Talk More, Talk Less, Moderation is Key (1)

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𝔗𝔞𝔩𝔨 𝔐𝔬𝔯𝔢, 𝔗𝔞𝔩𝔨 𝔏𝔢𝔰𝔰, 𝔐𝔬𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔦𝔰 𝔎𝔢𝔶

"If there's anything a person could give their life for it would be that because it's a lifetime experience, Mista Ezra!" A high-pitched feminine voice with the same intensity of a booming trumpet crashed into Ezra's ears. "First time I saw a horse give birth, my heart nearly rolled over and out of my darn chest!" As powerful was her volume, the sound of her hooting laughter struck even harder into his weary ears.

"Oh, really, Miss Pedigree?" His smile seemed taught and his interest formulated.

When he had asked for tour, he received the least of what he expected---or needed for that matter. 

"Bet it on the hotcakes!" She nodded, picking up pace, swinging around a set of master keys hooked in her grasp. "The whole calf just comes out full bodied and all." She stimulated the motions of birth with her hands. "It's sorta like yer expecting it be like when a pregnant woman pushes out a baby. Normally, you see a bloodied head or a waddling little limb sticking out, but with those horses? My, oh my it's different. They come looking to be bout 2/3rd the size of the mother!" 

Jingle!

She walked so swiftly and quickly even Ezra's long strides couldn't match the woman's quick speed.

"It's quite a rocker seeing it all go down, and---." She paused. "--Oh, what was I talking about before?" She waited for no reply. "Oh, the kitchen!"

Clank!

Click!

With every tap of her steps, silver keys clashed and chattered like laughing bells.

"Yew see here? This ere?" she said, words coming out in quick succession. "This the entrance to the kitchen quarters. Always go through the servant's passageway." She barely stopped for longer than a second before she whisked him out of the room. "Now, come along."

"Sure." He smiled, as stubby hands dragged him onwards, the flash of silver keys swaying in her free hand.

Jingle!

The silver keys were as bright as pure metal mercury. They leaped and spun, doing somersaults in her hand.

"Now, ye come down this hall and yew'll see there'll be a shortcut to pantries." She pointed briefly at a brightly lit hall. "And oh, yew know, there's a joke that runs like water ere. See, the joke is," she said between laughter. "Why is a dog like a tree?"

"Why is a dog like a tree…?"

"It's because they both lose their bark once they're dead!" She broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Ah, funny?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Isn't it?" She burst into laughter once more.

Click! Clack!

Blades of glowing white polished silver swayed onwards, dancing with her movements.

His eyes briefly swept along the silver and then to the long hall she was laughing at.

"But how does the joke relate to the hallway?" he asked, slanting his head.

"It doesn't, but twas it not was funny? Now, come along." She snatched him by the arm, hauling him with her.

Jingle!

She methodically fiddled with the numerous rows of keys on the key ring.

"Now, this is the Family quarter." She wagged the silver around and pointed at the entrance. "No one really comes in there except for the Young Miss. She's got good memories with that aunt of hers in there, so careful not to touch or move anything. She's particulate about the structure of this little setting. And y'know, when I think of them two in there smiling daisies, it brings me right down memory road." She touched her cheek. "Like melting butter on a Sunday morning. What a tragic waste."

Cling!

The keys swung in the air as she placed her grasp entangled with keys against her chest.

"Yew know, speaking of butter, there's another joke I know. It goes a little like when yew wanna make buttermilk but the cows have been flipped and the butter is all turned to liquid dip yew—-."

He cut into her words, his eyes flickering around the room. "Can we finish this tour up?"

"Oh, my, pardon me!" She laughed with a light snort. "Yes, of course! My apologies, I get sideracked sometimes." She pulled one foot away from the door before pausing. "But, speaking of people? Yew should be certain to know everyone in the Sutherton family since yew'll be working ere. I'll speak slowly now so yew can keep up. Yew already met Lord Sutherton and Lady Sutherton. Lady Sutherton has no living relatives, but Lord Sutherton has one brother and one sister. Grand Knight Sebastian is the name of Lord Sutherton's younger brother. Then there's Lady Sabina, our Lord's adopted Sister, and she's married to the Great Prince Kaelixson-Nier and he's oh—!"

She stopped, her mind jumping topics. "Lady Sabina is not correct. See, I've been here so long they've allowed some informality from me. Yew'll need to address her as a Kaelixson Duchess or Princess-Nier Sabina, yea."

Not even stopping to catch breath, she continued babbling on. "But? Tell no one I told yew, but the Young Miss likes to call her Saby and I think I like Saby instead of Princess Sabina of yada yada. So long of a title to remember, y'know. And, speaking of Sabina, let me just tell ye, she is the most beautiful women for eyes to lay on. Oh, I wish I could see her again, but if only her health hadn't been failing her. Curse the sickness of the mind that takes an unwilling victim, if only---oh!" she interjected.

"That reminds me, through Sir Sebastian—well, aren't they 'kind of' separated?" She paused, searching through her memory. "Oh, blasphemy silly me and tongue, I shouldn't have said that!" She chastised herself, quickly correcting herself. "Yew should know about Sainted Sister Lydia. She visits as often as she can, and one of these days, I know yew'll see her eventually---although lately she's been quite absent. I do wonder why that is. But, anyo, as for the other relatives?"

He parted his lips, attempting to speak. "W—."

"Oh, trouble is on me." She snorted. "I've just chatted on. Let me continue with the tour. So come down this way." She dragged him towards a large spiraling staircase. "Up there, yew'l find the lady's quarters---which, speaking of that, I should probably tell yew." She looked directly at him, words pouring out as ubiquitous as water. "I've been with the Suthertons for nearly a couple of decades. So I remember the time the Young Miss was but a little darlin' itty bitty!" She pinched her fingers eyes turning soft. "Oh, what days those were. Back then, she was a little different. Lotta different. But, these days, its like I've been saying, the bedlam burden of Sutherton blood is truly----." Before she could finish, he cut her off.

"---Miss Pedigree." He smiled sweetly, glancing at the keys as she swung around carelessly. "I was informed that I would be getting a Master Key for all the rooms—."

"---A master key? Oh no, no." She shook her head, laughing. "Lord Sutherton says that to all the butlers, but it rarely gets done. For as long as this place has been standing, it's really been only people like Langston and I, who've been here for a while, that have the keys, cause Mista Sutherton is well...?" She lowered her booming voice. "Well, he's a little strict about certain rooms in the house."

"Is that so?" His smile remained.

"Yes, and oh! I should mention that yew should know the senior staff consist of me," she said, pointing gleefully to herself. "As well as Miria who's been goin on 5 years, and of course Langston, our coach driver—he's been ere for nearly forever. And, don't tell I said, but he's been thinking about throwing the old rag in and just retiring. He's such an old geezer that it is about that time. So, there is a little jib jatter for his replacement but, ye didn't hear it from me, yea?" She swatted his shoulder playfully, another onslaught of laughing boiling in his ears. 

And before he could even force a smile, her tongue was bouncing again.