadow was cast over the bed. All I could see was a hood hiding their face. A grey hood. Then Chase was ripped off of me and thrown down on the floor. I could hear his pained grunts and breathless cries as the blurry figure kicked him several times in the ribs. The kicks were relentless, not holding anything back. it kind of scared me.

My vision was only getting blurrier at that point. I felt a jacket wrap around my shoulders and strong arms lift me up off the bed. How could this keep happening to me? This was it. I am never going to come to another college party ever again after this.

I could barely see silver curls falling down in my face as I held onto the flannel tightly. She carried me back down the stairs and I could hear Sophia and Jason talking to her when we came down. My brain was all fuzzy though. I heard everything they were saying, but for some reason I still couldn't comprehend any of it.

She took my outside with the other two and put me in the passenger seat of Sophia's car, closing the door. I could tell they were talking about everything outside because I could still hear their mumbling voices coming through the car door.

After a moment, Sophia climbed into the driver side and started her car. My head was spinning still, but I could barely make out Ryan's features in the side mirror as Sophia started driving away. She held a very concerned look on her face while she stood there. Her arms were bare for once and it hit me that I had her flannel on.

It was Saturday. I wasn't going to see her anytime soon because I had to work a double on Monday and wouldn't go back to the studio until Wednesday and she didn't usually work on Wednesdays. I would have her flannel for a whole week, unless I somehow managed to get it to her at school.

"I'm taking you to your sister's for the weekend, Art," Sophia had said and my head quickly snapped over in her direction.

"What?!" That was all I needed to push through the affects of the drugs and alcohol and sober up.

I was going to see my sister.

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