Chapter 9: Mystery Challenge

"FOR COMPLETING THIS TRIAL, YOU HAVE BEEN AWARDED ANOTHER MINI PRIZE."

Rising from the ground in front of Paula appeared a stone podium with another object on top.

"Oh sick a top hat," she said placing the hat on top of herself.

"I say, don't I look absolutely smashing today?"

"Looks good," Fiona nodded.

"Why thank you milady, I do feel quite prim and proper if I do say so myself."

"Okay, am I the only one concerned at all about Melanie?" I asked as I ran over to her still unconscious on the tennis court.

"And we've already pissed off one country with Fiona's backstory, you really want to piss off another?"

"That's implying only one group of people talk like this wanker," Paula responded, "And ol Melanie here will be alright. She probably barely felt that football hit her noggin."

"I don't know…" I said squatting down next to Melanie, "it looks like the soccer ball left a pretty big mark on her forehead and I think she's out cold."

I tried shaking her awake but to no avail.

"That's because wanker, you're not using the right technique," Paula said walking up to the both of us. She squatted down next to Melanie and whispered something into her ear. I couldn't really hear her but what she said must have been effective because Melanie immediately shot back up.

"WHAT! Unbelievable Paula, I can't believe you said that!" Melanie said dusting herself off. Without as much as a glance towards either of us, she started to walk back out of the room.

"I'm scared to ask but what did you say to her? That her favorite Yaoi pairing isn't canon or something?"

"No wanker, nothing of the sort. I'll tell you word for word in fact exactly what I said to Melanie ole dear."

She proceeded to place her mouth close to my ear to whisper something.

…

…

…

…

"You just lost the game."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Say Melanie, aren't you concerned your parents are worried sick about you right now?"

It was afternoon the day after our last cave challenge. We were sitting down on the beach looking out at the sea having finished fishing for the day. Lying next to Melanie was the harpoon gun, her backpack, and a large pile of fish. Fiona and Paula were out exploring other parts of the island currently so it was just the two of us.

"Yeah I mean probably, but what can you do?" She snapped, "sometimes you get swept away by the ocean to an island that's on another plane of existence in the Bermuda triangle, it happens."

"Yeah that's one way to look at it I suppose…"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**400 miles away**

"What should we do honey?" A sobbing middle aged woman cried inside of a beach house to her CEO husband, "it's been 20 days now and still no signs of Melanie!"

"We keep looking," Stewart Suwi said back also looking quite distraught, "10 helicopters, 20 cruise lines, and 15 submarines will find a sign of her eventually. I don't care if it takes weeks, months, or even years. We will find our daughter at any cost."

"I just don't understand! What caused Melanie to disappear?"

"It was probably that delinquent Paula! I should have known better than to hire a drug dealer as a body guard. She's probably having Melanie smuggle drugs for her now or something. Or that bartender boy we hired. He's mysteriously disappeared too. Probably took her hostage on one of the life boats!"

"Yeah you're probably right," Mrs. Suwi said wiping her eyes, "either way, Melanie couldn't have gone off on her own. She can't swim! She has no reason to go out into the open sea. We'll find out the truth! And then, we'll hold whoever took her responsible."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah I mean, really nothing I could have done to avoid this situation. I've done nothing wrong to be honest," Melanie said shrugging.

"Uh-huh…"

"Anyways, no real point to worrying right? We have food, we have pirate clothes, we have shelter, and it's really not too boring especially with the cave trials now. I have no complaints."

"Yeah… yeah that's true honestly. Yeah you're right Melanie. Why do we even have to go back? It's pretty awesome here isn't it?"

I'm not sure whether I had lost my sanity at that point, or that Melanie had rubbed off on me a bit, but suddenly I got up and did the same chuunibyou pose she had done on the first day when we arrived on the island.

"Besides! With a surviiiiivvvvaaaaallllll extrrrraaaaaoooooorrrrdiiiiinnnaaaiiireeeee by my side, we'll be fine no matter what situation we're in right?"

"…"

"…"

We stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.

"Okay… I'm sorry that was pretty lame," I said breaking my pose and sitting back down and looking back out at the sea. To my surprise however, Melanie just began to laugh heartily next to me.

"That was pretty good Xavier! I'm promoting you."

"Uhhhh thanks… what do you mean by promoting though?"

"As in, you are now officially promoted to be my survival extraordinaire assistant."

"Oh that's cool… I guess. What exactly does that mean?"

She got up and grabbed the harpoon gun and backpack leaving the pile of fish on the ground.

"It means you call me master and pick up the slimy fish back to camp."

"Okay, I have too much self-respect to…"

"Paula asked to borrow the harpoon gun earlier today. She said she was going to try and hunt some dipshits with it later!"

"I mean uhhh…" I said picking up the fish quickly, "whatever you say master."

She smirked a bit as we both began to walk back to camp.

"You'd make a good M you know that?"

"A what now?"

"Don't worry about it assistant. Don't worry about it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"PRESS THE BUTTON FOR THE NEXT TRIAL TO BEGIN."

The 4 of us on the island were back at the usual cave as Ned's voice echoed out.

"What, you're not going to give us a preview of what our trial is going to be this time?"

"IT'S A MYSTERY."

"Eh whatever, let's just get this over with," Melanie said pressing down on the button, "I want to finish reading the Pirate BL diary when I get back."

When the door in front of us opened, before us was the same narrow tunnel passage as two trials ago.

"We're going back to this?"

"LIKE I SAID IT'S A MYSTERY."

"Won't this just lead to the room with the large TV screen again?"

"I JUST TOLD YOU IT'S A MYSTERY NIMROD."

"Okay, I guess I won't judge yet," I said continuing to walk down the tunnel. Literally nothing at that point had changed from the set up of the first 2 trials. Holding my breath on judgment however, I entered the room with the other 3 at the end of the tunnel.

"Okay, this is the exact same set up as before, that's literally the same TV screen I'm pretty sure."

"YES, BUT THE TRIAL IS A MYSTERY."

As Ned said that, the screen in front of us suddenly turned on and flashed black words over a white background: "Solve the Crime Mystery Challenge."

Xavier: Huh, I guess you meant literally this was going to be a mystery trial.

Melanie: Ohhhhh like Sherlock

Paula: Or CSI

Fiona: Or Cardinal

Xavier: Yeah like any of those! Also, did the dialogue format just change without being stated?

Ned: IT'S CALLED RESPECTING YOUR AUDIENCE'S INTELLIGENCE. ALSO NO, WHAT THE FUCK STOP MAKING THESE COMPARISONS. MYSTERY IS JUST A GENERAL GENRE OF FICTION THAT IS NOT THE SAME AS ANY PARTICULAR SHOW. YOU'RE JUST NAME DROPPING FOR NO REASON.

Xavier: Okay, well what exactly is the challenge then?

Ned: YOU ARE GIVEN A CRIME SCENE AND YOU HAVE TO SOLVE WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME AND WHY.

Melanie: Oh yeah so like I said, just like…

Ned: SHUT UP TUMBLR GIRL. I'M JUST GOING TO START THE CHALLENGE BEFORE YOU CAN STATE YOUR CRACK SHIPS.

Melanie: What? No… I wasn't about to do that… Okay I was WatsonxSherlock otp fight me.

Ned: ANYWAYS, HERE IS THE CRIME YOU MUST SOLVE WITH DETAILS:

OFF THE COAST OF TAMPA BAY ON JULY 4TH, A YOUNG ADULT MAN HAS WASHED UP TO SHORE. HIS IDENTITY HAS BEEN CONFIRMED TO ROGER JONES, A FINANCIAL CONSULTANT. THIS IS WHAT HIS BODY LOOKS LIKE.

**A podium suddenly springs up in front of the 4 humans with a body on it**

Melanie: Eeeeeeeekkkk what the hell is that?

Xavier: **poke poke** I think it's just a mannequin actually.

Paula: What? Lame, we don't get to use actual bodies?

Ned: NO, WHY WOULD WE DO THAT? THAT'S MESSED UP. HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT A DEAD BODY EVEN LOOKS LIKE?

Paula: Yes

Ned: CONTINUING ON WITH THE SCENERIO, ROGER JONES'S BODY HAS BEEN WASHED UP ONTO THE SHORES OF TAMPA BAY. HE HAD BEEN REPORTED MISSING FOR ABOUT 1 WEEK AT THIS POINT. THE PRIME SUSPECTS IN THE CASE ARE AS FOLLOWS:

1. WILLIAM COOLY, ROGER JONES'S EXCOWORKER. JONES HAD RECENTLY BEEN PROMOTED TO SENOIR CONSULTANT AT THE FINANCIAL FIRM HE HAD BEEN WORKING AT. MEANWHILE, COOLY HAD BEEN FIRED FROM THAT EXACT FIRM ONLY 2 MONTHS PRIOR. THEY WERE DECENTLY CLOSE FRIENDS, BUT MANY SUSPECT COOLY HAD BEEN EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF JONES TAKING HIS PROMOTION AND SUBSEQUENTIALLY GETTING FIRED HIMSELF. MANY SAY HE KILLED JONES IN ORDER TO GET REHIRED BY THE COMPANY. HE DENIES THIS HOWEVER, CLAIMING THAT HE HAD BEEN CELEBRATING THE 4TH OF JULY WITH HIS FAMILY AND KIDS AT THE TIME.

Xavier: That seems like a pretty plausible motive. Are we allowed to ask any questions about the suspects to help our investigation? For example, what color Cooly's shoes were the day Jones' body washed on shore?

Ned: FOR THIS CHALLENGE SPECIFICALLY YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ASK 5 TOTAL QUESTIONS. THE ONLY THING YOU CANNOT ASK ARE QUESTIONS RELATED TO COOLY'S EXACT CAUSE OF DEATH. BY THE WAY, THAT QUESTION COUNTS AND THE ANSWER IS BLACK. YOU HAVE 4 MORE QUESTIONS.

Paula: Nice going dipshit, that didn't help us at all.

Xavier: What? How was I supposed to know when Ned didn't clarify.

Ned: HATERS GONNA HATE. I WILL NOW TELL YOU ABOUT THE SECOND SUSPECT.

2. STEVE GRABO, A WELL KNOWN DRUG DEALER IN THE AREA. HE WAS A CITIZEN OF A FOREIGN COUNTRY AND RICH ENOUGH TO LIVE ON A BOAT OFF THE COAST OF FLORIDA TO AVOID AMERICAN LAW ENFORCEMENT. CONSULTING IS A VERY STRESSFUL JOB SO MANY OF HIS CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY STATED THAT JONES SECRETLY WENT TO MEET GRABO ON HIS BOAT AT A BEACH IN ORDER TO GET HIS DRUG FIX. WHEN JONES'S BODY WASHED UP, GRABO WAS OUT AT SEA AND OUT OF SIGHT OF EVERYONE BUT JONES STATED HE WAS GOING TO SEE HIM THE DAY BEFORE HE WENT MISSING. IF GRABO IS SUSPECTED TO HAVE COMMITED THE MURDER, THAN TAMBA BAY LAW ENFORCEMENT WOULD SEND A SPECIAL ENFORCEMENT FLEET TO TRACK DOWN GRABO.

Paula: Interesting interesting. What kind of drugs specifically did Grabo sell to Jones?

Xavier: How's that supposed to help?

Paula: Shut up and let me carry.

Ned: MOSTLY COCAINE.

Paula: Very interesting very interesting. And who knew about this habit of Jones's?

Ned: ALMOST ALL OF HIS CLOSE ASSOCIATES, HOWEVER, NONE OF THEM HAD ACTUALLY SEEN GRABO AND HIM INTERACT.

Paula: That's very important, I'm pretty sure I know who it is but go ahead, who's the last suspect?

Ned: THE LAST SUSPECT IS NAMED AMBER REYES, JONES'S EX-GIRLFRIEND. THE TWO HAD JUST BROKEN UP ONLY ABOUT A MONTH PRIOR TO JONES'S BODY BEING FOUND. THEY HAD BEEN DATING FOR 2 YEARS AT THAT POINT AND SOME SUSPECT THAT AMBER WAS STILL POSSESSIVE OF JONES AND KILLED HIM IN A CRIME OF PASSION.

Melanie: Question.

Ned: GO AHEAD.

Melanie: Did Jones have any sexual relations with Cooly and or Grabo between the time of when he broke up with Amber and when he died?

Ned: NO, IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE KIND OF STORIES.

Melanie: Dammit worth a shot.

Ned: YOU HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION LEFT.

Xavier: Okay… I'm pretty sure we haven't gotten anywhere. Fiona you seem pretty logical, you have any ideas?

Fiona: **points at mannequin neck**

Xavier: Are those bite marks?

Ned: YES THOSE ARE BITE MARKS. OKAY NO MORE QUESTIONS.

Xavier: What? No no that wasn't a question I was asking that rhetorically to Fiona.

Ned: TOO BAD.

Paula: Don't worry dipshit, as usual I have already solved the mystery, I just need to confirm one thing.

Xavier: What how? Those are some extremely vague descriptions of the suspects. We don't even know when in the week between when he went missing, and when he washed up to sea that Jones died. How could you have possibly… Paula, why are you taking off the mannequin's pants?

Paula: I knew it!

**holds up plastic bag of white powder**

Paula: He was one of Cooly's smugglers.

Ned: THAT'S JUST SALT BY THE WAY USED AS A PROP. PLEASE DON'T TRY TO SNIFF THAT.

Paula: Here Melanie, put some of this onto the fish later, should make it tastier.

Melanie: Neat!

Xavier: Okay, you better be telling the truth about that being a prop Ned. Anyways though, I'm quite surprised you were able to deduce Jones was a smuggler Paula, but I don't think that solves anything. I guess this does point closer towards the direction of Grabo though doesn't it?

Paula: Wrong again dipshit! I've seen this exact scenario before in my trade. The real culprit that killed Roger Jones was in fact…

Xavier: In fact?

Paula: Pause for dramatic effect.

Xavier: What? It's not pausing if you're stating it out lou…

Paula: A shark!

Xavier: …

Melanie: …

Fiona: …

Ned: …

Xavier: Okay there's no way that's right. A shark? That's not even one of the suspects how could it possibly be a…

Ned: THAT IS CORRECT.

Xavier: WHAT! How in the world?

Paula: Told ya? I'm the fucking best.

Ned: ROGER JONES WAS IN FACT KILLED BY A SHARK OFF THE COAST OF TAMPA BAY. WOW I'M SHOCKED TO BE HONEST, I THOUGHT FOR SURE I GOT YOU GUYS THIS TIME.

Paula: It was a nice try Ned, if not for the fact that I have seen this exact scenario before.

Melanie: I believe it.

Xavier: Honestly I do too… but enlighten us anyway, Ned said you need to explain why he was killed right?

Ned: THAT IS CORRECT, WHY AND HOW WAS ROGER JONES KILLED BY THE SHARK?

Paula: Well you see, back when I was running the streets of Miami, there were a ton of unique ways to smuggle some snow across the borders. Little known fact, but one of the ways is through the insides of a shark. Now I've seen these sort of marks before on a man's neck. These are clearly the marks of a great white shark.

Melanie: My parents own some sharks!

Xavier: Do they now...

Paula: And I wrestled them before. Truth is, when sharks get imported into America, often times their bodies would be filled with cocaine. Well… that and keeping a bag or two down your pants was pretty common as well. Speaking from experience again.

Xavier: To no one's surprise.

Paula: That combined with the fact that no one had actually seen Jones interact with Grabo, but everyone knew about his meetings mean that most likely he wasn't just a client for Grabo… but one of his smuggler boys as well. Consulting's a stressful job, I'm pretty sure they had all requested some snow.

Xavier: Okay sure… but wouldn't that mean Grabo murdered Jones and not a shark?

Paula: No dipshit, I just explained this but look at the bite marks. I suspect what actually happened is that Jones was on a smuggling mission and was about to place some of his snow into a shark. However, Grabo messed up and the shark Jones was supposed to put the coke in was in fact still alive. Just as Jones approached the shark… it attacked him on the neck throwing him over the ship he was on. Am I right Ned?

Ned: ...

Xavier: It's right isn't it...

Ned: THAT IS 100% CORRECT, CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE PASSED TRIAL 4.

Paula: Motherfucking MVP.