18: A dream or reality?

Beta'd by SnowyEgrett

The cool breeze hitting his face enabled Lin FenXiang to think clearly. His mind was still somewhat muddled because of the onslaught of memories brought by the paintings.

He walked down the empty street of the church slowly. His back hunched slightly as he kicked a stone out of his way, a sigh escaping from his lips.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Lin FenXiang turned around to look at the steadily shrinking church building and faced the sky.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath as another rush of memories washed over him.

.

After the rebellious unrest of London — in fact the entire country — due to the power struggle for throne in which the Heir apparent, Crown Prince George III emerged victorious, Drystan had been away from Yorkshire in order to quell the unrest in Wales while Duke of Yorkshire had been in London in support of Prince — now King — George III.

Drystan and Adrastus had been away from each other for some time.

When the moment the two of them finally got some peace and time for each other alone, they grasped the opportunity.

Even though the relationship between them was a little ambiguous and yet to be confirmed, Drystan was sure that Adrastus felt the same way for him as he did.

Not that Drystan was about to ask that. No, far from that. It was a huge fuck no for him.

He would rather die than ask the Duke about it, he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Adrastus.

But his heart was itching whenever he was around the man. He wished he could kill his feelings, he wished he could ignore them. He wished he could go back to the hate/like relationship they had before, rather than this amicable cooperation and friendship they had right now.

Because he did not want to risk losing this friend, this relationship and whatever this was.

He didn't know what was going on within him, but he could neither fucking suppress nor ignore whatever fluttering was going on inside his stomach right now.

He faintly glanced at his side, at the man who was walking with him. Adrastus had a small, almost imperceptible smile on his beautiful face.

He stared.

Suddenly, the Duke turned to look at him, raising a questioning eyebrow, he cocked his head to the side.

"What are you looking at, Meyer?" He asked loftily. "Something on my face that's better than Oxford?"

Drystan broke into a small, rather dry smile and shook his head.

"Maybe I'm dying," he answered softly. Adrastus' eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" He asked, grabbing him by the shoulder, Adrastus touched his neck gently and touched his pulse. "Are you for real?"

Drystan's breath hitched at his touch, the soft but calloused fingers of Adrastus caressing his neck seemed oddly hot.

Tentatively he reached out and placed his hand over Adrastus'. The Duke froze, looking at his face.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly, but made no move to take his hand back from Drystan's hold.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I don't know what I was doing with my life. All the three people I've killed for my vengeance," he paused, cautiously looking into his friends eyes and saw him freeze once more. Adrastus' hand on his neck pressed down with a little more pressure and Drystan let him, not offering even an ounce of resistance.

The Duke took a deep breath and nodded, "Go on."

"Their lives," Drystan continued thickly. "Are still weighing down on me."

At Adrastus' look, he protested. "Hey! I'm not without remorse. After you promised to help me destroy them, I stopped, did I not?"

Begrudgingly, Adrastus nodded.

Squeezing the hand under his own, Drystan looked straight into his eyes and breathed out gently. "I'm not without remorse," he repeated. "And I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry…"

He let go of his hand and stepped away from him. Adrastus slowly dropped his hand and kept looking at him.

Drystan knew that his smile must have been rather vulnerable, because he recognised the look in Adrastus' eyes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop myself," he clenched his fists. "I kept telling myself that you are a friend, and you will always remain my friend and yet…"

"Yet?" Adrastus prompted breathlessly.

Drystan raised his head and looked at the night sky.

He laughed wetly. Biting his lips hard. He spoke again. "Yet, I kept on falling," he walked towards — a frozen — Adrastus. Holding his shoulders, inching closer to his face till his face was a mere centimetre away from the Duke.

Looking deeply into his eyes, he whispered. "I fell for you, Duke of Yorkshire. I fell for you as a man would love a woman, or a woman would love a man. I am sorry, I am sorry for everything."

Adrastus did not give him an answer for a moment or two.

As the silence stretched, Drystan's heart wavered. Letting go of the other man's shoulders, he stepped away from him once more.

Bowing his head, he whispered softly. "I'm sorry, I'll leave."

Turning on his heels, he prepared to walk back to the church they had left behind.

The Church of Temperance.

As the night breeze blew on his face. He walked away from the man he'd fallen for. Away from whatever belated reaction he might have.

As soon as he took a step into the church, he walked into the prayer hall and knelt on the marble floor. Joining his hands together, he closed his eyes and prayed.

Whatever might happen, as long as Adrastus wanted him to stay away, he wouldn't show him his face and fuck off to Wales.

Without him realising, tears started steaming down his face, hastily wiping them away, he gasped and a sob choked out of his throat.

He felt as though an invisible hand was choking him. His shoulder shook as he muffled his sobs desperately.

"May I ask what causes you such grief, Marquess Meyer?" A voice spoke behind him.

Snapping his head up, he stood up whirling around to face the voice.

"Father Altair," he dipped his head into a bow. "I cannot say for sure."

Father Altair nodded, "Losing in love isn't uncommon."

Drystan paused for a second, "Pardon my insolence Father, but who told you that?"

Father Altair chuckled knowingly and pointed to the sky. "Nothing remains hidden from The Revealer."

Oh joy, Drystan thought blandly. Angels sure are snitches.

"Do not give up on your hopes so soon, Marquess. Maybe it's going to be different than what you think."

Drystan shook his head and replied bitterly. "If only it was so simple."

"Love," Father Altair mused. "Is a contradiction. Simple yet the most complex emotion of all."

Drystan bowed, respectfully he remained silent and then excused himself.

On setting a foot outside the church building, a harsh and cold gust of wind hit him right in the face, making him clear headed in an instant.

Drystan shivered subconsciously and stared at the crescent moon hanging in the night sky, surrounded by the stars.

Throwing his head back, he let out a bitter laugh.

For the first time in years, he fell for someone, loved someone and he was a man, a man who disliked him.

Just how was he expecting his confession to go? Sure, Adrastus knew he was homosexual and didn't show his like or dislike on that, but he didn't know that Drystan was in love with him.

He was sure to be disgusted of him now that he knew it.

It was over, fucking over for them. Over for their friendship.

Exhaustion washed over him and he leaned on the cold brick wall behind him. The back of his head touched the wall as he heaved a sigh.

He should probably leave for Wales tomorrow and operate from there.

"Drystan fuckin' Meyer!" A furious yell startled him out of his thoughts. In spite of himself, his feet automatically walked to the direction of the voice.

And what he saw was the sight of Adrastus Esmeray, the gorgeous Duke of Yorkshire, running towards himself the moment the (platinum) blond man spotted him.

Stopping merely a few steps away from him, Adrastus gasped slightly. Glaring at Drystan, who stood rooted to his place.

"Fucking cunt," Adrastus hissed viciously as he grabbed the collar of Drystan's shirt and pulled the taller make towards himself.

"Bastard," he breathed out in a whisper. "Running away like the twat you are. Didn't even give me chance to answer, did you?"

Drystan looked at the beautiful, angry and slightly flushed face of the Duke barely a centimetre or two away from him. Firmly stomping down the urge to kiss him breathless, he asked softly, sinking into the man's eyes.

"So, my Duke," he whispered, his hot breath fanning on Adrastus' face. "What is your answer?"

"..." Adrastus didn't reply for a solid second as an adorable blush appeared on his fair face and travelled down his neck. "It's a yes, I fancy— no, I love you too, my dear Marquess." He whispered, his eyes never straying from Drystan's.

"Oh, dear," Drystan said, breathless and nearly bursting from the need to kiss him. "May I?" He asked, his eyes darting to Adrastus' lips, eyes and his entire face.

"Please," his beloved whispered, equally taken.

And Drystan did.

He closed his eyes as his lips touched the Duke's forehead, the latter's face held in his larger, calloused hands.

He kissed Adrastus' forehead, wishing he could pour out all the love he had within himself into the man.

Then, he kissed his eyes, one after another, wishing he could imprint his own image into them, forever.

Then his nose, his breathed out through his own, wishing he could take away all the anger and sorrow that plagued the man.

Finally, his eyes fell back to Adrastus' lips, beautiful pink lips, the perfection of which humanity couldn't think.

And leaned in.

Closing his eyes, he savoured — whatever this was, a dream or reality — the moment.

He could hear his heart thudding into his chest, beating in tandem with the heart of the man in front of him.

The man he was about to kiss.

Oh dear, and was this wonderful?

The moment their lips touched, they fit like puzzle pieces. A rush of tingle travelled through him like electricity. He felt light headed as he moved his lips against the soft ones of Adrastus in a familiar practised motion.

After what felt like a lifetime despite being a fraction of a moment, they pulled away. Not daring to venture too deep into what they were doing.

With his forehead pressed against Adrastus', he whispered, looking into the love of his life's eyes up close.

"Bloody hell. I'm fucked, aren't I?"

Adrastus let out a beautiful, breathless chuckle. "Not just you, bastard."

"Fuck you."

.

Looking at the, now old, Church of Temperance where they — Drystan (him) and Adrastus — had shared their first kiss, Lin FenXiang had nothing to say.

Except for the unvented grievance of being alone.

He turned his back to the church and strode ahead, wishing he could bring back the sensation of love on his lips.

"Where are you going?"

He froze at the voice.

Stiffly turning his head to the side, he saw Adrastus looking at him with a look of confusion as he stood tall and proud.

"Hm?" He canted his head minutely. "Not going to answer me?"

Lin FenXiang smiled, against his better judgement, he smiled. "Of course, I'll answer you."

"So are you going to run away, my dear Marquess?" The blond male questioned, a teasing lilt in his voice.

A breeze blew past them as a strand of his, now somewhat long, hair stuck on his face.

Lin FenXiang looked at him, his eyes emotional and suspiciously wet, reached out, tucking it behind his ear.

Tenderly caressing his cheek, Lin FenXiang answered. "I have something to do, that's why I was leaving."

"Is that so?" Adrastus asked, looking at Lin FenXiang through his long eyelashes. Placing a hand on Lin FenXiang's, he leaned into his touch and added. "Then, I suppose I'll let you go."

"Thank you, my love," Lin FenXiang smiled, his smile falling apart as the man in front of his eyes turned into dust and flew away along with another gust of wind.

The fragile glass of illusion his mind had woven shattered into pieces.

Staring at his empty outstretched hand, Lin FenXiang's heart ached as he whispered, more to himself than to anyone e

lse.

"Adrastus?"

Author has something to say:

Author: 'Cause of imagination, geu chalna-e

Can you feel the rush? Can you feel the rush?

Can you feel the rush? Can you feel the rush?

Xiao Xiang: …

Author: I'm sorry T^T

+ I'm sorry for, uh, not updating yesterday. But my pitiful stockpile is shrinking at a frightening rate. My beloved beta is busy with their life and I am feeling burnt out so I can't seem to write as much as my brain wants to.

So here's an extra long update to apologise for not updating yesterday >3<