Chapter 28

Marshall looked at the frozen tableau in front of him, arms crossed and one foot idly tapping, then looked up in exasperation as he asked, "So, who wants to tell me what the hell is going on?"

Both Wilde and Vertara, dressed in frilly, sparkling lingerie were frozen, not moving from their positions of standing on one leg, both hands in the air, the thief looking mortified. Lounging on the couch in her own garb of a feathered robe the color of fire and nothing else and looking as relaxed as he'd ever seen her, Feral let out an amused growl. In full ringmaster regalia and holding a scepter, Olivia looked both embarrassed and beyond pleased with herself.

"You know what, I don't want to know," he decided, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers and sighing. "Just...clean this up," he finished lamely, gesturing to the room covered in glitter, streamers and floral paper hearts.

He promptly turned and left the room, shaking his head at the peals of laughter behind him, a reluctant smile on his face.

("Okay, I give up, what were you doing?" He asked Vertara later, and the cannibal shrugged.

"Oh, I was teaching Wilde a traditional dance from my old tribe. It's usually performed naked, but he insisted on covering up."

"...Makes sense.")

"So, would you mind explaining why you felt the need to kidnap the tiger?" He asked seriously, looking at his unrepentant crew clustered around the large cat.

"Did you see the conditions he was being kept in? It was inhumane!" Vertara cried.

"...He was literally a pet in the Royal Harem." He deadpanned.

"Exactly." Olivia nodded.

Leaning against Feral's side, the tiger looked completely unbothered by the situation, the swordsman practically purring in response. That basically made his decision for him, and he thought longingly of throwing his idiots overboard as he ordered, "teach him to go between the railing or he's getting added to the emergency food supplies."

His four crewmembers nodded vigorously. They knew he wasn't joking.

He looked at Olivia, looked around, then looked at the sky, begging for patience as he said slowly, "let me get this straight: you didn't find the supplies you needed in this town, so you went to the town on the other side of the island, which the wizened old man specifically told you not to do, wound up getting chased by a cult of crazed ghost-worshippers, eventually discovered their secret lair and then their hidden altar," he paused to take a breath, then continued, "encountered an actual ghost, who led you to the secret treasure hidden inside a booby-trapped tomb, where you fought the leader of the cult and wound up calling on the spirits of the people the cult killed who then chased the leader into a pit of flesh-eating beetles where he died in screaming agony, so you grabbed all the treasure and ran out of there as the freed spirits went to take revenge on the rest of the cult, thus freeing the first town from being terrorized by said cult. And that's how you were named High Priestess."

Olivia nodded, "that about sums it up," she agreed.

He stared, because why had he ever thought Olivia was the sane one?

"You only joined the crew a week ago." He stated. "How."

The tiger, named Maja Trax after a long argument amongst his crew that at least three islands will have nightmares of, looked smug.

Looking at the bodies strewn about the temple floor in various states of dismemberment, Marshall sighed and glanced at Feral, saying blandly, "you really didn't like Wilde getting taken as a bride for some kind of bunny god, did you?"

He took the angry scowl and growl she sent him as confirmation.

Seeing some of the paraphernalia scattered around the 'bridal chamber' and the outfit, and he used the term loosely, the priests had dressed the thief in, he thought Feral's reaction was pretty reasonable.

Alright then.

"So I hear you and your crew are having fun, bro!" Rouge's gleeful voice said, coming from an equally amused Chuckles.

"Don't even start, not after what I heard you pulled on Everfrost." Marshall said warningly, scowling when Rouge busted out laughing. "How do you know what we're doing, anyway? I don't think we have bounties."

Which was frankly a miracle, considering the chaos his crew tended to leave in their wake, through no fault of his own, thank you very much! Things just...tended to happen around him and what was he supposed to do? Let the jerk abducting people to feed to a giant ferret keep doing it? Not a chance.

"Nah, thanks to Daisy's Fruit she can talk to birds, and with all the craziness surrounding your crew, well, they talk." Rouge shared, pausing before whistling, "Damn bro, I gotta step up my game if even half the things Daisy said the birds are talking about are true!"

Warring with himself for a moment, he finally sighed and admitted ruefully, "the reality is probably worse." He let Rouge have her laugh before changing the subject, raising an eyebrow and asking slyly, "So how are things with you and Roger?"

Huh, would you look at that, he eyed the now bright red snail, the blush came through really clearly.

(The day he came to the conclusion that even his ship was getting in on the insanity was the day he washed his hands of it all. If he was going to be in charge of a floating madhouse then by Davy Jones, he would be the head loon!)

Standing on the deck of the Coddiwomple and watching as the island that had thought it would be a good idea to poison them went up flames, they all shuddered, listening to their captain's mad cackle mingling with screams of sheer terror from the islanders. The fact that the citizens of the island made a habit of poisoning visitors during certain holidays, as their newest crewmate told them, had probably helped to set off their captain's rampage, Wilde muttered.

The rest of them agreed, watching with wide eyes as the castle overlooking the island fell in on itself with a thunderous crash. The young boy their captain had brought back to the ship and tossed at Vertara before starting his spree simply looked fascinated, eyes filled with wonder as the flames devoured his former home.

Exchanging looks, they all agreed that their captain was the maddest one of all when he cut loose...and damned if it wasn't amazing to watch!

Grinning widely, Feral silently offered her crewmates popcorn from the bowl in her arms, prompting another exchange of glances before they each grabbed a handful, even the tiger.