Chapter 14
One more day, Andrew
omg
don't tell me that kind of stuff while I'm eating my cereal
I almost choked
You'll be choking on something else soon enough
Matthew it is NINE in the morning
You're right, I'm sorry. What cereal are you eating?
cocoa puffs, obviously
they are the superior cereal
They're quite sugary. Are you sure you're eating healthy?
u have nO right to talk to me about eating healthy
ur ass is probably 90% ramen noodle
Well, I have been told it is quite the pleasure to eat me out
I don't understand what ur end goal is here
make me pop a boner while eating my cocoa puffs?
stop trying to sully my favorite childhood cereal
Apologies, darling. I couldn't resist
Any plans for the day?
mm not really
dave and I were gonna go to the park
peter wanted to come too but I told him to suck a ding dong
yknow, I wore these short shorts the other day bc it was so hot, and peter gave me the MOST judgmental look
like smh I'm sorry are my silky thighs distracting u peter???
He sounds horrid. Have you considered murdering him?
I have, actually
but I promised seam I'd give him a chance so I have to hold on for another week or so
after that though… well, if he accidentally gets thrown off a cliff, it's hardly my fault, is it?
I love it when your blood-thirsty side comes out
ur rubbing off on me
Well, I'm rubbing something, that's for sure
STOP OMG
christ someone woke up with a stiffy
here's an idea: u take care of ur little problem, and I eat my cereal in peace
It's hardly little
~go away~
~come back after u've jerked off~
Tch, so rude
Alright, be back in a bit
have fun
Okay, I'm back
oh
that was… quick
Are you implying something?
no no, nothing at all
Shut up
I didn't say anything!
I heard your implications, and I don't like them. Did you finish your cereal?
mhmm
the cocoa puffs have been consumed
can't talk for too long tho love, we're off to the park soon
Love? Are you doing pet names for me now? How sweet
don't get used to it :p
Do Cocoa Puffs make you more docile? I'll have to keep that in mind
maybe I just had pity for u busting a nut at record speed
I take it back, Cocoa Puffs turn you into a gremlin. I'm never letting you have them again
as if u could keep me away from my puffs
I have like ten boxes stored away in hidden locations
not even dave knows where all of them are
Speaking of Dave, why are you two going to the park together?
do I need a reason to hang out with dave? smh
we've been going to the park together since I was a kid
picking flowers
watching the squirrels
Feeding the pigeons?
fuck the pigeons
Excuse me?
I said what I said and I meant what I said
I fucking hate those nasty buggers
What did the pigeons ever do to you?
a better question would be what DIDN'T the pigeons do to me
they steal my sandwiches
attack my shoes
the squirrels, on the other hand, are always lovely
I've never liked squirrels
excuse me?
I said what I said and I meant what I said
They used to bully me
Back at the orphanage
yea well u probably deserved it
#TeamPigeon
gross
I thought u didn't even know about hashtags
My internet research skills are impeccable
mhmm
if we ever lived in a woodland cottage together, we'd end up starting a war
At least I would have the snakes on my side
excuse me? I love snakes. the snakes would be on my side
I am *the* snake man, I don't know what you're talking about
I used to have a pet snake!
I used to play with the garden snakes
Back at the ***orphanage***
u always bring up the orphanage like u think that's gonna win u arguments
it won't, bc I am the ultimate snake lover
It's so cute how you think you're right
fuk u
if this is how our date goes, I'm gonna end up tripping u every five minutes
I'll wreck u Matthewmy u better prepare urself
;) I'll look forward to it
NOT like that
ugh I never wanna see u use an emoticon again
;)))))))
I hate u
I thought you couldn't talk for long? That you had to go to the park?
shut up, I'm already at the park
u were distracting so I was using the speech to text thingy while I walked
If you were using speech to text, why do you still have so many spelling errors?
those aren't errors those are having CHARACTER
… Are you saying you manually edit your texts to make them look worse?
not worse
*artistic*
btw, dave looks happy
What? Why on earth would Dave's happiness mean anything to me?
omg don't be mean
it's bc he says I look happy
talking to u
so he's happy too
I just thought I would mention it
Oh. Well, that's… nice to hear
he says that even if moony ends up eating ur heart, he'll make sure u have a very nice funeral
with pretty flowers. dave actually took a class for flower arrangement, yknow
I… appreciate the sentiment
Do you really think your godfather will eat my heart?
Does he know we're going on a date Mattheworrow?
don't worry, I mentioned it
And he was okay with it?
'okay' is a big word…
at first he wanted to come with me
but then I told him it wouldn't rlly be a date if my big furry werewolf godfather was tagging along
so he said ok
He said okay? Just like that?
well, ok as long as I recorded the whole thing and then gave the video to him for review
What?
and I have to send text updates to him every hour
or else he'll put out a hit on you
What??
but it'll be ok
probably
just think of it as a cute little vlog thing
Ah, yes, me getting brutally murdered, how cute
well, we can't all be winners
in all seriousness though, u can call it off if u want…
I know u probably didn't want all this baggage when u started flirting with me
I know I'm probably not
worth it
or whatever
Andrew?
yeah?
Shut up
excuse me?!
I asked you out knowing what I was getting into
I don't care about the risks, Andrew
I like you. And you're worth it
oh Matthew
what did I do to deserve u?
I ask myself the same thing every day
That is, I ask myself what I did to deserve you
Not what you did to deserve me
That would be kind of rude
And would kind of ruin the moment
I might have ruined the moment, actually
LOL
that's ok
I like u anyways <3
Really?
rlly
I'll see u tmrw, Matthew
wear something cute
Obviously. I'm always cute
obviously <3