Chapter 17: And The Results Are…

The crowd gasped as I uttered the name.

"I choose you Ned!"

I looked around at the girls who all looked at me a bit puzzled except Fiona who had her usual blank stare.

"ME?" the robotic voice over our heads replied.

"Is… is that allowed?" Paula asked walking up to me. She went up and picked up the microphone herself.

"If so, I choose Ned as well!"

"NO, YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR VOTE. AND MY NAME'S NOT ON THE BALLOT SO IT'S NOT ALLOWED."

"Then why's there an option for 'Other' then?" I asked holding out my ballot in front of the guards. "It's on the ballot isn't it? Kind of sus if you ask me Ned."

"SUS MY ASS. YOU CAN'T PICK ME BECAUSE I'M THE HOST AND I MAKE THE RULES. I'M VOIDING YOUR BALLOT AND… WAIT GUARDS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? MR. REN!?!?! WAIT WHY ARE YOU…"

Ned's voice became muffled as we heard a scuffling and some rumbling from the speakers. And then suddenly, another voice began growing in volume, coming from the door of the cave behind us.

"Hey what the hell, let go of me. This isn't allowed. I'm talking to my lawyer about this! My contract does not obligate me to do this."

The voice was high pitched and quite whiny. As the 4 of us turned to the door, coming through was an alien held by 4 alien guards that was much smaller than them and wearing a red tiki mask. It wasn't clear due to the lack of face, but from the constant struggling of the smaller alien, we could tell he or she was quite angry.

"Let go of me!" the small alien kept shouting, "This is absurd, this is not allowed! Get me out of here with these dipshit humans or…"

"Ned?" I asked as the guards brought him close to us still restrained, "you can speak English?"

"I thought he was a robot," Melanie added.

"What!?! Yes I can speak English, why the hell wouldn't I? You think I'm some dumbass who couldn't even do that? I'm very educated you hear! I went to a Milky Way Top 10 University unlike you pathetic human…"

**POW**

Ned's high pitched voice was interrupted as a yo-yo suddenly contacted his mask.

"You're even more annoying in person," Paula said gathering herself after the throw.

"Nice one," Fiona said giving her a thumbs up.

"Thanks babe," Paula said back giving her another wink.

"Don't push it."

"I AM SORRY ABOUT THIS DEAR HUMANS"

A loud booming voice suddenly came from all sides of the stadium in the same voice as the one we had previously associated with Ned.

"NED HERE IS QUITE THE SPOILED HOST."

"What! No I'm not!" Ned screamed, "Stop this nonsense; you can't do this to me! I'm the host, I've been the host! You can't just…"

**Boom**

This time another object, one of the Gameboy variety, contacted Ned's mask knocking him out cold.

"God… shut up already."

"Pau… Paula! You threw your precious game boy to help us?" Melanie asked with hopeful eyes,

"Ehhhh yeah," Paula said shrugging, "It was out of battery."

"THANK YOU PAULA," the booming voice suddenly said, "NED'S SO ANNOYING ISN'T HE? HE ONLY GOT THIS JOB BECAUSE HIS PARENTS ARE INVESTORS OF THE SHOW."

"What? How is that allowed?" I asked.

"NEPOTISM EXISTS IN EVERY GALAXY."

"Ahh… is that so."

"IN REALITY, WE AREN'T TOO DIFFERENT FROM HUMANS AFTER ALL ARE WE?"

The crowd burst into laughter at the statement causing the four of us to chuckle a bit as well.

"Wait… but if that's true, won't you get in trouble with his parents for this?" I asked.

"NO, THEY SAID HE NEEDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE BASEMENT. SO THEY APPROVED HIM BEING ON THE ISLAND TO HUMBLY LIVE AS A CONTESTANT TO TEACH HIM HARDSHIP."

"I see…"

"So now what?" Melanie asked, "Do… do we get to go home now?"

"Not so fast!"

We turned to see Ned had once again awoken and ready to continue his whining. "If I'm going down, I'm taking one of you dipshits with me! Fiona still has a ballot mwhahahaha. If there's a tie, we both stay on the island!"

He turned to Fiona.

"Go ahead Fiona! Tell everyone who you voted, who you betrayed. Ohohohoho, I'm going to love the look on your silly human faces when…"

"What ballot?"

We turned to Fiona who appeared to be chewing on something. Quickly as attention drew to her, she swallowed what was in her mouth.

"I don't have ballot."

"What? Okay look here dipshit, we have cameras. You literally just ate your ballot."

"No," Fiona said simply shaking her head keeping a straight face.

"We just saw you chewing on something! That had to have been the ballot."

"No ballot," Fiona said raising her hands up revealing she did not in fact have a ballot.

"Doesn't look like there's a ballot there to me!" Melanie said putting a hand on her chin.

"Fine, check the tapes check the tapes!" Ned shrieked, "The Fiona cam will definitely show she voted for Paula!"

"No," Fiona said turning to face Paula who looked a bit said, "Paula is… my friend."

She went up to Paula and gave her a hug causing us and the entire crowd to gasp.

"I'm… I'm in heaven." Paula said with her face turning red.

"Friend my ass!" Ned screamed, "Check the tapes! I guarantee..."

"I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT," the loud voice interrupted. "IF FIONA DOESN'T HAVE A BALLOT, THEN IT IS CONSIDERED VOID AND NO VOTE CAN BE GIVEN."

"What?!?! Those aren't the rules. You can't just change the rules."

"YES I CAN."

"No you can't, this has been running for years with strict rules. You can't just…"

"YES I CAN BECAUSE MAGIC"

Laughter came out of the stadium at the statement.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Magic isn't real. We use advanced special effects that my parents pay for in order to…

**boom**

The crowd gasped as a final object hit Ned. This time, it appeared to have been a novel.

"The Howling of the Werewolf Allures Me In," I said picking up the novel that Melanie had thrown.

"Holy… Melanie?!?! Did… did you just sacrifice one of your BL books to shut Ned up? I'm proud of you! This is so much growth from… wait is that a woman on the cover?"

"Ahahaha, yeah that belongs in the trash like Ned." Melanie said grabbing the book from me and placing it back in her bag, "Why'd you think I threw it?"

"GOOD JOB MELANIE, HE REALLY NEEDED TO SHUT UP DIDN'T HE? OKAY GUARDS, TAKE NED AWAY AND LOCK HIM UP IN STORAGE, WE'LL DEAL WITH HIM LATER."

The crowd began clapping as the guards carried the unconscious small alien back into the cave. I couldn't help but smile as that dipshit got taken away.

"NOW THEN, HUMANS WHAT IS YOUR WISH?"

"What?" I asked, "We… we still get those?"

"WHY OF COURSE," the voice said, "WE'RE HONORABLE ALIENS YOU KNOW. A PROMISE IS A PROMISE. YOU PASSED ALL 10 TRIALS. THAT MEANS WE WILL DO AS NED STATED BEFORE AND GRANT YOU ALL ONE WISH."

"Yessssssssssssssssss" Paula squealed. "Pet Dra…."

"EXCEPT THAT. I'M SORRY PAULA BUT DRAGONS AREN'T REAL."

"What?!?!"

"WE CAN CLEAR YOU CRIMINAL RECORD ON EARTH THOUGH IF YOU WANT THAT INSTEAD."

"I guess that's an okay consolation prize…" Paula sighed, "Alright I'll go with that."

"Make me human,"

We turned to the red haired android who had the same blank expression she always had.

"Wha… what?! Where did that come from?" I asked, "what about the maple syrup?"

Fiona shook her head.

"Syrup better as human."

"THAT MAY BE DIFFICULT, SOUL TRANSFER IS NOT SIMPLE AND WE CANNOT GUARENTEE WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR YOUR SPECIFIC BODY. DO YOU HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE WISH JUST IN CASE IT DOESN'T WORK?"

"Canucks Stanley Cup?"

"JUST KIDDING, WE'LL FOR SURE MAKE YOU HUMAN FIONA, DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT."

"Do we still have to wish to transfer off the island?" I asked.

"…"

"You can't possibly make us do that can you?"

"… UNFORTUNATELY WE DO HAVE TO FOLLOW THAT RULE AS IT IS TRADITION. ONE OF YOU MUST WISH TO GET ALL OF YOU OFF THE ISLAND."

"Just my luck huh? Ah well, I guess I'll use my wish to…"

"I'll do it,"

We turned to Melanie who suddenly spoke up.

"I'll do it," Melanie repeated. She looked at me with a smile on her face. "I'm the reason we're here in the first place. It's only reasonable that I get us out as well."

"Are you sure Melanie? What about…"

"No… no," she said waving me off, "What sort of survival extraordinaire doesn't take responsibility for her assistants? I'm doing it! You can't stop me! I wish for a way for all of us to leave the island Mr…"

"REN," the voice responded, "KINO REN. PLEASE CALL ME KINO HUMANS."

Kino Ren… why does that sound familiar? Oh well, I'm sure it's not relevant.

"Kino, right," Melanie said, "alright Kino, give us all a way off of this island, or pocket dimension, or wherever we are and back to our normal lives!"

"IT IS DONE, WE WILL MAKE ARRANGEMENTS RIGHT AFTER XAVIER'S WISH. GO AHEAD XAVIER, TELL US WHAT YOU WANT."

"What… what I want?"

The whole crowd and the 3 girls all turned to me now in anticipation of what I was going to say. In my entire life, I had never gotten so much attention at once and it disoriented me. What do I wish for? Talk about pressure. These powerful beings who can manipulate large masses of land, erase human memories, and even place souls within robots, are giving me one wish. What the hell do I choose?

I placed my hand on my chin as I lost myself in thought.

"How much time do I have?"

"OUR TIME SLOT LASTS 5 MORE MINUTES BEFORE THE SPACE OLYMPICS COME ON."

"I see,"

5 minutes. I could wish for virtually anything that exists so what to do? Immortality? I mean… honestly that'd be pretty sick. I don't know if that's what I really want though. Super powers? A billion dollars? So many options but only one wish.

I looked at Fiona who stared back at me blankly, then Paula who had gone back to playing with the yo-yo she had thrown at Ned, then Melanie, who looked at me with a soft smile.

"2 MINUTES, PLEASE HURRY XAVIER"

But it was just as he said that and I continued to look at Melanie, I suddenly realized I didn't need the full two minutes at all. I realized exactly what I wanted to wish for.

"I wish…"