1 who am I?

who am I? am I that old? what is my name? what am I doing? what I suppose to do? what is happening around me? why I'm here? where I live? what is wrong with me? why these much questions? what I'm writing now? yes this is completely about me. I like to end my life do you know why? great even I'm not sure about that! let's find the answer together. how will be the life after death? whether I'll be in heaven or in hell? how do we know? let's just imagine along. my name is Vinay, I'm a 19 years old. I have a beautiful family! but I'm not happy along with them. do you know why? I'm not their own son. I'm just an orphan who got a life from a middle class family. these much days and years I taught as they are my real family and I'm glad about that. they said me the truth once I reached age of 18. yes once I majored they conveyed me the truth. yeah! the truth is I'm orphan. I'm not worried about that but I need to find my parents. I should ask them the questions. why they left me? am I that disgusting? am I worthless? am I really orphan? I'm jealous on you people who have their own family and life. I'm living in the fake identity still now. I'm eager to know my real name. I'm eager to live my own life. Even I'm afraid to loose my non biological parent's. which makes difference between them? they showed me their pure love still I'm unable to accept them as my own. what is wrong with me?. am I unreasonable? yes may be I'm untill you all feel the same like me. these much days my life was just alike a calm ocen and suddenly now it is going to have a strong cyclone which will eventually change my whole life.

everyone have their own wishes to live but I was living as per their wish just to make them happy. really do my happiness doesn't matter?. oh my god.... I wish this to be a dream the day my non biological parent's revealed the truth was a bad day in my life my heart was almost broken into pieces. it was crushed as a paper. it should be a dream really a bad dream. i don't want it to be real. I don't want it to be!

I guess if I sleep today there will be a way for sunrise in my life. I hope so there will be a peace in my life. this bad dream should end as soon as I wake up tomorrow. tommorow will be a normal day! my dog shadow will get into my comfy bed and wakes me up with its furry hair. the smoothness of its hair is something so good. I can't leave this family and my shadow like I'm orphan. I could not accept it. I'm unable bare the pain. it's hurting a lot. the invisible blood is bleeding from my heart. my heart skips each beat to rethink about it. I'm becoming more weak. am I that weak?