1 Disney-like World

(AN: Just a heads-up before we dive into this story, I just want to clarify that I'm not American while I'm also not familiar with British lingo and jargon at all. So, in this fic, Lara will have an Americanized speaking style. Let's just picture that she's been living in the USA for 17 years, which is the case here. Also, this is a massive horror and occult crossover fanfiction, but the story starts with a focus on the crossover between Gilmore Girls and Desperate Housewives, and the town is substantially bigger and larger than depicted in the show. Fairview and Eagle State will be in proximity to Connecticut here)

———

Hi, I'm Simon Croft and I was completely taken aback once again in recent days.

This week it was Gilmore Girls... Before and so far, in the ranks of the odd ones, it was Supernatural, Grimm, Wednesday, Elvira, Disney, yes fucking Disney, like Rapunzel – this world was so strange. There was uncommon stuff, but also plenty of common works of fiction and shows like Gossip Girl or Euphoria that didn't involve any supernatural abilities. Although anything like Dexter and other cop and gang series seemed to fit in as long as violent murder and scariness were on the menu.

I had a hunch that every city and its creatures and shadows tended to stick to their own territories, but each region of the world could very well have its own complex network of terror and fear. Due to its prominence as a major cultural hub and a popular setting in many works of fiction, I had developed a heightened sense of apprehension towards New York City, despite never having visited it before. 

I had been living around Oklahoma for the past 17 years.

Speaking of which, I had British ancestry, but I had never visited any city in Europe or the U.K.

This world felt like a massive Pandora's Box - there were names of cities and towns on the maps that didn't seem to exist on Earth. Locations such as Quahog, or even Langley Falls were on or suddenly popped up on the map. There were likely even places and realms that were inaccessible without some mysterious or supernatural ability. Or was it something like multiple planet Earths, each with its own solar system, invisibly and intangibly sitting on top of each other? 

Both options were not to be ruled out, and maybe even overlaps and stacking were likely. At this rate, maybe Atlantis was real?

I had this idea because I realized at a young age that Terminator had vanished from existence too. The story of Terminator began in a time when people still dressed like they were all about to attend rock concerts, but nowadays, we had sort of moved beyond that.

Browsing through newspapers and glancing at headlines, searching people's names, witnessing myths and legends and fairy tales fade away from the world, I originally believed I had made quite an accurate count in 17 years. But now that we were moving to a new town, a place that my mother had fallen in love with after one visit, my perception of this world was drastically changed once again. I was left utterly astonished.

What kind of crossover world was this?! There were even random romance shows in there?! Also, why did no one else in the world seem to notice that characters, stars, and celebrities associated with major films and franchises had inexplicably been modified?! Sometimes even the full cast was! I was in grief!

New characters, stars and celebs, seemed to instantaneously fill in for the Neuralyzer-like bunch in movies and shows, but nevertheless! 

Hell, it was pretty crazy how nobody ever sussed out that a bunch of those characters who came back into the real world – after going into smoke in cartoons and drawings – looked diametrically different from the rest of the populace. Their physical appearances and looks and colors were definitely a complete violation of the laws of physics! They were not meant to have blue or purple skin, or resemble animated characters in real life!

In addition to all the strange things happening in real life, it just wasn't as fun to revisit your favorite shows once you discovered the unsettling reality of how they had been altered! It was freaking terrifying and bizarre beyond belief! Even as a transmigrator, it felt alien to me.

Speaking of alien things, were aliens going to be the next big thing? Alien the movie? It was horror, right? Would they be on some sci-fi shit in a planet I had no idea about in this crossover?

But even if things had to make less and less sense, what was next?! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?! The Grinch?! Freaking Harry Potter?! South Park?! Rationally speaking, and being real about it, as long as anything was scary to me, it was technically horror; wouldn't it be similar to those people having their own different ideas of hell?!

I really disliked and cringed at how I was able to come up with all these ideas about how I could potentially torment myself... It wasn't surprising to consider that if the reason why these thoughts were actually manifesting in relation to me, I would naturally be the only one cognizant of the occurring changes. It was almost like a plausible theory!

"..."

"Simon, why the silence? Are you not looking forward to moving to Stars Hollow? Trust me, it's a pretty sweet spot."

"It's not that, I'm just feeling a bit sleepy, mom. I actually did some research on the town online, and it seems like a nice place."

It definitely seemed safer than many places nowadays.

"Did you? Nice. Oh, if you're feeling sleepy, It might be wise to catch some rest in the car while you have the opportunity. We have a busy day ahead of us once we arrive in Stars Hollow. You'll be able to use that time to work on training your muscles, since you haven't been keeping up with it lately."

"Sure, mom,"

I replied to the woman who was too beautiful for me to just regard as my mother.

After being single for a while, I found myself being tempted by my more indulgent urges. My determination was strong, but I couldn't help but be drawn to these impure thoughts, despite my best efforts.

Even when she was fully geared up, my mom's extremely thick breasts stood out from beneath the jacket. She had huge nipples! Too prominent to go unnoticed and not to create an indecent scene. My mom Lara appeared to be in her early 40s, but looked much younger and seemed to be in better health than me.

As I sat in the passenger seat of the car, I was deeply puzzled - not by the dramatic cleavage that I still was not accustomed to after 17 years of seeing it, but by this world that seemed to be a combination of different elements.

Out of nowhere, as I thought deeper, I was taken aback by a jolting noise in my head.

Before I could comprehend or get my mom's attention and make her anxious, I heard a bunch of computerized sounds in my head for a while, until an interface suddenly appeared with explanations.

As the excruciating pain pierced through my head, I couldn't help but be dismayed by the suddenness of it. It came and went in an instant, leaving me bewildered and incredulous.

But beyond that, I had a fucking cheat! I didn't just inherit, and wouldn't just have to rely on the smarts and talents of the legendary Lara Croft!

Powering, breezing past the simplified explanations, I looked on dumbfounded and elated! It hadn't just come with texts, there was also an unspoken, newfound and profound understanding within me about this world.

What I had obtained was a very simple gamer plugin – The name was weird but I was a gamer! A fucking gamer! I couldn't have wished for anything simpler, more powerful, or safer! Who in their right mind would dare to wish to be nerfed in a world like this?! Balance patches and crappy wishes?! Wasn't this asking to die early here?! As I was about to get my own cheat, those stories suddenly seemed foolish to me.

Fortunately, I had not been sent to a wish ceremony back then; I would have shat myself if the ROB told me to make wishes before telling me where I was going, or if he simply trolled and changed his mind… They should do that more often, speaking of which – I definitely would if I was omnipotent and bored.

[Simpson Plug-In]

[Name: Simon Croft]

[Status: Supernatural Talents Gamer]

[Supernatural Talents (Unlocked): Cooking, Survival, Seduction, Housekeeping, Reading, Engineering]

[Jobs and classes: 0]

[Trainer Types (Unlocked): Gordon Ramsay, Chuck Norris, Titania, Marge, Lisa, Tony Stark]

[Utilities: Inventory, Hentai Springfield, Coaching Classes, Sexy Workshops]

My cheat was little unique, especially the name, but it sounded useful. Thanks to my cheat, what I acquired were talents instead of skills. These talents didn't come with levels, but they would become more effective and powerful as I sharpened them through practice. Occasionally, they would even give me powerful jobs that would boost the talent further. For each new job, I'd get a new character from the Simpsons universe.

To pick up new talents, I needed to attend classes or workshops with the trainers. There was virtually no limit to how many talents or jobs could be picked up and discovered. On top of everything else, I had a basic and standard inventory with plenty of room to spare. I also carried a portable Hentai-like, hentai logic Springfield with me, which I could explore with anybody I wanted. I couldn't get the Simpsons characters out of their universe, though.

To access new trainers, I had to develop my friendship with people in Springfield.

'Seems like those are all talents I already had more or less, which is probably why I already had those unlocked first, I suppose? I've been looking after the house for mom for most of these years before she retired from treasure hunting and learned how to handle finances… She's always been quite well-off even without grandpa and grandma's money, but unfortunately, she's easily tricked into giving away her money because she doesn't place much value on it.'

I checked out the talents and quickly came to a reasonable conclusion that made sense to me.

Except for the Croft family, the plot and characters from Tomb Raider did not exist in this reality, therefore Richard and Amelia, Lara's parents, were still alive and well. They both lived in England.

That didn't stop Lara Croft from becoming Lara Croft, though. She went on to become an archaeologist, anthropologist, and treasure hunter, encountering all sorts of spooky and supernatural stuff during her globetrotting adventures. These days, she was even considering a career change to follow in the footsteps of John Winchester and hunt down demons and ghosts.

I had no clue about my father's identity, so sometimes, I couldn't help but wonder if John was my dad or not... If he was, maybe he had gone to buy milk or maybe my mom had never informed him about me being his son. I was curious about that a lot. But my mom never wanted to tell me. I never let her know my guesses. Even so, we had a close and amicable relationship with the Winchesters. John was imparting some knowledge to Mom.

The main storyline of Supernatural, where they embark on a search for John, wouldn't kick off until another 2 years have passed. Sam was 20 years old and a freshman at a college in California, so if my theories and estimates about my birth 17 years ago were accurate, things were weird anyway. Maybe it was better not to dig for now.

'Thinking about Sam, that guy who plays Rory's boyfriend, Dean, is the same actor in Gilmore Girls, right?'

I suddenly recalled something pretty important.

'Given how this world works, people probably won't even notice that the two look the same…' 

I shrugged and then I closed my eyes to go to sleep for a while.

I wasn't sure if my talent for survival extended to my combat skills that mom had taught me as well, but it most likely did – the trainer for it was fucking Chuck Norris… Why not mom herself, James Bond or Indiana Jones? It would have been fitting given what I had been taught before not too long ago.

I was too tired and lazy to read the descriptions of the talent right now, but regardless, even if there had been none, I would find out later if I received any jobs from it.

———

I had the strangest dream where my dad was Chuck Norris. I hope I wasn't turning into the Simpsons and all of a sudden able to sense or foresee the future… Well, in this case, it would be me predicting the somewhat unclear past, considering that I was born 17 years ago.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead! We've made it to Stars Hollow!" My mom spoke with a lot of energy and volume, but she only softly nudged me to wake me up from my short nap in the car.

"Thanks," I expressed gratitude to my mother for rousing me from slumber and proceeded to observe and survey the surroundings, the town, through the window using my gaze. 

It was neither extravagant nor dilapidated, reminiscent of the quaint and idiosyncratic aesthetic I recalled from watching the television series Gilmore Girls. 

Despite the gray and cloudy weather, it exuded a serene and cheerful ambiance. Stars Hollow had a unique charm, always brimming with positivity that could lift your spirits even on gloomy days.

There weren't any towering skyscrapers in the heart of the town we were passing through. Those were mostly found at the city's entrance. Here, the buildings exuded a welcoming and peaceful atmosphere, despite the bustling activity of people going about their day. All the buildings surrounded a very tiny grassy area in the center of town, which was encircled by the streets. From the show, I could remember that this spot was often used for hosting different public events. Sometimes even engagement parties.

Mom's car was a convertible with a unique design and flair, it emitted a satisfying sound as she drove it – which drew plenty of attention as we made our way to our new home. I noticed strangers looking at us, while I scanned them passing by as well. But in the midst of the bustling crowd, I couldn't find anyone I recognized, not even the talkative Miss Patty who taught dance and loved to gossip.

"So, what do you think? It seems like a pretty nice place for us to live, right?" Mom wanted to know what I thought after I had a chance to check out the place in person. 

Little did she know, I was actually more familiar with it than she was.

I nodded and felt a sense of satisfaction, especially when thinking about Rory, but I said, "Yeah, but I still don't get why we had to leave Oklahoma so abruptly though. You never bother to explain some of your actions to me. I highly doubt you did this just for a change of scenery... There's clearly something you're hiding."

My gaze voluntarily lingered on my mother's enormous breasts as I concluded my sentence.

Having the fresh suspicion that my father was Chuck Norris did not inhibit my sexual attraction to her at all.

Instead, I was concerned that he would return home without any sense of embarrassment, with the milk he had gone out to buy such a long time ago. If the stories and jokes about him had even a hint of truth, I had to work really hard to make sure he never had the chance to do that. Was there anything that Chuck Norris couldn't do, according to urban memes and legends? He was like Zlatan Ibrahimovic! 

"I've always wondered if you were old enough for me to share this with you... It's been such a long time that I'm not even sure if it's relevant anymore. I'm afraid that you might hold it against me. You're a perceptive kid, I'm sure you've sensed my apprehension," Mom said, appearing unsure. 

I was beginning to get concerned, as if the dream I had earlier was turning into some sort of foreshadowing.

"Is our move here because of Dad?" I asked as my heart raced and pounded faster and louder in my chest.

"Sure," My mother's smile had a tinge of bitterness, as if she knew that some inevitable moment had arrived and she could no longer delay the revelation.

She threw on her shades, making sure to keep her eyes focused solely on the road as I pressed her, "Come on, Mom, just tell me who my dad is this time."

Once she replied to my question, one that had always piqued my curiosity, it became evident to me that Chuck Norris was just messing around. He likely had, along with his other absurd abilities, the power to enter dreams and play pranks on people.

Mom finally mustered up the courage to share something with me that she had always kept to herself. She took a deep breath before opening up.

She said, "Your dad passed away, Simon. He didn't have any unique qualities or talents, except for being good-looking when he was alive. But he was handsome enough for me to be smitten with him the first time I laid eyes on him.

Unfortunately, he had gotten his ex-girlfriend, whom he had already broken up with, pregnant before they ended things... I ended up getting pregnant around the same time, too. You can just picture the rest of the story with my fiery temper... I never talked to him or his family again, well, not until recently when I came here and ran into his cousin once more,"

"Hey... So that's the story of how I came into this world, but I'm curious about his name and who his cousin is." I was taken aback by the revelations, as I never expected the inside story to be a tale as straightforward as a romantic drama with an unfortunate outcome for my mother.

So I was partially British, and I also had American heritage.

I didn't hold any grudges against mom for never allowing my dad to meet me. Honestly, it didn't bother me at all. In fact, I was thankful that she made that decision because it would have only added unnecessary complications. Being a reincarnator, I had no interest in having an ordinary dad.

"Your father was a man named Chandler Danes. His cousin, Luke Danes, lives nearby and owns a diner in the town center. We can go and visit him later," She informed me, providing the details.

As she drove, she appeared noticeably more relaxed, as if a burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

"Is that so…" It dawned on me all of a sudden that Luke was actually my uncle, and I had a thought, "Hold on a sec, so you've already been here, right?"

My mom acted as if she had developed a sudden infatuation with this place, even though she had most likely actually been here before.

She cracked a grin and said, "Yeah, some little lies are no big deal – don't you want to know the real reason why I chose this place for us to live?"

"I'm all ears," I said.

I almost forgot about this - how would my father's passing lead to my mom's sudden decision to come and live here?

"As it turns out, your dad's ex-girlfriend, who he ended up marrying, never knew about me... He never mentioned me when I ran away back then." My mom said.

She kept talking, going on and on with the rest of the explanation,"After he died, and she found out that her daughter had a brother - you - she got all curious and started sending me letters. 

At first, I was kind of skeptical and didn't really want to be friends with her. But, you know how life goes, one thing led to another and we actually ended up getting along pretty well. She's a really great woman, I don't know how your dad managed to snag her."

"Hmm, that's nice and touching... So I have a sister who's the same age as me, then? Do you happen to know her name?" I popped the question with curiosity. 

Life can be so strange sometimes. 

I never envisioned that my dad's story would be filled with such intriguing twists and turns, both before and after his passing.

"I do, but let's discuss all of that and her once we bring our things inside our new house," My mom abruptly concluded our conversation as her car pulled up in front of a grand house in an affluent neighborhood of Stars Hollow.

This part of town exuded wealth, much like the area where Lorelai's parents resided.

The house before us was immense, which made sense considering my mother's high-income socioeconomic background and money. She also had always been quite the successful individual herself, after all, she was Lara Croft. Nothing had changed about this. I was always busy with doing her laundry and the housework for her, but I also had the privilege of living a comfortable and prosperous life as my mom's son in Oklahoma.

This world wasn't Tomb Raider, but she had a similar backstory. She used to be a legendary treasure hunter, but now she was retired and worked as a wealthy antiques dealer. Of course, on the side, she was training to become an expert in hunting supernatural beings.

She had the endurance and athletic abilities for it, but she lacked the expertise to switch careers directly. It wasn't a simple task to remember everything that needed to be memorized, especially without any constant guidance. Despite their father's constant presence, the Winchester brothers had to acquire this knowledge over a span of twenty years.

'By the way, I should give Sam a ring soon and see how things are going for him in college. If he's already met his college girlfriend, she probably only has about two years left to live.'

As I pondered that thought, we hopped out of the car and started unloading our belongings. 

We didn't have much with us, so we intended to wait for the movers from Oklahoma to bring the rest of our things.

Scanning the premises, I quickly spotted the expansive pool in the vast backyard and garden of the villa. However, with the overcast weather, I had no desire to venture inside or dip my feet in.

Recalling the information my mother had shared about my sister, it was clear to me that Rory couldn't be her, as her father's name was Christopher Hayden, not Chandler Danes, and there was no familial connection to Luke.

Lorelai was also kind, but she had a lot of friends. To me, she didn't seem like the kind of person who would go out of her way to form a deep and personal bond with her late husband's wife and son. She had her own unique qualities that made her a relatable and imperfect individual.

Nowadays, regardless, she was likely too young to be anywhere near this mature. 

I dismissed these thoughts promptly, as it seemed highly unlikely that it could be Lorelai, considering her story was completely different and Christopher, a guy she loved despite his recurrent absenteeism, played a significant role in the show.

Thinking prettier and more romantic thoughts, I was hoping that Rory was young in this universe, so I could have the opportunity to witness not just the scenery but her orchid-like beauty changing, blooming throughout the seasons.