Chapter 3: The Gaze of the Empire

"Hey! Did you take my book again?"

"The one who gets it first gets to read it, what's this 'my book'? And why would you want a book you never read in the first place?"

"This, you..."

"'This, you'? Oh my, Misha Roar, her Highness speaks so harshly."

"Ha! I'm speaking harshly? Me? Watch your words!"

Misha Roar. My half sister.

She took the book from my desk and walked out. As she walked, her tantalizing, red hair, so like our mother's, swished.

Seven years in this mansion, dealing with Misha had become nothing but a nuisance.

I stretched, yawning. Studying until dawn had made my eyes heavy.

Leaning on my desk for a moment, the maid Teria brought me lemon tea. It was so bitter it woke me up instantly, relieving my fatigue.

I was planning to memorize just this and then read the book Misha just took, but my plan had gone awry.

But it's just half a day. Misha won't be able to read more than a paragraph of the great debate between the two most prominent scholars of the Empire.

If it was a debate about the appropriate thickness of ruffles for a ball gown, perhaps.

The book will end up on a pile on the desk after being shown to a teacher, and when Misha goes for a massage later, I can send Teria to fetch it.

It's fine. She'll never notice the book is gone.

Misha was also preparing for the Academy's entrance exam. Along with five elite home tutors and one famous masseuse provided by the Countess.

Misha would complain that studying made her skin suffer and receive a facial massage at the same time every day.

To Misha, the Empire Academy was a social place to find a good husband. So if she couldn't look good to men, there was no point in attending.

I naturally didn't get assigned a masseuse. To bring back Teacher Julia, the Count had to have another dreadful negotiation with the Countess.

The Countess had found the idea of me taking the Academy entrance exam distasteful from the start.

My existence as the Count's illegitimate child was already public. Yet it wouldn't look good for the legitimate daughter and the bastard to attend together. Especially since I was better at studying.

If Misha failed the Academy's exam, an exam even a bastard could pass, how painful would it be? Assuming she understands what pain is.

Looking back, it was miraculous. A bratty herb picker from Tunbar Mountain was now preparing for the Academy's entrance exam.

The Countess's attitude towards me hadn't changed a bit. After being abruptly taken to the Count's mansion, I was always exposed to danger.

When the Count returned from a business trip and found out I had been brought by the Countess, he immediately took me on a tour of his domain.

People recognized the girl sitting next to the Count in his carriage right away.

The rumor that the usually reserved Count Roar had brought his bastard spread quickly, so the Countess couldn't dispose of me by neglect or death.

Thanks to that, I was somewhat safe while the Count was away on business again.

It hadn't been good from the start.

In the meantime, the Countess brought in a home tutor to 'reform' me. But it was clear he was there to torment, not teach me.

His torment was quite innovative; he continually shamed me.

For instance, if I got an addition wrong, he would sigh and compare it to my pitiful childhood.

"What were you learning at eight years old that you got this wrong now? What? Herbs? Ah... What was your mother doing then? ...I see. A proper noble lady would have moved past that at eight... Ah..."

Or he would constantly mention the Count.

"Are you trying to smear the Count's face? If you can't even memorize this, what will become of the Count's reputation at the palace...?"

Later, just looking at him seemed to evoke a cry, "You miserable and pitiful bastard!"

At first, I tried to endure it, thinking that the countess sending a home tutor was an acknowledgment of my existence.

But as I observed, she had only found a subtle way to torment me.

One day, doing what he always did, I stared at him and said,

"Teacher Julia said I'm good at studying. Could it be my poor skills are not the teacher's fault? Haven't you ever thought that?"

Then he widened his eyes. It was the first time I realized that his cowardly eyes could grow so big.

"Have you never questioned whether you yourself are not to blame for tarnishing the count's face?"

His face turned red, and he left.

And from the next lesson, he began corporal punishment. He would present a difficult problem I couldn't solve and slapped my palm for each incorrect answer.

I sensed that protesting would be futile. Showing a wrong test paper and saying that I got something wrong that he had already taught would only make me a liar.

I became furious at his crafty and secret wickedness and decided to repay him in kind.

I became good at cursing and fighting because of the children who cursed and beat me. There was no reason not to learn from torment.

A few days later, I discovered that the home tutor was not as crafty as I thought. I caught him chatting with a young maid in the garden after class.

After the next lesson ended, I asked the count to take a walk. To the garden.

Seeing the scene from afar, the count covered my eyes with his palm, and then, setting me back from it, stared into my eyes.

He shook his head repeatedly, took my hand, and returned the way we came. The count seemed to understand my intention.

"Please get rid of that person," was my meaning.

After that, there was no home tutor. Teria took care of me, and I spent my time reading the books that the count gave me. I felt as if I were finally enjoying complete freedom.

But my happiness always ended in an instant.

The next person the countess sent to me was her daughter, Misha Loar. That girl... was difficult for me to deal with as well.

Because not only was Misha Loar the count's daughter, but she was also a noble daughter of the Loar family, who I, a bastard, could not challenge.

The countess began to torment me through Misha when she realized I was conscious of this. First with words, then physically.

I was losing for a while, but soon I found a way.

To put it simply, Misha Loar was a greenhouse flower. In terms of intelligence, she was also close to a plant.

How burdensome it must be for such a child to take the entrance exam for the academy meant for the empire's brightest.

But to me, it was an opportunity that had finally come. A miracle like opportunity that I could achieve through my efforts, not like the miraculous count father.

The academy had dormitories. If I got in there, I would leave this house and be free from the count's protection and influence.

I was truly grateful for what the count had given me over the years, but I had never felt this mansion was my home.

The countess's abuse and Misha's torment sometimes made me tired and weary, but I couldn't say I didn't understand their position.

I was an intruder in this house.

But if I graduated from the academy, I could become a welcomed home tutor in a noble family. Then, like Teacher Julia, I could live alone without marriage.

I was really doing my best. Even though I didn't have the five home tutors, I studied as if waging war with Teacher Julia.

Though she didn't say it, the countess was very nervous that I might surpass Misha and pass.

My notes were found as ashes in the fireplace or books disappeared. It was a common occurrence. So I chose to memorize everything I studied that day.

When the Earl tried to bring in Miss Julia, the Countess limited my lesson time to two hours a day, worrying that too many outsiders would be coming into the mansion.

So I prepared the night before to make the most of those two hours, and showered prepared questions when the teacher came.

During class time, I organized the teacher's answers and insights, solved any questions by looking through books, and spent the afternoon memorizing what I had studied. I also began to prepare again at night.

Fortunately, the Earl had a very fine library, and allowed his daughters to borrow books as they pleased.

I heard that Misha's private tutors were specialized in preparing for the academy. There were even rumors that they knew the test questions in advance. That's why their services were so expensive.

But I did not believe that. If they knew the test questions, they would just have Misha memorize them, killing time.

Yet, they often emerged into the corridor with bewildered faces when the lessons were over. It meant that if Misha didn't study, it could tarnish their careers.

Mocking Misha in such a spectacle was a playful thing I did during my leisure time.

I can now speak both Imperial and Agaelic at an advanced level. My Smailanese skills from across the sea aren't too bad either.

The various complex vulgarities I used as a child are dormant within me, but in daily life, I spoke refined standard Imperial as if it were a foreign language.

Living with nobles, I didn't have much occasion to use coarse or rude language, and their verbal battles were highly sophisticated and biting. It was a fight of malice rather than momentum.

Occasionally I'd zone out and get lost in thought, but now I know it's much better to use my time for myself rather than harboring resentment about the past.

I'm going to enter the Imperial Academy. That will solve everything. It will save me and honor the Earl as well.

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