Chapter Seven

I goggled at the copies of my face in this goddamn police station. I was baffled; why did I have that kind of expression? I questioned myself, why are my eyes teary there? I wanted to check on a mirror to see why my lips parted like that!

There was excessive blushing in the cheeks, and my hair was messy. It made me wonder how a composite drawing of me turned into something that looked like a dirty magazine cover!

Thankfully, the people there did not notice, but Jacob couldn't get himself to act serious. Of course, he understood the situation. He immediately parted my hair, styled it weirdly, and told me to look stern. Then, he said, "Whatever happens, don't pull a face like that."

"You're enjoying this moment, aren't you?"

I was feeling scared at the moment. I was hoping that the police don't recognize me. Then, the officers talked to the lawyers, and I don't know, but they kept taking second glances at me. I felt that I'm going to drop my heart at any moment.

Then a uniformed officer turned to me and asked, "Have we met before?"

"No. Never," I answered with F sharp note. I'm not that good at lying, but I still want to be safe.

After that, I gave the check to Jacob and left that place as soon as possible. I stayed in Jacob's car and locked myself there. I took some pills out of my handbag and swallowed them while panicking.

That Caesar is so resourceful! Did he get someone to come up with that kind of sketch? And then, after what happened, that alpha still dared to advertise him in that promiscuous manner!

He's crazy. I swear he's crazy.

An hour later, Jacob got in the car and gave me a copy of the sketch while laughing his heart out. "This is your O-face? You look like the cover of an adult magazine!!!"

"This is not funny, Walter!" I was angered at the post-coital expression drawn on the paper.

"Oh, it is funny! You delivered yourself there, and no one even identified you. They're so incompetent! No wonder they're so bad at catching criminals."

Jacob had a good laugh until his stomach felt like eating itself while I was dying from embarrassment. We've been working together for a year, and we had much bitter cooperation with the police. They hold back too much information and only spill them to us through backhanded transactions.

Ironically, an agency built to protect the people turned into a massive organization that's more concerned about protecting itself. They buried and tampered with cases that won't give them promotions. Often, they punish the poor while safeguarding the dirty activities of those in power. And the worst: They leave many tragic events as mere cold cases simply because they're incapable of solving them.

"Damn, they won't let my darling out, but I got his employees except for his doctors out. If I can't save them from this, they might get their license taken down." Jacob lamented over what he had achieved. "Maybe it was a bad idea that we wrote those articles. What if we led them to get discovered? What if it's our fault?"

Jacob is always like this. He's too soft and kind, and he puts a lot of pressure on himself to be a saint. He's crying, thinking he's failing his 'future husband' who was actually married to research. But I guess it was thanks to him I was enlightened that there are actually good alphas out there, even if they're a minority among the prideful bunch.

"Did they let you talk to him?" I asked.

"Nope. But my lawyers won't get out from here alive if they fail me." Jacob looked furious. He had this air around him that made me nauseated. But then again, I had a fever this morning, and it was a stressful day.

The next moment I opened my eyes, I was in the hospital bed again. An IV drip was attached to me, and there was even an ECG machine beside my bed. I feel that it was so extra for a simple fever. I immediately saw Jon holding my hand while he was asleep. He's now fourteen, but he did not grow an inch. His brother might have taken all the growth genes from him. Because Jon is here, his whole family is also in this big room that doesn't look like a hospital room.

Johannes immediately noticed that I woke up. He suddenly turned as if he was kind and gentle. It was very out of character. He asked, "Are you okay? Do you feel hurt anywhere? Do you need anything?"

His voice awoke his parents and Jon, who asked the same thing.

"I'm fine, really."

All of a sudden, Jon cried and hugged me. His words were muffled, and it didn't make sense. I couldn't move. I thought about what I must say at that moment. I was torn between making sense of what he said and what I must say for this crying to be over.

Then Mrs. Verde suddenly pats her child to let me breathe. "Jon, you're hugging Russien so tight. You're going to squeeze his baby if you do that."

"What?" Squeeze his baby? "What baby are you talking about?"

Johannes cried and left the room.

Jon kissed my hand and embraced it. He smiled at me and explained, "Brother Russ, the doctor said you're pregnant. Am I going to have a niece or a nephew? I'm so happy for you."

Is this why the monster kept touching my belly? Something is growing in my womb? No. It shouldn't be. I should use the pregnancy test Lorie bought for me. I have to confirm.

I was about to get up when Jon's parents put me down on the bed.

"Rest, take it easy. You should not stress yourself so much. It would be bad for the baby." Mr. Verde even sounded softer when he talked to me than how he talks to his sons.

What the fuck is going on? The more they say I should not stress about it, the more I feel like I'm going crazy.

Later, the doctors and nurses treated me like the most fragile prince in the hospital. The more they tend to me, the more it feels uncomfortable, and they wonder why I can't relax?

Just when I thought I was going crazy, Jacob arrived and brought me a lot of sweets. He kept talking about what to name my baby. He momentarily forgot about his detained darling and focused on planning the baby shower, the christening even if I don't believe in religion, the first birthday party, his college plans, and even what to do if the kid is an omega or alpha or beta. He drafted a life plan in my stead.

I don't know how to process what was going on in their heads, but the problem is they seem like they're processing my situation better than I do.

When I interviewed those who have taken the procedure to stop their pregnancy, they gave me a lot of reasons for doing so. Some perceived themselves as incapable of providing what's best for survival and the kid's future. Other people prioritized their well-being first: pregnancy and raising a child are expensive. They knew they couldn't afford that.

They might have given up on the promises and responsibilities of pregnancy. But still, all of them are aware that they are not ready yet. They knew the limits of their capabilities, but it does not mean they were heartless monsters.

They're not ready. And so am I. Who would be prepared when I never even thought of having a kid in this lifetime?

I can barely keep myself safe, and look where I am now! How could I trust myself to protect and nurture this little baby's life in my womb when I couldn't almost put my shit together?

The excitement and smiles of the people around me are just too heavy to bear. Their expectations pressure me to cling to this child when I can't even get a hold of myself.

I got caught up in this denouement, and I did not notice how many days had passed. Sometimes the monster would bother me whenever I woke up from my sleep. Sometimes, it just stares at me from the corner of the room. And there were instances when it didn't show up. But whenever its eyes lay on my stomach, I get so scared more than I used to.

I would convince myself that it was not real, and it was just a simple hallucination, that it could not really hurt me or my belly, but its' eyes would easily pierce through my core. It exists, and I'm powerless against it.

By the time I regained my strength, I had checked myself out and left them a letter saying that I needed a break. I knew Mrs. Verde and her family wouldn't allow me to go, so I left secretly. I took a bus and reached the country's northernmost region for two days due to a heavy snowstorm.

The whole orphanage looked older and creepy from the outside. The vegetation is covered in plain white snow, and the snowman, the kids, made looked terribly ugly. Why do they use buttons as eyes for these snowballs?

I looked at the playground. The frozen rusting see-saw looked the same as it was. I used to sit there and play opposite my friends. It gave me a nostalgic feeling.

I walked through the piles of snow and passed through the creepy bald willow tree, which made the atmosphere of the orphanage very gloomy and depressing. Its branches remind me of that creepy bastard.

Ugh. I shouldn't have come back to this place. Of all the places I could visit to find peace of mind, I went to this creepy orphanage? This is too dumb!

I would have left, but there was no way I could find a ride out of the village in this stormy weather. I entered through the old wooden door, and old Mrs. Prion welcomed me with a hug. I'm surprised she's still alive. She must be more than 90, right? Yet here she is, looking for more healthy and sturdy than me.

She kissed my cheek for so long and revealed her bright smile. Her teeth didn't survive, though.

"Let's have dinner. You must be hungry," that's what Mrs. Prion meant when she spoke, but she didn't sound like that. I wonder what food she's able to eat. Jokes aside, she took me to the dining hall, where the kids were currently having a lively dinner. She gave me a platter of meat and soup that smelled like the same soup she always prepared. It was hot and perfect for the gloomy cold weather.

She was all smiles and sat with me as she drank her soup. The kids around kept glancing at me, curious about who I was. I wanted to tell them, "Calm down. I'm not going to adopt any of you."

Of course, I kept my mouth shut and ate my portion. "How have you been, Rion?" She asked. It has been so long since I was called by my given name. It was actually Orion, but people here shortened it to Rion. It was nostalgic. "I'm fine, Mami." I smiled. She looked deeper at me, asking for a detailed version of 'fine.'

"I work as a journalist now at a major publication in Lacierta. It's only two hours away from the capital. I also have my own apartment now. And I earn more than the average wage." I slowly told her, and her smile got bigger and brighter with every sentence I spoke.

Later, while I kept talking, the kids also gathered around me to hear stories about how big and tall the buildings are in Lacierta. They asked about cars, about TV, about the talk of the town- new mobile phones that are smaller than telephones and people could carry around. Then, they asked about my job, and I explained to them that I write news in newspapers, then they proudly told me that they could write too.

I kept talking so much for an hour to entertain them. Even other volunteers in the orphanage did not let me go and asked about fashion and alphas during bedtime in the sleeping quarters. It makes me guilty that I came back empty-handed and just brought them stories about the city.

At night when the lights were all turned off, I couldn't sleep like the rest. My bladder urged me to go to the toilet, so I left the sleeping quarters and walked through the long corridor with a candlestick to light my way. I tiptoed and lightly walked straight and made sure not to turn my sight on the wall and the windows.

I was careful, but the wind outside was so strong that something hit the glass windows on my side.

I was shocked, and I reflexively turned on the back of the windows, which consequently made me face the wall. I stopped where the photographs of my former friends and me were posted.

I used to be the shortest kid, and I always got the edge of the line. Only my shoulder was taken in one photo, but I knew it was me before. Lea, Dane, and Beth were always by my side. We were all omega, and we ended up in this orphanage because as soon as our parents learned about our gender, it was easier for them to throw us away. There were other omegas too, but the four of us just clicked and naturally became best of friends.

My heart churned, remembering how I lost them. We all disappeared when Beth and I were thirteen, Lea was only eleven, and Dane was fourteen. Among the four of us, I was found in the forest of Gracienne City eight months after we disappeared. I was filled with scars and needle marks. The doctors could almost not help me at that time. The worst part was when the authorities asked me what happened, where I went, what I went through or what happened to my friends... I could not remember anything.

Even the times I spent before we disappeared, I couldn't remember most of the memories I had in this orphanage growing up. There are photos here that I don't remember ever happening. There are even people who I don't recall. And the fact that I'm still alive while unable to remember what happened makes me guilty. I can't remember, that's why I can't find them. I'm incapable of recovering my memory, that's why I lost my friends...

"Brother?" A little guy tugged the hem of my shirt. He looked at me sincerely, "Are you okay?"

I bend my posture and pat his head. "You should be sleeping now."

He placed his little hand over my cheeks and wiped my tears, to my surprise. "Brother, do you miss them? My friend got taken away last week, and they said he has parents now, but I'm still sad, and I miss him so much. Are you also sad because they left? Don't worry, Mami said they are now in a better place!"

I appreciate the kind and optimistic idea, kid. However, the world is too harsh, and there's no way they're in a better place. But sure, delude yourself. Ignorance makes you stay in a blissful world, isn't it?

I sent him back to his bed, tucked him in, and kissed him good night.

After peeing, I fell asleep... in the bathroom stall.

Everyone laughed at me when they found me there. The people around me must be thinking I was jerking off myself to sleep in there. Gosh!

I spent many days there and helped teach the kids to read and write. Mrs. Prion followed me and listened to everything I said like a curious little kid. I wasn't sure, but she was like a psychic. She suddenly told me while I was helping to change the diapers of the smallest kid, "When you give birth, you'd be a good mother."

Suddenly, an intrusive thought came over me, and I wanted to drop the little girl.

"Mami, you really still got your sense of humor."

The baby cried, and I rocked it to stop crying. "Shhh. Don't cry. Don't cry." I ordered, and it was not obedient at all. She smiled at me and then left. She said, "See, I told you." with that toothless smile.