1 Ava Grey, Pack Defect

Another Friday night comes and goes with zero momentum in my life. As always, I spend the beginning of the weekend behind the counter at my hard-earned job at Beaniverse, surrounded by the smell of coffee and far too many people bringing in their Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee travel mugs.

It might seem boring to most people, but there's nothing more exciting to me than another shift bumping up the total of my paycheck. My bank account is no longer skin and bones. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a delectable roast pig, either—but there's something comforting about having a little bit of money put away, even if it isn't enough for first and last month's rent anywhere.

Begging Dad to let me pick up a job was probably the best decision I made as a fledgling adult, even if Dad only agreed so he didn't have to pay my tuition fees.

I'm wiping down the espresso machine when Lisa saunters over, her brown eyes bright with mischief. I have no major attachments to my job outside of my pay, but it is my favorite place to be because of her. As a brand new barista who barely knew the difference between a cappuccino and a latte, Lisa's easygoing demeanor and outrageous flirtation with most of our male clientele brought color to my otherwise dreary life. Lisa is my best friend—okay, my only friend—and she makes me dream of something more than the Blackwood Pack and my uncertain future in it.

"Hey, Ave, how about we ditch this joint tonight and hit the town? I heard there's this new club that just opened up." She brings this up every week. I've never been able to accept, but it doesn't stop her.

I give her a half-hearted smile. "Sounds tempting, but I can't. My dad just texted me. Wants me home straight after my shift. Plus, we aren't twenty-one yet. You still have three months before your birthday."

Lisa pouts, twirling her long black ponytail. It's one of her little tells when she's disappointed, and it's adorable, which is probably why her parents let her get away with murder. I'd look like an idiot if I tried to do anything like that. "Come on, Ava! Live a little! Your dad doesn't need to know everything you do. Especially when it involves—" and she leans forward for a whisper way too loud to ever hold any secret, "—fake IDs."

I roll my eyes. "Even if you have one, I don't." A pang of resentment stabs through me for just a moment, but I squash it like an ant beneath my favorite black Converse. Lisa means well. She just doesn't understand the weight of my family's expectations. Even if I had a fake ID, there's no way I can say yes. Even if Dad hadn't texted me, the expectation is always that I should be home. There's always something that needs to be done, and nothing short of divine intervention would bring my parents to ask my older siblings to help out around the house. After all, they have wolves. They're functioning members of shifter society.

I sigh and turn away, not wanting to see her frustration, even knowing it isn't directed at me. "It's not worth the trouble, Lisa. You know how it is."

As I scrub at a stubborn coffee stain, my mind drifts to the suffocating grip my father has on my life. Always watching, always judging. His word is law in our pack, outside of only our Alpha's, and I'm just a pawn in his grand game of dominance. Just a weak, wolfless shifter daughter. So weak that I can't even see without my glasses, when no shifter has bad eyesight.

I wish I could break free from this cycle of obedience and control, maybe go to college far away from White Peak, away from the watchful eyes of the Blackwood Pack. But that's just wishful thinking. My duty lies here, tied to a destiny I never chose. One day, I'll be mated to some mediocre wolf without a fated mate and breed little shifter pups—if someone is even willing to take a defective as a mate.

I glance at Lisa, who's been pulled away to chat with a customer. She's the bright spot in my mundane existence, a ray of sunshine in this tiny cafe. Perhaps there will be a day where I muster the courage to defy my father's orders and embrace the unknown, jumping into an adventure without second-guessing.

For now, though? I'm just me. Ava Grey. Wolfless. Weak. The shame of the Grey family. The beta's worthless daughter.

Lisa knows how awful my life is at home with a family who only cares for me because I share the same bloodline, but she's human. She thinks it's just a matter of getting an apartment and standing on my own two feet—but a pack doesn't let go of their own so easily. Shifters aren't some sort of international secret, but I don't advertise my status. As far as anyone is concerned, I'm just a human girl who graduated from White Peak High School like two hundred other people in my graduating class—the only person in the Blackwood Pack who attended a human school.

Dad lets me attend college because it keeps me out of trouble and off pack lands, but I know that will change the day he makes plans for my future. I think a part of him hopes that I'll just mysteriously manifest a wolf, never mind that I should have found mine at twelve like every other shifter. For now, I just do my best to secure a little nest egg for myself. There's little for a wolfless defect to look forward to in pack life—as I've been told for nearly a decade. I'll be moon-blessed if I'm afforded a willing mate, and very few in the Blackwood Pack are modern-minded enough to let their mate work for money. Especially in a human city.

No one's really given me an answer on what I can do if there isn't a willing wolf in the pack, but I guess that's why I've been given this limited amount of freedom.

I let myself daydream, just for a moment. Soon it will be the end of the spring semester and I will have all summer to save money. I could have enough money to find a place of my own. I could live in White Peak as a human, walking away from the pack. I could look for a job that pays more. I wouldn't go home to a cold home where affection is only given to the kids who could further our family prestige.

Maybe it would hurt a little less if I hadn't shared that affection with them once. Maybe it would hurt a little less if it hadn't simply… disappeared. If Mom's blue eyes had gone from warm like a lake in summer to frigid winter skies. If Dad hadn't thrown me into the woods with no clothes, no food, and no shelter, telling me to survive. That the hardship would bring me what I wanted most, what I was missing.

My wolf.

Spoiler alert—it didn't work. He's still mad about it.

"Large white chocolate mocha, with extra caramel syrup and heavy cream instead of milk. No whip." Sierra hands me a cup with our shop's shorthand scrawled down it, winking at the man in front of her. "Don't want empty calories, right, Sam?"

I laugh, shaking off my depressing thoughts, forcing them back down into a little box deep inside. "No whip," I repeat, forcing my voice into upbeat service mode. Work is never a time to mope. Not unless I want to get fired and add to my list of reasons why my life sucks.

* * *

After ten on a Friday night, the Beaniverse parking lot is nearly empty. Lisa's five-year-old Civic is her baby and always shines like a beautiful white beacon of reliable transportation. Then there's my Taurus—red when the paint isn't peeling off, with a black hood and white driver's side door. It has a few dents and my passenger window won't roll down if my life depends on it, but it's the baby I managed to convince my father to buy me when I first attended college. Of course, I had to pay him back—with interest—but, that little bit of freedom it affords me is everything.

It's mine now. Well, it's actually still in Dad's name, but it's mine.

But it's still a clunker, and Lisa always waits to make sure my car starts before she heads off. Sometimes we might swing by one of the local fast food places for a bit of a snack before I go home, but not on nights like tonight, where I have a text message demanding my presence.

A turn of the key has my engine groaning to life, and I pop my head out of my window to look at Lisa. She's leaning against her car, arms folded, the corner of her lip tugging down just a bit.

I try to smile, but I know it doesn't touch my eyes. I had cheered up for most of my shift and we had spent most of our time together laughing, but the bright part of my night is over.

"See you Monday, Ava. Don't let your dad keep you down for too long," she says, and I know she's biting back all kinds of other things she would prefer to say. Like, don't go home, tell them to go fuck themselves and let's just find a place together so you can be free. All things she's said before.

"Have a good weekend, Lise." I give her a little wave and watch as she finally gets into her cute little Civic before shifting into gear and pulling out of the parking lot.

The night air is warmer than usual for the beginning of spring, but the crisp scent of rain is carried on the breeze, letting me know a temperature drop is coming. As I drive, the scenery changes from the bright, artificially lit business strip to the quiet neighborhoods of White Peak, occasionally lit by a street lamp every block or so. Eventually, those buildings give way to an unlit rural road that leads into the Blackwood Pack territory. The road is familiar; I've driven it countless times in my life, but tonight, it feels different.

It's darker than usual, under the waxing crescent moon. The trees seem to close in on me, casting long shadows across the road. My grip tightens on the steering wheel as I navigate the twists and turns, feeling my anxiety wriggle about in my belly, like a fish dashing about in shark-infested waters.

The silence in my car is palpable, almost suffocating. My eyes dart to the rearview mirror every few seconds, half expecting to see glowing eyes or shadows lurking in the darkness behind me.

But I know there's nothing there. It's just experience, waiting for some of my pack mates to welcome me home from the city. They aren't always there, but it happens often enough that I'm always on edge once I leave the city limits. They don't really hide; their favorite thing is to show me a peek of themselves through the woods, letting me know what's coming. They thrive on the hunt.

I turn up the radio, hoping the sound will chase away the feeling of unease creeping up my spine. An old rock song blares—loud guitars and a pounding beat that fills the car with energy. I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, trying to drown out that infernal kernel of anxiety that never seems to leave.

But as I continue driving deeper into the Blackwood Pack territory, I can't shake the sense of being watched. It's like an itch under my skin, impossible to ignore.

I take a deep breath and remind myself that it's just paranoia. There's nothing out here that can hurt me.

Eventually, I make it to the city at the heart of our territory. It's an easy hour's drive, which is closer than one would think shifters would settle near a large city, but it comes with a lot of convenience for a modernized pack. Plus, it isn't like the supernatural community hides from humans. We don't all live among them, but the humans know we're here.

I pull into our driveway, feeling my anxiety rise into vomit at the back of my throat. Our quaint home has been here since before I was born, and it's filled with both the happiest moments of my childhood, and the darkest. Though, I guess that makes sense for anyone who's never left their childhood home. It isn't like I had anywhere else to have those memories.

The lights are on, but Jessa and Phoenix are nowhere to be seen, and the quiet of the house wraps around me like a familiar, suffocating blanket. I hear Dad's heavy footsteps before I see him, and I quickly straighten up from where I was placing my keys by the door, preparing for his next round of disappointment.

"Ava," he calls out from the living room. "Come here."

Right. May as well see what this is about, and what awful thing I managed to do this time. I'd thought about it during my shift, but I haven't had so much as a single run-in with my usual tormenters in the past week. I make my way to him, dreading whatever news he has for me.

Dad is seated in his favorite armchair, his expression stoic as always. Mom stands behind him, her disapproving stare leveled over my shoulder. I can't remember the last time we had eye contact outside of being dressed down.

I bow my head as I enter the room, focusing my gaze on his muddy boots. I don't bother greeting him with words. All he wants to see is my submission. Words are a waste of time coming from the lowest ranking member of our pack.

He clears his throat. "You will be attending the Lunar Gala this year. I trust you have enough money from your… job to be properly dressed for the occasion. Be grateful that our Alpha allowed you such a luxury."

My hands tingle with shock, and cold breezes straight through my limbs, shoving past all that anxiety to settle straight into my brain. What? My heart skips a beat, thuds a little harder, and then skips another. The Lunar Gala. I've missed out on it for the past two years. The gala is a big deal, encompassing the Northwestern Territories. Unmated wolves from all over will be there, hoping to find their fated mates. Technically, the gala is a way to unwind after the Northwestern Council meets and talks all their pack politics—but in reality, the Lunar Gala is more of a matchmaking ball. Alliances are made when high-ranking shifters mate into other packs, and new blood is brought in.

It's strange for the Blackwood Pack to attend; historically, they've avoided it. Alpha Blackwood and my father have made no secrets of their hopes that Phoenix and Jessa would find their fated mates within the pack. I don't think our alpha trusts the nearby packs very much.

Dad's irritation at having to attend is a palpable force in the room, and I risk a quick glance upward. He's looking over my head, not even straight at me, like I'm beneath his notice. His nose wrinkles as though some offensive odor came through, but of course there's nothing. Just me. "Phoenix and Jessa will be there, so make sure to present yourself without disgrace."

And just like that, he leaves. No more explanations. Just a beta throwing out his orders and expecting everything to fall into place.

I fight to keep my expression neutral, but inside, I'm buzzing with excitement at the idea of leaving this place even if it's only for a night. The Lunar Gala is a chance to escape, to breathe outside of this stifling pack dynamic. But I know better than to show my true feelings.

Mom steps forward then, her voice causing goosebumps to erupt all over my arms. The back of my neck prickles at the force of her disregard. "At least try not to act like a complete pariah, Ava," she says at last, as though it had been hard for her to figure out what to say at all. I stare down at my shoes, fighting against the urge to step closer to the jasmine and honey fragrance she wore. So much of me just wants to be enveloped in it like I had been in my childhood, back when I had a mother who embraced me and spoke lovingly in my ears.

"Of course," I respond, my voice smaller than a mouse. Her distance hurts so much more than Dad's. "I'll make sure everything is prepared."

Despite the usual torture of wishing for affection from the family who had loved me once, my heart races with anticipation. Excitement. Fear. The Lunar Gala—a rare chance for me to experience something beyond this suffocating world. Maybe I'll catch a glimpse of what life could be like outside the pack's iron grip. Maybe I'll mate with someone and leave here. Maybe everything will change.