Surrender Your Heart

One would think that I would be so happy and full of joy because I found the love of my life. Well that's not completely true!!!!! Yes I have waited my whole life for this moment and I wish I could turn back the hands of time. My mind says I'm ready to commit myself to the man of my dreams, but my heart says other wise. Having your heart broken into a trillion pieces just don't serve me justice right now. My guards are built up and I am to scared to let him in completely. What if he hurts me? My fear is that I will drop my guard and let him in and he takes full advantage of my mended heart. When I wake up in the morning and I see him sleeping so peaceful tucked under me ; My heart is hurting because I want to tell him that I'm so scared I don't think I can love him, I don't think I can be his forever. My baby is truly a amazing and understanding man. Yet he deserves someone better a woman who can surrender her heart. I want to love him I just don't know how! Can't really say that my heart can be fixed I know time heals all wounds ; then when is my time? We both vowed to love each other he's holding to his end I'm the fraudulent one who's not , I'm ready to walk away. I know if I let him go I will never see him again so I lay in his arms pondering what should I do?