29 Chapter 27

My mind spun around and my steps hurried as I walked through the hallways of the Denoir Estate.

Caera had vanished.

After few more attempts with God Step, I was at the far corner of the Estate, only one place left unsearched.

Thoughts of my latest conversation or rather, the Denoir's proposition played in my mind. And then Caera's face, displaying an emotion that I've never seen before.

The look of hurt and betrayal, directed at me.

I felt guilty. Despite having lived two lifetimes, I have never been good at this one thing. My time with Tessia, which had always remained complicated, finally saw a clear direction. But things went south when I was teleported to the enemy continent we were at war with. And then, she got taken away. Though this situation wasn't the same, I couldn't help but compare the two.

Compare Caera and Tessia.

Steeling my heart and nerves, unlike I've ever done before—even including the times I had fought with the Alacryan Scythes and Retianers, I walked towards the final door.

I felt scared, and nervous.

Scared that Caera might be hurt because of my actions. Nervous that, I have to finally face the demon that I've been trying to run away from.

Just as I approached the door, it swung open, revealing a familiar figure of an orange haired woman in servant's uniform.

"Nessa." The attendant's eyebrows arched up in surprise at my sudden presence. Her brown eyes were turned red, and gaze condescending, while her look didn't hide the obvious disappointment and sadness that she carried. "Is Caera inside?" I asked with slight hesitation.

"Y-Yes, Ascender Grey. Lady Caera is inside". She answered, her voice trembling. She kept her gaze lowered, unable to meet my eyes. After a few beats of hesitation, she finally spoke out. "Lady Caera—she—never had anyone to trust and share her part of life with, till now... You're the first person she has ever opened her heart to. P-Please treat her well".

"Nessa!" A heavy voice bellowed from the inside of the room, making the attendant flinch. "Please don't". The voice said softly, as Nessa turned towards the voice and bowed before walking away.

She gave me a meaningful look before she left, as if asking me to do the right thing. I nodded back, with much determination, before turning my focus to the voice that had come from the inside. There stood the figure that I've been long searching for.

Caera.

On first look, she was the same woman that I had spent my last few months with. Our relationship had grown unexpectedly, ever since we met at the convergence zone.

Though, it never seemed to surprise me due to the fact that she and I shared a lot of similarities. Her mature character for her age, reminded me of my past self. And the mutual respect we had for each other, it always kept our partnership relevant and true to its core. I never felt forced or rather burdened having her by my side.

In fact, she has helped me more than anyone has ever done in my two lives.

Life and death. Happiness and sadness. Pain and sufferings. Through everything, she has stuck with me. By my side, for better or worse.

From an enemy to a companion...to a partner.

We've been together through all of it, I finally understood that.

But...the way her scarlet eyes looked at me right now—it sent a sharp spike through my chest, making my heart bleed in pain.

"Hey. Can I come in?" I asked, holding my breath.

She didn't answer. Her face, unreadable—or rather, it expressed a mixture of plentiful emotions—too many even for my enhanced eyes to pick up properly. Without answering me, she walked forward and opened the doors to her bedroom, wide.

I took it as a sign of confirmation as I moved in. My eyes scanning the room, not settling on her figure. I caught her stealing glances at me, but not looking straight at me.

The air was heavy, with neither of us speaking as minutes trickled past.

"So this is your bedroom huh? Why does it look exactly as I imagined it to be?" I finally asked with a nervous chuckle, trying my best to start up a conversation despite the awkward atmosphere.

Caera finally cocked her head in my direction. Her eyes widening at my question. "Did you imagine about how my bedroom would look like?" She asked deadpan.

Caught off-guard at her unexpected question, I froze, unable to come up with an answer.

She looked back at me and stifled a laugh, much unlike her previous stern expression.

My face softened and my shoulders instinctively relaxed, seeing Caera laugh. To see her smile, even though I felt slightly embarrassed at the words spoken.

She stopped laughing and then looked at me, her face far away from her usual self. "Sit down, Grey." She said softly.

I moved to the queen sized bed and sat on its edge. Caera's eyes followed me, her face thoughtful as she kept her gaze on me.

"What is it? Is there something on my face?" I asked her in an effort to keep the conversation going, as the silence felt too awkward and painful.

She flinched slightly before shaking her head. Her gaze still thoughtful as she whispered. "N-No. I just realised...that you're the first man to ever enter my bedroom. And sit on my bed..." She blushed.

My face warmed up at her words, my heart skipped a beat.

I let out a cough, feeling anxious all of a sudden. "Oh." I said, sucking in a soft breath. "Hard to imagine that, Lady Caera. Someone as beautiful as you, and given your status, I would have thought you would have had at least a few boyfriends growing up."

She looked at me with interest, her face starting to bright up as a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"What? Am I wrong?" I asked, mirroring her smile.

She shook her head, while her eyes still fixed on mine. "No. It's just—I can't get used to you calling me beautiful...it feels unreal." She paused, her gaze shifting and turning distant. "As for boyfriends, many did try. Some for my appearance, while others for the status the Denoir's hold." She looked back at me, with a sudden sharpness in her gaze. "But...I was never interested in those boys. You should know, I'm not that easy to please". She smirked.

I stifled a laugh at her words. "Oh? Then what kind of men do you prefer, Lady Caera?" I teased.

Her scarlet eyes shook, and her gaze intensified, making me nervous for some reason. I felt a sudden weight land on my shoulders.

"W-What?" I stammered, locking gazes with her intently.

"There are no men, Grey". She shook her head. "There's only one... Only you." She finally said, her voice trembling while her face blushed.

My heart fluttered, as the words she just spoke rung deep inside my head. I would be lying if I said I wasn't expecting this moment to come. But, I wasn't ready for it, nonetheless. "I-I don't know what to say...to that, Caera. What do you even expect me to say..." I stuttered, lowering my gaze.

I felt guilty somehow. My words that I had spoken seemed half-hearted—the same way when it did when I answered Corbett's proposition.

"Don't". She replied, her voice barely a whisper. "Don't say anything now, Grey. I'm not that selfish to expect something impossible as this... I never imagined this to happen. To fall for someone. To fall for you." She said, her voice carrying a firm resolution—but I could feel the underlying sadness that they held. "But you're different. You've always been. In the short time we were together, I learned that". She added, while my insides started to churn at her every word. "It's my feeling, I'll just have to deal with it myself. No matter how hard it is". She finished, as I looked up at her with a complicated expression.

She then flashed a warm smile, hiding the sadness underneath. It made me feel scared—that I might lose her, that if I don't make the right decision now, I might never be able to see this smile ever again. I wanted to tap out and give in. But...I held it in.

With grit and determination, I stood up and walked towards Caera. She looked at me intently as she stood in place, unmovingly. Stopping in front of her, I tried to speak. "I-I'm sorry, Caera. It's just that—"

"No. Don't. I'll be okay". She cut me off, shaking her head.

Looking up at me, she spoke hesitantly. "Grey. C-Can I hug you? I've never felt this vulnerable despite my lonely past. And being with you seems to give me the strength I need..."

Wordlessly, I took her in an embrace, letting my actions speak. Letting her know that despite what had happened just now, she will always be important to me and that I will care for her.

Be it as a friend, or a boyfriend.

She trembled in my arms, her petite body—suddenly looking frail and weak. It made my heart ache. Pushing down the raging emotions that seemed to boil up, I gently stroked her hair, tightly gripping her in my arms.

"I'm sorry Grey. It was rude of me to leave abruptly earlier". Caera muttered weakly, her face buried in my chest.

"No. It—wasnt your fault".—I said, stroking her head gently.—"You couldn't have known what your adoptive parents were planning". It was the truth. Despite her obvious feelings for me, she never acted on it, due to her consideration to my feelings.

"Y-Yes. That—was unexpected". She said, more to herself than to me.

We hugged for a long while, till Caera's body stopped trembling. Once I knew she would be okay, I broke the embrace, letting her free.

I stared at her.

Looking at her closely for the first time since I entered her bedroom, I noticed how pale she actually looked. Her cheeks were puffed, her eyes stained red, oddly matching the colour of her pupils. A drop of tear rolled down her cheek, which she quickly wiped away. She looked weak and fragile, a contrast to her usual self.

But, she was still beautiful, nevertheless.

"Maybe, we should get some air outside". I said, breaking the lingering silence.

She nodded. Her face still nervous as we walked across to the balcony.

We were greeted with a view of pleasant greenery backdropped by a series of mountains laid next to each other looking like a series of sharp fangs. Snow started to fall down, painting the green trees and dirt mountain, a colour of white.

After all the chaos that had ensued, this short break of fresh air and silence...felt good. Even though Caera had practically proposed to me, poured her heart out, she never forced me.

I wasn't surprised by that. She had always been very mature. Something I liked and preferred. So I didn't feel the need to be alone. In fact, I wanted to be with Caera.

To make sure she will be alright.

"Are you okay now?" I asked, taking a peek at her.

"I am now". She replied with a faint smile before leaning against my shoulder. "Do you mind?"

"No. Not at all. You don't even need to ask..." I replied, as a comforting smile formed on my lips.

We stayed silent. Just watching the snow dance around, mesmerised by its beauty.

"I never realised how beautiful of a view this is. Until now". Caera said, breaking the silence.

I agreed. "It is beautiful. But how long are we going to stay here?"

She lifted her head off my shoulders and jabbed at my torso. "Why? Do you not like my room?!"

I winced in pain. "N-No. Not that. I mean.... What should we tell your adoptive parents?" I said, rubbing at my side.

She hummed nervously.

"You know... I do agree with my parents". She muttered, lowering her head.

"W-What!?" I panicked. Suddenly, my mind started to fill with the images of Caera kneeling on one knee, asking for my hand in marriage.

But, her voice shook me out of my thoughts right away. "No! No! Vritra no! Not that—part. I meant, they are right about your participation at the Victoriad. I'm confident in your strength, and you have my faith, but it's still dangerous..." She shouted, waving her hands placatingly.

"You think something will happen to me?" I asked quickly, hoping to forget the images that my mind had conjured up.

She turned, facing me. Her eyes now locked onto mine. "I do. And it's making me worry. I-I don't want to lose you Grey. Not now. Never."

I watched her silently, pondering at my next words. I felt happy hearing her express her worry for my well-being. But...it wouldn't change what I needed to do. So, I spoke firmly. "I'm sorry Caera. I have to."

"Yes. Because it has something to do with your past..." She muttered in dejection.

"Y-Yeah". I scratched my head, feeling a sense of discomfort at seeing her expression.

She looked thoughtful for a few minutes before speaking again. A new determination forming on her face. "Okay. Let's do it".

I narrowed my eyes at her words. "What do you mean—us?"

"It's exactly what it means. I'll be there with you, while you fight. I won't be able to forgive myself if..." She trailed off, unable to finish that sentence as she shook her head dismissively.

I took a deep breath. Nothing's going to happen, I wanted to say. But I knew that would be a lie.

Caera will get hurt, no matter what I do at the Victoriad.

But, I didn't want that to happen. So I tried.

"You know... it's better if I do this alone". I said, trying to dissuade her from attending the Victoriad with me.

She shook her head with a slight frown. "What do you mean? I don't understand".

Taking her hands in mine, I spoke softly. "Your parents were right in that...it is unfair for you to go through this. This victoriad—I don't know what will come of it".

She shook her head and tightly gripped my hand with hers. "No! I'm not letting you go alone. You can't push me away like this!"

I stayed calm, despite the rising tension inside me. "I—Im not pushing you away, Caera. It's for your own good. Your safety".

She stopped shaking her head and gave me a fierce glare. "Is this because of what—I said—earlier? Are you afraid that something will happen between us?"

"..." I stayed silent, unable to answer that. I felt like drowning in my own endless thoughts.

Caera's sharp voice pulled me back to surface. "You should simply forfeit or accept defeat, before anything bad happens—you know...teleport away, in case".

I shook my head, despite the nervousness I felt under her stern gaze. "No".

"Why not?!" She pleaded, tightening her hold, further.

Taking a deep breath, I finally said. "Because...I'm not fighting to win. I'm fighting to kill".

"W-What?! Why?" She shouted, her eyes widening and face darkening in horror. "Are you serious?! Why do you want to kill a Vritra? A scythe no less?"

Tears started to burst from her eyes.

I felt taken aback by her unexpected reaction. I pulled my hand away from hers and held her shoulders gently. "Caera.... Can you calm down?"

"No. I don't understand". She repeatedly shook her head and kept muttering the same thing.

To say that I was losing my patience would be an understatement. Not at Caera but at my own self. Living my life covered in countless web of lies, made me feel sick.

I was already at my breaking point.

"It's because—" I started. "Don't tell me it has to do with your secret!" Caera exclaimed, cutting me off.

"It is". I sighed, wondering how much I have hid from her, the parts of my life that she doesn't know.

How would she react? Will she keep her word and not turn against me?

"..."

Caera stayed silent, waiting for my words. I pondered at what I wanted to say next. I understood that this conversation will not go anywhere and that Caera won't accept whatever excuses I make, until I tell her the truth.

The real truth, about my identity.

I felt hesitant. Not because if she would turn against me, but because I was afraid if she would feel disgusted.

What if she thinks that I'm a monster? What if she hates me for what I did to her people? And what I'm about to do?

All these thoughts and questions clouded my mind, raging and clashing against each other.

But, all the conflicting thoughts cleared up at Caera's face. Seeing her sincere gaze, the tears she had spilled for me, for my well-being...it was potent enough to melt away the cold exterior that I had built up around me.

My mask broke into a million pieces crumbling away like the useless dust.

I locked gazes with Caera, my voice resolute. "Caera, did you really mean what you said before?"

"What are you talking about?" She frowned.

I took a deep breath. "About, how you wouldn't go against me? How you wouldn't hate me? How you would never leave me...no matter what my past holds in secret.".

Her face turned into one of surprise. "Y-Yes. I did. I still do. I promise, I won't hold it against you". She stammered.

I nodded at her sincerity, but I couldn't hide the nervousness I felt as my voice trembled ever so slightly. "My past—it's a lot complicated, more than you can ever imagine. But I promise, everything I've ever done, and everything I'm about to do...it has a valid reason. I hope you will keep your word. And not judge or hate me".

She nodded heavily and held my hand inside hers.

"Because to be honest...I don't want to lose you". I added after a slight pause, my voice dying down by the end.

"Grey. Seriously". She started firmly. Her hands slowly moved up my arms...to cup my cheeks. "I would never, ever leave you. No matter what you've done in your past. Or what had happened".

My face warmed up as her words struck my heart. "Thanks, for being understanding and...not forcing me earlier. It means a lot to me, truly".

Unbeknown to myself, I felt my face getting wet. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I realised.

I was crying.

Caera's hands moved to wipe my face. Her touch was soft and gentle, it carried a familiarity that I had only felt with one person in this world. My mother. "You know...I've always wanted to see you—your face, express emotions—to take off that stone mask you've been wearing. But...never had I ever regretted that, as much as I do now". She spoke in a voice tinged with melancholy.

"Why?" My heart fluttered, suddenly curious to know her answer.

She gave a sad smile, her already swollen eyes starting to tear up. "Because, it pains me to see you cry, to see you shedding tears. I'd never want to see you cry".

I chuckled at the irony. "Then what about you?"

"I'm sure you'll keep me happy. I believe in you". She said confidently, wiping away her own tears.

My face blushed. "W-Well...I'm already failing at that. Am I not?" I smiled bitterly.

She started to grin. "This doesn't count. We'll start counting when we finally start dat—"

A firm knock at the door halted our conversation as we both turned our gazes to see a figure walk towards us.

Lenora, approached us before halting her footsteps abruptly. She flickered her gaze between Caera and me, as a wide smile appeared on her surprised face.

It took a moment to realise what kind of position Caera and I were in. Her hands holding my face and mine up on her shoulders. Standing barely a feet away.

"Thank the Sovereigns!" Lenora exclaimed, startling both of us as we took a step back from each other's embrace. Lenora's smile never faltered as she continued. "I was worried for nothing. Seems like you two talked with each other and made up your minds. Perfect! Let me go information the highlord. Ahh! You're family now! Father-in-law...I'll go inform your father-in-law." She winked at me followed by a satisfied smile. "And you dear, I'm happy for you. And congrats you two!" She said to Caera, as she practically flew out of the room, vanishing.

"W-We should stop her". I stuttered, making Caera snap back to reality from whatever she was thinking about.

"Y-Yes we should". She agreed.

After going back to the main hall of the Denoir's Estate, Caera and I, both, explained the matter in detail such as to leave no room for any misunderstanding.

We decided that we needed time to figure things out.

It was to keep Caera's adoptive parents from pestering her with new line of suitors. And give her the freedom to stay with me at the same time.

Lenora gave us—or, rather Caera—a final warning, about keeping our hands off each other, even if we were together...so as to keep the potential rumours away in the foreseeable future.

We bid farewell to the Denoir couple, Lauden and finally Nessa before walking out of the main door.

It was already evening, the snow started to intensify.

Caera grabbed my hand as we walked along the pathway leading to the main gates.

"Hey what if they see us?" I asked in a panic at Lenora's warning.

Caera laughed loudly. "Oh come now. They think we're a couple. Besides don't we always hold hands?"

"Y-Yes. We certainly do". I replied scratching the back of my neck.

She chuckled. "Grey, can you teleport us to the Carriage Stop. I can't wait to hear your past. I don't think it's appropriate to talk about it here. Not under this snowy weather".

I winced in sudden realisation. "Ah yes. Ofcourse. My past. I did say that I'll tell you..."

"Mhmm. No backing away this time". She pinched my side before grabbing my hand tighter.

Activating my spatium god rune, I looked at Caera. "Okay, hold on".

"Y-Yeah". She walked closer, wrapping her arms around my neck. Her face stopped barely a few inches away from mine.

She looked up at me as our gazes locked.

Time seemed to slow down as we stared at each other for what seemed to be minutes.

I could feel the heat radiating from her skin, her body...slowly seeping into mine. Blood rushed to my parts, making my breathing shallow.

My heart started thrumming against my rib cage, loud enough to make my body tremble and knees go weak.

Snap out of it Arthur! I said to myself.

I'm glad Regis isn't here. Or else he'd have made this even more awkward. I thought, breaking out of my brief reverie.

Clearing my throat, I godstepped us to the Carriage Stop, before boarding into one.

We sat opposite to each other.

Soon, the carriage moved, as our attention turned to the scenery outside the window. Minutes passed in silence before I noticed Caera slightly shivering as the cold winds brushed against her figure through the opening.

"Maybe you should sit next to me". I said as Caera nodded. Without hesitation, she moved next to me.

We started conversing, mostly about our ascents and the students from our class. I told her that I will finally tell her about my past once we reached our suite at the academy. Lack of soundproof barrier and the driver's presence, didn't sit well with me. Caera agreed to my words as she happily nodded with satisfaction or rather anticipation, I didn't know.

Before I knew it, she had fallen asleep against my shoulders.

I let out a sigh in exasperation at the day's events. Staring vacantly at the scenery, I contemplated at my own actions and started planning on what laid in front of me.

Unknowingly, my hand caressed Caera's hair as her face dug deeper against my shoulder, moving to my chest. The intoxicating smell of her shampoo wafted off to my nostrils. The smell bringing back all the pleasant memories I had created with Caera.

The time in the Relictombs when she had fought tirelessly to save my life. To keep me safe. Then, her promise to me...to stay by my side forever.

I realised that, at every important moment ever since I came to Alacrya, she was there.

Always in the front.

Right by my side.

I was happy that I was about to tell her my past.

But I was also afraid that things will change. That Caera might change the way she looked—thought—of me.

Why am I afraid? Do I not want it to change? If not, then should I have been okay with what her parents proposed?

"You okay? Your heart is beating fast". Caera's low voice pulled me back to reality. I realised that she had woken up and her hand was placed against my chest.

My face turned red at that.

I looked down at her. As she did up.

Then, she smiled.

I tucked back the curtain of her navy hair behind her ears, taking in her flashing smile.

"What were you thinking, to make your heart beat rise up this much?" She asked, as her face turned red at my latest action.

I shook my head silently...still looking into her ruby eyes.

"You know" I started, my voice soft and low. "I don't think I like seeing you cry either. I like this...seeing you laugh and smile. It suits you better". I finished, focusing on her smile, her lips.

"Y-Yeah?" She asked, her gaze lowering from my eyes...to my lips. I could feel her warm and refreshing breath hit my face...my lips.

It made me want to forget everything and just focus on this moment; to enjoy this moment.

To be with Caera.

Her face was moving closer by the second, I noticed. The heat from her breath strong enough to make my face warm up.

"Yeah..." I whispered back unintelligibly, as my mind filled up with sudden urges, clouding away my sanity...

Before I even knew it, my face instinctively pulled closer to her's.

It was an attraction unlike any I had ever felt.

Then...I felt her lips—so soft and tender—hit mine.

We were kissing, I realised.

Caera suddenly moved in close, our faces pushing against each other before I felt her arms wrapping around my neck. I grabbed her thighs in response, lifting her up against me. Sitting on my lap, she wrapped her legs around me. Her hands clutched my hair as mine moved up her waist to her shoulders.

She moaned, our tongues clashing with each other's.

My eyes were shut tight in the sudden pleasure as Caera's taste entered my mouth and mixed with mine.

Seconds passed in ecstasy as Caera let out moans that filled the entire Carriage uncaring to the Driver few feet away from us.

Then, everything shifted as I heard a familiar voice in my head, making my eyes shot open.

A-Art?

Images of the girl with turquoise eyes and gunmetal hair, poured into my mind's eye. Her smiling face looking at me with love, leaning in before we shared a kiss. My first kiss.

Tess.

Panic replaced pleasure, followed by guilt.

My body shivered uncontrollably as if a bucket of cold water had been poured all over my naked body.

I woke up from the momentary trance I had experienced, as the reality finally settled in like a thick, heavy fog. Tears welled up in my eyes, at the action I had performed just now.

The image of Tess overlapped on the figure sitting on me just an inch away.

Caera.

I shook my head, cursing at myself—at what I had done. I squeezed my eyes tight and blinked desperately to wash away the image that had settled in front of me.

The view slowly scattered away, revealing Caera again.

She was looking at me with wide eyes. Shock and disappointment, taking away the pleasure and happiness she expressed only a moment ago.

My guilt intensified, making me curse inwardly at what I had done, not just to one woman, but to two.

Two of the women I had come to love in this world, dearly.

L-Love?! Do I love Caera?

What about Tessia?! Do I love her?

No! Stop!

I screamed inside my mind, my fingers trembling, my heart beating rapidly as my face constricted in terror.

"I-I'm sorry Caera..." I choked out in desperation, hoping that she would somehow understand my unspoken situation, my disgraceful action.

Her eyes tearing up, face turning red in embarrassment were the last of the things I saw before vanishing away from her sight with God Step.

What have I done?