Spring & Beauty

"Sir. I'm sorry to inform you that Miss Sato has developed a chronic pancreatitis disease after her reoccurring cases of acute pancreatitis disease."

The doctor cleared his throat, probably because of discomfort, and continued to explain with a pensive look.

"Chronic pancreatitis is an inflamatio—

But.

"————."

Ringing. All I hear is ringing in my ears.

Everything he's saying, going over me.

'How many times has he done this.' I mused.

I looked at him, seeing an average looking man. He looks relatively young for a job like his. Neat hair, a shaved face, an unblemished gleaming skin, his clear discomfort, he's well maintained, a tad short.

Taking notice of my gaze, he acted more uncomfortable abrupting what he was saying. I wonder how he's a doctor.

I turned my back away from him, to hide my obvious grimace and to get back in the room, not minding it even though what I am doing is very disrespectful towards the elderly.

Entering the door, a silhouette of my sister standing in front of the window formed from the sunlight shining through it. Staring at the cloudless, blue sky. Deep in her own thoughts.

This vivid scene brought serenity to the room, yet none of it affected me. It only made me more... in pain, like there was a nail stuck in my chest.

"Haru." I said, failing to keep the edge off my voice.

Snapping out of her reverie, she spun on her heel and brightly asked.

"So? What did the doctor say?"

'She knows.'

Her tone was like a hammer that struck that nail in my chest. I want to cry.

Shifting to my right, not wanting her to see me tearing up. I tried answering her with a steady voice despite the lump in my throat.

"You have chron— You have chronic pancreatitis."

But failed.

"Mmm. Oh well."

Somber. The shift of her tone is ever so noticeable. Yet, not a hint of sadness could be heard in those two words, but acceptance. I inadvertently met her gaze. My grief was plastered all over my face, clear for her to see.

"AH!"

Immediately she waved her hands in an attempt to deny a misunderstanding. Returning that bright tone.

"No no. Ah, it's not like I gave up or anything. Uh... remember the movie that premiered two months ago that we watched together? It's about that girl with the same illness and her diary. Hmhm, it's just like that you know?"

"I know." Memories of the movie flashed through my head. I chuckled, amused by what she said, lighting up the mood.

I walked towards where she stood and grasped her into a hug. My bigger frame completely covered her. Seconds later she leaned her forehead on my chest and returned the hug, all done naturally as if done multiple times before. I lay my chin on her head, the scent of shampoo still lingering on her hair.

"You know how that movie ended right? How can you still act like this."

"I mean, it's not that bad, is it? She was pretty happy despite her condition. And unlike her, I'm better looking, rich, and most importantly I have you."

Raising her head, she flashed a toothy grin at me.

"She does have a boyfriend, no?"

Her grin quickly turned into a scowl as she dropped her head and hit me on the chest.

"No, she doesn't. He isn't her boyfriend."

"They seemed and acted like one though."

"But they aren't."

"Is that so."

I can feel her anger from my quip simmering as she does a low hum.

'Maybe I shouldn't have said that.'

"Maybe I should write in a diary too."

I looked down at her shocked by what I heard.

"Isn't that a bit too cruel? You know how much I cried myself watching that scene."

"A little bit of payback from all the injustice you've done to me wouldn't hurt, don't you think so? I'll especially write those down for everyone to read. How much you mistreat your charming little sister."

"Cheeky brat."

My words ushered in silence as we both just stood still in each other's arms. None of us spoke. Neither of us moved. Feeling comfort in our warmth. Finding solace in our presence. For a moment. All there was.

Was peace.

"Taka, I'm scared."

Her shaky voice pierced my heart. She started shivering, proof of her subtle sobbing.

I was snapped back to reality. A reality I don't want to have but would have to face. A reality where the only person that makes it worthwhile would eventually... be gone. And there's nothing we could do about it. There's nothing I could do about it. But...

"It's alright. It's alright. You'll be alright. Like you said, you have me."

Patting her head, I whispered those words to her in a soothing manner hoping it would make her feel any better. Hoping it would make me feel better.

She laughed dejectedly, but I could tell that she has a soft smile.

"haha. I'm starting to regret saying that."

"Please don't."

Both giggling, I let go of our embrace and took a few steps back giving me a view of Harumi's visage. Trails of tears drew down her cheeks and snot covered her face.

"What a mess."

Ignoring her pouting scowl, I walked to a table on my left with a pack of tissue towels and a turquoise notebook on it, I took a few pieces of paper towels. Handing them to Haru to wipe her face.

"Thank you."

Nodding for acknowledgment, I waited until she was done cleaning and tidying her hair.

"Come, let's go and visit mom. After that, let's see if we could take you home."

"Mm. Okay."

She walked up to me and interlocked our arms. She looked up and nodded.

"Let's go."

Arm in arm, we walked out of the room. Like a passing thought, she spouted out.

"You think I can blackmail dad to allow us to have a trip across the country?"

Glancing to my left, suppressing my anticipation I said.

"You should try."

***

"Chronic pancreatitis can have serious and long-lasting effects. But it's not hopeless. She would need regular medication, an adjusted diet, and a healthy lifestyle. Once that is done, she could lead a normal life. She would have to endure bouts of abdominal pains, yes. But besides that, and some, there is nothing to worry about."

The two of us walked out of the doctor's office with completely blank expressions. Both of us wanting to forget what happened only minutes ago, to the point that I am questioning my very being.

"It seems like the movie affected us more than we thought."

Her right hand pointed at me so quickly that I thought I heard the air whip from the speed.

"It's your fault! Why did you have to look so grave and sad when you entered the room! And who turns their back to the doctor who's supposed to be explaining everything that we needed to know?!"

Standing utterly still as if my feet are rooted to the very floor I'm standing on. I endured all the guilt, regret, embarrassment, and Harumi's judging eyes.

"I'm sorry." That is all I could say. I can hear her harrumphing at every syllable I uttered.

"Why did the movie have to portray your illness so terribly?"

"THEY DIDN'T! YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT! IDIOT!"

'They did though.'

"I'm sorry..." I lost all my confidence to rebuke such an insult.

"Do you want to visit mom again?" In an attempt to change the topic. All I received was her glare, agreement, and a punch to my right arm.

*Ding*

A bell sound echoed in the unusually empty hall, to announce the arrival of the lift. Harumi stepped in first and I followed suit with my head hung low, like an obedient dog who got rebuked for pissing on the carpet.

The doors closed and like myself, silence followed suit.

'Where's the elevator tunes when you need it?'

The silence only served to amplify the agonizing awkwardness filling the small confines of this lift. Unable to bear with it.

"Still, it's a relief that you are fine. Really a relief. Though, I was looking forward to that trip across the country."

...

...

"..."

Completely ignored.

"Yeah. Me too."

The unexpected response caught me by surprise. I thought she would just ignore me. As if I never existed in the first place.

*Ding*

Announcing our arrival, I first went out and Harumi trailed half a step behind me. Familiar halls, familiar rooms. We traversed through the floor with great familiarity. Eventually, we passed by Harumi's room. And eventually, we reached our destination.

Both standing in front of an ICU room. A large glass stood between us and the room where an unconscious woman surrounded by multiple apparatuses lay.

A woman we both recognize but only I truly know and is slowly forgetting. As per usual, we greet;

"Hey, mom."