Chapter 3

"Artemis!" My stepfather's voice angrily yelled from the other side of the closed and locked door.

I had been asleep when I heard him banging on the thankfully thick wood that separated us. Who knew how long these old hinges would hold if he continued to do this most nights.

This is why I had fallen asleep in class last week. It was because of him.

The thought of living in a dorm still crossed my mind sometimes and if I had told anyone, especially Sophia, I wouldn't even have a choice in the matter. They would make me leave here. As I said before, I couldn't leave him, not until he did something unforgivable.

My mother loved him and it felt like he was all I had left of her memory. How could I just walk away? I wish she were here to tell me what to do. The truth is... I knew what she'd say.

"Walk away now, before you roll away later, Art."

Meaning, leave now while you still can walk. Otherwise, you may be leaving on a gurney or worse... In a body bag.

She hated abusers. She always told me to never let a man, woman, or anyone treat me like a punching bag or trash... and yet, here I was, letting her husband do those exact things. Thankfully, he hasn't hit me.

Those thoughts didn't stop my heart from pounding and my body from flinching every time he banged on the door. My hands were shaking. If I was honest, my entire body was shivering. I felt cold sweats taking over as I very slowly pushed the blanket off of myself, sitting up.

This situation felt different this time. I could practically feel his anger rising and I wasn't sure what to do. Maybe I should call Sophia, but I didn't want to burden her.. or interrupt her sleep.

You know she wouldn't care.

Call her.

What could I have possibly done to piss him off this time? It made no sense. Did I forget to put away something? Did I forget to do something? Was this about money? I really had no idea. It could have been anything, knowing him.

I rubbed my eyes, looking around and trying to give my brain a moment to register the situation that I was in.

Okay. There's a 167 pound, very drunk, angry man at my door. If he wanted to, he could probably kick it in anyway. My window was old and probably wouldn't open fast enough, let alone wide enough for me to slip out and get away. I could call someone. I really could. Maybe even the police, but I didn't really feel like bothering anyone with this. It wasn't that bad.

The ringing began in my ears. That familiar endless beep that was forever engraved in my brain. I hugged my knees tightly to my chest and closed my eyes, praying to whoever was listening up above for them to help me.

I didn't necessarily believe in God. It was hard to when your parents were hardcore scientists who believed in the big bang and everything. But I knew I needed some kind of miracle if I was to stay calm and not start having another one of my episodes.

I guess whatever is up there is clean out of miracles tonight.

The door flew open as my step father's dark figure stood in the doorway. "Where is the fucking money, Artemis? I know you have some." He basically growled as he stepped into my room.

The horrible stench of cigarettes filled the empty air around me. I should have known that this was about being able to afford his alcohol and cigarettes. If he just went to work, he would be able to afford it. Honestly, since he didn't work and someone had to pay the mortgage and utility bills? I really didn't have any extra cash at all, besides money for lunch.

Maybe it was the fear. Maybe it was the severe lack of sleep, or maybe I just decided to be stupid tonight, but the next words out of my mouth were sure to get me into some deep shit.

"Have you tried clocking in at work? I hear that's how you get paid," I said it with some strong acid in my tone and I internally cursed myself for being disrespectful. I knew he hated when I was.

Shit.

I hurriedly got up and tried to open my window, but the most it moved was a couple of inches and I would never be able to fit through there. I was thin, but not THAT thin. If I survive the night, I promise to get it fixed.

I felt his presence right behind me and flinched as he gripped tightly onto my hair, pulling me back hard and making me fall on my ass. An involuntary scream escaped my lips as I looked up at him. Fear had to have been present in my eyes. There was no doubt about that.

He wouldn't hurt me, right?

A heavy hand landed on my chest and gripped onto my black pajama shirt, pulling me up enough to be inches away from his face. His eyes were full of pure hatred and darkness. There was a very strong scent of rum on his breath as he stood there and scolded me, but I swear I didn't hear a single word as I stared at him. This was the closest he had ever been to hurting me. I was terrified thinking about how far he would actually go tonight.

Every time something like this happened, he would profusely apologize the very next morning and try to make up for it with buying me whatever I wanted or just straight up paying me off. I figured it was to save his ass from jail because obviously the gifts and apologies had been enough for me not to tell anyone. Or I was just stupid.

He also would promise me that he would never let another ounce of alcohol past his lips, but obviously that was always a lie. The guy was an alcoholic. A drunk. It all started the morning before my mother's funeral and hasn't stopped since. It was easy for him to get addicted to things. Next on his death list was probably heroin or methamphetamine.

I wouldn't be surprised. He drank enough to almost kill himself every night. What's the difference between that and shooting poison into your veins?

"Your mother would be so disappointed in you," He spat, making a disgusted face as he threw me onto my bed and left me alone, but what he said... That was the thing that had been eating me alive for all these months.

Staring up at the ceiling, I could feel my heart breaking. My hand gripped tightly onto my chest as my chest ached horribly, causing my teeth to grit together. The cold sweats returned as I held myself tightly and started to cry.

The truth was that I didn't know if she would be disappointed or not. I would like to think she wouldn't be, but of course the depression in me made me think the exact opposite.

I laid there for hours before I finally started to drift off to sleep. I didn't exactly have a choice. My body was without a doubt 100% out of energy.. and just as I was about to finally get some rest...

My phone alarm went off.

It was 6am... And I had, yet again, stayed up the entire night. For not the second time this week, but the fourth.

I painfully sat up, my body almost refusing to get up out of the comfort of the blankets. I didn't know how long it could keep going like this.

After a decently long shower, I got dressed into some dark blue jeans and a band t-shirt that I loved. I tried to at least look alive today, putting a little bit of makeup on to hide the fact that my skin was turning grey and my eyes had giant dark bags under them. I even went as far as to slip on a pair of sunglasses to cover the bloodshot look in my eyes.

Everything would be fine. The nightmare was over for now. I just had to go to school and try not to fall asleep... again.

---

"Dammit," I mumbled as my third pencil broke. I only brought four with me and for the life of me I could not find the pencil sharpener in here. I was about to have to switch to just using the charcoal set that I found. That would be okay, I guess. Pencils were just an easier route.

Maybe I was pressing down too hard. Well not maybe... I definitely was.

My mind was stuck on what happened last night and it was effecting my whole body. Could I even go home? Would it only be worse tonight?

The more I thought, the harder I pressed down on my poor pencil's graphite and of course, just like any pencil, it would snap when it reached its limit. I was determined not to break my last pencil, though.

The ringing in my ears just would not quit at all today. My therapist always said that the ringing was because of repressed emotions and thoughts that apparently took me back to that moment my mother passed. How the hell was I supposed to fix that? Just be even more depressed by letting myself feel all of those repressed emotions and such? I thought the point in therapy was to make me feel better, not worse.

Yeah, thanks. So worth my $400 a month.

Well actually, they had told me that I was numb and repressing all of my emotions into a tiny box so that no one could play with them anymore. I sure didn't feel numb, but I suppose I could see that. I never smiled unless it was forced. I never found myself seeking attention or wanting to hang out with anyone, not even my best friend. But one thing that I still was... was afraid. That feeling never went away.

Not at home. Not at work. And definitely not at school.

School went decently okay this morning. I somehow managed to stay up for all three of the classes I had. Granted I did down like five whole cups of coffee before my second class. So instead of falling asleep, I was basically wired on caffeine and my body was shivering with fake energy.

The classes were all back to back today so I had an extra four hours to come draw my sister piece to Sophia's that we would present to the art class. My grades were still suffering, but honestly, they could have been worse. I still should be doing my extra credit and makeup work right now. Instead, I sat here, sketching out mine and Sophia's first draft of the amazing mural to come on the walls. Everyone had voted on a piece to do earlier and they evidently found our piece to be the best.

Sadly, I didn't see Sophia yet. She doesn't have any classes with me so that makes sense, but I still didn't even receive a text or anything and she never showed up for our presentation. If she would have seen the sunglasses I had on all morning, she would have definitely known something was wrong. It was probably for the best that she didn't see me today.

There was a knock on the door frame and I slowly turned to see who it was. I was half expecting it to be Sophia or maybe Ryan, and kind of praying that it had been one of the two. Instead, it was Chase.

Not today, Chase. Please.

"You're still here? It's-" He paused and checked the time. "-8:00."

I gave him a simple nod and looked back to the empty wall, then continued drawing, but having his eyes on my back really made my hands shake and press down on the pencil more. I didn't like him. Not in that way at least. The more he was around and begging me to date him, the more I started to not like him at all.

"Well, do you need a ride home? I have a car that-"

I interrupted and shook my head. "No thanks. I'll just take the bus. Grams told me I could stay as long as I like." I held up the studio key ring that now had a gold key hanging along side the silver one. She had walked by about 30 minutes ago and told me that she trusted me to lock up. I guess Ryan wasn't working tonight to do it and so Grams gave me a key. She was so sweet to me. I forgot what it was like to have a grandmother figure in my life.

When was this boy going to get the hint, though? I wasn't ready for a relationship again. I have been single for almost three years and I had no plans on changing that at all. I just wish he would forget about me so that I didn't feel like I was leading him on or something.

The truth was that I was broken. Sometimes it felt as if I didn't have a heart at all, but the beating in my chest reminded me that I obviously did. It was just hardened and full of darkness. Not a calm day went by inside me. There was always something that made me push people away.

I knew what it was, but it was just too hard to confront in my mind. Though, I could tell you that for once, it had nothing to do with my mother's death.

Nevertheless, I knew that I needed to mentally prepare myself for the unavoidable question that he was going to ask me. He always asked me something of the sort every time we saw each other or whenever we were alone.... And unfortunately, we were very alone at the moment.

"Why won't you let me take you out?" I watched as his green eyes found mine and a curious little smile played on his lips.

I took in a sharp breath, closing my eyes for a second as I felt the point of the pencil snap against the drywall.

Great.

After a second, I looked into his eyes again and smiled politely, shrugging, "I am just really busy with school and work... and helping with the mural ideas."

I wasn't lying. I was very busy most days. I mean, I didn't exactly have a life outside of work and school. I just didn't want to give him the wrong impression by responding to his texts or saying that I would hang out with him. I knew that he was into me, more than just in a friend way, that was obvious, but I was trying my hardest to show him that I was not.

One of his hands ran through his long, dark shaggy hair as he looked around, then at me. He was definitely not buying my response since I definitely did answer some of his texts whenever I found time. He didn't show any sign of being disappointed, yet.

"I only see you at school. I just want to hang out outside of it."

"Well, here we are. Not in school," I smiled very fake-like, but he didn't know me well enough to tell the difference.

"You know what I mean, Art. I just-"

He paused when we both heard light footsteps come up to the door and stop. The beautiful girl that I had been strangely missing tonight was finally here and for a moment, I couldn't look away.

"Maybe she just isn't interested," Ryan said, leaning against the doorframe as she crossed her arms over her chest. My eyes caught hers and a little smirk came to her lips. I almost forgot how amazingly gorgeous she was. I strangely missed her.

I was actually thankful that she had said that to Chase because she wasn't wrong. I guess it was obvious to everyone but him that I was definitely never going to go out with him.

I saw a fleck of annoyance in Chase's eyes as he looked back to me and mumbled that he would see me tomorrow under his breath.. Then he turned and left, pushing past her, but she just smirked more and rolled her eyes at him..

It was just me and Ryan now. Alone... Very... Alone.

Jeez, what do I do?

What do I say??

She looked over me and glanced at my pencils. For a moment, I thought she was going to make me leave. Take away the front door key and tell her grams that I had someone else here with me way after hours. But she didn't.

She calmly walked over to the supplies cabinet and opened a little plastic drawer on one of the organizers on a shelf. When she walked back to me, she held out a small pencil sharpener and I couldn't help but genuinely smile up at her while I took it.

Heat came to my cheeks as I watched her and my heart skipped a beat as my fingers brushed against her palm, "Thanks."

"No problem."

As she sat down next to me, I could smell the familiar roses and honey scent and that smile just would not leave my face. I felt like a blushing idiot as I started sharpening one of my pencils.

She didn't say anything else. Just sat there cross-legged and watched me continue on my drawing. In the two hours that I had been doing this, I really hadn't made much progress. Drawing something this big and this extravagant was going to take a lot of work and time, but I didn't expect anyone to sit here and watch me.

Another ten minutes and I found myself unable to keep my eyes open as I wavered forward and back until my hand finally released the pencil and let it hit the floor. I felt very safe here in this studio and with Ryan. I didn't feel the need to keep pushing myself to stay away any longer.

I heard a little soft laugh from beside me and felt a very gentle hand on my shoulder. "I think it's time for you to go home."

"I can't go home. I won't sleep," I found myself mumbling through the sleepiness. There was silence from her as she looked over my appearance once again. It's like she just knew that something wasn't right at home after I said that.

She placed the back of her hand on my forehead and it felt like ice on my burning skin. Was I sick? Oh, no. I can't be sick. This can't be happening, but it most certainly was. When your body is exhausted and worn out enough, it develops a fever. That explains my cold chills throughout the night.

Without another word, she very slowly stood up and lifted me into her strong arms. I instinctively wrapped one arm around her neck and leaned my head against her chest. I was listening to her heartbeat and kind of furrowed my brows when I heard it speed up at my touch.

I had really began to think this was a dream when I felt her carry me out to a car and lay me down in the backseat. Where was she taking me? I still didn't know much more than her name. Could I really let her drive me somewhere?

Before I could even start to get up, my eyes felt extremely heavy and I felt the sleep win. My body went limp. Definitely didn't waste any time passing out.

Shit.

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