Awakening

Was it you, my friend? You who looked at me from above as I lay at the foot of that tree without remembering how I ended up here, who I am and who I want to become.

- Are you on your way to the other side or are you simply lying under this mighty tree?

These words woke me from a dream that had felt eternal.

- How long are you going to look at the emptiness and not answer the question? A potential robber might ask and enjoy your horror as he holds the spear in your throat?

As he said this, he aimed an old-looking spear against my throat and looked at me with a sharp look. The spear seemed to be made entirely of some metal that had it's shine taken by time.

- Now that I got your gaze focused on something that could possibly kill you at any moment, could you look me in the face and give answers to the questions asked.

My gaze is on his face and I see a man whose eyes are bluish like a clear sky above us. And his face was like a young man who had seen many of the horrors of the world.

- For the last time. Who are you and why are you lying under this tree?

Before this man, who seems ready to kill me, loses his patience with me. I answer

- I do not know. It's as if I've always slept under this tree and only now do I open my eyes. I don't know who I am and why I slept here.

The man raises the head of the spear higher, as if he were going to stop the liar's lies. I decided to look into his sharp eyes with my own sharp eyes. We looked at each other for a moment that felt like an eternity to me.

- I've learned all sorts of things in my life, and I've never heard anyone come up with anything about that stupid and get away with it. I hope your dream was worth it.

He closes his eyes and opens them suddenly. I feel a sharp pain in my neck.

Was this it? To die under some lonely tree in the middle of a field on a clear day without remembering anything. This would not be a bad place to die, but my ignorance would not give my soul a place and I would end up in some underworld of the forgotten. I don't know why I feel this way, but I can't die yet. I can't die. I can't die. I can't die. I can't die . I MUST NOT DIE!

- I can't die yet!

The sharp pain was gone. I am still sitting under the same tree under the same bright blue sky.

- Am I still alive?

I say quietly to myself.

- Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that you're alive is questionable, but you're alive overall.

I hear the man talking to my left. I get scared a little and my gaze immediately turns to him.

- What just happened?

He sits quietly near me.

- Answer me!

He closes his eyes and responds.

- You just thought you were going to die and it looked like your consciousness left for a few minutes.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- You felt that your death was so close that a small sharp pain towards your neck made you think you were actually dying. But in reality, you were just imagining everything.

- Huh!

- It is an interesting phenomenon that living beings sometimes experience.

- Was that your aim?

- Half.

- You wanted me to die halfway.

- Correction. Half that YOU thought you were going to die. Had to make you think that way for sure.

- Why did you do that? I already answered your question. Wasn't that enough.

A little moment of silence.

- I wanted to make sure you were telling the truth. The look you made when you thought you were going to die was a look only made by those who don't feel they have done anything wrong.

- Is it even possible to recognize such a thing on the face of a dying person?

- When you have seen as much death as I have, you learn things like this.

He looked at his spear for a moment, looking a little sad, and then perked up.

- But now that I've confirmed this, I can trust you without worry. But before that.

- Before what?

- If we leave the fact that you don't remember much and what do you remember for a moment. Or what you will know.

- I will know?

- This gentleman who is in front of you and just made you almost soil your pants is called Aktor. Aktor Vån.

- Aktor? Huh. Sounds weird.

- Let's leave the critique you have for my name for a moment and let's ask a question. What do you want ro be called? When your local memory doesn't seem to be of any use, let's see if there is part of your memory that works.

- Name?

- So is there any flow inside the head?

What could have been my name? Why can't I just say it? Is my memory really gone? No! This cannot be the case!

- I do not know. Damn I just don't know!

- Huh. Well then you just have to come up with a new temporary name.

- New name?

- Yup.

- Just like that?

- Yep. Those who created you had to come up with something. Why can't we do the same? We have to call you something.

- Name.

- If we can't think of anything, then let it be anonymous.

- I don't want to be called that.

- Then let's come up with it. How about Nor

- Nor? Why that?

- It's short for the world we live in called Norbul. I think it's a pretty decent name.

- Nor is it. Yeah. I like it.

- Then it's settled.

This feeling of ignorance terrifies me. What if I forgot something important or someone is waiting for me. What if someone recognizes me and I've done something awful. These things terrify me.

- Weird feeling.

- Did you say something?

- I just muttered to myself. What now?

- We could start traveling to the town before it gets dark.

- Is that city on the horizon?

- It's the nearest town on the outskirts. Sure, we can ask someone from outside the walls to accommodate us, but it's up to luck. They're relatively nice here, but I wouldn't want to bother them.

- So inside the big walls there is a journey. I don't selfishly want to bother them after a hard day's work.

- Wait a couple of months and you will see the harvest with your own eyes. Let's go for a walk now?

- Let's go.

Along the way, Aktor told me about our world. He said we are in a kingdom called Ahtur and it is one of the five countries that surround a large forest called Ehen. He also mentioned the great soul tree inside the forest, which is guarded by a powerful creature.

After a short break, he began to tell about Ahtur and its inhabitants. Apparently Ahtur is a man-made country where the majority of the inhabitants are humans and a smaller proportion are other intelligent species such as dwarves, elves and the beast-folk. Apparently these other intelligent species are allowed to live in peace in this country, but in some countries being together is difficult because of what was done in the past.

As we walked, I noticed a few wolves around us, but for some reason they did not attack us. I mentioned this to the Aktor and he said the soldiers should take care of them their way, but he also mentioned that they do have their hands full to take care of other magical beings in the forest.

- Does someone have to clean this mess from the outside?

Aktor muttered quietly to himself. I cannot help but feel fear for those outside these walls. Maybe Aktor could help them with this problem. He looks like a person who can handle himself.

Arriving in front of the gate, the guard stops us.

- And who might you be?

Aktor pushed me on the back as if to say I have to take care of this for some reason.

- My name is Nor and this is my friend Aktor.

- And what is the business you have here?

- I don't...

- I found this person passed out near the road and I helped him up and realized he had lost his memory.

- He had lost his memory. Now that is quite a problem indeed.

The guard looks at Aktor sharply.

- And do you have any identification on you?

- I have indeed. Here.

As the guard looks at the papers, he has an annoyed look on his face.

- So you're the guy who has not yet paid my sister for his stay.

- You haven't?

- I haven't?

I look at Aktor with a serious face.

- Why are you asking that?

Confused, he replies.

- I thought the lodging was for free.

- Well it isn't and you need to pay.

Guard looks sturnly at Aktor while Aktor has a dumbfounded look in his face.

- I guess I will go pay for this night as well.

- You better.

Guard looks disappointingly at him while he scolds him.

Shortly after the scolding concluded, the guard told another guard to give me papers so I could legally enter the city. He also tells me I should go get checked at the travelers guild to see if somebody is looking for me. He also says he would go tell his superior later about this matter to see if there are any leads on their end.

We started walking past the gate and the guard yelled at us.

- Welcome to the city of Thorn!

After we walked to the tavern that Aktor was sleeping at, he got another round of scolding and had to pay almost double for the trouble until I told kindly that it was a simple misunderstanding and made him apologize.

- Apparently I have to apologize so I'm sorry.

That almost got the lady ready for round two, but then he gave what turned out to be triple the sum he owed on top of paying for the normal price for the next night for the both of us.

And as I lie in bed I wonder what the future is going to bring. Will I get closer to gaining my memory back? Will I meet someone who knows me? What will I do when I find out about my past? As these thoughts go through my head I fall asleep.