Chapter 5: 3 Islanders and a Casual Make a Discovery

"You were where now?"

It was nighttime and the 4 of us on the island sat around the usual campsite with the newly set up tents from Fiona's spaceship.

"Like I said dipshit, I don't know," Paula said shrugging and taking a big bite out of the fish on a stick she had been cooking.

"The masked people just locked me up in a wooden hut and I played Pokemon for 2 weeks. It didn't feel too different from middle school to be honest."

She looked over at the red haired android who simply stared blankly at the campfire.

"More importantly, what's her deal? She's hot enough but she responds like I would when I'm trying to act busy for my clients."

"I'm Canadian," Fiona replied staring blankly at Paula.

"And I'm wanted for at least 5 criminal charges but I don't even keep as quiet as you do toots."

"She's an android actually," I replied instead, "made in some lab by a scientist in Canada. We actually don't know much more than that since, as you can see, she doesn't really talk much. To be honest, she just crash landed from the sky one day in a spaceship."

"What the fuck did you take DMT or something earlier?" Paula asked, "there's no way that's possible."

"Ahh but it is!" Melanie said excitedly pointing her finger to the right, "See, there's her ship over there."

Indeed, Fiona's spherical spaceship lay at the same spot where it had landed a couple days before.

"How… how did I not notice that? Also what the hell, what are you a Saiyan or something?"

"You can't say that Paula! That's copyrighted," Melanie shrieked.

"Oh… my bad," Paula said proceeding to take out her Gameboy and load up Pokemon.

"Well anyways, now what do we do?" I asked the group.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean about this whole situation. It's been like what, 15 days now? Clearly something's wrong if the rescue team's not coming. We have to return to civilization eventually don't we?"

"HA maybe for you dipshit, but there are no laws here so it's perfect for me," Paula said not looking up from her Game Boy, "I might as well stay here forever."

"Yeah honestly, I like it here too!" Melanie agreed, "It's like a real adventure!"

"Yeah but, I don't know… I feel like my parents are probably worried sick."

"As if any parent could ever love someone as ugly as you," Paula snapped.

"What? Hey my parents are nice people, I'm sure they're probably crying somewhere right now."

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**About 7000 miles away in Alaska**

"Honey, did you hear our dear son Xavier is missing right now?" A middle aged woman said as she climbed up another rock on the mountain she was on. Next to her was her middle aged husband.

"What was that honey? I can't hear you at this altitude!"

"Oh nothing, I'm sure it'll sort itself out!"

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"Anyways, won't it get boring after a while then?" I asked, "Like what are we going to do for entertainment from here on out? I feel like I've got to go back to college eventually also."

"That is true," Paula said, "There's only so much you can do on an abandoned island with the same routines, it'll eventually get old after a few chapters. There're only so many BL jokes you can make with Melanie."

"WHAT!?!?!" Melanie said clenching her backpack tightly, "How did you know I was into B… I mean uhhh... what's BL? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Melanie darling I can hear the videos you play out loud when I was coming back to our college apartment."

"OH ahahaha is that so?"

"More importantly, what do you mean by a few chapters? This is a pretty serious situation you know. We're real people not fictional characters. Being isolated from society will eventually make us go crazy I'm pretty sure."

"You'll understand soon enough MC self-insert Mcgee." Paula chuckled.

To be honest, I didn't really understand any of Paula's jargon, but it was getting quite late anyways. As usual, the night stars in the sky without light pollution shined beautifully from above.

"Sigh… let's just go to sleep for tonight then, I'm sure we can sort out some kind of plan to get out of here," I said heading back to my tent.

"Good night everyone!"

"Good Night Xavier!"

"Good Night."

"Good Night Dipshit!"

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"Xavier can you I ask you a favor?"

Standing in front of me on the beach was Melanie with her swimsuit and robe on. Despite her usual quirky nature, Melanie looked rather feminine and shy instead looking down at the ground.

"Yes Melanie, what is it?"

"Oh well you see Xavier, I've actually wanted to request something from you for a while now ever since we got stuck. I mean, I'm just a lonely rich girl and you're the first guy that's ever been so nice to me. I just feel… you know…"

She started walking closer to me.

"If we could do something a little more intimate together?"

"Wha… what? Melanie no no, I mean maybe but… where is this coming from?

"I just have a little request for you Xavier."

"Sur… Sure Melanie what is it?"

"Could you…?"

"Yes?"

"Could you…?"

"Yes!?!?!?"

"Allow yourself to get pegged by my dear friend Paula here? I'm super into that kind of stuff!"

"What!?"

Melanie's image suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a vulgar blonde girl holding a mallet in one hand and a peg in the other.

"Bend... over… dipshit."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

I sat up from where I was sleeping breathing heavily.

"Ha ha ha… phew thank god it was just a dream."

"Hey keep it down in there dipshit, I'm trying to game in peace"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a rock came flying at me hitting my tent and being within a feet of contacting my body. Faintly, I could hear the Pokemon game theme coming from one of the other tents.

I sighed lying back down. I buried my head underneath my pillow trying to fall back asleep but to no avail. The constant sound of Pokemon battles overwhelmed my brain.

"I can't sleep like this," I thought to myself. Having no real obligations in terms of sleep schedule anyways, I decided to open up my tent to take a walk outside.

"Mmmm… yes I'm sure you do like it when Black Beard flexes like that," a voice from the other tent said before giving out a slight moan.

"Melanie please…"

As I looked outside at my surroundings to decide a path I wanted to take, I noticed that the 4th tent in our group was actually opened. I looked around and saw that the red haired android had begun to walk towards the direction of the beach.

"Hey hey Fiona, wait up wait up," I said chasing after her. As I caught up and began walking next to her, Fiona turned to me briefly before continuing to look the direction in which she was walking.

"Hi Xavier,"

"Hi to you as well Fiona!"

"…"

"…"

"So, where exactly are you walking to?

"Beach."

"Ahhhh is that so?"

Giving up on conversation from that point on, we walked next to each other until we had reached the edge of the beach where the water met our feet. There Fiona simply stopped and looked out into the distance.

"What are you thinking about Fiona? Something important?"

She nodded before speaking.

"Something important."

"Ahh... is that so? So even androids have something important to them huh? Honestly, I totally thought since you were a robot that you wouldn't have a soul and was just programmed to do whatever you were told or something haha haha."

She didn't move as she continued to look into the distance.

"Just a joke! It's just a joke, I'm sure you have a soul! I think?"

She still didn't move an inch or acknowledge my comment in any way.

"So…" I said again awkwardly, "you said you were thinking about something important earlier? What would that be exactly? You can tell me."

She turned to me staring blankly making me feel a bit intimidated.

"Ho…ho…"

"Your home?"

She shook her head.

"Ho… Ho…"

"Hope? As in hope we get rescued? Me too."

She shook her head again.

"Ho… Ho… Hockey"

"…"

"…"

We stared at each other deadpan for about 20 seconds before I couldn't control myself any longer.

"HAHAHAHAHA hockey? That's what you were thinking about that's important?" I laughed holding my stomach, "I guess you really do fit the stereotypes of being Canadian don't you? Oh man, and here I thought you'd say something insightful. Hockey's like not even a major sport."

As I made that last statement, one that I greatly regret, Fiona's eyes suddenly filled with rage as she then immediately delivered a swift punch to my stomach.

"Ow… Ow… what the… Fiona," I said falling to the ground. As I looked at her direction, Fiona simply began walking back to the campsite and spit towards my direction.

"Filthy casual."

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The sun was already high in the sky when I awoke the next day. I could still feel the gut punch Fiona had delivered to me the night before. Outside, I could smell tuna fish cooking over the campfire.

"Oh look, dipshit's awake," Paula said as I exited the tent. She took a big bite out of the fish she had on a stick.

"You know, swearing a lot doesn't make you funny or cool."

"Neither does your existence but here you are anyways."

"Why you…"

Not being one that cared about gender roles, I threw a punch at Paula who caught it with almost no effort and proceeded to throw me down onto the ground.

"Hey hey no fighting okay, that's only allowed when it's two guys in love," Melanie interrupted. She was also eating a fish next to the campfire with a BL book now out in the open. The 4th member of our party however was nowhere in sight.

"Say where's Fiona?" I asked.

"Beats me, we haven't seen her since last night, her tent is fully open."

"Huh… wonder where she went?"

In the back of mind, I had thoughts that I had perhaps gone too far the night before insulting hockey. I guess compared to how much Melanie values her novels and comics, it wasn't that weird. Maybe I should apologize when I next saw her.

I went ahead and began eating my own fish on a stick.

"Oh look there she is!" Melanie said pointing into the distance. As Paula and I looked that direction, sure enough, a red haired android was walking towards us.

"How do you always notice everything first?"

"Survival extraordinaires have 360 degree vision and map awareness don't you know? At least that's true when they're not tunneled onto BL."

"Sure…"

My heart raced a bit as Fiona approached us. I was still slightly traumatized by the night before and was really hoping that Fiona had forgiven me at this point.

"Hey Fiona sorry about last night… I didn't realize how important hockey was to you. I didn't mean to insult your culture like that."

Fiona looked at me briefly before turning to face the whole group not really acknowledging my comment.

"Follow me."

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"Fiona, where exactly are we going?" I asked as Fiona led us even more inward on the island. At this point in time, Melanie and I hadn't gone much further than the initial pirate cave we had discovered. It was quite a walking distance and we didn't want to stray too far from sea as to still be close to our food source.

"Cave."

"Ohhhhhh, that sounds fun," Melanie said excitedly. She then went up to me and gave me a small elbow nudge, "you think they'll be more treasure there Xavier?"

She reached into her backpack and grabbed the Pirate BL diary she had grabbed from the last cave.

"I was up all night yesterday reading this! It's got excellent plot, deep connections, and forged bonds."

"I'm sure it does…"

At that point we had already walked for about 2 hours.

"How much longer do we have to go toots?" Paula asked panting, "at this rate one of us will…" before she could even finish her sentence, true to Paula's prophecy, Melanie suddenly fainted unconscious onto the ground.

"You know that's happened a lot since we got here, was that common before too?" I asked Paula as I went to pick up Melanie.

"Yeah… I'm pretty sure despite her claims of being a survival extraordinaire, she has 0 survival endurance. I've seen this too many times."

"I… I see."

We walked for about another half hour before finally we arrived at the cave Fiona spoke of. The inside was dimly lit so we couldn't really see too far inward. Still, it did not seem too unusual from other caves.

"Ahhhh, so this is the place?" I asked, "it doesn't seem too interesting, why'd you drag us here anyw…"

"GREETINGS!"

Paula and I stumbled back a bit as I accidently dropped Melanie onto the ground.

"Oww… where… where are we?"

The voice which sounded quite robotic had not come from anyone in our party but instead from inside of the cave.

"ENTER IF YOU SO DARE. PASS THE CAVE TRIALS AND YOU SHALL HAVE ANY WISH GRANTED, THAT I PROMISE."

Suddenly, the inside of the cave lit up. There we saw a small room with a wall at the end. Right before the wall appeared to be some sort of touch screen device lying on top of a rectangular podium.