Chapter 7: Ethical Dilemmas

"CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE PASSED THE FIRST TRIAL."

"Cool, where's my dragon?" Paula asked.

"YOU MUST PASS ALL 10 TRIALS TO RECEIVE A WISH."

"What? How come nobody told me?"

"That's literally what Ned said at the beginning," I responded annoyed, "don't you remember him also saying there'd be a trial every 2 days and infinite attempts?"

"Do I look like I'm good at listening?"

"FOR COMPLETING THE FIRST TRIAL, YOU GET A COMPLEMENTARY MINI PRIZE."

"Oh cool what's that?" Melanie asked.

"YOU GET THIS HARPOON GUN TO HELP YOU CATCH BIGGER FISH."

Suddenly in front of us, out popped from the ground a podium with a single harpoon gun on it.

"Neat! I can use this on Xavshit if we ever run out of food!"

"You better not!" I said running up and grabbing the gun before Paula had a chance to grab it herself.

"NOW PLEASE LEAVE BEFORE THIS CAVE COLLAPSES AS THE NEXT TRIAL GETS SET UP."

"What, like Indian…"

"THAT'S FOR SURE COPYRIGHTED SO I WILL INTERRUPT YOU AND HAVE A LARGE CHUNK OF THE CEILING COLLAPSE IN FRONT OF YOU TO SHOW YOU THE THREAT."

Just as Ned finished, exactly what he said happened as the room we were in began shaking violently and a large limestone block of the ceiling fell right in front of us. Hurriedly, we ran back out the tunnel and back to entrance part of the cave. When we arrived behind the first wall with the first screen on the podium, the wall leading to the tunnel suddenly closed inward.

"THANK YOU FOR PLAYING, COME BACK AGAIN IN 2 DAYS FOR TRIAL 2."

"Jeez what a crazy day, did you guys think when you got here that you would be… guys?"

However, as I looked around, I noticed Paula was not paying much attention to me as she had gotten out her Gameboy and begun playing Pokemon again. As well, lying on her back next to me, appeared an unconscious Melanie who seemed to have exhausted all of her stamina running across the tunnel.

"Well, at least you're with me on the craziness right Fiona? I'm sure this definitely isn't what you expected when you got here am I right?"

Fiona however, just looked at me with a cold expression.

"Wayne Gretzky."

"What?"

"The Great One."

"I'm sorry Fiona but I don't exactly know what you're talking…"

"Filthy casual."

And with that, Fiona simply walked out of the cave and began heading back to our tents. Following close behind her was Paula who did not seem to shift her eyes one bit from her gaming device. Sighing and being careful as to not scratch her with the harpoon gun, I put Melanie on my back and followed them as well.

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"How… how the hell did you catch that?" I said looking at two girls who were approaching me while I was sitting down next to our usual campfire spot. 16 marks were now present on the rock.

"What? Nobody cares about that?"

Speaking to my right was a red haired android who had decided to take a swig of maple syrup to discuss a topic that she deemed to be of utmost important.

"Just remember that in the NHL there are 6 players on each side. Well, unless someone gets a penalty and gets taken into the penalty box. Oh, and there are 7 Canadian hockey franchises. Honestly the greatest franchises in history. Yankees can suck it. Oh well, except I guess the Toronto Raptors in 2019 who also won the NBA championship. Imagine that! A Canadian team winning at basketball hahahahaha."

"I saw it swimming nearby and nailed it with the harpoon gun!" Melanie said as she and Paula sat back down to our campsite having gone on a fishing expedition in the morning. In her hand, almost half her size, Melanie was holding a swordfish with a visible harpoon mark in it.

"Whatcha think? Pretty good for a survival extraordinaire right?"

"Hey I'm talking to you right now about matters of great importance Xavier!" Fiona shouted at me annoyed.

"Woah what's up with her?" Paula asked, "total personality change for toots. I like it."

"What?"

Unfortunately for Paula, her timing was a little off as it appeared that Fiona's maple syrup effect had worn off and she changed back to her usual deadpan expression.

"Just now Fiona," Paula said, "you were totally just talking superfast about some stuff passionately. I like that in a girl you know."

"No."

"…"

"…"

"Nevermind…"

Whelp, nothing else too interesting really happened that day. Apparently Melanie had learned how to use a harpoon gun from watching fishing documentaries or something. Quite useful I must say, and made me wonder if we'd be getting one of these mini prizes after each completed cave trial. At this time, I had decided to stop thinking logically about everything, no point, just going to see how everything falls into place.

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"WELCOME BACK, PRESS THE BUTTON ON THE SCREEN WHEN YOU WANT TO START TRIAL 2."

The 4 of us were gathered back at the podium with the screen where Ned greeted just as before.

"Hey, shouldn't you carry Melanie once in a while too Paula? You're her bodyguard after all." I said shaking Melanie who I had been carrying on my back awake.

"Why would I do that when her simp knight can do it for me instead?"

"Wha… what? I'm just trying to be nice, that's not simping."

"How'd you get stuck here again?"

"What? I mean… I was trying to save her okay? I'm pretty sure that's just called not being a piece of shit morally."

"INTERESTING THAT YOU BROUGHT THAT UP BECAUSE THE NEXT TRIAL IS RELATED TO MORALS. PRESS THE BUTTON TO CONTINUE."

Fiona this time did just that and pressed down on the button. As she did, suddenly the wall in front of us split into 2 as the same tunnel from last time opened. As we walked inside, we noticed that, despite what felt like the entire cave collapsing 2 days ago, the environment of the tunnel appeared exactly the same.

"What? Isn't this just the same thing as last time? I thought this place collapsed."

"THE ENVIRONMENT MAY CHANGE SOMETIMES FOR YOUR TRIALS BUT THIS TIME WE HAVE DECIDED TO KEEP THE BUILDING STRUCTURE THE SAME."

"What? But last time this whole place was shaking. How did you put everything back together so fast?"

"THAT WAS JUST FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT, ALSO MAGIC. NOW PLEASE ENTER THE SAME ROOM AS 2 DAYS AGO WHERE YOU WILL RECEIVE THE NEXT CHALLENGE."

Just as Ned said, after walking the same distance in the tunnel as last time, we arrived at the same room with a TV screen.

"IN ORDER TO BE WORTHY OF HAVING YOUR WISH GRANTED, YOU MUST PROVE THAT YOU ARE JUST AND MORAL HUMAN BEINGS. IN ORDER TO ACCOMPLISH THIS, YOU MUST COMPLETE A SERIOUS OF QUESTIONS TESTING YOUR MORALITY. YOU MUST GET ALL 4 QUESTIONS CORRECT IN ORDER TO PASS."

"Ha, better not let Paula answer any of these then," I scuffed.

"Woah woah that's mean Xavier," Melanie said, "she had her reasons for being a delinquent."

"Yeah, retro Pokemon games are expensive you know? I had to do what I had to do."

"Very fair," Fiona nodded in agreement.

"What? Do Canadians even play Pokemon?"

"Somethings are universal."

"OKAY, THE TRIAL WILL NOW BEGIN. THE SAME RULES AS LAST TIME WILL APPLY. I WILL DISPLAY A QUESTION ON THE SCREEN AND YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER ACCORDINGLY. ALL OF THE QUESTIONS ARE TWO OPTION QUESTIONS WHICH IS WHY YOU ARE REQUIRED TO GET EVERYTHING RIGHT. PLEASE SAY LOCK IN WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER. ALSO, WE ARE GOING BACK TO THE SAME DIALOUGE FORMAT AS LAST TIME TO MAKE IT EASIER ON THE READERS."

Paula: The screen turned to the same white background with black text as the first question appeared.

Xavier: Why are you narrating things out loud Paula?

Melanie: So that the readers know what's going on silly.

Xavier: Readers? What are you talking about?

Ned: THE QUESTION IS: A TRAIN IS ABOUT TO RUN OVER 5 PEOPLE TIED TO A TRAIN TRACK. YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO PULL A LEVER SHIFTING THE TRAIN'S PATH AND IN DOING SO, YOU WILL HAVE SHIFTED THE TRAIN'S PATH TO KILL ONLY ONE HUMAN INSTEAD TIED TO ANOTHER TRACK. DO YOU CHOOSE TO PULL THE LEVER?

Xavier: Oh I've heard of this one before. That's the famous trolley problem I'm pretty sure. It's an ethical dilemma because you're like altering destiny to have someone else die that wouldn't have died previously right?

Paula: I don't know, I think it's pretty easy, just let the 5 humans die.

Xavier: What? No but then more people die. I don't think it's as simple as…

Melanie: I have a question Ned!

Ned: WHAT IS IT?

Melanie: Are any of the people tied down on the tracks hot guys?

Xavier: What? All human life is worth about the same, I don't think that's a good way to...

Ned: FOR THIS QUESTION, ALL PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME GENDER AND ABOUT THE SAME LEVEL OF ATTRACTIVENESS.

Melanie: Damn, that makes it harder. You're definitely wrong Xavier, the hotter a guy is, the more value his life has!

Paula: That's why your life's basically worthless actually Xavier.

Xavier: … Anyways let's think about this more objectively. Even though you are the one making the choice, it's the value of 5 lives vs 1 right? I feel like even though it's a difficult choice, you still have to pull the lever as it kills less people. What do you guys think?

Fiona: **Shrugs**

Melanie: Ehhhh, doesn't really matter if they're not hot.

Paula: Hmmm…. I don't know, I feel like you should just let the 5 people die.

Xavier: And why's that?

Paula: I don't know, I feel like it would be entertaining watching 5 people get run over by a train.

Xavier: Okay, there's no way that's right. And I'm pretty sure you're going straight to hell. I'm going to go with…

Paula: Too late! Don't pull the lever lock in.

Xavier: Paula no! We can't get any wrong or…

Ned: THAT IS CORRECT!

Xavier: What? How?

Ned: WHILE PAULA IS RIGHT THAT IT WOULD BE ENTERTAINING TO SEE 5 PEOPLE GET RUN OVER BY A TRAIN, THE ACTUAL REASON IS BECAUSE THAT WOULD DECREASE THE TOTAL NUMBER OF HUMANS IN THE WORLD. SINCE YOU ALL ARE HUMANS, YOU CAN ONLY THINK OF THINGS FROM A HUMAN'S POINT OF VIEW. BUT HUMANS ARE IN FACT VERY BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENTAL ECOSYSTEM. DECREASING THE NUMBER OF THE ALREADY OVERPOPULATED HUMANS WOULD BE BETTER. IT IS WOULD LIKELY HELP OTHER HUMANS TOO IN THE LONG RUN AS THIS GUARENTEES MORE FOOD.

Paula: Ha, told you Xavshit. I could honestly be a saint.

Xavier: I have no words right now.

Ned: OKAY NEXT QUESTION: YOU ARE IN A HOSTAGE SITUATION WITH A PYSCHOPATHIC MANIAC WHO HAS TAKEN 300 PEOPLE HOSTAGE. HE IS GIVING YOU A CHOICE; YOU CAN PERSONALLY PRESS A BUTTON AND BLOW UP 100 OF THEM. THIS IS ALSO WHAT THE PYSHCOPHATHIC MANIAC PREFERS. HOWEVER, THE 100 YOU WILL BLOW UP WILL ALL BE POLITICIANS IN IMPORTANT POSITIONS OF POWER FROM AROUND THE WORLD AND SOCIETY MIGHT COLLAPSE WITH THE VOID IN POWER. IF YOU DON'T CHOOSE TO DO THIS, THEN THE OTHER 200 WHO ARE RANDOM CIVILIANS WILL GET BLOWN UP INSTEAD. WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE TO DO?

Melanie: Question.

Ned: GO AHEAD.

Melanie: Is the psychopathic maniac… a hot guy by any chance?

Xavier: What? Why would that matter?

Ned: HE IS IN THIS SCENERIO A HOT GUY. IN FACT, THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE EXACTLY **flash's picture of hot guy psychopathic killer on the screen**

Melanie: Ohhhhhh yes daddy. In that case, I do everything he tells me to and I of course press the button lock in.

Xavier: What? Melanie no… you can't just make a moral decision based on how horny you are.

Melanie: I can and I will.

Ned: THAT IS CORRECT, YOU KILL THE 100 POLITICIANS.

Xavier: Oh, I guess that worked out then. Let me guess, it's because politicians are mostly evil and don't contribute much to society anyways?

Ned: NO, THAT IS LOW HANGING FRUIT. THERE ARE IN FACT A LOT OF RESPECTFUL POLITICANS OUT THERE MIXED IN WITH BAD ONES JUST LIKE ANY PROFESSION IN SOCIETY. THE REAL REASON IS BECAUSE WITH THE 100 POLITCIANS OUT OF THE WAY, IN MOST SCENARIOS, AFTER ABOUT A YEAR OF INITIAL CHOAS, SOCIETY WILL FIND PEOPLE TO FILL THE VOID IN POWER. HOWEVER, IT IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE PYSCHOPATH IS A HOT GUY WHO WILL RECEIVE A LOT OF ATTENTION FROM THE EVENT. WHAT THIS WILL DO IS CREATE A CULT OF TEENAGE, 20 SOMETHING YEAR OLDS, AND SUBURBAN MOMS WHO WILL WORSHIP THE PSYCHOPATH. EVENTUALLY, DUE TO THE LACK OF REGULATION FROM THE VOID IN POWER, THE SUICIDE RATES WILL RISE DUE TO THE NUMBER OF BAD FANARTS AND FANFICTIONS POSTED ON THE INTERNET ABOUT HIM AND SOCIETY WILL COLLAPSE. ONCE AGAIN THOUGH, THIS IS A GOOD THING BECAUSE HUMANS ARE A NET NEGATIVE TO THE UNIVERSE.

Paula: Well that's just wrong.

Xavier: Holy... Paula, do me and you actually agree for once?

Paula: Why couldn't it be a hot girl psychopath instead?

Xavier: Ehh… well to be honest, yeah I'd probably prefer that too.

Ned: NEXT QUESTION: YOU ARE GIVEN THE CHOICE TO PRESS A BUTTON THAT WILL GIVE YOU A MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU SELECT TO DO SO. IN EXCHANGE HOWEVER, THE LIFE OF A RANDOM MOOSE IN THE WILD WILL BE SACRFICED. DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON?

Xavier: Ha, I'm not falling for this again. There's probably some trick to this question as well like that moose kill many species around them and thus are bad for the ecosystem. Or that using the 1 million dollars, I can save countless other species or something. Either way, I press the button for the million dollars lo…

Fiona: **Punches Xavier hard in the stomach**

Xavier: Owww… what'd I do wrong this time?

Fiona: Save moose lock in.

Ned: THAT IS CORRECT.

Paula: Xavshit, why would you think about killing a moose? Even for a delinquent like me that's pretty evil.

Melanie: Xavier how could you?

Fiona: Moose good.

Ned: YES INDEED, NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH THE LIFE OF A BEAUTIFUL MOOSE.

Xavier: Today I learned I guess…

Ned: OKAY FINAL QUESTION: A SMALL GIRL YOU THINK IS CUTE WITH A BACKPACK OF UNKNOWN CONTENTS THAT YOU JUST MET THE DAY BEFORE JUMPS OFF A CRUISE SHIP AFTER LOSING SAID BACKPACK IN A STORM. YOU ALSO WORK FOR THE GIRL'S FATHER. DO YOU CHOOSE TO JUMP OFF THE SHIP AND CHASE AFTER HER? OUT THE WINDOW, YOU CAN SEE THAT SHE IS CURRENTLY DROWNING AND GRASPING FOR AIR.

Xavier: Oh no, I'm sticking with my decision until the end! I would do the same thing with anybody because that's the right thing to do! I chase after her out the window lock in.

Paula: Simp

Fiona: Simp

Melanie: Simp

Ned: DEFINETELY A SIMP.

Xavier: ...

Ned: BUT CONGRATULATIONS, THAT IS CORRECT.