3 Titles, Cover and a Synopsis
At an undisclosed location, which may or may not be the closest internet/maid cafe, a man was currently laughing like an evil scientist, who was just explaining his doomsday device to the heroes.
At least, he tried to laugh just like they do. In novels, it is always written as 'Muhahaha' but in Real life, it did not sound very evil at all.
Not bothered by the strange looks the other, normal, humans gave him, he began to ponder. Was it Mu as in the cow mooing… So a 'moohaha'? Or was it more like the mu as in multiplication?
The haha had to be like a pirate─a 'harhar'. In the end, the only valid option was an enthusiastic 'Mooharhar'.
Many such groundbreaking thoughts later, our dear author finally remembered his objective of winning 10 grand. Motivated by his desire to become filthy rich, the next step to writing a successful novel started.
What did cultured reader enjoy the most? Was it a deep plotline, fascinating characters, or superb worldbuilding? No silly, they liked sexy anime girls and hunks on their novel covers.
It was simple math.
Less Clothing+ attractive poses= lots of views.
Lots of views+ system in the title = more views.
More views+ tragic backstory= tons of views
But that can't be all, right? All these hours of work and this was the authors get? No, it can not be right. The calculations had to be off. There had to be more to this.
Yet, the math did check out, all the equations were correct. All there was to it, were lots of views from view-bots and other creatures clicking on every novel they could find.
Of course, every writer desired their story to be seen and read. Though did you know, what they liked more than it? Yes, its money.
That is why we had to add the theory of attracting paying readers to create the true equation.
Take the Tons of views, subtract honour, dignity, any self-respect add a lot of "plot" and lots of shameless advertisement and divide it through 1/1000000 and you get your odds of getting the Moby Duck of all readers─ The paying whales.
(Tons of views- (Honour+dignity+ selfrespect)+ "plot"+shameless ads) : 1000000 = very few coins.
Now the math did check out.
Our dear author had no idea who Moby Duck even was. However, he knew the Moby ****, the adult entertainment device made out of silicone.
Moby Duck, on the other hand, must have been a yaoi doujinshi about a Captain and his lover. Quite the risky title, though some people called it classic literature for some unholy reason.
Did they not know that Yaoi was only for the crazies?
Just saying, just because some companies offer free shipping, that did not mean that it also applied to fictional characters as well. There were certainly other things to worry about in the literal apocalypse.
Alas, even the truest of Chads needed a full stomach.
The same was true for authors. That is why, before he went on to "borrow" a cover on the Internet he decided to buy himself some omurice. You know omurice, the thing anime protagonist always eat in maid cafes, yes that thing.
Our author had no idea what it truly was, but if you want to write a good character you had to think and act like one.
The crudely drawn hearts from underpaid maids really made it so much tastier.
One could really sense their longing for the sweet release of death; that way he could truly understand how love interests felt after meeting his MC.
3 meals of "research" later a conclusion had been drawn…he needed to eat more to find a conclusion. As such, in the name of science, another 3 servings were eaten. Yet, even this selfless sacrifice did not yield any results.
Several excuses later, our beloved writer felt a tinge of regret over consuming so much omurice. Mind you, there never had been any intention to pay them, to begin with.
This cheapskate was not afraid of being caught. He was already the most wanted Man on Earth─ the maid mafia was nothing.
Besides, before the 10 grand could be spent they needed to be earned.
The mere thought of 10k dollars caused him to drool over the pile of dishes, which used to be full of broken hearts and omurice. The actual reason he came to his secret hideout was to gather the resources needed to gain tons of views.
A good title, a provoking cover and buzzword-filled synopsis… it did not take more than that.
The neuron-activating elf in a tight bikini was quickly downloaded and the good title was quickly added in with a bright annoying font. Titled
"THE-ALPHA-OMEGA-SUPER-ULTRA-DELUXE-FINAL-BEST-EVER-ABSOLUTE-APEX-NEW-FANTASTIC-LOVELY-AWESOME-WONDERFUL-FEROCIOUS-TASTY-DEVILISH-Nano-MACRO-GODDISH-REDDISH-YELLOWISH-GREENISH SYSTEM FOR DUMMIES, It would surely be the best cover people had ever laid their eyes on.
Using words that most likely appeal to bullied nerds, the synopsis would have been written equally fast.
"Prince Edward Nigel of Isle Secularis, or Penis as his friends called him had everything. Until one day he lost everything. Saved by the AOSUDFBEAANFLAWFTDNMGRYG-System, he became strong again Join him as he rises up again, punishes all his bullies, gets a harem and finds every treasure."
It would have been nice if our dear numbskull, we call author, would have done that instead of eating so much goddamn omurice.
Yet here we are and nothing was happening, because a certain certified dumbass was busy regretting his life choices.
WOOOSH
Wait, what was that? Was this the sound of a godly being doing everything for the lazy writer, currently scratching his balls? Damn, what a strange development, who could have seen that coming?
Some weird coincidences seem to happen lately.
Instead of being thankful for the godly intervention, the author simply nodded in satisfaction. Happy to see all the work he had not done, he simply stood up and ran away from life's problems and its bills.
He dashed through the glass door as his father had done on his way to get milk. Plot twist, he would have come back but had taken the next truck to Isekaitown.
The next step to publishing the 10k story was visiting a certain, mysterious place…
Onwards to the local fast-food chain; It was time to study the MC's best friend, the fat one.
