1 SAMWSH Chapter 1: What the Frick?

***WARNING! WARNING! Turn back now or else you may never return to the real world. You will be corrupted and unable to function without reading it. Beyond this point are hot waifus, hilarious situations, and most importantly…more plot!***

Feet shuffled busily left and right, their owners frantically preparing for the grand opening. A tall and lanky man with a mop for a hairdo tripped over a small box of hentai somebody dropped. ***Don't worry, no hentai were injured in this story. ;)***

The lanky man face planted into the red carpet that had been laid there the previous night before closing. Before he could push himself up onto his feet, another co-worker carrying far too many boxes trips over him and face plants herself. Her black pencil skirt flipped over revealing her cute pink cotton panties with little white rabbits all over them.

The man underneath her looked up to see what fell on him and got an eye full. *SmACK!*

Meanwhile, the line outside the anime store, Waifus 4 Us, was getting longer by the second. Excited anime fans and personal retrievers for true otakus gathered near the set of double doors. In front of them was a big poster with the newest anime game displayed on it.

[Weapon Arts Online Redux]

[Picture of a cool black haired protagonist now with slick black shades and sporting an over sized black and red sword. Next to him is a cute as button pink haired anime girl with large hearts for eyes. She is holding onto his arm and looking up at him with a dreamy gaze. Behind them is a scene of a fantasy castle that is mirrored down below to reflect a dark version of it.]

[Coming 8/3/23]

The sign on the right door of the store read that opening hours began at 8AM. The current time was 7:59AM.

"Oh yeah, I'm gonna be the first one to get it!" An excited wanna be proclaimed, posing in a half assed battle stance.

"No, I'm gonna be the first one!" A more nerdy fan exclaimed, pushing up his thick black glasses.

"Like hell you are!" The other shouted.

The two began to battle each other creating a lot of smoke for some reason. ***Don't ask me why, it just happens okay?***

But, we don't care about them, no, we care about the super cool, super awesome, totally not overrated fat man in the back of the entire line…

***Okay, I might have exaggerated myself a bit there.***

Yep, that's me, George Anderson, a fat man wearing a generic Weapon Arts Online t-shirt, and old blue jeans that I refused to let go because I talked to a hot girl in them. ***She was worth the sacrifice gentlemen, trust me.***

I shuffled along with the others, plunging my sweaty hands deeper into my pockets. I sighed as I realized my so called twenty minute trip would easily stretch to two hours.

I told myself the wait was gonna be worth it, and it was, if nothing else for the hot waifus. This particular remaster also included a ton of unreleased extra content including the fabled bikini armor for Princess Azuma.

The moment the door opened it was like someone had shot off a bullet at a race. Hundreds of anime dweebs and gamers flooded into the store and nearly tackled the employees. By the time I finally made it into the store all of the limited editions were gone, and all that was left was one copy of the standard edition.

My misfortunate situation became even worse as a cute girl grabbed the last copy before I could even touch it.

"Sorry." She said, giving me the best fake smile she could muster.

"That bitch! You've got to be kidding me." I thought to myself, shocked by her selfishness.

"Have a good day." She said while giggling to herself.

"And that's my luck." I admitted, speaking softly to myself.

The girl ran by me a second time clutching the game close to her chest as she had somehow bought it in record time.

"Did the money even hit the counter before she left?" I thought in utter disbelief.

I nodded in defeat and decided to head home, empty handed.

I got in my 2023 white Kia Altima and closed the driver's door. Clicking in my seat belt I stared back at the mall one last time and resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be playing the game tonight.

The whole way home I stared blankly at the road ahead. All life was drained from me, the world feeling grey and pointless.

I thought to myself that maybe I'd be better off in another life. Somewhere where I was appreciated. Somewhere where I wasn't the last to get my prized possession. Somewhere where I could meet a cute girl and get finally get laid.

In was in that moment when I was hit by a semi truck on the driver's side at 50mph. My whole world moved in super slow-mo, which now that I think about it was super cool. Old pencils, used candy wrappers, and a plush of Princess Azuma danced inside the car before crashing down with gravity's inevitable pull.

Everything faded until the last thing I saw was Princess Azumas white cloth panties as they brushed against my face.

***Cue the cool theme music***

I awoke staring up at an endless stream of puffy white clouds.

"Heaven?" I asked myself out loud.

"No human, you're not in heaven." A soft and sweet sounding voice answered me. "You're in my realm." She added, with a snarky undertone.

"Huh? Who?"

I sat up and looked around for the source of the sound. Sitting on a huge golden throne was a small petite girl dressed in a see through silver dress. I could almost see her small perky nipples poking through the thin flowing fabric. She looked down on me and displayed her regal and higher than though attitude.

"I am…"

"Loli!" I pointed at her with a look of awe and excitement.

She on the other hand must have interpreted my total respect and admiration for less than noble intentions. Her perfect façade slipped for a second showing me a look of absolute disgust.

I found it a bit arousing to be honest which I think made her even more disgusted. She then snapped out of it and resumed her goddess persona.

" I am Pastrami, goddess of…"

I let out a small chuckle as the thought of her as deli meat crossed my mind.

"A-hem! I…am Pastrami, goddess of lost souls. I have brought you here because of your untimely death." She explained, a small smirk peeked out when she mentioned my death.

"Soooooo, let me guess. You are the hot loli goddess that was sent to send me to my fantasy world so I can finally get me some poo-sayyyy." I proposed, very confident in my reading of the situation.

"Uh…" She squeaked, unable to formulate a word.

"Speechless. Nailed it!" ^_^

Pastrami gave me a blank stare for what felt like forever. I was about to go poke her to see if she was still alive when she came back to her senses.

"Yeeeeeeesssss." She agreed, letting the last bit hiss on its way out.

"Woo-hoo! Finally! I will no longer be a virgin!" I shouted with joy, raising my hands to the sky in victory.

Pastrami sat back in her throne and her eye twitched uncomfortably.

"Step forward human and receive your reward." She commanded, an air of resentment seeping through.

I stepped forward and kneeled before her. I took in the ravishing beauty of my loli goddess. Her silly smooth black hair perfectly encased her porcelain white face. Her cute button nose and soft pink cheeks sat above her alluring pink lips.

Now that I was closer I could clearly see her soft pink nipples poking through her thin silver dress. It took everything I had not to pinch those cute little nips.

"Thank you my perky loli goddess." I bowed before her taking in her petite frame.

Pastrami suddenly kicked me in the face and knocked me down to the floor.

"Oww! God that hurt!" I blurted out in pain.

"Stupid human. You dared to address me with such disrespect …" She began to unleash her hidden dark side. "And you, you, youuuuu…stared at my body with your sick perverted eyes!" She added, her face filled with disgust and anger.

"I didn't mean any disrespect your loliness. I mean highness." I said, letting my inner thoughts slip out.

"You…stupid..mortal!" She screamed.

She leapt down the three steps and stepped her super soft food all over my crotch. A mixture of pain and pleasure came together in waves as she continued her relentless assault.

"You will show me respect. To think I was gonna offer you the ultimate power. Now, I'll let you live in squalor. I will relish your untimely demise as the trolls tear your corpse into little tiny pieces! She seethed with rage, her eyes wide and her mouth quivering with anger.

She barrage my junk with one kick after another. The once perfect mixture of pleasure and pain now changed into pure agony.

"Stop! Please! It hurts!" I pleaded, tears running down my cheeks.

"Yes, yes, yes!!!! I love your pain! Ha, ha! How do you like this Georrrrrge?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"I don't….anymore." I admitted in defeat, trying to fight through the pain.

She roughly slid her foot off of my junk and I instinctively covered it with both of my hands. I rolled on the floor still feeling the waves of pain in my lower region.

"Pft! Serves you right degenerate! Now…I shall send you down to your new home. I will be watching you every second of your life. Should you somehow find happiness I will come for you." She explained with a maniacal joy etched in her once innocent face.

"And I will KILL you. Haaaa, ha, ha, ha!" She laughed with that typical mocking tone antagonist females have in anime.

She raised her small hand and a tunnel of bluish white light descended down and encased me. I lost all the weight in my body and began to float up into the air.

"Finally, I can get away from this devil." I thought to myself, feeling relieved I was going to at last be sent to my dream world.

In the last moment before I disappeared I felt a strange sense of pride enter my mind and I might have let slip an unkind comment.

"Finally! I be with the hunnies and taste of the heavenly mounds. And their breasts are bigger than yours sweetie." I said with a defiant smirk.

"What? You little!!!!"

I vanished from her sight leaving only a few blue sparkles as they descended down to the ground.

"I'll kill you if it's the last thing I do." Pastrami challenged, closing her fist until blood trickles down her arm.

***That'll be enough for tonight. Tomorrow will be our first 18+ episode, so we will finally get some sexy action with a set of seductive twin cat girl assassins. Good night!***