A Want To Live

Zilanius sat down as a heavy wave of dizziness hit him. They might not come over him as much as they used to but they still occasionally did. Just as his life force was still slowly slipping away.

He was still really thankful though that he had more time now. Especially since he had someone he so desperately wanted to be with. Even if she was way above his league.

It was still hard to believe she loved him. They had been married three months and it still seemed like a dream that he was married to this literal legend. He didn't ever ask her about the past she had lived through. He knew that it has to be a terrible memory.

After all she had seen everything she held dear fall apart. And her entire order except herself had died as well. There was no way he would cause her grief by opening up those dark memories. He wanted to be her respite, a good memory in her long life.

"Zil? You okay there? You look a bit pale." Rena tapped his shoulder as she entered the room.

"I was a bit dizzy is all." He smiled at her, feeling love swelling in his chest for this red headed girl. Even her scar was beautiful to him. He sometimes wondered how she had gotten it, but again did not wish to make her relieve whatever memory had led to that.

He saw her frown as she touched his forehead. She sighed and leaned down to kiss her hand that was covering it. "Your temperature is fine. Would you like something to drink or do you think you need sugar?"

Both of them knew neither of those reasons was what caused the dizziness but they had an unspoken agreement not to talk about it all the time. They both acknowledged that he did not have too long a life ahead but they both wanted to enjoy what time they had together. There was no point making a huge fuss over it. They had already done what could be done.

Still he would have liked to have even longer with her. He wanted to raise kids with her, hold his grandchildren on his knee. If he was lucky he could hold his own children but there was no way he would live long enough to see grandchildren. What a pity.

Ah. He was going down a depressing rabbit hole in his thoughts again. He really should stop doing that. Just enjoy his beloved Rena while he could. So he just took her hand and pressed it to his cheek, "Something to drink sounds good."

"Alright." She leaned down and brushed her lips against his. "I'll go get you something warm, okay sweetie?"

"Mmm." He smiled as she walked off and then sighed. He really did love this woman. She was so kind and caring and he really felt like he had finally had a bit of a lucky break in meeting her.

Even if the idea he would someday leave her all alone again was tough to swallow he was thankful for this chance to love and hold her. She was the first good thing he had ever gotten, at least since his parents had died.

He was thankful to Xi'Eli that he and Rena were together and that she loved him.

His wife came back a minute later carrying a mug in her hands that she handed to him. Hot cocoa. He had never even had the stuff before coming here, and was still not sure where she had gotten it. There were more important things he had spent the time finding out.

As Rena sat beside of him he leaned against her, cuddling as he sipped the drink. Her arm went around him and she stroked his hair. She was gazing at him with a sweet smile on her face and he truly felt loved.

"Rena." He closed his eyes as he enjoyed her fingers combing his hair, "I really am glad I came here, to you."

"Of course you are, dear." She kissed his cheek, "You get to be married to a beautiful woman."

"Inside and out," He agreed. "But even more so because before I came here, I had already pretty much given up on life. Sure, I would have chosen life if given the option, but I saw no hope. You gave me hope as well as something to live for."

"Zil. You shouldn't just live for me. You are a wonderful person. And-"

He interrupted her, "I think love is a pretty good reason to live. And its not my only reason. Just the one that makes me get out of bed every morning."

She tilted his head up to look at her, "Zil..." She stopped what she had been about to say and smiled helplessly as she leaned down to kiss him, "I love you. I really really love you."