Chapter 37

Jordan's been staring all morning. I keep my face in my locker so I can pretend I don't notice. I woke up last night and desperately wanted to call him, but I didn't, now I almost wish I did.

I jump when I feel someone's hand on my lower back. My heart sinks when I see Dominic leaning close to me.

"Hey you," He smiles wide, "Hope you got home alright last night."

I nod, "Yeah, I did."

He surprises me by leaning down and kissing me. I freeze, stunned and unsure what to do as he pulls me closer to him. I eventually gain control of my body and try to push away. I feel my cheeks warm up and my stomach clench as people stare more.

Dominic glances behind me, satisfaction clear on his face, "I'll see you at lunch, ok?"

He doesn't wait for a response before walking off down the hall. I turn and watch him walk away, as I do I catch sight of Jordan. He stares daggers at Dominic as he walks by, eyes softening when he sees me watching him.

My class is in the same direction, so with as much confidence as I can muster I march past Jordan to class. I feel myself waver and look up at him as I pass, he looks hurt... He looks scared.

I feel my eyes water as I look away and rush to class. I can barely focus on anything, I just wish I could go home and hide for the next few days. But I don't, I told Jordan I tough it out and I do, I'm determined to convince him and myself that I don't need him, although it's getting harder and harder to stand by that.

I barely take any notes throughout the day, I almost use that as an excuse to stay in class at lunch but that goes out the window when Dominic shows up at my desk.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He gently grips my shoulders, making me tense up, "It's time for lunch."

"I need to... Um, I didn't finish my notes," I try to squirm out of his grip but that only makes him hold me tighter.

"Borrow someone else's, lets go."

He starts grabbing my stuff, leaving me little choice in the matter. Rushing to catch up, I try to take my bag back, he acts like he doesn't even notice me.

The cafeteria is super crowded, but I see a table with a bunch of guys in my grade, they start trying to flag Dominic down. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and drags me towards the table, the way the boys look at me makes me just as uncomfortable as Dominic's actions.

"Pay up Zach," One of the boys punches the one next to him, "You didn't think he could do it!"

Rubbing his arm, the boy who I assume is Zach looks up at everyone, "Tony, it took four months, none of us thought it was happening!"

Dominic holds up his hand, "Maybe the lot of you can zip it and actually say hi?"

Five guys all sit and stare at me. Zach reaches his hand out, "Hey, I'm Zach."

I take his hand gently to shake it, but Dominic is quick to give Zach a glare and he pulls away. The rest of his friends introduce themselves, Tony, Mark, Levi, and Andy.

"They'll all be at the fundraiser too. Zach's mom is a designer. Tony's parents own a high end art gallery in the city. Mark's dad inherited an oil company a few years back. Levi's parents own a chain of gas stations on the west coast. Andy is just a freeloader," They all start chuckling.

Levi smiles at me, his grey eyes sparkling, "So you're going to the fundraiser? Will your parents be there?"

I tense up, "Um, no... My dad, he um, he has to work."

"What about your mom?"

I look around, feeling very self conscious, "She's dead."

Dominic barely flinches but the rest of them stare at me stunned, a few apologize and a few ask about her and what happened.

"She was a singer?" Tony leans in, clearly captivated, "Like Taylor Swift or John Legend?"

"No she sang in upscale restaurants and bars, that kind of thing, she used to take me to her gigs. I miss getting to sing with her, she had a CD that we'd sing along to in the car, I still listen to it."

The boys keep talking to me, I still feel uncomfortable, as I don't know them but the anxiety eases a little until Dominic's hand travels down my back getting closer and closer to my bottom. I flinch away and he yanks me closer, quick and sharp, making my waist ache.

I'm thankful when lunch ends and we go out separate ways for the rest of the day. P.E. bores me to death but I don't want to leave, I don't know if Jordan will actually be in class next period.

I let myself take a while getting dressed, I can hear some girls whispering behind me.

"What do they see in her? Do you think she's just like some prize? They hate each other's guts, maybe they're using her to settle a score."

My stomach drops at the thought. Was I just a prize in their pissing contest? Was I just another attempt to one up each other? Did I help Jordan use me when I let him sleep with me?

I rush to get dressed, but I'm not going to class. I find the closest bathroom to the science room and throw up. The thought that I let a guy use me like that, that he just saw me as bragging rights, makes me feel absolutely sick.

But everything he said, how much he told me he loved me, all the promises... No, they were all lies, none of it was real. He made that clear when he ended things.

When I finally stop puking, I make my way to class. It's only a few doors down, but I still don't make it there before the bell marks me tardy.

I stiffen in the doorway. Jordan actually showed up today. Seeing him and thinking of what those girls said makes me think I might get sick again. I ignore the twisting inside and take a seat, the last seat in the room... In front of Jordan.

I have no doubt he's staring at me, I can feel it just as I can hear his pencil tapping nonstop. It makes me want to scream. His staring and tapping are making me so hyper aware of his presence when all I want is for him to disappear. I don't think I really mean that though, even if it wasn't real for him, it was for me and I'd be devastated if something happened to him.

An hour feels like a lifetime. I become numb to the tapping sound behind me. My notes are sporadic and I don't really know what the homework is tonight. When the bell rings I start gathering my stuff, and keep dropping it all as I do.

I see Jordan just standing there, watching me, "What do you want?" I spit out.

"Do you need help?"

"Not from you," I try to get up quickly, hitting my head on the desk, "God..."

Before I realize it, Jordan is crouching next to me, "Are you alright?"

I shove his hands away as he tries to inspect my head, "Like you care."

I gather my backpack and march out of the room, I hear his footsteps not far behind me.

"Rhea," He calls out, attracting stares and whispers from students. When did I become the gossip hub?

I make it out to the parking lot, him calling my name the whole way before I snap.

"Oh now you care? Or is this another act?" I start crying again, "Was it all just some dumb challenge? Was I just some dumb consolation prize in your stupid vendetta with each other?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course you weren't some prize, what challenge?"

"You and Dominic hate each other! Was I just some attempt to one up each other, was I just bragging rights? Is that what it was when we slept together, when I called you terrified at night? Did you care or was I just your way of getting under his skin?"

"You know that wasn't it, god of course that wasn't it," He looks appalled by the thought.

"Then why? Why after all those tears and sleepless nights and promises and comfort did you decide to rip out my heart?"

I can barely see through all the tears, I know I'm making a scene but I can't take it anymore.

"I didn't... I can't just... I don't," He runs his hands through his hair, looking desperate, "I just..."

He stops himself before he says anything else, straightening himself and trying to look composed as he looks behind me. I feel an arm wrap tightly around my shoulders and pull me close. I cringe at the knowledge that it's Dominic touching me.

"Don't you think you've hurt her enough Mars? Why don't you back off?"

Jordan looks disgusted at Dominic, but backs off, giving one last apologetic look to me. He disappears back into the school, gaining quite a few stares as he does.

"What a creep," Dominic whispers, making me tense, I so badly want to defend Jordan, but what's the point, "Come on, I'll walk you to your car."

It's a short, quiet walk, but something in Dominic changes as he helps me into the driver's seat.

He holds onto my wrist, making it hurt, his voice gets low as he stares at me with dark eyes, "I don't want you to talk to him again, do you understand?" I don't respond for a moment so he tugs hard on my arm, his voice becomes a harsh whisper, "I asked you a question! Do you understand?"

I nod frantically. With that he let's go and adjusts his shirt before walking off across the parking lot. I cradle my wrist until he's out of sight. I wipe away my tears from my confrontation with Jordan and drive to work.

Work has become painfully silent. I won't talk about Dominic and how he's acting, because I doubt anyone would believe me. I can't talk about Jordan, because it hurts to much to think about. I can't talk about home for the reasons I won't talk about Dominic. Mr. Marsh is clearly becoming concerned, but I brush it off, I feel like I'm back where I started four months ago before Jordan and I got together.

When the shift ends, Mr. Marsh gives a sad wave goodbye before we both leave. I drive in painful silence, leaving me too much time to think about everything I'd rather just forget.

Getting home I get a nervous feeling settling in my stomach. I would climb in my window but my legs are starting to hurt. I brace myself for impact as I make my way to the door.

No surprise I'm met with the smell of alcohol. Rum and bourbon it seems tonight. There's tipped over furniture and ripped up paper everywhere. I can hear my dad moving in his office, stumbling and mumbling. I start to tip toe to my room when he comes out.

"Well, well," He takes a big drink from the bottle in his hand, "Look who finally decided to grace us with her damn presence!" I flinch as he waves the bottle around, "Little bitch!"

He shoves me into the wall, I try not to react to the pain it sends up my shoulder. He marches up to me, getting close enough that I can feel the warmth of his body.

"Where the hell have you been? Give me one good reason I shouldn't beat you into next week. You've been late getting me dinner the past week, I don't really appreciate that," He grabs a fistful of my hair and yanks my head back. I can't help let out a pained cry.

"I'm sorry," I whimper.

"Damn right you are," He whips my head forward into the wall before letting go and letting me drop to my knees, "Fifteen minuets and I want food!"

I wait for him to leave before I feel myself crumble into a mess of tears. This is my life, nothing will ever change that, that much I'm sure of.