12 His Past Self

Dan was making his way to Alan's dorm room after finishing up with classes for the day. He had asked around to other students in his class, but no one knew where he was. Some said they didn't even know him, and others were uncertain about when they last saw him. Dan tried calling him several times throughout the day, but there was no answer. It suddenly occurred to him that he didn't even know anything about Alan's family; either Alan had never mentioned them or Dan wasn't paying attention when he did. It made him uneasy although he couldn't think of any rational reason why it would. He doubted that Alan could be in danger, but the feeling refused to leave him alone.

He still had some time before his shift at work began, so he wanted to give Alan's dorm another shot. As he approached it, his phone started ringing. When he saw that it was his boss who was calling, he knew it had to be something related to extra work which was a common thing for her to do. As soon as he answered, he could hear the strain in her voice.

"Dan! When are you coming back? It's already been over a week." She sounded angry and aggravated, as if he was deliberately avoiding work.

He rolled his eyes at the accusation and answered, "I was in a serious accident and I've only been away for five days."

She seemed to pause for couple of seconds before replying, "Huh? Sure, five days then. But make sure you get here right away since Christine isn't here."

Bewilderment crossed Dan's face. "What does her absence have anything to do with me?"

The other end of the line was silent for a moment before she answered, "She sent you a text asking you to cover her shift today, didn't she?" She sounded genuinely confused by Dan's question.

His annoyance began to grow within him; she had accepted what Christine said without confirming it with him first.

"No, I haven't received any message from her. Even if..." She cut him off before he could finish telling his side of the story.

"You probably didn't check. In any case, I'm telling you now; be here in 15 minutes."

His anger reached its peak as she hung up before he could say another word. Images of previous similar incidents came flooding into his mind. He had always accepted whatever came his way as he was afraid of confrontation and didn't want to disappoint anyone. He couldn't understand how he had lived like this in the past.

"What do these people's opinions even matter to me?""

He thought of the money he had stolen from the drug cartel; it would be enough to last him a while until he made a plan on what to do next. He decided it was time to move on and dialled her number; she answered right away.

"What now? You'd better not say you want more days off."

"I don't, I am quitting." His reply was concise.

There were a few seconds of silence before she uttered a word.

"What?! Did you say you are quitting your job?" Her shock was evident in her surprised tone.

"Yeah" he said curtly.

"Are you out of your mind?!" her voice got louder, "Can't you have a mental breakdown at some other time? We are already down two people, and you said you accepted Christine..."

He cut her off this time.

"When did I say I accepted anything? I didn't even receive any text to begin with." As the words left his mouth, he noticed that the satisfaction he expected to feel wasn't really there.

"What?! What does that..." She stopped herself and took a deep breath, frustration evident in her tone as she said, "Look, if you don't come in today, I won't be paying for the days you worked this month."

Dan smirked; he knew she was bluffing. It wasn't worth her time to not pay his measly salary and invite problems. She likely assumed that if they talked in person, then she could coerce him into changing his mind.

He chuckled lightly and replied, "You can keep it."

She wasn't finished but he hung up and immediately blocked her number. He thought about how big of a deal this would be for his old self, but now he felt neither relief nor joy. It was almost as if the past version of himself was an entirely different person. He shook away the worrisome thoughts out of his head and continued on his way.

Half an hour later, he still hadn't found Alan. Unease took over Dan as he remembered what Alan had said about an apocalypse before. Dan had written it off as a joke back then, but now anything seemed possible.

Lost in thought, he reached home and stepped inside his small, untidy room. He quickly looked away, feeling a deep sense of disappointment with himself as he surveyed the mess. He kicked off his socks, changed into some comfortable clothes, and got to work cleaning. While organizing his books, he remembered how many he had taken from home. He had planned to read them all, but they were now gathering dust. He ran his fingers along the spines but felt like one book in particular was missing. He could only remember its cover but it held a special importance for him. After looking through each book, he realized it wasn't here; he must have left it behind.

After an hour of tidying and a shower, his stomach growled for dinner when the bell rang. Assuming it was for one of his roommates, he simply ignored it until he heard a knock from within his room. He opened the door in surprise to see someone he hadn't expected to see again.

"Melisa?!" He exclaimed loudly.

She smiled awkwardly as they stared at each other for a few moments.

"Hi, Dan," she said finally, breaking the tense silence. "Can I come inside?"

"Yeah, of course." He stepped aside and let her in, closing the door behind him.

Dan was still trying to understand the reason for her visit as Melisa looked around his room. She hadn't been keen on speaking to him the last time they had met, so it was strange that she came here on her own.

"You still like to keep everything extra organized, huh?" she said with a faint smile.

"Yeah...of course." Dan felt embarrassed for lying and thanked his past self.

She turned around with a serious look on her face. "I talked to your mom, she told me about how you tried to... hurt yourself," The words hung between them painfully before she continued. "I can't understand your pain but I can help you..."

Her voice trailed off as doubt clouded her mind; will she be able to help him? Should she even be here after what she had done all those years ago?

Dan sighed and moved closer to Melisa, looking into her eyes before speaking.

"Look," he said firmly. "Like I told Mom, Audrey and the doctor - It was just an accident. I'm perfectly fine." His words seemed to convince her, although there was still caution in the way she looked at him.

"Okay," she said hesitantly, feeling both relieved yet embarrassed. "Sorry for leaving without letting you know and not contacting you afterwards. Some things happened and..." She paused as she tried to gather her words, searching for an explanation that would make sense.

Dan could sense her discomfort so he shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't have to share if you are not comfortable."

His simple kindness brought a bright smile to Melisa's face as relief washed over her body.

"I always liked that about you," she said softly.

Dan couldn't help but chuckle before adding, "That I'm too timid to ask questions?"

Melisa shook her head quickly. "No! I would never think that about you. I just meant that you are always so understanding."

Dan was surprised by the intensity of her response.

"That's one way of looking at it, I guess," he replied and quickly added a smile of his own. "But yeah, I get it. I was just joking.".

"So, what brings you here?" he asked, trying to move past the awkward moment.

"Oh yeah! I completely forgot," Melisa said as she reached into her bag and retrieved a book.

Dan recognized it immediately – it was the same one he had been thinking about before she arrived.

"I borrowed this before I left and never returned it," Melisa explained while handing him the book.

Dan took it in his hands and tried to jog his memory in order to remember why he considered it important, however nothing came to mind. He knew he read it before but couldn't remember its contents. After a few moments of silence, he finally gave up and turned to where he kept the other books.

Suddenly some paper fell out of it, catching Melisa's eyes.

"You dropped something." She said picking it up. It read "To Melisa" on top. "Hmm? It has my name and...it looks to be your handwriting."

Dan noticed it and took it from her, unfolding it to read what was written inside.

"Oh no... this is so cringe" he immediately cried out and facepalmed.

It all came together now, why he deemed the book to be important but didn't remember what it was about.

"What happened?!" Melisa asked, her expression filled with worry.

Dan's eyes met hers, and for a moment he expected to feel embarrassed. But the feeling never came; in fact, the thought of telling her directly didn't bother him at all. He cleared his throat and said, "I really liked you. You know, like, I had a crush on you."

At first Melisa was perplexed, but her expression shifted quickly to irritation as she sighed and averted her gaze.

"Of course, you do, now that I look..." She stopped mid-sentence, seemingly having a sudden realization.

"But...you gave me this book years ago when I was still...different." she continued softly.

"Hmm? Yeah, this was before you left," Dan added, puzzling over why this had come up now.

Melisa looked back at him in silence, then asked. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you ask me out?"

"I wanted to but I couldn't. You know how I was back then," Dan explained as Melisa stayed quiet. "I wrote it down because it seemed easier for me, but only after giving you the book did I realize that you liked Brad. When a week passed by and you hadn't mentioned anything about it, I figured it was best if I just kept quiet."

Melisa was surprised by how much Dan knew about her feelings for Brad but she still remained confused.

"Still," she said slowly, "I don't remember telling you how I felt about him openly so why didn't you say something?"

"What would have been the point? It wouldn't have changed anything," Dan shrugged, "You saw me as a friend and I didn't want to make the situation awkward for you by revealing my feelings; especially with everything going on at the time."

A wave of emotions overwhelmed Melisa as she thought back to the memories they had shared. His family had always treated her and her brother like their own, so they had spent a lot of time at Dan's home when her parents' relationship deteriorated. Dan always held a special place in her heart, but not as anything more than a dear friend. He reminded her too much of her father; weak and incapable of fighting for himself.

She heard paper rustling and looked up just in time to watch Dan crumple the letter in his hands.

"What are you doing?" She asked hastily.

"I'd rather not keep a reminder of my embarrassing past." He replied, tossing it into an empty trashcan.

Melisa stared at the paper, wondering whether or not things would have been different if she had read it.

Would she have accepted his feelings? If so, would she still agree to help Celeste, in exchange for becoming more like her mother - beautiful, strong and resilient - something Melisa was not? She had made that exchange for what she wanted and was definitely lot happier now but...

"I guess it wasn't all bad," she thought to herself as she watched Dan organize the book with the other items.

Her curiosity grew and she wanted to know about his honest emotions, even feeling slightly nostalgic for the past.

"What are you doing?" She heard Dan inquire when she picked up the paper. She turned around to see him utterly confused.

"I..." she stumbled over her words, "It was meant for me, wasn't it? And you threw it away anyway." She tried to come up with some explanation.

He stared at her trying to understand her reasoning before shrugging and giving up.

Melisa quickly changed the topic and invited him to hang out with Brad and the others; he gave a simple, noncommittal "okay" before she said her goodbyes and walked out of the room.

As Dan watched her leave, he thought about their exchange wondering if he still loved her. Suddenly, the image of the girl standing amidst a field of violet flowers flooded his mind. He pushed it aside and decided to study for a while before he got started on dinner.

After a few minutes, his phone rang and he answered it.

"Hi, mom." He saw the name and greeted her expectantly, but heard only silence.

"Mom?" he strained his ears and could make out muffled cries of someone in distress, causing him to panic.

"Mom?! What happened?" he shouted.

A deep menacing voice answered back, "Looks like she can't speak right now"

"Who the fuck are you?! If anything happens to her, I will..."

"Beat me up like how you did my brother?" Dan's threat was interrupted, "he was such a good and handsome soul but now, YOU MADE HIM LOOK LIKE SOME MONSTER!" the guy screamed.

Rage seeped through Dan's veins as he recognized who was speaking to him. "If you touch her," his voice rose, "I will fucking KILL YOU!" But his words had no effect on the other man.

"Look asshole," the caller continued. "I heard that you are fast, so I want to see how quickly you can get here. You better hurry because we have already started on her".

The phone went dead, leaving Dan in shock. Without wasting any time, he immediately used extreme time dilation and sprinted out of the house. His mind filled with dark thoughts as he considered what might happen to his mother.

Did he screw up again? Should he have not messed with them or not left them alive? Would something else be taken away from him now?

His body screamed in agony as he pushed himself ever faster, relying on his recovery stat to keep a steady pace. He had to make it in time before his mother was made to pay the price for his mistakes; this was going to be his toughest battle yet if he wanted to protect what mattered most.